Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

[redBoobergurl]

Heh heh, those boys are so sneaky! This is great! I can't wait to see the REAL song that they are going to perform.

 

[TogetherAgain]

Rowlf’s fingers flew across the keys. Scooter titled his head at the unfamiliar tune, this wasn’t what they had rehearsed earlier. "Ya can’t live with ‘em, ya can’t live without ‘em," Rowlf sang.

<bounces/hums along> You know something? I kinda wish this song wasn't so gender/species specific. But even though it IS so gender/species specific, it's GREAT for a pick-me-up after any relationship troubles. Not that I really know, seeing as to have relationship troubles, you must first have a relationship, and goodness knows I haven't had many of those. But I'm just rambling now. Moving right along... Wait, that's the wrong song... It IS from the right movie, though...

The stupidly single men looked at each other. "How is this gonna win our girls back?" Clifford whispered.

"How is this gonna win us back?" Skeeter whispered.

One- those two are SO on the same wavelength. Two- LOVE "stupidly single." So true, and alliterative, and I have no idea if alliterative is really a word or not, so I guess I'll just have to add it to the PTD...

Uncle Deadly gasped. "Sh! We’ve been spotted!"

Oh, as if he had NOTHING to do with it. As if he DIDN'T clear his throat and wink at Rowlf just a chapter ago to make sure the real song got put off. ...He's a clever one, that phantom.

"What are you guys doing?" Scooter asked. "This isn’t the song Robin wanted to do!"

"Sh!" Kermit told the go-fer. "Women in the roost," Kermit said.

Oh, that explains it.

"Still, it’s fun when you’re fetching," Scooter sang.
"And agree to see an etching."

I find it amusing that Scooter jumps in. Because he kinda sorta doesn't have a girl, right? And he didn't lose one, either. And yet, no Muppet can resist music, and therefore, he sings. It makes me happy.

"The little feet of tadpoles!" Rowlf sang.

"Tadpoles don’t have feet!" everyone shouted at the dog.

He played back and forth between keys and stared at them. "Yeah, sorry about that. Two, three, four!" he counted off.

Now this makes me particularly squeeful and bouncy, because just the other night I was lining a stray story at someone and I had Rowlf and Kermit sing this and complain about how sick they were getting of the comments they were supposed to make between verses. So, this made me happy.

"A skunk was badgered-"

"The results were strong!"

Oy, are you tellin' ME! We've got four little skunks living under our front porch, and when we got home last night Dad opened my window so there'd be some fresh air in my room, so of course when I got to my room it REEKED of skunk. And my room is in the BACK of the house! Like honestly, I'm about as FAR from the skunks as you can get! I don't know HOW that worked...
Oh, oh sorry, I'll stop kvetching now...

"Heh heh heh," Clifford laughed. "That was good, that was good," he said.

YES IT WAS! See? Like I said, it's a PERFECT song for the relationship woes! So, boys, now that you're feeling better, WIN YOUR GIRLS BACK, FOR CRYING OUT PETE! ...Oh, oh right, you've got another song for that... Gotcha!

Everyone looked up at him. "Man, oh man." Floyd shook his head. "Everybody but us seems to know what’s goin’ on!"

So THAT'S how Leyla feels when we... Um... <Ahem> I mean... We should get back to that. In the mean time, I'll get back to this.

"Yeah frog, dog, spill it," Clifford said.

Hey look at that- frog, dog. They RHYME! D'you think they did that on purpose?

"Oh good," Kermit said. "Well, your women were watching from behind the curtains."

Now for some reason, I keep reading this as, "Well, YOUR women were watching..." with an emphasis on YOUR. Whether you intended that or not, I do not know, but I like it. One, it very much excludes Kermit's woman, namely Piggy, because she's just too good for that, right? (Just play along with that. Kermit's lonesome and misses her and is thus thinking quite highly of her. And I would put a smilie here, but there's a limit to smilies, so...) Two, emphasized or not, "your women," indicates that Camilla, Janice, and Skeeter are STILL very much Gonzo's, Floyd's, and Clifford's, respectively, which is a kinda sorta self-esteem boost/little bit of hope that the guys probably desperately needed. Good frog. Good Duke of Chutney, too.

"I thought Fozzie, Pepe, and Rizzo were keeping an eye on them!" Gonzo said.

...And you're... SURPRISED that they got away? ...No offense to Fozzie, but...

"Well that explains everything," Clifford said.

Yeah, see, like I said...

"So, wait," Floyd said. "That ain’t what we’re gonna do to win back our girls?"

Good heavens no, and thank goodness! That's just an inclusion of a song that fits this story like a glove! ...Now there's an expression I don't get. Why a glove? Gloves don't always fit so perfectly. I've worn PLENTY of gloves that were too big or too small. Why glove? I'd think a coat would be a better fit. They can be really big or fit pretty snug, and still fit.

"You kiddin’?" Rowlf asked. "That song would make your girls leave so fast, they’d leave skid marks."

"They already did leave that fast," Uncle Deadly said.

"Point proven," Kermit said.

I LOVE that exchange! It's just so... Muppety! Oh, and Scooter, make a note to get rid of those skid marks...

Rowlf started up on the piano keys again. "Why don’t we show you?"

Yes, yes! Show us, show us! PLEASE! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASE!

<~><~><~><~><~>

...Oh. ...Or, don't. Fine then. <SIGH!> But I wanna SEEEEEEEEEE! <growls> <grumbles> You are WAY too good at this whole suspense deal, Prawnie...

Skeeter, Camilla, and Janice trotted down the sidewalk. "Ugh," Skeeter groaned. "I can’t believe they’re gonna do that song!" she said.

"Like, rully," Janice said.

