Muppet Fan-Fiction: Weddings Are Disastrous

[Colbynfriends]

“That’s what I want to do when I grow up,” Prairie said with a huge grin.

“Make the magic happen?” Scooter asked.

“If it means I can be like you!” Prairie Dawn told her new mentor.

AWWWWWWWWWWW, thats cute. that is quite possibly one of the best parts of this whole story.
I also liked Rowlf's song and Goggles meeting Miss Piggy.

 

[theprawncracker]

Still confused about the frank thing, hope that gets cleared up, and I still can't wait to find out where they are going on their honeymoon!

What exactly are you confused about? I didn't have any plans to clear anything up... I thought it was rather straight-forward... but if I need to explain something further, please let me know.

And thanks everyone for the wonderful comments! I'm so glad you're enjoying this! We're approaching the end faster than I realize! And then I'll finally get to take a little break from fan-fic writing for about a month I think... but more on that later.

And more on this story later too--I hope.

 

[Muppetfan44]

“Don’t worry Miss Piggy,” Kermit said, grabbing her hand. “I’m sure we’ll get back into movies soon.”

“It wasn’t about—Oh, whatever,” Piggy grumbled.

That was the line I was confused about. I don't know what Piggy means there. I didn't know if it was just about her special relationship of frank or something else; it sounded like she was going to tell Kermit later. It's probably me looking too much into it.

Have a good weekend, full of great updates!

 

[theprawncracker]

That was the line I was confused about. I don't know what Piggy means there. I didn't know if it was just about her special relationship of frank or something else; it sounded like she was going to tell Kermit later. It's probably me looking too much into it.

Ah, I see... I guess that was a little confusing... but no, she had nothing else to tell Kermit. She just decided it wasn't worth the effort it would take to explain to the frog who he is. More should be on the way soon!

 

[Muppetfan44]

Thanks for the clarification! Can't wait for the updates!

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 34

Maggie folded her arms and nodded slowly, taking in the applause. She took in a deep breath through her snout and exhaled happily. “Ah… Hollywood,” she said simply, garnering a few laughs from the crowd.

“Hollywood… Hollywood… Hollywood,” Maggie repeated. “Hooray for Hollywood! Hollywood means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but to me… To me, Hollywood represented this far-off, alluring, shiny place full of beautiful people and spontaneous musical numbers…

“And then I came to visit Kermit for the first time!” Maggie said. “When I realized that none of that was true—well, except for the spontaneous musical numbers… but how could you lie about something like that?”

Maggie shifted her weight and tugged at her uncomfortable dress. “But still… even though a lot of that stuff isn’t what Hollywood is like, my brother Kermit has spent most of his life here.” Maggie turned around and showed a cheesy smile to her brother and waved comically. “I think he found something here he likes.”

The crowd applauded and whistled for Kermit and Miss Piggy. Maggie clapped as well, but shook her head slowly. “I don’t know what it could be though—the fly soup is awful… There’s only one fly!”

The crowd laughed and clapped for Maggie, who smirked and carried on. “I’m kidding, of course,” Maggie explained. “We all know why Kermit stayed in Hollywood… The women.”

Miss Piggy tapped her foot impatiently. She trusted Maggie to turn this speech around, but she could never be too sure.

“The list of celebrity women my brother has worked with—and schmoozed to no end—is seemingly endless! Linda Ronstadt, Kylie Minogue, Michelle Pfeifer, Raquel Welch, Rita Moreno, Julie Andrews, Cloris Leachman, Sandra Bullock…”

“Wrap it up, will ya?” Miss Piggy shouted from her seat.

Maggie cleared her throat authoritatively. “But… only one stuck.”

“Yeah,” Floyd shouted from the wings, clutching his guitar, “Gilda Radner got stuck—along with everyone else!” Floyd laughed heartily.

“True, but she’s not the one who captured Kermit’s heart, and kept it well-guarded—as if the legendary bowl of golden moss and mosquito pudding was being protected,” Maggie continued.

“Yeah, d’at’s Miss Piggy alright,” Rizzo quipped.

“Sounds more like an angry bullfrog to me,” Kermit added.

Maggie turned and eyed the groom. “Is there a bullfrog you’d like to let out of the closet, Mit?”

Kermit sunk down into his seat and buried his face in his hand. Maggie giggled and shrugged to the crowd. “Cut him some slack,” she said. “It was the awkward new-leg years.”

