The story, I finishes it!
*****
Once in a Lifetime
Part 20: Just the Way You Are
by Kim McFarland
*****
Miss Piggy gave herself a quick once-over in the full-length mirror in the dressing room the studio had provided for the day. She was dressed in "killer casual": chic blouse, knee-length skirt, and heels that were not too high, all of which drew the eye to her curves without encouraging it to linger on volume. Her hair fell in waves around her shoulders. Her makeup accentuated her natural beauty. As ever, she was stunning, but she would not be
too glamorous.
This was the final day of filming. The last day Miss Piggy would have to deal with
Teeny Weeny Queenies. It was also the last day she would see the girls. It was amazing how fond she had become of them in the short time they had been together. If, before the filming had started, anyone had told her that she would feel this way, she'd have sneered at them. Miss a bunch of pageant brats? Now that she had come to know them, yes, she would.
She had taken great pains to subvert the premise of the pageant show, and she had succeeded, and she believed that the girls were the better for it. That had not exactly been her goal, but she wouldn't admit that now. Now it was time for her to make nice, do what the TV folks wanted her to do so the show would be aired. For herself, Piggy would not have cared, but those girls would be so disappointed. So Miss Piggy would be so sincere and winning those studio frauds wouldn't know what hit them!
It was time. She stepped out of the dressing room and walked to the sound stage. When she opened the door the first thing she saw was tech: cameras, boom mikes, and the various underdressed people who operated that side of the studio. She walked past them and stepped onto the brightly lit stage. It looked like it was set up for a talk show starring a half-dozen children with one parent each. The girls called out "Piggy!" when they saw her. She took the seat in the center that was obviously meant for her and blew kisses to them all.
The Director gave them time to greet each other in their chosen fashion, then said, "Miss Piggy, are you ready to begin?"
"Would you give
moi just a minute? I'd like to say something to these people."
"Go right ahead."
Because all the seats were in an arc in front of the cameras, she could not make direct eye contact the way she would like to. However, it would be a mistake to get up and face them; that would turn her back toward the cameras, and that was not her best side.
She said, looking both at the children and their parents, said, "When they originally contacted me to do this show, I was just a teensy weensy bit reluctant. I don't talk about this often—I do not have pleasant memories of my days in children's pageants. That's why I have never shared those photographs or mentioned that part of
moi's life in any biography. I would rather have forgotten it entirely.
"However, doing this show, with these wonderful girls, has laid those memories to rest. These children don't have to squabble and bicker about who is the prettiest. They don't have to sacrifice themselves to live out their parents' fantasies. They're bright and talented, and, lemme tell you, they got
chops! They can go as far as they want. So, I want to say this to all the parents here: don't ever tell them what they can't do. Don't tell them they should stick to looking pretty and that they're not good enough for anything more. That's
hooey! Help 'em find what they're good at and enjoy, and help 'em go for it, whether it's singing or dancing or modeling or even painting scenery."
She looked around at the girls and spoke conspiratorially. "And as for you girls: right now you have a sweet deal. As a kid you have one job: to learn. Grab everything you can so when you grow up they won't know what hit 'em!"
The girls all cheered. The parents looked surprised—this was clearly not what they had expected—but she thought they may have gotten the message.
Tessie spoke up. "Miss Piggy, when I found out this wasn't going to be a pageant after all, I was disappointed. I like to
win. It's what I do. But you got us to do things I never tried before. Actual
acting! I still want to be a model, but maybe I'll do other things too. So, thanks."
"You're welcome, dear," Miss Piggy said with a warm smile.
Duffy said, "This was the first time I really made friends with the other people in the show. You know, with pageants there isn't time to get to know the other kids, and sometimes they don't want to be friends. But this time I think we made real friends. Maybe we can keep in touch?"
"Sure. I'm on Facebook," Tessie said.
The others agreed. Julie said, "This was the most fun I've had in a show
ever."
"Yeah. We got to do all the stuff we'd never dare, and even if it was make believe it was still a blast!" Kate said.
Julie said, "I bet all pageant kids wish they could get away with raiding Wardrobe and raising heck backstage."
