Muppet Survivor Game

[MrsPepper]

Okay, good. I'm not very funny at all... that's why I'm only a sidekick.

 

[MrsPepper]

: Hey Statler!
: What?
Waldorf: Do you know why Sal failed at the Muppet Survivor Challenge?
Statler: No, why?
Waldorf: Because he couldn't make a joke about Tom Cruise! **laughs**
...
Statler: That joke isn't funny.
Waldorf: Well, neither is Tom Cruise.

 

[G-MAN]

Oh dear, I hope they like mine.

 

[The Count]

The Newsman...
*Hearing Mildred deliver her scripted joke for Statler and Waldorf...

Well, I can get the gist of what she was trying to do. Not unlike the routine they did where they kept saying a particular act was worse than what the other had just proclaimed, going further and further competing with themselves until they convinced themselves it was a good act instead.
Not sure on which TMS episode it was though. I'll brave the relative danger of my desk and flip up this score card...

*Flips up a 2.

 

[BEAR]

(reading Mildred's writing) Well, it wasn't very fresh, but I like things rotten not fresh...and it was attempting to put that red menace in his place for once. Hmmm...I give it 3 rasberries! Thdbt thdbt thdbt!!! Hehehehe!!

 

[BEAR]

Alright! Thanks, Judges. We will be adding up all the scores at the end. We now move on to Sal's piece...

Waldorf: Hey Statler!
Statler: What?
Waldorf: Do you know why Sal failed at the Muppet Survivor Challenge?
Statler: No, why?
Waldorf: Because he couldn't make a joke about Tom Cruise! **laughs**
...
Statler: That joke isn't funny.
Waldorf: Well, neither is Tom Cruise.

 

[BEAR]

(looking at Sal's composition) Well, it wasn't quite that funny til I got to the last 2 lines. It was icky sypathetic until I was hit with the Tom Cruise trash talk out of no where. What a nasty trick...I loved it!! 4 rasberries!!

 

[theprawncracker]

: Well monkey man, I see what jour trying to get at, I mean come on, Tom Cruise, he stoal Katy Holmes from me! Hokay? We must get him back! We-Oh um, anyway, I must agree with jou dat Tommy is not funny. Hokay? But dat's because he isn't in comedies. Thank the giant squid for dat. Hokay? So, a nice try, but I'm going to have to give jou a 2. Hokay?

 

[The Count]

Well... I'll hate myself in the morning, but I agree with Oscar. The end about Tom Cruise not being funny was dead on.
*Discovers his cards are mostly missing... Oh, um, do you mind if I just give you this score? It's the only one I got left.
*Flips up a 2 again.

 

[BEAR]

Next is Boober's pitch...

Ok, first Statler says "Say, did you hear about what happened to Rosie O'Donnel at the county fair?". Then Waldorf says "No, what happened?". Then Statler says "She tried to enter a beauty contest and the judge said, 'Sorry, no animals allowed'." Then they both laugh.