The Time the Muppets Beat Time

[Beauregard]

Wow! That is the hardest collaberation format I ever heard of!!! But nice going guys! I love this story already! It's going fab!

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 2:

Kermit groaned quietly. He could taste grass in his mouth, and tilted his head to remove it. But his head hurt. He touched his hand to it, but there was no bump. It was then that he remembered about the time machine. He looked at his arm and saw that it was still wrapped around his nephew. Robin squirmed a little and looked up at his uncle.

Kermit squeezed him, looked around, and realized that they were in the middle of pile of Muppets.

Kermit stared at the other Muppets below him and his nephew. He counted them all in his head. When he finished he realized Lips was no where to be seen. Suddenly, Kermit saw the light of time again as it opened up in the sky above them. Lips fell out on top of Gonzo.

"Sorry man," Lips sat up.

"Oh no problem," Gonzo said. "If I can be a landing pad every once in a while, it makes for a more exciting life style."

Dr. Teeth twisted around to see who was talking. "Hey Lips, when'd you get here, man?" He asked. "Didn't think you were around today."

Lips scratched his head. "You know Dr. Teeth, I can never tell when I'm here or not," he said. "I just don't have much to say, that's all."

Sam cleared his throat. "Kermit, might I suggest we stand up," he said. "It is, after all, un-American for gentlemen to sit and lie down in the presence of ladies." Then he looked at Miss Piggy and Janice, and frowned.

"Ladies?" Rowlf said. "Where do you see ladies?"

Rowlf looked down and realized Piggy was right below him. "HIYA!" she cried as she violently shoved him off of her. She stood up and dusted herself off. "Oh yeah, well I don't see any gentlemen here either!" she shouted. "Except vous of course Kermie," she smiled at Kermit.

Rizzo sat up and groaned. "Oh man, those fish sticks I had for lunch are coming back for a re-entry," he said.

"Jou had fish sticks?!" Pepe shouted. "My cousin Manolo may have been one of those fish sticks, hokay? Jou ate her! How could jou Ritzo? I thought we were friends!" he wiped his eye. "Oh well," he shrugged. "She never gave me any good Christmas presents anyway, hokay? So, where are we?" he asked.

"I don't know," Kermit said thoughtfully as he helped Robin to his feet and dusted himself off. "I think a better question might be when are we?"

Floyd looked off to his side and saw a light coming toward them down the road. "Hey green stuff, what, is that?" he asked.

"Uncle Kermit, is that the past too?" Robin asked his uncle.

Kermit began to reply, but before he could say anything, the light turned into a man on horseback. "The British are coming! The British are coming!" he shouted as he ran right past them.

"No Robin," Kermit said, "That's from the past. Or the present, depending on your point of view."

Sam looked around at the others. "Well, I know I'm probably not making any sense to any of you by saying this but," he began.

Beau interrupted him. "Why make cents when it is more profitable to make dollars?" he asked.

Sam smacked his head. "As I was saying," he continued. "That man, is the perfect example of what a true American should be! He has portrayed a perfect re-enactment of 'The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.' Now that, is true American spirit!"

Rowlf tapped the eagle on the shoulder. "Uh, Sam?" he said. He shook his head. "I don't think it's a re-enactment."

"Hey, do you guys know why Paul Revere rode his horse from Boston to Lexington?" Fozzie asked them. "Because the horse was too heavy to carry! Wocka wocka!"

Uncle Deadly stood up, shaking his head. "That joke died when Paul Revere did," he said. He looked around, clearly displeased.

"Uh, well guys," Kermit looked around. "I hate to say it, but I think we're in 1776," Kermit said.

"1775 frog," Uncle Deadly told him. "Paul Revere rode his famous ride in 1775."

Sam gasped. "What is this?! You know American history?!" the eagle asked the phantom.

"Indeed," Uncle Deadly replied. "After all, I have met most of the spirits from that time."

"HUN-GRY! HUN-GRY!" Animal shouted.

"Yeah, me too, I'm starving!" Rizzo said.

"Why don't jou have some more fish sticks Ritzo!" Pepe shouted at him.

"Aw pipe down!"

"Where did I put those pipe cleaners?"

"That's not what I meant, you turkey!"

"Some turkey sounds good too."

"Hey Dr. Teeth, let's get out our instruments and play some 'Turkey in the Straw'!"

"Hey be careful! That turkey could be Camilla's great-great-great-grandfather-twice-removed!"

"Have guitars been invented yet?"

"Have inventions been invented yet?"

"I dunno, but I don't think electricity has!"

"Of course inventions are invented. Haven't you heard of the wheel?"

"QUIET!!" Kermit shouted waving his arms around. All of the Muppets immediately stopped talking all except Janice.

"...don't care what you say, but I still don't think nude photography's around yet, and-" She looked around. "Oh."

Kermit scrunched his face up. "Sheesh," he said. He turned to Fozzie. "You'd think one of these days we'd all be quiet WITHOUT a comment like that."

??????????????????

