Chapter 22
Uncle Deadly couldn't ever remember running as fast as he was. He darted through the town like a blue bullet, dodging men, women, children, and the occasional cue card carrying penguin.
If Uncle Deadly had a heart, it would have lifted out of his chest when he saw the spires from the roof of the Muppet Boarding House pointing up to the sky.
He darted up the porch of the house he had heard so much about, yet never been allowed to visit. He grasped the door knob with his entire blue palm and tried to turn.
It didn't turn.
He began to pound the door with his fist. "Scooter! Hello? Are you there? Clifford! Someone, please!" He cried, begging for an answer.
There was no answer.
The phantom drug himself around the house, desperately searching for another door. He found one in the back and began to pound again, desperate for someone, anyone, who could help.
No one could help.
Deadly hammered the side of the house with his fist. Blue flicks of electricity sparked out of his knuckles. He growled, tossing back his handicaps by gathering all his electricity into his right palm. The phantom jumped back and shot a blast of electricity from his hand directly at the back door.
The back door fell to the ground.
He stepped inside the dark kitchen slowly, his hand twitching from anguishing pain. He examined his surroundings and immediately knew he was at home.
Deadly moved forward a step, careful not to make any noise. Unfourtunately, his great care didn't help, the sound of a car horn out front made him jump, caused him to knock over all of the Swedish Chef's condiments and things laying on the counter inside the kitchen.
Deadly fell in a pile of flour, scrambling to get up as the voices he heard drew nearer. His body was completely white by the time he could stand.
He began to run again, lost in this maze of a house. He passed a moose head, then a television set, then a couch, then was halted by the opening front door directly in front of him.
<X>X<X>
Benny's evil sneer spread across his face as he admired his work of hatred. His job was done, and he was happy with himself.
He grabbed Death's scythe off the wall where it leaned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
The newly repainted room sat deathly quiet.
The faces of the heart and soul of the Muppets sat covered in black paint.
And the spirits of those in the room long since gone could sit no longer.
The cabinet that sat against the back wall shook with the fury of an earthquake. "Will ya get'cher foot out of my face?!" a voice shouted.
"Gladly," another voice said. "If Jim would, ugh, move his arm."
The ghostly figure of Jim Henson somberly stepped out of the closet.
The ghostly figures of Jerry Juhl and Richard Hunt fell to the floor behind him.
"Better?" Jim asked.
"Not after sein' this mess," Richard said standing up.
"Nothing a little spit shine wouldn't cure," Jerry smiled.
"Where are we gonna get spit?" Richard asked. "We're dry as bones!"
"Well your jokes certainly are," Jerry remarked.
Jim put his hands on his hips and walked over to one of the walls, leaving Jerry and Richard to lovingly argue, just like always.
Jerry and Richard saw Jim's movement and stopped. "What's the plan boss?" Richard asked, sounding remarkably like Scooter.
Jim stood silently, stroking his bearded chin. "Hmm," was all that came out of his mouth.
"Oh, here we go!" Richard threw his arms up. "We're gonna be here all day!"
"Patience Richard. You can't write a script in a day you know," Jerry calmed his friend.
"Well, we better be outta here soon," Richard smirked. "I'm goin' dancin' with Marilyn Monroe tonight."
"How's that different from any other night?" Jerry asked.
"This time she said yes," Richard smirked.
Jim walked along the wall silently, peering through the paint. He slowly came to a stop before one of the pictures at the very end of the wall. He smiled and reached out for it. The paint spread off of the surrounding wall in ripples, slowly revealing Jim's face.
"I know what to do," Jim said calmly over Jerry and Richard.
Both of them stopped instantly and walked over to Jim. "Oh you do, huh?" Richard smirked. "Let me try that trick," he said. He reached forward, and sure enough, ripples again, revealing Frank Oz.
"Oh sheesh, I got Frank!" Richard moaned.
"May I try?" Jerry asked, reaching forward. He grinned as his own face was cleared of it's paintly obstruction.
"How'd you do that?" Richard asked. "You guys got yerselves, and I got Frank! Grand..."
"Richard?" Jim asked quietly.
"Yeah?" Richard asked.
"Try up there." Jim pointed to another picture.
Richard reached up and cleared the paint away from Jerry Nelson. "Wha-?"
"Thanks, I felt like seeing Jerry again," Jim smiled.
Richard frowned. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up you two..."
"Oh, c'mon Richard," Jerry patted him on his back. "Jim's entitled to a little fun once in a while too."
"A little fun?" Richard laughed. "Who do you think got that cabinet shaking?"
Jim grinned and began to clear away the paint from the rest of the pictures. Jerry and Richard took the silent hint and did the same.
"Richard, you look young in this picture," Jerry said.
"Yeah, what happened?" Jim joked.
"Oh, your face Jim! Your face!" Richard shouted.
"My face does look good in that picture, doesn't it?" Jim grinned.
"I dunno why I agreed to spend the afterlife with you two..."
The three of them stopped working suddenly, realizing they were done, and stared at all their friends, co-workers, and some people they didn't even know. "Oh yeah," Richard whispered. "That's why."
>X<X>X<
"Hey, hey Pepe!" Clyde shouted to Beauregard.
"I'm not Pepe, I'm Beauregard," Beau said.
"That's not what Pepe told me!" Butch said.
"Oh really?" Beau asked. "Well then I guess I am Pepe."
"Si, si, and I am Beauregard. Keep it dat way for a minute, hokay?" Pepe darted past the janitor.
"Alright, where is he?!" Piggy stormed. "Where is that little shrimp?! I still haven't murdered him for that silky soft comment!"
"Oh, right here Miss Piggy!" Beau raised his hand.
"You're not him!" Piggy shouted.
"Oh, yes, I am," Beau said. "He told me so."
"So wait just a minute here," Rizzo said. "Let me get this straight. You're Pepe, and Pepe's you?"
"Si," Pepe hid behind Butch.
"Den who's Miss Piggy?" Rizzo asked.
"De largest man in de world, hokay?" Pepe remarked.
Piggy's face grew tense. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!" she screamed, tackling Butch to get to the shrimp.
Rowlf looked anxiously at Kermit. The frog shrugged. "I think he deserved that one," he said.
"HIIIIIIIIII-YAAAH!"
Suddenly the bus was minus a concious prawn.
"Um, if Miss Piggy is the largest man in the world, then why isn't she in the book of world records?" Beauregard asked innocently.
"HI-YA!"
Minus one concious prawn, minus one concious janitor equals one happy pig.
"Did he deserve that one?" Rowlf asked.
Kermit shrugged again. "Probably." Kermit turned to Emily Bear, driving the bus. "Mrs. Bear, pull over here."
"You got it mister lizard!"
The bus pulled off to the side of the road and the motorcycles followed. Kermit took a deep breath and walked towards the door.
"Kermit?" Rowlf spoke up.
"Hmm?"
"Be careful, and get our bear and frog back!"
"YEAH!" the whole bus cheered.
Kermit nodded. "Will do."
The door swung open, and Kermit stepped off the bus.
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