The New New Quote Thread

Drtooth

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Lego C3-PO: R2! Why do you do these things?

Lego R2-D2: Beep bzz woop

Lego C3-PO: Danger is not your middle name. It's "hyphen!"
 

AquaGGR

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Homer: Hey, you don't look so rich...
Bill Gates: Don't let the haircut fool you, I'm exceedingly wealthy.
 

D'Snowth

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DREW: What's with the silent act?
COLIN: Listen, Carey, I've paid attention around here. People who shoot off their mouth never get ahead.
DREW: That's ridiculous, look at me.
COLIN: (Stares at Drew)
DREW: (Pause) Go on.
COLIN: If you don't say anything, you don't say the wrong thing.
 

antsamthompson9

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When Sonia Manzano retired someone asked: "How long is it gonna take you to get Elmo's voice out of your head?"
Sonia: "His voice will always be in my head, I'll never get it out."
 

cjd874

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Steve Vai (the guitarist of Zappa, Whitesnake, and David Lee Roth fame) once told some funny stories about the late great Frank Zappa.

Story I: Frank is talking to a girl who auditioned for his band but didn't make the cut. The girl is not taking this very well.
Girl: What do you mean I didn't make it? I learned the music, I came all this way to play for you, and...
Frank: I'm sorry, honey. I just don't think you're right for the band. But thanks for coming.
Girl: What do you mean I'm not right for the gig? I learned all your music, and I played okay.
Frank: I know, I know. But I just don't think this is going to work out.
Girl: Well, what do you mean? What makes you say that? I learned your material and did pretty well, right? I don't understand.
[Frank pauses, getting fed up with this girl]
Frank: Listen...did you ever hear the story of the carpenter?
Girl: Huh? No, I don't know that story.
Frank: Let me tell it to you. There once was a carpenter. He built a door [points at the door marked EXIT], and THERE IT IS.

Story II: Frank goes on a talk show, and the host is a stuffy, arrogant guy with a wooden leg. The host looks at Frank and says, "With all that long hair, that must make you a woman."
Without missing a beat, Frank replies, "With that wooden leg, that must make you a table!"

Story III: Frank is rehearsing with his band when he sees a spider crawling on the floor. He stops the session, picks up the spider, and takes it outside, letting it roam free. Steve asks, "Frank, why didn't you just kill that spider?" Frank answers, "I know some spider that have more of a right to live than some humans!"
 

Mo Frackle

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SHAGGY: Am I glad that he's frozen in there, and that we're out here, and that he's the sheriff, and that we're frozen out here, and that we're in there, and - I just remembered, we're out here. What I want to know is where's the caveman?

- Misadventures of Skooks
 

D'Snowth

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RYAN: They don't know nothin' about me!
COLIN: Aw, they don't wanna know anything about you!
 

Drtooth

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Marge Simpson: So the next time you see a sheriff, Shoot him!

(Audience gasp)

Marge: ...a Smile!
 

Pig'sSaysAdios

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“ Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict.”
— The Doctor
 

Harleena

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Garnet: I drink coffee for breakfast!
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Red: Look at your cute cat face! You are soooooooft! What is your name? I don't even know! I'mma call you Kitty Amazing 'cause that's what you look like!
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GLaDOS: There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are. It says so right here in your personnel file: "Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner, whose passing shall not be mourned. Shall NOT be mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It also says you were adopted, so that's funny, too.
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GLaDOS: We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the Party Escort Submission Position, or you will miss the party.
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Cave Johnson: Alright, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! GET MAD! I don't want your dang lemons, what am I supposed to do with these?!!?! Demand to see Life's manager, make Life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am!?! I am the man who is going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I am going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
 
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