Meanwhile, back at the Muppet Theater, Bunsen searched high and low for Beaker. His search led him to the canteen, where he found the Swedish Chef preparing some un-edible dish. "Excuse me my foreign fellow," Bunsen said to the Chef. "Have you seen my assistant Beaker?"

The freezer door flew open and a penguin popped out, holding a cue-card that read "Applause." He looked at what the chef was making, looked at his sign, dropped it, and picked up another sign that read "Ewwwww."

Bunsen removed his glasses and wiped the rims with his lab coat and put them back on. "Oh Beaker there you are!" he said to Zany. "Come along, I think our machine still has some bugs to work out of it."

"Boogs?" the chef said. He pulled out a jar filled with bugs. "Ooh guud, vhee yuoo get zeem oooot, breeng zeem here-a. I need luts ooff boogs fur my noo receepe-a- unts oon a lug."

Zany shook his head and held out another cue card that read "SIGH." Bunsen turned back to the penguin. "Right," Bunsen said. "Now Beakie let's get going," he motioned to the penguin. Zany stared at Bunsen and flipped the cue card so it read "BOO." Bunsen shook his head, "Come now Beaker this is no time to celebrate Halloween, it is January after all!" Zany looked through his cue cards. "AHH" he held up and shook his head, he flipped it "AWW" he threw the card behind his shoulder and went through his other cards, "LAUGH", "GASP", "LAUGH". He finally gave up and said to Bunsen, "You know what, I give up, I'm not your assistant ok? I'm just a penguin holding cue cards because his mother's sick and he needs the extra cash! Sheesh what does a penguin have to do to get some respect?"

"Respect? Respect?!? " the chef shouted. "Yuoo knoo vhu duesn't get a leeckety-leecking-leeck ooff respect eruoond here-a? Me-a! Nubudy respects zee cuukery cheff! Und vhy? I feed zeem! Iff it ves nut fur me-a, zeey vuoold nut hefe-a unytheeng moonchy-mooncheees tu moonch und iet! Su vhy, vhy, vhy du zeey nut respect me-a? Becoose-a zeey du nut ooferstund me-a! I try tu speek es cleerly es I cun, boot my eccent is tuu theeck! Zeey joost dun't ooferstund thet I'm speekeeng perffect-perffectly guud Ingleesh! Nubudy ooferstunds meee-a!!!"

With that, he pushed the jar of bugs onto the floor, crashed his head onto the counter, and cried.

Bunsen patted the Chef on the shoulder, "Oh I am sorry about your pet goldfish," Bunsen said. "Now let us leave him to his missory," he grabbed Zany by the wing and returned to the time machine on stage.

??????????????????

The bright white light of time slowly grew in the sky. Kermit looked up at it as it came down and shone all around them. "Look at that!" he said. "I bet Bunsen's working on the machine. He'll probably take us back to the present now!"

"Oh boy I hope so," Rizzo said. "It's almost lunch time!"

 

[redBoobergurl]

*laughing so hard I fell out of my chair*
This is so hysterical you guys! Rizzo and the fish sticks. Zany. Why make sense when it's more profitable to make dollars (that was Lisa right?). Janice "I don't think nude photography is invented yet" Oh my gosh, there's so much more, I just loved it! Way to go, keep it coming, this is AWESOME!!!

 

[Fragglemuppet]

You know, I just love historical fiction! Add fantasy to it and its better! Add muppets to it, and it's just...just...amazing!! Sooo funny, and including Lips, too! And I never thaught Uncle Deadly would come with them! I love it, and I can't wait to read more!
One question about Lips though; since I've never seen him, is his character developed enough to really tell much about him, or did you have to make up a personality?

 

[Beauregard]

Well, Fraggle Muppet, that is a joy of a fan-fic in that you can delve into undeveloped characters. I senced a little Zootness in his in this case, so he was probably used as a sort of Similar-To-The-Rest-Of-The-Band character. But I wrote a fan-fic about Beauregard and delved a long way into his past.

As for the fan-fic here! It's great! Sam, Uncle Deadly, everyone is great!

 

[froggiegirl18]

This is awesome! I too loved the part with Rizzo and Pepe about the fish sticks. I too loved Zany especially "laugh. gasp. laugh" and then his spiel..just brilliant! I look forward to seeing what you two have up your sleeves.

 

[The Count]

And now... Time for something we all relish as writers turned readers... Nagging Lisa!
Come on, more story please?

 

[TogetherAgain]

Aw Count, you know Prawnie and I would LOVE to post more! But since we're writing the chapters together, and it takes a while to write each chapter, and we both have homework and various other time-absorbing activities, simply wanting to post doesn't mean we can, unfortunately. But I assure you, we're not about to forget about this story, and we should be posting more, um... eventually?

In the meantime, glad you're reading and enjoying it enough to nag!

 

[theprawncracker]

Yeah, unfourtunately I have to agree with what Lisa says...We just don't have time. But no, we haven't given up, in fact we've been coming up with idea upon idea for the next couple of chapters, so look for it soon! Er...eventually sounds better...

 

[Beauregard]

Bunsen: Why hello there sir, you want more time? I have just the machine...