Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

[theprawncracker]

...Hmm...No, I don't think so. Go 'head Fluffy, try again.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Is it...... Kelly?

 

[theprawncracker]

Why don't you look outside your own mind and into half of someone elses!

 

[The Count]

And why don't you update this prawn instead of getting the fiends here with me angered? You know it'll result in a bad batty beatdown. So post more... Soon... Now!

 

[TogetherAgain]

...Because that would be logical, that's why.

 

[theprawncracker]

Si, there's that. And the fact that I have absolutely NO idea where to go from here...And...Uh...It's Christmas! I don't have to work!

 

[TogetherAgain]

It's in the singing of a street corner choir! ....Erm, wrong thread...

 

[theprawncracker]

C'mon Lisa, pay attention...

*quietly* It's going home and getting warm by the fire...

 

[The Count]

Attention? Hmmm, usually I pay $0.02 to get in. Will have to remember that next time.

And you'd better post prawn... *Dumps ice water on Ryan with Beth's Super Soaker.
Consider that a warning. Next, we shoot you with the blue lightning from the palm.
We gave Uncle Deadly his golden lockpick back, now get him inside the theater to ward off that thing you call a Benny Vandergast.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 21

Clifford's car sped down the road away from Benny's warehouse and back in the direction of the theater.

"Clifford where are you going?" Scooter asked from the backseat where J.P. was leaning against his nephew's shoulder.

"Back to the theater! Duh!" Clifford kept his shaded eyes on the road.

"The theater?! You saw that guy back there!" Scooter shouted. "We can't go back there! We'll be killed!"

"We gotta help Uncle D. dude," Clifford said.

"Please," Scooter said. "Uncle Deadly's smart, he probably got outta there while he could!"

"Yeah, you're right, Uncle D. is smart, unlike you. Cause if you were smart, you'd know that Uncle D. can't leave the theater!" Clifford shouted.

"Will you two knock it off?!" Skeeter finally shouted. "You're scaring uncle J.P."

J.P. mumbled something, he was still unable to move.

"Well...You're making him mumble anyway, and that's never a good sign!" Skeeter said.

Both Clifford and Scooter muttered something under their breaths.

"I heard that!" Skeeter said. "Now we're going back to the boarding house, we can call Kermit and let him know what's going on."

"Yes your highness," Clifford and Scooter said in harmony.

They all sat quiet for a second.

"That was creepy," Scooter finally said.

"Yeah, that never happened," Clifford decided.

<X>X<X>​

Mrs. Bear gave chase to the motorcycles for miles (so did Sweetums, but he was lost long before the bus caught up with the motorcycles) before the pirates decided to have some fun with the Muppets.​

"Alright boys," Polly said. "Let's get behind 'em!"​

Robin shuddered as the motorcycles split into two lines of six on either side of the bus and slowed down until they were behind them and could manuever in their regular formation.​

"Haha!" Polly laughed. "C'mon Muppets! Bring it on!"​

"Uncle Kermit! Help!" Robin shouted.​

"Robin we're coming!" Kermit shouted out the new hole in the back of the bus.​

"No Robin," Fozzie said. "I'm coming!"​

"Fozzie, what are you doing?" Kermit tried to pull back his best friend.​

"I'm going to jump on the motorcycles and save Robin," Fozzie declared. "Wow, it sounds a lot worse when you say it out loud..."​

"Fozzie! No!" Kermit shouted at his best friend.

"Kermit, I love Robin too," Fozzie put his arm on the frog's shoulder. "I'm going to help you."

"But Fozzie, this isn't the only way," Kermit tried to stop the bear.

The red bus slowly began to edge closer to the pack of motorcycles following them. "Fozzie, please!" Kermit reached out for his best friend, but it was too late. Fozzie jumped out the back door of the bus, landing on Polly's motorcycle.

Polly began to suffocate under the mass of fuzzy brown Fozzie on top of his crustacean body. "Get this dumb rug offa me!"

Kermit began to take action. "Gonzo! We need a stunt! Now!" Kermit shouted to the weirdo.

"Oh boy!" Gonzo shouted. "Alright, I need Miss Piggy's suitcase, a drum roll, and a memorable chase number!"

"No problem hose nose, that's our best rift!" Floyd laughed.

"Moi's suitcase?" Piggy glared at Gonzo. "What for?" she asked angrily.

"To save Fozzie," Kermit grabbed Piggy's suitcase from the overhead area and threw it at Gonzo's feet. "Do it Gonzo, hurry!"

Gonzo opened up the suitcase and began to throw out all of Piggy's satin evening gowns into the seat across from him.

Unfourtunately the seat across from him sat a hormonal king prawn and his rat friend.

"Dios mio Ritzo, look, look! It's so silky and soft, hokay?" Pepe rubbed one of the gowns against his face.

"Jeez!" Rizzo held another up. "Are these gowns or sailboat sails?"

"Watch it cretin!" Piggy growled at the rodent.

