Uh, no, that was BS Fox News made up.
Wonderful. Fake News D'Snowth strikes again. That man is so full of lies even my dick shrank. And I have a big dick. The biggest. I'm mean, just look at this. A masterpiece created by God himself. Though the ******* also took out my hair and left me to use a wig, but then again it's a nice wig. The greatest. I mean, just look at this.
Now as to Obama, that Jew-hating Muslim was so bad. Just the worst. Another gripe I have with God. Creating Obummer to rain on this Great Nation's parade. Horrid. Absolutely shocking. Then again, by the grace of God I won the presidency, and we all know how good this presidency has turned out. Wonderfully. The greatest.
And of course this is a great nation. Notice the word "is". In Spanish I'd be using "estar" because that's temporary. This country hasn't always been great. Just look at it when Obama was president. Horrid. The worst. But with me in office, it's turned out wonderfully. The best.
Hold on, why was I using Spanish? I ******* hate those ******* ******* rapists. Another gripe of mine with God. Creating Mexico. That's the dumbest thing ever. I hope that country rots and burns in ****. I pray for it every night, but I know that God's on my side and he'll help me build that wall. Maybe with North Korea neutralized through my awesome awesomeness I'll use their nukes to wipe out Mexico. "I can only dream" is inaccurate. I'm so good that I'll be able to make anything a reality.
And I would like to confirm the rumors: yes, I have been sleeping with Putin and yes I am deeply in love with him and yes I've signed the papers to **** the American people up with an even bigger enema. So what? Stop fussing, I'm your president and you'd better respect me. Got it? Good.
Now then, I'll be off playing some golf while the rest of this country burns to the ground. I hope you take Canada along with you because I ******* hate that country as well. Their leaders have the smallest *****. The smallest. Whew boy. Just horrific.
I mean, compare them to mine. How's my dick? The biggest. Just look at it!
Sincerely,
Donaldus Trumpus the Firstus
Potentate of the Divided States of America
PS: I'm pregnant with Putin's baby. All hail Donaldus Putinus, Crown Prince of the DSA.
PPS: Well it's either Putin's or the devil's.