lord statler
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actually i meant like a DVD that showed some of there best moments..he he
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Statler & Waldorf quotes...
- Thread starter punkNpuppets
- Start date
P
Philip Kippel
Guest
From "From the Balcony, Episode 4":
S: I'm actually wearing a pair of those daisy dukes right now.
W: (looks down at Statler's legs and covers his eyes) Oh, I did NOT get catarack surgery to see that!
From "From the Balcony, Episode 8":
W: You know what I was just thinking?
S: What?
W: We should come up with a catchy nickname that tabloids can use.
S: Oh, you mean like Bennifer or Branjelina.
W: Yeah. I was thinking Staldorf. Okay, how abot Waltler?
S: Up first, Jessica Alba and Paul Walker star in "Into the Blue".
W: They play beautiful people hunting for treasure who are being hunted by other beautiful people and, of course, the result is...
Both: Ugly!
(after previewing "Into the Blue")
W: If I found Jessica Alba underwater, I'd stop looking for Nemo.
S: Let's have a brief moment of silence for Al Pacino's career.
(after previewing "Two for the Money")
S: (notices Waldorf pounding his fist on his chest) What's wrong? Was the trailer too intense for you?
W: No, I'm trying to stop my own heart so I don't have to watch any more!
S: Well, it's over. Now, all we have to do is just make fun of it!
S: "Two for the Money" dares to ask the age old question: Who lost a bet and had to make this movie?
W: Yeah. It's nice to see that someone made a movie about the nation's growing gambling problems.
S: Yes. Gambling bankrupts millions of people and rips families apart.
S: I'm actually wearing a pair of those daisy dukes right now.
W: (looks down at Statler's legs and covers his eyes) Oh, I did NOT get catarack surgery to see that!
From "From the Balcony, Episode 8":
W: You know what I was just thinking?
S: What?
W: We should come up with a catchy nickname that tabloids can use.
S: Oh, you mean like Bennifer or Branjelina.
W: Yeah. I was thinking Staldorf. Okay, how abot Waltler?
S: Up first, Jessica Alba and Paul Walker star in "Into the Blue".
W: They play beautiful people hunting for treasure who are being hunted by other beautiful people and, of course, the result is...
Both: Ugly!
(after previewing "Into the Blue")
W: If I found Jessica Alba underwater, I'd stop looking for Nemo.
S: Let's have a brief moment of silence for Al Pacino's career.
(after previewing "Two for the Money")
S: (notices Waldorf pounding his fist on his chest) What's wrong? Was the trailer too intense for you?
W: No, I'm trying to stop my own heart so I don't have to watch any more!
S: Well, it's over. Now, all we have to do is just make fun of it!
S: "Two for the Money" dares to ask the age old question: Who lost a bet and had to make this movie?
W: Yeah. It's nice to see that someone made a movie about the nation's growing gambling problems.
S: Yes. Gambling bankrupts millions of people and rips families apart.
P
Philip Kippel
Guest
From the Muppet CD-ROM:
W: If at first you don't succeed...
S: Give up.
From "From the Balcony: Episode 9":
W: Doing this show, we get a lot of perks.
S: That's true. Gifts, dinners, parties, trips to Europe... To get us to say something nice about their film, movie studios would do anything.
W: Anything, but make a good movie.
(while previewing "Doom")
S (to W): I know what your handle ID would be: Nosehair!
(after previewing "Doom")
S: How come no one ever made "Pong" into a movie? Now, THAT was a video game.
S: I usually love action movies, but there's something that just doesn't look good about "Doom".
W: I know what you mean. I just can't quite put my finger on it.
S: Well, if you did put your finger on it, you'd need about 4 gallons of Purel to disinfect it!
(after previewing "Elizabethtown")
S: "Elizabethtown" looks like one of those emotional movies that makes you want to call your dad afterwards.
W: And tell him not to go see it!
S: Director Cameron Crowe always makes these lyrical, thoughtful movies.
W: There's a perfect name for the genre: Naptime.
From "The Muppet Show: Lesley Ann Warren":
S: We're not afraid. We know Gonzo!
W: If it first you don't succeed, fail, fail again!
W: If at first you don't succeed...
S: Give up.