“But yes,” Maggie carried on, “it was Miss Piggy.” She paused for more applause from the crowd. “Miss Piggy leaves a lasting impression on everyone she meets—and they have the hospital bills to prove it!”

The crowd laughed and even Miss Piggy got a smirk out of Maggie’s joke. “It’s okay to laugh folks,” Maggie reassured the crowd (not that they needed it). “I’m the maid of honor and the groom’s sister—I have every right to poke fun at the bride.”

“Wish we had d’at goin’ for us,” Rizzo said, nudging Pepe.

“Jou want to be de maid of honor? Weirdo,” Pepe said.

“But as the maid of honor,” Maggie said, “I also have to say a few good things about my new sister in-law… Which is awful, considering I have a lot more than a few good things to say about her.”

“Suck up,” Croaker muttered from the wedding party table.

Maggie ignored Croaker’s comment. “I love Miss Piggy,” she said. “And I’m more than a little honored that she chose me as her maid of honor—and more than a little confused as to why she chose Aunt Marge to fill the other bridesmaid hole.”

Luckily for Maggie her namesake aunt couldn’t hear the joke, as she was dozing; head back, mouth wide open, drool falling; at the wedding party table.

“It was certainly a shock for me when Miss Piggy asked me to be her maid of honor,” Maggie said. “But then I thought about it longer and realized that she needed someone at her side that knew all the little secrets of Kermit’s personal life, and would spill them all for a bowl of pill bug and leek tip stew.”

“Which is why I ate all of the pill bugs in the kitchen,” Kermit said.

“Mit,” Maggie said, turning around to face Kermit and Piggy, “you’re my brother, and Miss Piggy, now you’re my sister. I love you both. And… no mercy!” Maggie shouted. “Now!”

Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Croaker, Grover, Camilla, Janice, and Skeeter all lunged from their seats holding cream pies and slammed them into Kermit and Piggy’s faces.

The crowd laughed and applauded happily. Maggie rubbed her knuckles on her chest proudly. “That oughta whip you two into shape. Thanks everybody!” Maggie waved to the crowd and returned to her seat.

Kermit’s face was scrunched up as tightly as it could be and Miss Piggy’s face was boiling red (behind the whipped cream, of course). “Betcha weren’t expecting that, were ya Mit?” Maggie asked with a snicker.

“Actually…” Kermit said. “Sweetums?”

Sweetums barged out from stage left with a giant pie in his hands and dumped it on top of Maggie and laughed heartily as he stomped off stage.

Maggie dug herself out from underneath the over-sized pie tin and spat whipped cream out. “You really should conceal your weapons better Mags,” Kermit told his sister.

Maggie scrunched up her face, much like her brothers, and groaned as she began wiping the whipped cream from her body.

~-~-~-~-~

“Mr. Eagle!” Big Bird called to Sam as he gallivanted towards the patriotic bird. “Mr. Eagle I need to talk to you!”

Sam Eagle was engaged in conversation with someone when he turned around to face Big Bird. “Uch, can it wait? I am in the middle of a highly important conversation with President Bill Clinton!”

A blue Muppet in glasses, a tacky orange suit and yellow bow-tie waved up at Big Bird. “Hi, I’m President Bill, and bubbles come out of my left-winged head,” the Muppet said. He looked as if he was concentrating very hard when three bubbles exuded from the top of his cranium.

“Isn’t he just astounding?” Sam asked sincerely.

Big Bird examined the bubbling “commander in chief” in front of him. “Mr. Eagle, I don’t think that’s President Clinton at all,” Big Bird said reluctantly.

“Ha!” Sam scoffed (which is why he said “Ha!”). “You are merely a child,” Sam pointed out. “What do you know about this country’s great leaders?”

“Well I’ve met a few of them,” Big Bird said with a smile.

“Enough of this foolishness,” Sam said, pushing Big Bird’s comment under the rug (like all great politicians). “What is it you needed to tell me?”

“Oh, well, I just wanted to see if you were okay,” Big Bird said.

Sam lowered his eyebrow in suspicion of the yellow giant. “I am fine… why do you ask?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Big Bird said, looking down at the ground nervously. “It’s just… Gonzo told me that you and Kermit’s Aunt Marge had a fight the other day and I was wondering if you were alright.”

