Muppet fic: Once in a Lifetime

[Slackbot]

Aw thanks! I'm glad you liked this story, and how I portrayed Piggy. She's one of those characters I often have to pull back and think about.

And now, here it is...the blooper reel! I hope I don't have to explain the song and dance in the final one.

*****

Once in a Lifetime
Part 21: The Blooper Reel
by Kim McFarland

*****

[Scene: the karaoke bar. Janken and Fleet Scribbler are sitting at the bar.]

Fleet: Your turn. Truth or dare.

Janken: You kidding? Dare.

Fleet: Sing a Billy Joel song. But I choose which one.

Janken: That's all? Which one?

Fleet: We Didn't Start the Fire.

Janken: Ahh…what do you want to know?

*****

[Kermit is in his office in the Muppet Theater. There is a rapid knock at the door. Scooter sticks his head in before Kermit can answer.]

Scooter: Boss, Miss Piggy is here with her girls. They're watching from the audience. I told 'em they can come look backstage between rehearsals.

Kermit: That's fine. [presses a button on an old-fashioned intercom speaker at his desk] Now hear this. Blue skies. Blue skies, everyone!

*****

[Scooter is sitting on a stool in front of the brick wall at the back of the stage, speaking to a camera on a tripod.]

Scooter: Well, that's all I have to say. I hope this'll help someone out there. There are links down there [pointing downward] that can start you off, help you find—

Janken: [from the wings] Ah, Scooter-

Scooter: Jan! I was almost done!

Janken: Ah, I don't think you should point down like that.

Scooter: I'm pointing down at the description that'll be right below the video.

Janken: But if the video's embedded they won't be a description, and it'll look like you're pointing at, um, your pants.

Scooter: Uh…good point. Take two.

*****

[Lew Zealand is standing on the stage. He throws a fish a-way. It fails to come back to him.]

Lew: [with increasing emotion] Stella? Hey, where are ya? Hey, baby? [throws off his tails coat and shouts] STELLA!

*****

[Scooter and Janken are on the stage. Scooter, sitting on a stool, has just finished his video and looks emotionally drained. Janken gives him a hug.]

Janken: Anything I can do?

Scooter: Actually, yeah. It's been a heavy day. I could really use a laugh right now.

Janken: Hmm. Lemme think…ah. Be right back.

[Janken holds up one finger, then scampers offstage. A few mouse clicks later, manic synthesized music begins playing. Scooter looks startled. Janken comes back out of the wings. He puts his hands atop his head, palms forward to indicate rabbit ears, and begins singing in a ridiculous falsetto and dancing a hip-swing.]

Janken: Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med

Armarna upp nu ska ni få se
Kom igen
Vem som helst kan vara med, vara med—​

[Scooter jumps up and grabs Janken's wrists to make him stop. The music terminates in a record needle scratch.]

Scooter: Jan, thank you for trying, I mean it, but if you love me don't ever do that again.

Janken: [surprised] I thought that was funny.

Scooter: It's funny peculiar, not funny ha-ha.

*****

Kermit the Frog, Fleet Scribbler, and Scooter, are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. Caramelldansen is by the Swedish group Caramell. These copyrighted properties are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken Fraggle is copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com), as is the overall story. Permission is given by the author to copy this story for personal use only.

 

[The Count]

Uh yeah... The "Blue Skies" line, I'm trying to remember if that was the song sung by the Prairie Dog Glee Club and how the melody goes. Drat not being able to listen to MCR at an agreeable volume any longer.

The scene with , that made me laugh.
Stella, in a cheesy female voice: Oh Mitch, I didn't know you were so gentlemanly.
in his usual tone, That's right baby. You know who else likes me being so gentlemanly? My mom!

Aw c'mon Jan, that's a great Billy Joel song.

Thanks for posting this, it's been real great reading. *Skulks off to check some new books in at the library.

 

[Slackbot]

I agree, We Didn't Start the Fire is a great Billy Joel song, even if Billy Joel would disagree about that. However, it's wall-to-wall cultural references, and Janken doesn't understand a word of it.

"Blue Skies" is a Sesame Street backstage reference. C'mon, somebody's gotta know what that's about.

 

[TheWeirdoGirl]

"Blue Skies" is a Sesame Street backstage reference. C'mon, somebody's gotta know what that's about.

I do, and it made me laugh.

 

[Slackbot]

I'm feeling sadistic, so here is the song Janken was singing in the final outtake, and the dance he was doing. I know this isn't the video that started it all, but it's the one I like the most. And I'm embarrassed to say I've viewed enough to have a favorite. (Sorry, Ed, if this doesn't show for you. But maybe it's a bullet dodged.)

You can see why Scooter stopped him, right? Having grown up under a rock, Janken doesn't pick up on a lot of things because he lacks the cultural background. The relentless girliness didn't even register for him. He just thought it was peppy and absurd.

 

[WebMistressGina]

Late to the party of course. I actually read the last chapter a few days ago, but I was at work and wasn't signed in and of course forgot to come back. D'oy!

First things first, I love Piggy and I love your Piggy cause she's just awesome. Second, I totally thought Fleet was gonna cause a beef, but then he chilled. *glares at Fleet* I still don't like you and I totally know you're up to something in KG. Totally know it.

As for outtakes - I also didn't think the Blue Skies reference, other than the song, which is my favorite Benny Goodman version (+2 for Brent Spiner's singing of it) and I saw when I saw Lou yelling Stella, all I could think about was the Simpsons version and my mind immediately filled in, "Don't you hear me yell-a!"

Just when I thought Streetcar couldn't possibly be funny or a musical, The Simpsons proved me wrong.

Excellent all around!! *applauds*

 

[Slackbot]

One thing about Fleet, in my stories at least: you can always count on him to act in his own self-interest. When he needs to pay the rent by writing a story, then he'll write one whether there's one to be written or not. He doesn't want to be seen by his editor as a one-trick pony, so he wrote an article that would seize attention with a grabby headline, then take a different direction. Whether people agree or disagree with what he wrote is irrelevant. As long as it sells papers, he's done his job and he'll get his paycheck.

Fleet likes Janken, I suspect, because he doesn't understand him. They guy seems so darn innocent and sweet as freakin' pie. Fleet can't get anything out of him, and the guy can't do him any harm either--which makes Jan pretty irrelevant to Fleet's life. Which means that Fleet can relax with him. Can't get anything from him, he ain't gonna mess with me, so have a beer.

"Blue skies" is a code phrase from the Sesame Street studio. When there were kids on the set, the crew would use "blue skies" and when studio execs were there it would be "gray skies." Both mean "Keep it clean!" I read about it in either Carol Spinney's bio or the memoirs of a Sesame Street/TMS writer; there's a reference to it in the second page of this article.

Heh, I remember that early episode of The Simpsons. It really ticked off New Orleans, though. I wonder if people from London got as miffed at the opening song of Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street?

 

[The Count]

Incidently, did we ever figure out the reference for the girls' names?

 

[Slackbot]

I don't think so. I planned the Hard-Knock Life act from the very beginning, so when I needed a handful of girls' names I borrowed them from the orphans in the stage musical Little Orphan Annie. Here is a writeup of the original orphans. (I changed "July" to "Julie" because the original name looked weird.)

 

[The Count]

I don't think so. I planned the Hard-Knock Life act from the very beginning, so when I needed a handful of girls' names I borrowed them from the orphans in the stage musical Little Orphan Annie. Here is a writeup of the original orphans. (I changed "July" to "Julie" because the original name looked weird.)

Oh, that's where they're from, thanks

And is "July" any weirder a name than April,May, or June?
*Choc chip brownie to the person who gets that reference.