From "From the Balcony: Episode 9":
W: Doing this show, we get a lot of perks.
S: That's true. Gifts, dinners, parties, trips to Europe... To get us to say something nice about their film, movie studios would do anything.
W: Anything, but make a good movie.
(while previewing "Doom")
S (to W): I know what your handle ID would be: Nosehair!
(after previewing "Doom")
S: How come no one ever made "Pong" into a movie? Now, THAT was a video game.
S: I usually love action movies, but there's something that just doesn't look good about "Doom".
W: I know what you mean. I just can't quite put my finger on it.
S: Well, if you did put your finger on it, you'd need about 4 gallons of Purel to disinfect it!
(after previewing "Elizabethtown")
S: "Elizabethtown" looks like one of those emotional movies that makes you want to call your dad afterwards.
W: And tell him not to go see it!
S: Director Cameron Crowe always makes these lyrical, thoughtful movies.
W: There's a perfect name for the genre: Naptime.
From "The Muppet Show: Lesley Ann Warren":
S: We're not afraid. We know Gonzo!
W: If it first you don't succeed, fail, fail again!
P
Philip Kippel
Guest
How about these?
From "The Muppet Show: Charles Aznavour":
(during Fozzie's monologue)
S: I wouldn't say conditions at the club were bad, but when we asked where we could take a bath...
W: The manager ran us through the car wash next door.
From "The Muppet Show: Jim Nabors":
(at the conclusion of Fozzie's monologue)
W: Why did we laugh at that terrible joke?
S: Well, either we've gone soft or we're in the first stages of senility.
From "The Muppet Show: Connie Stevens":
S: Do you think this show is educational?
W: Yes. It'll drive people to read books.
From "The Muppet Show: Rita Moreno":
Fozzie: I'm good enough to play the Palace!
W: You're not good enough to CLEAN the Palace!
From "The Muppet Show: Ruth Buzzi":
Fozzie: A lot of these folks want to see me!
S: Well, so do we.
Fozzie: You want to see me perform?
W: No, retire!
From "The Muppet Show: Florence Henderson":
(during the closing theme)
S: I loved it!
W: So, what? You also loved World War II.
From "The Muppet Show: Harvey Korman":
(at the end of the Talk Spot)
S: Well, to me, there's nothing funny about chickens! (a chicken pops up and starts pecking him)
(during the closing theme)
W: Well, the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg.
(a chicken pops up)
Chicken: BAWK!
S: Wanna bet?
From "From the Balcony: Episode 10":
S: Up first, Antonio Banderes and Catherine Zeta-Jones star in "The Legend of Zero".
W: Don't you mean "The Legend of ZORRO"?!
S: Nope!
(after previewing "The Legend of Zorro")
S: That looks terrible!
W: It could've been worse. Instead of Antonio Banderes and Catherine Zeta-Jones, they could've gotten Michael Douglas and Melanie Griffith!
S: Surprisingly, a lot of people have been clamoring for this sequel.
W: Don't you mean the fans?
S: No, the people who made money off the first one!
S: I just can't take Antonio Banderes seriously anymore.
W: Well, when could you take him seriously?
S: Good point!
(after the Weather Guy's "Weather Man" report)
W: I think I'll stay home and wait for this one to blow over.
S: Me too.
(while previewing "Jarhead")
S: That's "Don't Worry, Be Happy"! Maybe this is a feel-good war movie.
(after previewing "Jarhead")
S: So much for feeling good.
W: Given the current world climate, "Jarhead" seems a little too heavy for me.
S: What?! You want to avoid this movie and just ignore the world's problems?!
W: No, I want to heckle this movie and avoid the world's problems!
S: Sounds like a plan.
S: People are saying that this movie really does capture what it's like to be at war.
W: Yeah! After watching it for 10 minutes, you want to shoot yourself in the foot and get sent home!
S: I heard Donald Rumsfeld went to go see "Jarhead".
W: Oh, yeah? What did he think?
S: No one knows! He's still stuck in the theater because he has no exit strategy!
From "The Muppet Show: Charles Aznavour":
(during Fozzie's monologue)
S: I wouldn't say conditions at the club were bad, but when we asked where we could take a bath...
W: The manager ran us through the car wash next door.
