Chapter 16
"Take t’ree perfect girls-" Rizzo said.
"Si, d’en jou buy d’em ice cream-" Pepe said.
"Then they ditch you!" Rizzo shouted.
"They didn’t ditch us," Fozzie said. "They just... took the Studebaker... and fled."
"And what, pray tell, would you call that?" Rizzo asked.
"Fleeing," Fozzie said. "Not ditching."
"De funny bear man has a point, jou know, Ritzo," Pepe said.
"Who cares?" Rizzo shouted. "Da point is, da girls are gone, and we’re stuck here with ice cream cones!"
"And when jou, Ritzo, complain about having food, t’ere is definitely somet’ing wrong, hokay?" Pepe said, licking one of the three ice cream cones he was holding.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Fozzie asked.
"Well, no one else is going to eat, it, hokay?" Pepe said. "And I cannot just let it go to waste."
"If you eat enough of it, it will certainly go to your waist," Fozzie said. "Ahh, wocka! Wocka!"
Pepe stared at the bear. "Jou can’t be serious, hokay?"
"He is," Rizzo said. "Haven’t ya seen Miss Piggy?"
"Um, guys?"
"Si?"
"Shouldn’t we go find the girls?" Fozzie asked.
Rizzo and Pepe exchanged glances. "Oh yeah," Rizzo said. "Gee, I wonder where d’ey went."
"Well, as long as they’re not at the theater, we’ll be okay," Fozzie said.
Pepe belched loudly. "Escuse me," he said sheepishly. "But ice cream just goes right t’rough me, hokay?"
"Obviously," Rizzo said.
<~><~><~><~><~>
Skeeter, Camilla, and Janice walked in through the backstage door, each of them sipping an iced coffee. "I told you it wouldn’t be that hard to ditch the dodos," Skeeter said.
"Brawk bawk byuck," Camilla clucked.
"Like, why should you resent that?" Janice asked. "You’re not a dodo."
"Don’t count your chickens before they hatch," Skeeter said.
Camilla glared at Skeeter and continued to sip her iced coffee.
"I wonder if we’ll get to do anything in the show this-"
A streak of blue shot down in front of them. "Sh!" It hissed at them. The blue shadow creature motioned for the women to follow him onto the stage, behind the curtains.
While Camilla and Janice cowered behind Skeeter, the confident young woman placed her hands firmly on her hips and smirked at the specter. "Come off it, Uncle D., what are you doing? And come out of the shadows."
Uncle Deadly groaned and revealed himself from the shadows. "You really know how to kill a mood, don’t you?"
"It’s not too hard," Skeeter said. "Considering you’re already dead."
Uncle Deadly frowned. "Did you want to see what the frogs and the dog are planning, or not?"
"What do you mean?" Skeeter asked.
"No, no," Uncle Deadly said. "Never mind. I try and make a quick little cameo in this story, and you just shoot me down."
"Brawk byuck bawk," Camilla squawked, approaching Uncle Deadly apologetically.
Uncle Deadly stared down at her. "I’m being swayed by a chicken. How surreal."
"Like, will you puh-lease show us, Uncle Deadly?" Janice asked.
Uncle Deadly shook his head. "Yes, yes, come on, just hush, will you?"
"Overthrown by a zombie..." Skeeter muttered.
The three girls followed Uncle Deadly behind the stage curtains and peered down at the band pit. Rowlf sat at the upright piano, with Robin by his side, and Kermit standing next to Scooter, watching.
"It’s great Robin," Kermit told his nephew.
"You really think so, Uncle Kermit?" Robin asked.
"Of course," Kermit said.
"Yeah, there’s no way the girls can resist this," Scooter said.
"Even if Gonzo, Floyd, and Clifford are gonna be singin’ it," Rowlf said, tickling a few ivories.
"Brawk?" Camilla clucked loudly.
Skeeter quickly clamped her hand over Camilla’s beak, biting her own lip in hopes that Kermit didn’t notice the squawk.
Kermit looked up toward the ceiling. "Did you hear something?"
"Mm," Rowlf said with a nod. "Something probably just got loose down in the canteen."