Sam frowned. “I am just fine, thank you,” he said, hoping to close the conversation.

Big Bird was quiet for a moment. “You really liked her, didn’t you?” the inquisitive six-year-old asked innocently.

Sam Eagle’s face melted from its rock hard state. “I… I certainly did not,” he said softly.

“Oh,” Big Bird said. “Well you must’ve liked her a little bit.”

Sam opened his mouth to answer but couldn’t come up with anything to say. He stared up into Big Bird’s eternally innocent eyes that stared right back at him. “A little bit,” Sam said finally.

Big Bird nodded thoughtfully. “But she wasn’t the one for you?”

“I beg your pardon?” Sam asked.

“Well… Kermit said that Miss Piggy was ‘the only one for him,’” Big Bird explained. “Aunt Marge just isn’t the only one for you—is that right?”

Sam nodded. “Yes. But then again… she really has been the only one.”

“You know what they say, Sam: ‘There’s more than one bird in the sky,’” Big Bird said with a smile.

“Who says that?” Sam asked.

“They do,” Big Bird said without skipping a beat.

“Oh, I see,” Sam said, nodding. “But she was a frog.”

“I think it works for other animals too,” Big Bird said.

“Incredible,” Sam said.

“Well I’m glad you’re doing okay Mr. Eagle,” Big Bird said. “It sure was nice talking to you.”

Big Bird started to walk away. Sam stared down at his feet and mumbled, “Thank you.”

Big Bird smiled and turned his head around. “You’re welcome Mr. Eagle!” he said.

Sam shook himself out of his sympathetic trance. “Now, where did President Clinton get off to? I have so many questions about the Civil War…”

~-~-~-~-~

“Cue the Swedish Chef with the wedding cake!” Scooter said into the sound box.

“Swedish Chef! Wedding cake!” Prairie shouted.

“Ah, nice kid,” Scooter said to his protégé. “Cutting down time and still getting the message across, you learn fast!”

The Swedish Chef rolled by Prairie and Scooter wheeling a multi-tiered gleaming white wedding cake on a cart in front of him.

He skidded to a halt onstage in front of the table where Kermit and Miss Piggy stood together and Clifford stood at the microphone. “’Bout time,” Clifford said.

“Floo hoor de shookie!” The Chef scolded Clifford. “Der noo peying floor der oover-time!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clifford said. “Did ya bring the knife?”

“You honestly think we’d let The Chef carry a large cake knife?” Kermit asked.

“Well then who’d ya give it to?” Clifford asked.

“Miss Piggy,” Kermit said.

Miss Piggy slung the long, silver blade out from behind her back and shone it in the spotlight.

“Oh yeah, much safer alternative,” Rizzo said, popping up behind the cart.

“Rizzo? What are you doing up here?” Kermit asked.

Rizzo shrugged. “You have the cake and I figured I’d eat it too.”

“Ready to cut the cake?” Clifford asked.

“You’d better believe it buster,” Miss Piggy said. “I’m starved.”

“It shows,” Rizzo said sarcastically.

“Don’t make me knock you back into the cheap seats, pal,” Piggy growled at the rat.

“Just cut the cake, we’re runnin’ short on time,” Clifford said.

“Yeah, our flight leaves in two hours,” Kermit told Piggy.

Piggy’s eyes shot wide open. “Well we certainly can’t miss that!” she shouted, slicing through the cake swiftly.

“Alright!” Rizzo said smacking his hands, and lips, together. “Now shove it into each other’s face so I can dig in!”

Kermit frowned. “We’ve already had pie in our face—do we really need cake too?”

“You make a good point, Kermie,” Miss Piggy said, slyly slipping her hand behind her back.

“Well thank you Piggy. So it’s settled, we won’t be—”

Miss Piggy drove a rather large piece of cake straight into Kermit’s face.

Kermit spat cake crumbs and icing out from his mouth and rubbed his eyes clean. “You’re lucky I already said ‘I do,’” he told Miss Piggy.

“And vous are lucky moi asked someone else to make this cake,” Piggy said. “Or else vous would be munching on what would certainly be a poison pastry.”

“Thanks,” Kermit said. “It’s good for vous too.”

“Why would that—”

Kermit shoved his own piece of cake into Piggy’s face.

She wailed loudly. “My hair! You got it in my hair! That is so unfair! Vous don’t even have hair!” she shouted.