From "The Muppet Show: Jim Nabors":
(at the conclusion of Fozzie's monologue)
W: Why did we laugh at that terrible joke?
S: Well, either we've gone soft or we're in the first stages of senility.
From "The Muppet Show: Connie Stevens":
S: Do you think this show is educational?
W: Yes. It'll drive people to read books.
From "The Muppet Show: Rita Moreno":
Fozzie: I'm good enough to play the Palace!
W: You're not good enough to CLEAN the Palace!
From "The Muppet Show: Ruth Buzzi":
Fozzie: A lot of these folks want to see me!
S: Well, so do we.
Fozzie: You want to see me perform?
W: No, retire!
From "The Muppet Show: Florence Henderson":
(during the closing theme)
S: I loved it!
W: So, what? You also loved World War II.
From "The Muppet Show: Harvey Korman":
(at the end of the Talk Spot)
S: Well, to me, there's nothing funny about chickens! (a chicken pops up and starts pecking him)
(during the closing theme)
W: Well, the show tonight certainly didn't lay an egg.
(a chicken pops up)
Chicken: BAWK!
S: Wanna bet?
From "From the Balcony: Episode 10":
S: Up first, Antonio Banderes and Catherine Zeta-Jones star in "The Legend of Zero".
W: Don't you mean "The Legend of ZORRO"?!
S: Nope!
(after previewing "The Legend of Zorro")
S: That looks terrible!
W: It could've been worse. Instead of Antonio Banderes and Catherine Zeta-Jones, they could've gotten Michael Douglas and Melanie Griffith!
S: Surprisingly, a lot of people have been clamoring for this sequel.
W: Don't you mean the fans?
S: No, the people who made money off the first one!
S: I just can't take Antonio Banderes seriously anymore.
W: Well, when could you take him seriously?
S: Good point!
(after the Weather Guy's "Weather Man" report)
W: I think I'll stay home and wait for this one to blow over.
S: Me too.
(while previewing "Jarhead")
S: That's "Don't Worry, Be Happy"! Maybe this is a feel-good war movie.
(after previewing "Jarhead")
S: So much for feeling good.
W: Given the current world climate, "Jarhead" seems a little too heavy for me.
S: What?! You want to avoid this movie and just ignore the world's problems?!
W: No, I want to heckle this movie and avoid the world's problems!
S: Sounds like a plan.
S: People are saying that this movie really does capture what it's like to be at war.
W: Yeah! After watching it for 10 minutes, you want to shoot yourself in the foot and get sent home!
S: I heard Donald Rumsfeld went to go see "Jarhead".
W: Oh, yeah? What did he think?
S: No one knows! He's still stuck in the theater because he has no exit strategy!
P
Philip Kippel
Guest
From "From the Balcony: Episode 11":
S: I've got a riddle for you. Britney Spears had one, Katie Holmes is having one and you'll never have one. What is it?
W: That's easy. A baby.
S: No, a career!
S: First we're previewing "Get Rich or Die Tryin'". In this movie, 50 Cent plays an inner-city drug dealer who turns to rap music in order to avoid a life of crime.
W: But the real crime here is that this movie got made!
(after previewing "Get Rich or Die Tryin'")
W: This movie inspired me...to hate rap music!
W: I used to have a comb-over.
S: Ah, yes. To be 65 again.
W: Oh, the memories.
S: 2 kidneys.
W: Good times.
(while previewing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire")
W: (waving a magic wand) Enguard-em, expect-o, disappear-o...
S: What are you doing?
W: Trying to make this movie disappear.
S: Well, try harder!
(after previewing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire")
S: In "The Goblet of Fire", Harry and his pals fight the most terrifying monster yet!
W: Puberty!
W: Statler, what are some of your favorite mythical creatures from the Harry Potter movies?
S: That's easy. British kids with good teeth! Actually, I like Ray Fines, who plays the evil Lord Voldemort.
W: Oh, no, no, no, no! Please don't say that name!
S: Oh, come on! Voldemort's name can be mentioned. It's just a story!
W: No, I was talking about Ray Fines! That guy gives me the creeps!
W: Tune in next time for a Thanksgiving episode where I show you how to dress a turkey.
