Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

[The Count]

*Blink. Wha? You mean he hasn't updated since...? OK, that's it...
Let him have it Sis!

*Watery barrage ensues, drenching Ryan Pawn or Cracked Prawn or whatever he's calling himself now.
Get back here and post more story! And get that other half of yours to post more of her own story too!

 

[The Count]

Hey Prawny... If you're back for good... Then could we please get an update of this vonderful fanfictional tale?
And LMK if Uncle Deadly should stay with me or if he should head back to his room to join up with you and the rest of the guys.

 

[theprawncracker]

Well, that's just it, I'm not back for good. But fear not, I'm planning on getting something up before the end of next week (if finals don't get in the way, which they probably will).

And yeah, go ahead and send Uncle D. back, I may not be back to MC yet, but I'm back at the Dorms.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 20

It wasn’t Benny.

Skeeter pulled her uncle against her and cuddled close to him. “Oh Uncle J.P., I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry you got stuck with Scooter and not me…”

Scooter frowned and proceeded to untie his uncle’s bearings. “What she means to say is, we’re so glad you’re not hurt.”

“Yeah,” Clifford agreed. “Cause if ya were, the theater would fall in his hands.” Clifford pointed to Scooter. “And none of us can deal with that.”

“How would you like to deal with a fist to the face?” Scooter dropped J.P. in his ropes.

“Will you two quit fighting for ten minutes!! You’re so immature!” Skeeter shouted.

Scooter and Clifford looked at each other. “Well look who’s calling Kermit green,” Scooter smirked.

“I am not immature!” Skeeter whined. “I’m just a concerned niece that’s all! Now be quiet and help me.”

The two boys did as they were told and released J.P. from his ropes. They helped J.P. to his feet, but soon realized that that did very little good. J.P.’s entire body was still numb from the sedative Benny had forced into him.

“…Well what do we do now?” Skeeter asked.

“Ela-if-ino,” Clifford shrugged.

“That show really was your life, wasn’t it?” Scooter asked.

“Well at least I had a life in ’96!” Clifford struck back.

“Hey! It’s not my fault that you wouldn’t give me a job on the show!”

“Well it’s not my fault you ain’t got no talent whatsoever!”

“Well it’s not MY fault that you don’t have any taste whatsoever!” By this time, Scooter and Clifford were nose to nose.

Skeeter was fed up with this, and grabbed Scooter by his jacket and threw him to the floor. She then carefully positioned herself right in Clifford’s line of view. “You listen here, bub. Lay off my brother until this thing blows over or we’re over! Got it?!”

“Aw man, that’ll be the second time today!” Clifford whined.

“Got it?!” Skeeter repeated with more anger in her voice.

“Got it!” Clifford saluted.

“Good, now help my uncle to the car.”

“Yes ma’am,” Clifford lifted J.P. around his shoulders and dragged the businessman to the car.

<X>X<X>​

Benny Vandergast walked back into the theater carrying a tattered and worn piece of parchment. He trembled as he caressed the print that would change the rest of his afterlife.

“The city hereby institutes the name and the use of the Benny Vandergast Memorial Theater to Mr. J.P. Grosse,” Benny read aloud from the deed. “Well,” he sneered. “We’ll just have to change that.”

Benny grasped the scythe like it was a precious child. He gently set the tip of the blade on J.P.’s name, and slashed downward.

The blade should’ve sliced right through the paper and perhaps even the desk, but it didn’t, it just dissolved J.P.’s name from the deed to the theater.

Benny cackled loudly. “It’s mine! It’s all mine! I win, I finally win!” Benny reached on Kermit’s desk backstage for a pen.

There was no pen.

“These stupid Muppets can’t even keep a pen lying around…” Benny muttered.

Benny rolled up the deed and slipped it in his pocket. The gray man ascended the stairs backstage to the dressing rooms. “Surely there’s a pen in here somewhere. Or at least a feather I can use as a quill…”

Benny entered Miss Piggy’s dressing room cautiously; he never knew when some sort of Muppet induced booby trap would be sprung.

He made his way to the vanity that practically screamed diva. Feather boas and silk dresses were sprawled over the mirror. Benny threw all of the pig’s things off the vanity in a desperate search for a pen.

With no luck at the vanity, he moved to the closet and, quite literally, raided it. There wasn’t a piece of cloth left on a hangar.

Benny kicked Piggy’s clothes in rage, the clothes that had made her a star. Dozens of pairs of purple gloves were sprawled across the dressing room, some ripped, most wrinkled, whichever was worse to Piggy was undetermined.

His destruction done, Benny moved onto the next room. Again, no pen, and again, more destruction. He looked around and finally saw a stairway leading to the basement. He took it.

Down in the musty, moldy basement he was instantly surrounded by junk, cages of all sorts, instruments, boxes, bags, everything, and a door.

The door was plain, no special markings, no nametag, no star in the center. Nothing.

Benny slowly entered the room. It was dark, and silent. Silent, and dark. Benny fumbled around for a light switch and found one to his right. He flipped it on and was instantly angered.