Everyone giggled and agreed. Then Pepper spoke. "Miss Piggy, I'm grateful for the chance you gave us. You said once that it used to be that people didn't think pigs could be beautiful, but you showed them they were wrong. Well, maybe a lizard has a chance too. It gives me something better than being a beauty contest runner-up to shoot for. I'm not sure what I want to do when I grow up, but whatever it is, I'll do it as hard as I can!"
Tessie, next to her, said, "Hey!" and raised a hand, palm toward Pepper. She and Pepper slapped hands together.
It was obviously Molly's turn. Speaking just loudly enough to be picked up by the boom mike, she said, "I made so many friends this time. Many of them are like nobody I've ever known before. It was confusing at first, but now I realize it's a blessing. Miss Piggy, thank you for this opportunity."
A week ago Miss Piggy would have thought this speech was saccharine. Now she knew that Molly really met it. She said softly, "You're welcome, dear."
She looked around. Everyone seemed to have said what they wanted to say. She said to the Director, "All right. Now, what do
vous want us to do?"
The Director answered, "Actually, we just got what we needed. I can't think of a better ending for this 'event'."
"What? That wasn't supposed to be on film. We were just talking!"
"This is reality television," the Director said calmly.
Miss Piggy paused, then smiled. "And it's in the contract that you can use whatever I do on this stage. Fine. We've pulled all sorts of tricks on each other, haven't we?"
Relieved that Miss Piggy wasn't going to haggle, The Director replied, "Yes, we have."
"Well, that's par for the course when you work with Muppets." She stood and said "Cut!"
The girls and their parents got up off the chairs. After glancing around to see that the camera lights had truly gone off, she addressed the parents. "I'd like to give you a little something for 'loaning' me your kids. This isn't a prize, just a thank-you." She handed an unsealed lavender envelope to each parent.
Pepper's father looked inside, and said "Season's passes to
The Muppet Show?"
"For the whole family!" Pepper exclaimed. "Awesome!"
Piggy smiled. "I admit, I have an ulterior motive. I'd like to see you all again, and this seems like a good way to do it."
"Thank you!" Molly said. She held out a hand as if to shake Piggy's hand.
Feigning sternness, Piggy glared at her and said, "What's
that about?" She knelt, and the girls clustered around her for a big hug. The Director was glad that she had one camera light covered with black tape.
**
It was early evening, and the bar was just starting to fill. The karaoke was about to begin, so those who didn't like that had cleared out and the karaoke aficionados were drifting in. Scooter and Janken, who finally had an evening free and wanted to do something that had nothing whatsoever to do with the Muppets, walked in.
Janken paused when he saw a familiar man at the "little people" side of the bar. The clothes were nondescript enough, but it was difficult not to recognize that pale, rumpled hair. Janken glanced at Scooter. Scooter said, "Yeah, I see," and headed to the bar anyway.
Fleet Scribbler was hanging out, nursing a beer, idly people-watching. Tonight he had nothing much to do. His plan for the evening was to stay sober enough to drive so he could leave when the karaoke got too annoying. Until then, he would just chill out.
He was startled when Janken and Scooter claimed two seats at the bar. He tensed; it never paid to meet with his subjects too soon after an article was published. Janken looked uneasy, but Scooter seemed not to notice him. Could he possibly have forgotten what Fleet looked like?
I couldn't be that lucky, he thought.
The bartender came over. Scooter said, "The usual for both of us, on my tab."
"Want yours in the bottle or iced?"
"Got a cold one?"
"Yeah."
"Then I'll take the bottle, thanks."
Behind his dark glasses, Fleet watched the bartender curiously. He mixed up a few items to make Janken's Virgin Bloody Mary, and sure enough he left out the vodka. He stuck in so much garnish—carrot, celery, olive, radish—that anyone else would have asked if that was a drink or a freakin' salad. However, Janken would be grateful for the snack. He set that down in front of Janken, then popped the cap off a bottle and set it on a napkin in front of Scooter. When Fleet read the label he mentally rolled his eyes and thought,
Grape Nehi? Gimme a break.
Scooter requested a song list from the bartender. He flipped back a few pages, scanning the list, then wrote something down on a slip of paper, hiding it from Janken's view, though the Fraggle was trying to see it. He folded it and gave it to the bartender.
And then…nothing. Scooter and Janken chatted about nothing much. Fleet looked at their rings, and, yep, they matched. Thought so. But they weren't acting gay, no sweet talk or hand-holding or touchy-feely junk. They had to be a couple, Fleet ws sure of it, but they were hiding it well.