S: You mean you're gonna cook?
W: No, I'm going to put you in a tuxedo!
W: Don't be so upset. Your gobbler's hanging down! Gobble, gobble...
(Statler gets angry)
From "From the Balcony: Episode 12":
W: Well, it's Thanksgiving time. So, that means that Oscar season is finally here.
S: It's a time when Hollywood proves that not all its movies are loud and stupid.
W: Yeah. Some are pretentous and boring.
(upon hearing "The mob's made him an offer he should refuse" in the "In the Mix" preview)
S: Did they just reference "The Godfather"?!
W: If he were still alive, Marlon Brando would be embarassed.
S: This movie looks so bad even Marlon WAYANS would be embarassed.
(after previewing "In the Mix")
S: Luckily, Usher's fanbase doesn't care how he acts as long as he's got a 6-pack.
W: That's a lot like your fans. They don't care how you act as long as they DRINK a 6-pack.
S: Shows how much you know! I don't even have any fans!
(following Stan & Louie's bit)
W: I've said it before and I'll say it again: this theater needs to be exterminated!
S: This whole show needs to be exterminated!
W: I'm really looking forward to "Rent". I think it's gonna be the best 7,242 seconds of my life.
S: I don't even know who you are anymore.
(after previewing "Rent")
W: (crying) This movie really touched me.
S: Yeah, me too. Right here where my 10 bucks used to be. "Rent" isn't just the title, it's how you should see it!
W: Heartless!
S: Ah, "Rent". Struggling New York artistic types scraping to get by.
W: I think it's a great story!
S: Story?! I was talking about the cast! Who are these people?!
W: It's all the original Broadway cast. The studio was trying to maintain the artistic integrity of this film!
S: No, I think they were trying to maintain a profit!
W: Do you think Stallone's trying to build up his legacy?
S: No, I think he's trying to build a new beach house!
From "From the Balcony: Episode 13":
S: (notices Waldorf crying) What's the matter with you?
W: It's Nick and Jessica! They split up!
S: Yeah? So?
W: So, now she's gonna have more time to devote to her acting!
(They both cry.)
W: I can't wait to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".
S: Well, I'm putting my money on the lion to win!
W: It's not a sports movie, you old fool! It's about these 4 little kids who meet and a talking lion, then they go through a magical portal into another world.
S: Kids and talking lions? I'll be looking for a magical portal into another theater!
(after Ivan and Sweetums' bit)
S: Why DOES Hollywood treat monsters so poorly?
W: Maybe they think they're Republicans.
(after Clive Focus' bit)
W: I've had it with these paparazzi!
S: What did they do now?
W: Last night, I had to run through a crowd, duck into an alley and drive like a maniac before I finally got one of them to take my picture!
S: I've got a riddle for you. Britney Spears had one, Katie Holmes is having one and you'll never have one. What is it?
W: That's easy. A baby.
S: No, a career!
S: First we're previewing "Get Rich or Die Tryin'". In this movie, 50 Cent plays an inner-city drug dealer who turns to rap music in order to avoid a life of crime.
W: But the real crime here is that this movie got made!
(after previewing "Get Rich or Die Tryin'")
W: This movie inspired me...to hate rap music!
W: I used to have a comb-over.
S: Ah, yes. To be 65 again.
W: Oh, the memories.
S: 2 kidneys.
W: Good times.
(while previewing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire")
W: (waving a magic wand) Enguard-em, expect-o, disappear-o...
S: What are you doing?
W: Trying to make this movie disappear.
S: Well, try harder!
(after previewing "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire")
S: In "The Goblet of Fire", Harry and his pals fight the most terrifying monster yet!
W: Puberty!
W: Statler, what are some of your favorite mythical creatures from the Harry Potter movies?
S: That's easy. British kids with good teeth! Actually, I like Ray Fines, who plays the evil Lord Voldemort.
W: Oh, no, no, no, no! Please don't say that name!
S: Oh, come on! Voldemort's name can be mentioned. It's just a story!
W: No, I was talking about Ray Fines! That guy gives me the creeps!
W: Tune in next time for a Thanksgiving episode where I show you how to dress a turkey.
S: You mean you're gonna cook?
