Statler & Waldorf quotes...

[Philip Kippel]

More favorite Statler & Waldorf quotes:

From the Liza Minelli episode of "The Muppet Show":

(during the theme song)
Statler: Run for your life!
Waldorf: This show is murder!

(during the closing theme)
(S & W are in prison clothes, with iron bars surrounding them)
Statler: How long are we in for?
Waldorf: 20 years.
Statler: If I had known the judge was giving us the box, I'd have asked for the chair!


From the Brooke Shields episode of "The Muppet Show":

(after "These Are the Yolks, Folks")
Statler: What did you think of Humpty Dumpty?
Waldorf: Terrible! I hate "off-the-wall" comedy!

(during the closing theme)
Statler: What's that noise?
Waldorf: I think that's Lewis Carroll turning over in his grave.


From the Florence Henderson episode of "The Muppet Show":

Fozzie: Now, tonight, I'm gonna try and put something new in my act.
Statler: Yeah, like comedy, maybe.


From the Lynn Redgrave episode of "The Muppet Show":

(during the closing theme)
Statler: The legend of Robin Hood will never die.
Waldorf: Yeah, but it sure got wounded pretty bad tonight.


From the Cloris Leachman episode of "The Muppet Show":

(after "That's Entertainment")
Waldorf: I didn't know pigs could do that!
Statler: Be that talented?
Waldorf: No, be that bad!


From the Kenny Rogers episode of "The Muppet Show":

(after the opening number)
Statler: Oh, poor little guy. I hope he's not hurt.
Waldorf: Well, at least he got the pig to stop singing.

(after the second Muppet News skit)
Statler: Do they sell insurance for this show?


From the Alice Cooper episode of "The Muppet Show":

(during the closing theme)
Statler: So, that was Alice Cooper.
Waldorf: You should see his sister: James Fennimore!


From the Roy Rogers & Dale Evans episode of "The Muppet Show":

(during the theme song)
(a male what-not approaches S & W)
What-not: Are these seats taken?
S & W: No! Take 'em!

(after "Blue Skies")
Waldorf: How'd you like that song by those prairie dogs?
Statler: Now, there's a number I could "gopher"!

(after "Muppet Sports")
Waldorf: Let's put this show out of its misery. (He and Statler then take out pistols and fire them at the stage.)

(during the closing theme)
(a cow is in the box with S & W)
Cow: Moo!
Statler: No! "Boo"!
Cow: Boo!
Statler: Hooray!
Cow: Hooray!


From "Muppets From Space":

(as Piggy leaves the house)
Statler: Is breakfast over?
Waldorf: No. Why?
Statler: I think the bacon just ran out.


From "Kermit's Swamp Years":

Waldorf: It sure was nice of the frog to let us be in this movie.
Statler: So people could see how young we look?
Waldorf: No, so we wouldn't have to watch it!


From "MuppetToons: Net Congestion":

Fozzie: That's not fair. I can't even see you guys.
Statler: Of course not!
Waldorf: We're on streaming audio!
Statler: And you're a streaming idiot!


From the "Muppetisms":

Statler: What?! You're a crook!
Waldorf: Oh, yeah? You're a bum!
Statler: Well, you're an old fool!
Waldorf: (gasps)
Statler: Of course, I mean that with the upmost respect.
Waldorf: That's how I took it, which is why I called you a bum with a great deal of affection.
Statler: Thank you, old friend. By the way, very nice tie--I like it.
Waldorf: You oughta like it. I borrowed it from you 30 years ago.
Statler: What?! You're a crook!
Waldorf: Oh, yeah? You're a bum!
Statler: Well, you're an old fool!

 

[Philip Kippel]

I just remembered another favorite S & W quote from the Alice Cooper episode of "The Muppet Show":

(after "Pigs in Space")
Statler: That number was out of sight!
Waldorf: You mean you liked it?
Statler: No, it was "out of sight"--I had my eyes closed.

 

[Philip Kippel]

More favorite S & W quotes:

From The Muppet Show with Jim Nabors:

(during Fozzie's monologue)
W: Hey, hey, hey! It's that silly bear!
S: Time for the audience to go elsewhere!


From The Muppet Show with Sandy Duncan:

(after "A Nice Girl Like Me")
S: You know, she makes me feel like a young boy.
W: She makes me feel like a young girl. I think I'll go find one.
(Waldorf gets up and leaves.)

(during the closing theme)
S: Well, how'd you like the show?
W: Maybe I'm getting soft, but I loved it. Have a banana.
(Waldorf then picks up a banana.)


From The Muppet Show with Phyllis Diller:

(after "Mississippi Mud")
(Statler has his back turned to the camera)
S: Bravo! Oh, bravo! Wonderful! Just wonderful!
W: How would you know? You're not even facing the stage.
(Statler turns around.)
S: Why did you have to tell me? I was having such a good time!


(after "Hugga Wugga")
W (singing): You are my sunshine. My only sunshine
S: Why, you old fool!
W: What?
S: I'm not your son and my name's not Shine!
W: And he calls ME an old fool.


From The Muppet Show with Lena Horne:

(after "I've Got a Name)
W: I could listen to her sing till the end of time.
S: She doesn't sing that. It's not her style.
W: No, no, I mean I could listen to her sing forever.
S: Well, she doesn't sing that either.
W: Why don't you just check yourself into the old fools' home while they still have a bed left?!


From The Muppet Show with Ethel Merman:

(after the Talk Spot)
W: She and Kermit make a nice pair.
S: Well, she certainly is a peach.