Aw, heck with it. Fleet said, "Been keeping up with your press clippings?"
Scooter answered, "Nah. I haven't done anything that's worth being in the news."
Janken looked surprised. Fleet caught the obvious paraphrase of his own article. So Scooter had read it, and he wasn't miffed. Well, good. Fleet objected to barroom fights if he was a participant. He said, "So, what's next? Gonna starts a blog or make more videos?"
"Nah. I said what I had to say."
"How about
The Muppet Show? Gonna wave a rainbow banner there?"
"No."
"You made that video and now you're gonna wimp out? Gimme a break."
Calmly Scooter said, "What do I have that Takei and Keller don't have more of? They've got the activism angle pretty well covered. My job is stage managing the Muppets, and that's enough to keep me busy."
"Yeah, well. You guys looking for a wedding photographer any time soon?"
Inwardly Scooter sighed. He could tell that Fleet wasn't really angling for a scoop; he wouldn't be so straightforward if he was. Still, his questions were getting annoying. Scooter said, "I'll buy you a beer, and you keep your questions."
"You're gonna bribe a member of the Fourth Estate?"
"Call it what you like. Want that beer?"
"Yeah, okay."
The bartender had heard, and put another beer in front of Fleet, sealing the deal. At that point Scooter's name was announced, and Scooter left his drink and went up to the karaoke stage.
He climbed up onto the platform put there for "little people," and as the introduction to a ballad played, said, "If I know Janken, you all are probably good and sick of Billy Joel by now. So—sorry about this. And I guess this song is a cliché, but clichés are clichés for a reason."
Sure knows how to sell the act, Fleet thought.
As the words appeared on the screen, Scooter sang,
"Don't go changing to try and please me.
You never let me down before, mm-mm.
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore.
"I would not leave you in times of trouble;
We never could have come this far, mm-mm.
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times,
I'll take you just the way you are."
Fleet rolled his eyes. What a schmaltzy song. He wanted to make a wisecrack, but stopped when he saw Janken's expression. The Fraggle was utterly enthralled.
"Don't go trying some new fashion,
Don't change the color of your hair, mm-mm.
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care."
"I don't want clever conversation,
I never want to work that hard, mm-mm.
I just want someone that I can talk to,
I want you just the way you are."
Janken listened to the song, feeling as if it was written just for them. He knew that Silly Creatures could not sing from the heart the way Fraggles did; for them making a song was a laborious process, and few actually did it. But they could sing songs that others had written, and mean them just as much.
"I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew.
Ah, what will it take 'til you believe in me
The way that I believe in you?"
"I said I love you. That's forever,
And this I promise from the heart, mm-mm.
I couldn't love you any better.
I love you just the way you are."
Scooter did little vocal improvisations during the saxophone bridge, then finished the song with a repeat of the sixth verse instead of the fourth:
"I said I love you. That's forever.
This I promise from the heart, mm-mm.
I couldn't love you any better.
I love you just the way you are."
There was some applause from the small audience. Scooter feigned surprise as he walked back to the bar. When he got there Janken was wearing a bright, dewy-eyed smile. Scooter knew that a song could touch Janken deeply, and it looked like he had taken this one directly to heart. Janken opened his arms, and Scooter gave him a hug, patting his back.
Fleet hadn't expected this. On Scooter's side it could have been a bro-hug, but the way Janken was laying his head on Scooter's shoulder and sniffling…yeah, they were a real pair of three-dollar bills.
If they start making out I'm outta here, he thought.
Fleet's hand went to an inner vest pocket. He had a smartphone with a camera that would get good pictures without a flash. A snap of them would be useful. But…nah. He took his hand out of his pocket and picked up his beer. No big freaking deal.
*****
Miss Piggy, Scooter, and Fleet Scribbler are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC.
Just The Way You Are is by Billy Joel. These copyrighted properties are used without permission but with much respect and affection. All other characters are copyright © Kim McFarland (
negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story. Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use only.
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Si, is like the Counters man says okay. Also, ju can now mark to "Watch Forum" to get dese updates. I like to know where ju can get the ladies' numbers okay.
singing that classic in my head.
Feh, if it means I can stop hearing it around my can too...
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2, 2. 2 great featureetes in 1!