"Brawk bawk byuck bagawk!" Camilla clucked.

Oh, COME ON, girls. Like you DIDN'T figure out that Uncle D. had a REASON for knowing that you'd been caught? ...I mean... besides the fact that he's the one who tipped you off in the first place...

"Yeah, and if Robin thought to do that to win us back, the whole family must be relationship challenged," Skeeter said.

HA! I LOVE that line!

"Well speak of the little green devil, there he is!" Skeeter said.

"Uh oh, but he’s with, like, a big puce devil," Janice said.

"Ugh, this could get painful..." Skeeter said. "C’mon, let’s catch up to them..."

Ooh, the little green devil! WAY better than my old high school mascot of the Blue Devil. And ew, the big puce devil. Run girls, run! ...Oh, or catch up. You know what, Skeeter? You spend too much time with Gonzo. "This could be painful- let's do it!"

"What’re we gonna do?" Fozzie whined.

"I t’ought we were going to find de womens," Pepe said.

"We are!" Rizzo said.

"Well d’en, isn’t d’at what we are going to do?" Pepe asked.

"But we don’t know how to do it!" Fozzie said.

Now there's a fun, Muppety conversation... They're so cute when they're baffled...

"Oh, well d’at is simple, hokay?" Pepe said. "We take it one step at a time."

Oh, that's WONDERFUL, Pepe! So deep! So philosophical! Just take one step at a time! Okay, here we go, we take one step... Um... in which direction, Pepe?

"I didn’t find da girls we’re lookin’ for, but I found Miss Piggy!" he said.

"Should we go talk to her?" Fozzie asked.

"We have a choice?" Pepe asked.

Not if she sees you.

"She trashed him!" Rizzo shuddered.

YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Now go back to your frog, Piggy! <Wishes it was a more figurative trashing to go with the literal one>

Fozzie turned around and started to run away, screaming.

"How very discreet of him..." Rizzo said, running after the bear.

Well, of course he's discreet- he's a comedy bear! Humor is his specialty, and goodness knows, his specialty is all in the subtlities...

"Si, he’s quite de- hokey pokey!" Pepe shouted. "She’s chasing us!"

Hokey pokey? Well, if you insist. <Puts right hand in> <puts right hand out> <puts right hand in> <shakes it all about> <does the hokey pokey> <turns self around> That's what it's all about! ...But anyway, I LOVE that as a Pepe interjection.

Piggy had pulled off her heels and was pumping her legs towards the rat and the prawn.

Oh, smart pig, taking the heels off to run. I love that detail. I also love your description of her legs.

"At d’is rate we’ll lead her right to de t'eater!" Pepe said.

"Good," Rizzo said. "Make her Kermit’s problem."

As if she wasn't his problem to begin with...

"Why would jou say such a thing, hokay? Jou are going to get me fried, and jou turned into ratatouille!" Pepe shouted.

RATATOUILLE!

"I didn’t mean it! I just meant d’at she probably hit him up for money!" Rizzo said.

"Oh," Pepe said. "T’ink we should tell her that?" he asked.

Somehow, Rizzo, I don't think that's the kind of hitting she did. I think the kind of hitting she did had more to do with, "HI-YA!" And, Pepe... I think it's too late.

"No time!" Rizzo said. "We’re at da t'eater!"

See? Told you so.

The bear, the rat, the prawn, and the pig burst into the theater.

Ah, the SUSPENSE! Does Piggy see the song the guys were REALLY planning to win the girls back? Or did Fozzie warn them? Or WHAT? OY! TELLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Link hobbled up to the theater door, tossing a banana peel off his nose. "What a rotten story..."

...Link? You are SUCH an idiot. I couldn't disagree with you more! ...Although, you DO have a rotten end of things...

Anyway. MORE PLEASE!

 

[The Count]

Answering questions for Lisa.
1 Yes, "aliterative" is an actual word.
2 Yes, Scooter has a girl, Sara. Though not for long as I heard she's marrying someone or getting married later this year.
Which'd make the gofer single again, but not for long as I happen to have something in mind for the occasion, borrowing or asking for permission to include someone else's fanfic character. More on that later.
3 The Hatrack was married to the Chair.

Hope this helps. Post more both of you!

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

XD omg.

Prawn, update more stories.

*Looks sweet*

Or you will face the pot of burning doom!

*Cackles sinisterly at her boiling pot*

I mean...or you'll be huggled to death. :3

 

[The Count]

*Looks at boiling pot Claudia brought... You got any skull apples in there? Some skull apple soup would go well with the muffins, erm, biscuits while we wait for more story.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

*Looks at boiling pot Claudia brought... You got any skull apples in there? Some skull apple soup would go well with the muffins, erm, biscuits while we wait for more story.

*Cackles*

Yes my pet! >=D

>_> *Stuffs apples in there*

Count, buy the biscuits. XD

LOL!

See Prawn-prawn? X3 BWAHAHA! WE PLAN YOUR DOOM!

*Cough*

 

[The Count]

*Adds pieces of biscuit, eye of newt, and some mandrake root to the concoction.
The better to muffin you with Prawny! *Laughs madly along with Claudia.

By the by Claudia, how goes it with the drawing? Would send you more, but I'm stumped as to who should be next at the moment.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

x3 Lol!

I have been busy with school and mini hurricanes. Computer errors as well.

I will work on it tommorow. : )

*Stirs* X3

 

[The Count]

That's OK, when you get the chance is fine. Did you remember to add the ground toadstools? Be fright back, need to get a vile o' blood to help clot, erm thicken the brew.

 

[Fragglemuppet]

My goodness, who are you trying to ki..er..I mean, what are you two cookin' up there?

Ryan, I can't wait to see where this goes from here!

More please!