W: No, I'm going to put you in a tuxedo!
W: Don't be so upset. Your gobbler's hanging down! Gobble, gobble...
(Statler gets angry)
From "From the Balcony: Episode 12":
W: Well, it's Thanksgiving time. So, that means that Oscar season is finally here.
S: It's a time when Hollywood proves that not all its movies are loud and stupid.
W: Yeah. Some are pretentous and boring.
(upon hearing "The mob's made him an offer he should refuse" in the "In the Mix" preview)
S: Did they just reference "The Godfather"?!
W: If he were still alive, Marlon Brando would be embarassed.
S: This movie looks so bad even Marlon WAYANS would be embarassed.
(after previewing "In the Mix")
S: Luckily, Usher's fanbase doesn't care how he acts as long as he's got a 6-pack.
W: That's a lot like your fans. They don't care how you act as long as they DRINK a 6-pack.
S: Shows how much you know! I don't even have any fans!
(following Stan & Louie's bit)
W: I've said it before and I'll say it again: this theater needs to be exterminated!
S: This whole show needs to be exterminated!
W: I'm really looking forward to "Rent". I think it's gonna be the best 7,242 seconds of my life.
S: I don't even know who you are anymore.
(after previewing "Rent")
W: (crying) This movie really touched me.
S: Yeah, me too. Right here where my 10 bucks used to be. "Rent" isn't just the title, it's how you should see it!
W: Heartless!
S: Ah, "Rent". Struggling New York artistic types scraping to get by.
W: I think it's a great story!
S: Story?! I was talking about the cast! Who are these people?!
W: It's all the original Broadway cast. The studio was trying to maintain the artistic integrity of this film!
S: No, I think they were trying to maintain a profit!
W: Do you think Stallone's trying to build up his legacy?
S: No, I think he's trying to build a new beach house!
From "From the Balcony: Episode 13":
S: (notices Waldorf crying) What's the matter with you?
W: It's Nick and Jessica! They split up!
S: Yeah? So?
W: So, now she's gonna have more time to devote to her acting!
(They both cry.)
W: I can't wait to see "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe".
S: Well, I'm putting my money on the lion to win!
W: It's not a sports movie, you old fool! It's about these 4 little kids who meet and a talking lion, then they go through a magical portal into another world.
S: Kids and talking lions? I'll be looking for a magical portal into another theater!
(after Ivan and Sweetums' bit)
S: Why DOES Hollywood treat monsters so poorly?
W: Maybe they think they're Republicans.
(after Clive Focus' bit)
W: I've had it with these paparazzi!
S: What did they do now?
W: Last night, I had to run through a crowd, duck into an alley and drive like a maniac before I finally got one of them to take my picture!
Anyone here can tell me which episode / movie this quote is from?
W: Eh, Stater?
S: Yah, what?
W: Is that it?
S: Yes, its over. How'd you like it?
W: I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
S: Well, you didn't miss much.
I have been looking everywhere and I just cant find it. I really need the video (the sound I already have).
Thanks
W: Eh, Stater?
S: Yah, what?
W: Is that it?
S: Yes, its over. How'd you like it?
W: I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
S: Well, you didn't miss much.
I have been looking everywhere and I just cant find it. I really need the video (the sound I already have).
Thanks
David French
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jun 1, 2004
- Messages
- 610
- Reaction score
- 91
I'm afraid the audio is all you're going to get as this exchange was recorded for The Muppet Show 2 LP only.Anyone here can tell me which episode / movie this quote is from?
W: Eh, Stater?
S: Yah, what?
W: Is that it?
S: Yes, its over. How'd you like it?
W: I don't know, I slept through the whole thing.
S: Well, you didn't miss much.
I have been looking everywhere and I just [can't] find it. I really need the video (the sound I already have).
Thanks
bingboingcutie
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2010
- Messages
- 310
- Reaction score
- 66
Oh, one of my favorites.
Dominicboo1
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2011
- Messages
- 2,408
- Reaction score
- 877
Waldorf- (seeing Staler's Grandson) Is he yours?Staler- Of course not! He's my grandson! I'm just babysitting
Waldorf- There's some resemblance.
Baby- But I won't be bald and toothless forever!
S and W- Ho ho ho!