"No time for violence now Piggy," Gonzo scooped up all the gowns and began to tie them together and around his waist. "Hm, nice fit."

"Don't get used to it buzzard beak!" Piggy fumed.

"Brawk bawk bagawk!" Camilla clucked.


"Don't worry Camilla, just cause I'm wearing Piggy's evening gowns doesn't mean I don't still love you. I mean, c'mon! I get to see you naked every day!" Gonzo shouted, running towards the back of the bus.

"Alright Gonzo, what's your plan?" Kermit fell behind the weirdo as the band began to strike up a tune.

Gonzo surveyed the area and pulled back his eyelids in delight. "After Animal's drum roll I hop from the fender, on to the motorcycle, scoop Robin into my arms and fly back in heroicly."

"What about Fozzie?" Kermit asked nervously.

Gonzo shrugged. "I'm pretty sure he can drive a motorcycle."

Gonzo tied the end of the satin gown chain to Animal's drum set and prepared to dive. "Alright, drum roll on three!"

"Hey, have Kermit do da count down," Rizzo spoke up. "He is da Sesame Street guru around here."

"Care to do the prestigious honors Kermit?" Gonzo asked the frog.

Kermit scrunched up his face. "It doesn't get more prestigious than this, does it Gonzo?"

"Not when you live with us!"

Kermit sighed. "Three..." Gonzo bent his knees and struck a diving pose. "Two..." Gonzo saluted the crowd watching him from behind. "One."

"DRUM ROLL! DRUM ROLL!" Animal chanted, pushing his drums out the back of the bus behind Gonzo.

"No Animal! Drum roll! Don't roll the drums!" Dr. Teeth scolded.

"Oops," Animal lowered his eyebrow. "Sah-ree."

"Gonzo! Are you okay?!" Kermit shouted to the weirdo in the road as the pirates swerved to avoid him and a drum set.

"Yeah!" Gonzo shouted. "I'm better than okay! That was great!" Gonzo's voice trailed off as he was left in the middle of Route 66 as the Electric Mayhem bus and a dozen motorcycles drove away.

Camilla began to freak out, sending feathers flying everywhere. "Bawk bawgawk brawk bawk bawk bawk!" she clucked at the top of her chicken lungs.

"What are we gonna do Kermit?"

"How are we gonna get Fozzie and Gonzo and Robin back now?"

"Don't forget Sweetums."

"JOHNNY FIAMA DOESN'T WANT YOU FORGETTIN' SWEETUMS!"

"Mee me mo mo!"

"Yes we could pump the bus full of our new Muppet Labs Ultra Sonic Gasoline, great thinking Beaker!"

"I say we sit patiently and wait. Wait for the American justice system to do it's thing."

"We're only off work for a week Sam! I don't think we can wait that long."

"Yo, furball," Piggy nudged Animal. "Crowd control, stat."

"Oh yeah yeah! QUIET!!" Animal shouted over everyone, shutting them all up, except one of course.

"So I totally said, uh uh buster, I don't care how many suitcases you can fit yourself into. I will never-" Janice started to tell Bobo.

"You gotta work on your timing sister," Bobo told the valley girl.

"Thank vous dear, you've been most...Loud," Piggy told Animal. "Now everybody listen up," the pig took charge. "We're going to get our frog, bear, monster and...Whatever back. Understand? And we'll use whatever means it takes to do so."

Beauregard raised his hand. "What is it?" Piggy acknowledged the janitor.

"Why do we have to use means to get them back? Can't we use nice?" Beau asked.

"Any other idiots wanna pipe up before I move on?" Piggy asked. The crowd was silent. "Good. Now, here's the plan, we pull over."

Everyone looked at each other. "That's it?" Bean finally spoke up.

"Yup," Piggy declared, proud of herself.

"Man, I shoulda known," Floyd said. "Miss fat back couldn't come up with a good plan to save her own life, let alone anyone elses."

"Watch it hippy, or you'll be on the side of the road with the weirdo!" Piggy growled.

"Piggy, honey?" Kermit pulled her arm back.

"Yeah, what?" Piggy said, still growling with anger.

"It's a good plan," Kermit told her.

"Really?" Piggy asked.

"Really?" Everyone on the bus asked in unison.

"Yeah guys, listen. Those pirates wouldn't be chasing us still if we didn't have something they wanted, right?" Kermit began his big Kermity speech.

"Left," Zoot said.

"Let's not start that again," Kermit paused. "So if we pull over, they've gotta pull over too, sideways-I mean, right?"

"So we intercept the pirates when they pull over and get Robin and Fozzie back!" Hilda shouted.

"Yes," Piggy pushed forward. "My plan all along."

"Alright then Mrs. Bear, you heard the plan, pull us over!" Kermit shouted.

"You got it mister lizard," Emily said from the driver's seat. "As soon as the bus exits hyper drive!"

"Good grief..." Kermit sighed.