Rizzo shook his head. “Can I eat now?” he asked impatiently.

Kermit and Miss Piggy exchanged cake filled glances and then matching evil smirks. They both grabbed up a piece of cake and gave Rizzo a sweet new coating. “I really shoulda seen d’at comin’,” remarked the rat.

“Whoo!” Gonzo shouted, jumping into the scene. “That looks like fun!”

“Here, see for yourself,” Rizzo said, heaving a piece of cake at the weirdo.

“Ha ha ha!” Gonzo laughed wildly. “Great! Camilla, catch!” he shouted, hurling another chunk of the diminishing cake at Camilla.

It connected with her face and she fumed. She clucked loudly and drove in a rage towards the cake, flinging small pieces of it everywhere, some of which got into Fozzie’s eyes. “Ah!” the bear wailed. “I can’t see! There’s cake in my eyes!”

“Talk about your frosted over point of view, eh pal?” Croaker asked Grover. Maggie tapped Croaker on the shoulder; he turned, and was met with a piece of cake in his face. “Figures,” he said.

“Towel! I need a towel!” Fozzie moaned. He grabbed onto Grover’s arm, felt the fur, and gasped happily. “Oh, a nice fluffy towel! Perfect!”

“No, no, Fozzie baby, I am not a towel!” Grover said.

“Oh I know you’re not Grover,” the blind bear said. “I’m talking about the towel in my hand here!” Fozzie said, waving Grover’s arm around.

“But that is my arm!” Grover shouted, running away, pulling Fozzie with him. Grover kept looking back, trying to pull his arm free, that he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and crashed right into the cake. It splattered all over the stage and formed a heap of icing.

Clifford laughed. “No body got me before the cake crashed. Man I’m good!” he said.

Skeeter shoved a piece of cake in his face and he frowned. “Don’t worry,” she said, “you still got your just desserts!”

“Ahh!” Fozzie said, looking up with a face covered in cake. “That’s funny!”

“CAKE! CAKE!” Animal shouted as he ran to reap the rewards of the fallen food.

“Is this thing over now?” Piggy asked, still removing cake from her strands of hair.

“Almost,” Kermit said. He took the microphone in his cake covered hand and smiled out at the laughing crowd. “Hi-ho! Can I have everyone’s attention please?”

 

[TogetherAgain]

Kermit’s face was scrunched up as tightly as it could be and Miss Piggy’s face was boiling red (behind the whipped cream, of course). “Betcha weren’t expecting that, were ya Mit?" Maggie asked with a snicker.

“Actually…” Kermit said. “Sweetums?"

Sweetums barged out from stage left with a giant pie in his hands and dumped it on top of Maggie and laughed heartily as he stomped off stage.

Maggie dug herself out from underneath the over-sized pie tin and spat whipped cream out. “You really should conceal your weapons better Mags," Kermit told his sister.

First of all, I must thank you for this. Thank you for getting Mit's and Mag's relationship back to where it started... merciless competition. <GLOMP!>

BIG BIRD! SAM! AWWWWWW! And... Bill, and Civil War. HAHAHA!

<Ahem> Excuse me. <Deep breath> ...FOOOOOOOOOOOOD FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

Love the glance at Scooter and Prairie. And the CAAAAAAAAKE! Clifford's just desserts... And CAN'T MISS THE FLIGHT! <Wonders where on earth they're going> ...Maybe they're not going somewhere on Earth, though... You just never know with Muppets.

YOU CAN HAVE MY ATTENTION, KERMIT!

MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[AnimatedC9000]

*applause to Prawnie for the whole chapter* *read this way before Lisa's new chapter in her story*

More!

*hums "The Magic Store"*

~ AnimatedC

 

[RedPiggy]

That was cute.

 

[theprawncracker]

Well everbody... here it is. It's done. WAD has finally wrapped! Here's the last chapter for you all to enjoy... Thank you all for reading, it means a lot to me that you've kept with me for thirty-five chapters. I'm mostly happy with how the story turned out--I think I liked MAP better, but I still really liked this one too. The main problem with the story, I felt, was that there were too many characters at one time and there was too much to keep track of and I feel like... oh never mind, it's done! So here it is everybody, Chapter 35! Enjoy it! Thank you all so much for reading! I couldn't/wouldn't have done it without you!