(during the Richard Bradshaw shadow puppet act)
S: More! More!
W: Hey, look. There IS more.
S: Oh, good grief. They heard me!


From The Muppet Show with Juliet Prowse:

(after "Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear")
S: Hey, Waldorf, I was wondering if you could...(stops talking and mouths the rest of his words)
W: Darn, I'd better get some new batteries for my hearing aid.
S: (laughs) I fool him every time! (laughs some more and gets hit by Waldorf)


From The Muppet Show with Harvey Korman:

(after "Love 'Ya to Death")
S: Well, that was a great number. I've always liked pantomime.
W: That wasn't pantomime! Your hearing aid's busted again.


From The Muppet Show with Charles Aznavour:

(after "Dance the Old-Fashioned Way")
W: I love French singing.
S: I love french fries.
W: French fries? I don't get it.
S: I didn't order any.

(after the Talk Spot)
W: I love the French tongue.
S: I love pig's tongue.
W: Pig's tongue? I don't get that... I know! You...
BOTH: ...didn't order any!


I also love just about everything that they say on their "From the Balcony" spots on Movies.com and on the main menus of the TMS Season 1 DVD set.

 

[Blue Weirdo]

W: Gonzo should quit while he's ahead
S. Gonzo should quit while he's alive!

S. Private screening?
W. Yeah they're afraid to show it in public.
(From Muppet Movie)

S. I was on the Titanic
W. I know you still have the dress you wore so they'd let you in the life boat!

S. I was a student of Shakespeare.
W. You were a student WITH Shakespeare!



W: Now why would they have a bunch of chickens singing Baby Face?
S: Because the alligators were sick.
W:That makes sense.

 

[Effralyo]

<Slips in>
Ga`dy, and the 1st half of Ch. 10 is "on the air"...
<wiz-z away!>

 

[Beauregard]

Would anybody mind if we put quotes from the Movies.com clips here?

 

[Vibs]

YEyeyeyeyeyyeyeye for Statler and Waldorf yeyeyyeyeyeye!!!

!
!

It was rather funny... At my Gym (Gymnasie means College-ish in danish, but not quite.. um...) I saw a Statler and Waldorf - um something on the noticeboard! It was in german, but I'll try and recall it and translate it:

Statler: I feel old...

Waldorf: You can still feel?

... ish?

 

[Fozzie Bear]

Would anybody mind if we put quotes from the Movies.com clips here?

Go ahead. That's Statler and Waldorf!!

 

[Philip Kippel]

Well, by request, I will now post some of my favorite S&W comments from the "From the Balcony" spots:

From the test show:

W: Each week, we'll be telling you what to see and what to avoid.
S: Avoid Paris Hilton!
W: I stayed there once.
S: Who hasn't?


From Episode 1:

S: "War of the Worlds" is this summer's "E.T.". Well, except instead of enjoying Reese's Pieces, the aliens enjoy insinerating all of humanity.

(after hearing "You have nothing to worry about" in the "War of the Worlds" trailer)
S: Uh, oh. When someone says that, start worrying.

(after previewing "Bewitched")
S: Obviously, "Bewitched" is pure fantasy.
W: Why? Because witches don't exist?
S: No! Because a guy like Will Ferrell could NEVER get a woman like Nicole Kidman!

S: Look for Will next in the big screen version of "I Dream of Jeannie", where he'll ask Jeannie to make "Bewitched" disappear!


From Episode 2:

S: Did you hear about Sylvester Stallone making that new "Rambo" movie?
W: No, I didn't hear that.
S: Well, he tried to get on a plane with the script, but he was mauled by bomb-sniffing dogs!

S: That Johnny Depp is everywhere! What's he got that I haven't, besides youth, good looks, virility, fame, wealth...
W: ...functioning kidney, gallbladder, hip...
S: Alright! Alright! Alright!


From Episode 3:

S: If I wanted to see outlandish stories about the military, I'd turn on Fox News.

(after previewing "Stealth")
S: In "Stealth", Jamie Fox does what many academy award-winning have done with their follow-up films.
W: You mean, he stretches further as an actor?
S: No, he cashes in!
(They laugh.)
W: Wait. If this plane was really super-intelligent, why did it choose this screenplay?
(They laugh.)
S: I even heard Jamie Fox almost walked off the set.
W: Why?
S: He was mad that the plane had a bigger hanger.
(They laugh)

(after previewing "The Island")
W: This is one of the movies that would have me sitting on the edge of my seat right from the beginning.
S: Because of the suspense?
W: No, because I can't wait to leave!


From Episode 4:

(after previewing "Duece Bigalow: European Jiggalo")
W: Next year, look for part 3, entitled "Duece Bigalow: Straight-to-video Jiggalo"!

(after previewing "The Dukes of Hazzard")
W: Do you think people will protest this movie?
S: Because there's a confederate flag on top of the car?
W: No, because Jessica Simpson has a speaking part.


From Episode 5:

W: Frankly, I can't believe this show is still on the air! I thought we'd be cancelled by now.
S: Or at least they would've replaced you with Kelly Ripa.

S: In "Red Eye", Rachel Nick Adams boards an airplane and finds a terrifying surprise.
W: Yeah. The in-flight movie is "The Island"!

(after previewing "Red Eye")
S: Rachel Nick Adams is really on a hot streak. First, there was "Mean Girls" and then "The Notebook" and "Wedding Crashers".
W: If she wasn't on the verge of stardom, "Red Eye" would be a one-way flight direct to the video store.

 

[Gonzo14]

this has probably already been quoted, but

Statler: Waldorf, wake up it's over
Waldorf: what?, I slept through the whole thing
Statler: well, you didn't miss much