The only furniture in the room was a small cabinet against the opposite wall. That was it. Aside from a bunch of pictures.

Benny stared at the pictures, they practically surrounded the entire room. Beneath every golden frame was painted, in different letters for every picture, a name, and beneath the name, a date of birth.

Benny browsed the collection and noted the few pictures that had dates of death underneath the birth.

Needless to say, Benny was confused. The names meant nothing to him, Don Sahlin, Carol Spinney, Kermit Love, Jerry Nelson, all meaningless to him.

Near the final pictures sat names such as Eric Jacobson and Kirk Thatcher, but still, nothing in the room that he read or saw meant anything to him.

Except the cabinet.

Benny ripped open the doors and stared at a plaque sitting soundly on the back of the cabinet. He read it slowly and silently.

“In this room, we, those who call ourselves Muppets pay tribute to those who we love. Our co-workers. You may never see them, but they’re always there, bringing the magic to you. We love them all very much, and this room is our proof of that.

Forever in our hearts,
The Muppets; 1976”​

All of these people, every one of them brought the Muppets to life. Every one of them were responsible for the pain Benny Vandergast felt everyday. And every one of them would pay.

Benny reached down in the cabinet and pulled out the only other thing inside, a can of black paint, and a small brush. Benny pocketed the brush and pulled open the can, he approached the left wall.

Benny’s eyes met those of Steve Whitmire, date of birth September 24th, 1959. Benny’s teeth flashed in the glass as he grinned his evil grin. Benny snarled, and tossed the paint across the pictures in front of him.

In a flash, the faces of some of the most magical men and women in the world vanished.

>X<X>X<​

The gas station finally came back into view. “Hey captain Frog! Gas station ho!” Dr. Teeth called from the driver’s seat.

“Robin ho,” Kermit whispered.

The bus pulled into the parking lot again and Kermit pushed his way out the door and into the building. He frantically tore the place apart looking for his nephew, he pushed his way to the front of the lines for both bathrooms, and ravaged the restraint in his search.

Robin was nowhere to be seen.

<X>X<X>​

Inside the gas station that is, outside was another story entirely as the pirate motorcyclists pulled into the fuel station and circled the bus, laughing.

Robin giggled. “We’re finally here! Yay!”

“Oh Muuuuuppets!” Polly called into the bus, which was now protruding with furry and feathery heads. “I think we have something you want!”

“Hey guys! It’s Robin!” Fozzie pointed out.

“Hey, give us back our frog!” Floyd shouted.

“Robin!” Sweetums shouted from the back of the bus. The monster kicked his legs out, sending the back door of the bus flying into the parking lot.

The spooked pirates took off back onto the highway. “Come back here with my buddy!” Sweetums began to chase after them.

“Oh no! Sweetums come back!” Fozzie called.

But nothing could stop the enraged monster, his feet pounded against Route 66 as he charged towards the bikes.

“There’s no way he can catch up with them!” Sal told the others.

“Not unless he ties himself to the back of a semi while reciting ‘The Raven’ by Edgar Allen Poe,” Gonzo noted.

“Why would he need to recite ‘The Raven’?” Rizzo asked.

“Well because everyone loves Poe!” Gonzo shouted.

“Kermit!!” Fozzie shouted to the gas station.

Fozzie was a little late, but Kermit was finally running towards the bus like a mad man…Frog…Man-Frog. “Dr. Teeth, drive, and fast!”

“How fast?” Dr. Teeth asked.

“Fozzie, is your mother awake?” Kermit asked the bear.

“Well yeah, but-“

“Mrs. Bear, you’re driving! Now let’s go!” Kermit dug his fingers into the seat in front of him and watched the motorcycles go out of his view.

 

[TogetherAgain]

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GO SWEETUMS GO! COME ON, MRS. BEAR, DRIVE!!!!!!

OH MY HOLY FLIPPING HOPPING MOSQUITOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<faints>

And Benny.... Well, Benny... <Growls> Benny.... Will PAY.... And pay DEARLY.

The room...

<whimpers>

<curls into a little ball and cries>

The room...

<stands up and growls>

BENNY, YOU WILL REGRET THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Prawnie! MORE PLEASE! And <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>!

 

[The Count]

*Reads chapter...
*Eyes glow with anger equal to Benny's...

Yes, pay he shall. And it shall be of great cost to him. Dreams? No, his dreams aren't dreams like those of our friends.
Come on Uncle Deadly, let us fright this eggregious wrong.
*Hands golden wire lockpick back to the phantomly dragon.
Now put that to good use and get back inside the theater to make Benny toll for his crimes against Muppet.

And Prawny... More! Please!

 

[theprawncracker]

Hey...Look, there's a fan-fic here! ...Neat!

 

[TogetherAgain]

A fan-fic? Really? Where?

 

[theprawncracker]

I spy with my little eye...Something that...Needs to be desperately updated.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Ooh! I spy! I LOVE this game! Is it... Ann?