"Yeesh," Kermit said. "I’m sure we’ll have to deal with that later." Scooter scribbled something down on the clipboard he seemed to always have on hand.
"Uncle Kermit, do you think we can try the song again?" Robin asked.
"Well of course, Robin." Kermit smiled at the young frog.
Skeeter, Janice, and Camilla grew wide-eyed. Uncle Deadly shook his head and watched from behind.
Rowlf began to play the first few notes of the song, and almost on cue the front doors of the stage burst open. Gonzo came rolling down the aisle, colliding with the band pit. "Ha ha!" he laughed. "Boy, Kermit, does your aunt know how to have a good time!"
"KERMIE!" Aunt Marge stood at the door, her purse dangling from her hand, glaring down at the frog.
"Aunt Marge!" Kermit shouted. "What a pleasant surprise!"
"Don’t give me any of that!" Aunt Marge said to Kermit, stomping down the aisle, making her way to the band pit. "If you didn’t want to spend time with your dear old auntie, all you had to do was say something! Hmph!"
"Oh, Aunt Marge," Kermit said, placing his arm on his aunt’s arm. "Dear, sweet, caring Aunt Marge, I never meant it like that," Kermit lied. "It’s just, I’ve been so busy with the show here, and I haven’t had time to give you all of the well deserved time you... deserve."
"So instead you give me some freaky purple guy, some freaky blue guy, and some freaky guy with a mustache?" Aunt Marge asked.
"Just to give you some company, auntie dear," Kermit said, forcing a smile.
"Well, if it’s all the same to you, I’ll keep myself company!" Aunt Marge said, turning around and leaving the theater.
"But, Aunt Marge, wait-" Kermit called after his aunt.
Robin hopped down off the piano bench and out of the band pit after Aunt Marge. "I’ll take care of it, Uncle Kermit," he said. "Just show Gonzo, Clifford, and Floyd my idea!"
Kermit tried to stop his nephew, but he was out the door before he could say anything. The frog turned to the dog and sighed. "Why’s he so good to me, Rowlf?"
"‘Cause you’re so good to him," Rowlf said.
"Unlike three single guys I know," Gonzo said from the floor.
Clifford and Floyd came running in, trying to catch their breaths. "Hey man, did your aunt come in here?" Clifford asked.
"You just missed her," Rowlf said.
"Weren’t you supposed to be watching after her?" Scooter asked.
"Green stuff," Floyd said between breaths. "A straight jacked couldn’t watch after that mass of wrinkled warts!"
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Good grief," he said. "Why is it that I have two women putting me in hot water, and you three only have one each?"
Gonzo hopped up and shrugged. "Just lucky I guess."
Meanwhile, behind the stage curtain, Janice and Camilla were swooning over their men. Camilla at Gonzo’s bravery to roll with Aunt Marge, and Janice at Floyd’s sweat-brimmed mustache.
Skeeter made a disgusted face. "I don’t see how this plan has lasted this long."
Uncle Deadly quietly cleared his throat, the girls barely noticed it, but Rowlf’s ears caught it perfectly. He glanced back at the curtains and Deadly winked at him, Rowlf nodded in response. "Uh, hey, Kermit, whadaya say we show the guys here the act we worked out for ‘em?"
"Yes!" Skeeter whispered.
"Cool man!" Floyd said. "Let’s hear it."
"Um, but, uh, Kermit," Rowlf said. "I’ve been thinking- maybe we should change it just a bit, you know, in case the girls don’t like it." Rowlf jerked his head back slightly, towards the stage curtain.
Kermit glanced up towards the curtains and saw what Rowlf saw, he nodded. "Okay, I like it. We’ll go with what we rehearsed then?" he asked.
"Yup," Rowlf nodded.
Gonzo, Floyd, and Clifford looked at each other. "Can we just get on with it?" Clifford asked.
Robin nodded, and smiled at Kermit. "You guys may remember this song," Rowlf said. "First sang it back in 1979..."
<~><~><~><~><~>
Link’s legs flailed as he tried to pull his head out of a garbage can.
Piggy muttered and stomped off. "That frog had better hurry up and win me back," she said angrily.
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