Chapter Five
Animal blinked slowly as he rose up from the cold, dusty ground. "Head hurting," he moaned, rubbing his head slowly.
Rizzo hoisted himself up off the ground by grabbing onto a street lamp. "I'm beginnin' to think we ain't never gonna get lunch!" he remarked, massaging his throbbing head.
Kermit sat up looked around. "Sheesh," he said as his face scrunched. "I wonder if Beaker got off those tracks okay..."
Pepe patted Kermit's back. "Eh, I find it best not to ask dees sorts of questions, hokay? I mean, it's not like any of us cared about carrot top anyway, at least I know I didn't, hokay?" he said as he pushed back his hair.
"For once, I'll agree with this- shrimp," Sam said, as he slowly pushed himself to his feet. "After all, that- assistant- has a rather strange and very un-American language."
"Si, si, I don't un'erstand why none of dees other crazy Muffins have never agreed with me, hokay? Weird dat it was jou, huh senor American pants. Hehe," Pepe laughed.
"EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!" The Muppets turned around to see a paperboy standing on a near-by corner. "U. S. S. MAINE EXPLODES IN HAVANA! SPANISH TO BLAME! FRESH OFF THE PRESS, FOLKS, GET YOUR PAPER HERE! EXTRA! EXTRA!"
Sam Eagle gasped at hearing the news. "Oh-my-George!" he sputtered. "We are here at on the exact day after those un-AMERICAN Spaniards wiped out one of our nations most beautiful vessels!" he wiped a tear.
Kermit looked at the eagle. "Uh... what day is that, Sam?" he asked.
Sam glared at Kermit. "And you call yourself an AMERICAN?!" he bellowed. "Any well being American citizen would know that the Spanish RUINED the rest of 1898 on February the 15th, of that same year!" Sam let out a deep sigh. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who actually READS the Constitution daily..."
Pepe nodded along with Sam agreeing with the eagle, but suddenly he jolted his head forward and realized something. "Hold jour horses der big bird!" Pepe shouted. "Jou're saying dat the Spaniards are de cause of all of dis?!" he shouted. "We are not de cause! We are de solution, hokay?"
Floyd blinked at the king prawn. "Hey man... do you even know what's goin' down here? Or... now?"
Pepe opened his mouth and began to say something to Floyd, but he stopped. "Um...French Revolution maybe?" he asked.
"Humph!" Sam said. "The French Revolution! How despicably revolting, you- you- you don't even know enough American history to recognize the start of the Mexican-American War when you see it!"
Uncle Deadly walked over to the young boy selling the papers, he was sick of these fools. "Hello boy, I'll take one paper please," he extended his blue, clawed hand with a nickel in the palm. The boy's eyes grew larger than his ears; he dropped the papers and ran off down the sidewalk. The phantom sighed, "Why must this happen every time I try to be social?" he asked as he picked up a paper.
The old dragon returned over to the group where Pepe and Sam were still arguing, Uncle Deadly stuck the paper under his arm and hoisted Pepe up by the hood of his sweatshirt and brought him to the front of his snout. "WILL YOU BE QUIET?!" he shouted. "Here eagle, please read us the title on the front page," he said slapping the paper against Sam's chest.
Sam unfolded the paper. "I would do so, gladly," he said. He cleared his throat and examined the headline. "Spanish Act of Terrorism Sure to Start..." he hesitated. "The Spanish-American War." He looked over the top of the paper, his eyes shifting from Pepe's mocking laugh to Uncle Deadly's scowling face and folded arms, and back to Pepe. He threw the paper to the ground. "Despicable," he muttered. "People don't even know American history while it's being made!"
"How thick is that head of yours bird brain?!" Piggy asked the eagle. "What does a lady have to do to get some decent atmosphere now-a-days, huh?!" she yelled as she dusted off her skirt.
Gonzo nudged Rowlf. "Hey, didn't we already decide that there were no ladies here?" he whispered.
"Sure, we decided," Rowlf said. "But she didn't."
Gonzo shrugged. "Since when did we care what Piggy decided?"
Rizzo walked up next to Gonzo. "Uh, I t'ink it was after she took t'ose karate lessons..."
Dr. Teeth picked up the newspaper off the ground and turned it to the middle. "Hey, hey, looks like the Yankees won!"
"Like Dr. Teeth, since when do you care about sports?" Janice asked.
"Since I could figure out where, we are when!" he chuckled. "Meaning, we are absotively possolutely in New York City!"
Robin looked at Dr. Teeth, suddenly amazed. "New York?" he repeated. He turned to Kermit. "Hey Uncle Kermit?" he said. "Isn't Sesame Street in New York? Where's Sesame Street? Can we go there?"
Kermit looked curiously at his nephew. "Well gee Robin, if it's 1898, I don't know if Sesame Street even
exists yet."
"Oh," Robin said. He looked down, a little disappointed. Then he looked up again. "Well, we can try, can't we?"
Kermit shrugged. "Well, I guess, but..."
Robin hopped excitedly to a man passing by. "Excuse me, sir," he said as politely as he could. "Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”
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"What do you mean my karate's rusty?!" Scooter yelled at Clifford as they argued over why Death escaped into the past.
"Well either that, or the only way YOU got a black belt is from Skeeter's good graces!" Clifford said. "Man, that's the worst karate I've seen in years!"
"Look who's talking Mr. 'Alright man, let's just put the scythe away and talk about this'." Scooter mocked.
"Hey! At least I wasn't tryin' to be somethin' I wasn't, Mr. Pseudo-Karate-Kid!" Clifford countered.
Scooter began to make a come back but closed his mouth, he grinned at Clifford and said, "Well at least I didn't admit to a girl that I was CHEATING ON HER!!"
"Would you LAY OFF about that!" Clifford said, so angry he was nearly growling. He hesitated. "At least I'm not OVER-PROTECTIVE of the ladies in my life!"
"She's my SISTER!" Scooter shouted back. "It's my job to be over-protective! And if I wasn't," Scooter hesitated as well, but decided to say it anyway. "I wouldn't be able to protect her from guys like YOU!"
Clifford folded his arms and glared at the go-fer through his sunglasses. "And what is THAT supposed to mean?"
"THAT is supposed to mean that I think Skeeter can do way better than you!" Scooter replied harshly. "In fact, PIGGY could do better than you!"
Clifford's hand clenched into a fist, and he punched the go-fer straight across the face.
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Death emerged from the light on his feet, he was much more coordinated than the other travelers (he had after all had more practice in the field of time travel). The cloaked spirit observed his surroundings and realized he was at the first battle of the U. S. Civil War. He sighed, dark memories haunted his mind. "OH WHAT A NIGHT THAT WAS..." he sighed, looking around. He was hoping to see his 1860's self again, remembering the shimmering gold cloak he wore. "OH WHAT A FOOL I WAS BACK IN MY 1860'S..." he sighed.
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Bunsen sat in a corner pondering, "Now when did I ever almost cause death to Beaker..." he thought to himself. "Oh, I suppose that strange cloaked figure was just pulling my leg," the bumbling scientist said. "But wait!" Bunsen said accidentally hitting the lever of the time machine with his arm, "He couldn't have been pulling my leg! As he was on his own two feet the entire time!"