Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

[BeakerSqueedom]

Better. I shall become those 'naggers' Count mentioned. .
Take your time.

 

[theprawncracker]

Lemme tell you what is... tomorrow I have absolutely nothing at all to do, so expect some writing from me then.

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

:O YAAAAAAYY!

Claudia: Ok boys, throw away the pitchforks!

Beaker: Meeep ;_;

Bunsen: Oh Poo.

XDDDD

 

[redBoobergurl]

When the new chapter is up I will give you a detailed review just like you did for me. I'll be out of the office this afternoon though and not around much tonight so if you post it today, it might not come until tomorrow but I still promise to do it!

 

[theprawncracker]

YAY! *hugs* Thanks Beth!

 

[The Count]

Just too bad there's no new chapter for her to review...

 

[theprawncracker]

It's coming.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 13

Kermit and Fozzie stepped out of the taxi. Kermit looked up at the sign of the restaurant. "Le Nid d’Amour?" Kermit read. "What’s that mean?"

Fozzie shrugged. "Who cares? I’m just hungry," Fozzie said. "C’mon, let’s go." Fozzie started dragging Kermit into the restaurant.

"Fozzie, what are we doing here, anyway?" Kermit asked.

"Having dinner, of course," Fozzie said with a smile.

"And who will be paying for this?" Kermit asked.

"Oh, I’m sure we’ll figure something out," Fozzie said.

"What?"

Fozzie pushed Kermit into the restaurant. "Hey, fancy place," Fozzie said, looking around. "Look, they even have a karaoke machine! Ahh!" Fozzie pointed.

Kermit scrunched up his face. "When does the clown come out?"

"Oh, Kermit, don’t be silly," Fozzie said. "The clown’s only here on Thursdays."

Fozzie walked up to the host’s desk, where a very snooty man was standing dressed in a suit, and sporting a very finely trimmed mustache. "Hello," Fozzie said to the man, cheerfully.

The man peered down and Fozzie and sneered. "Oh... hello."

"Hi there," Fozzie said. "Um, we need a table for two, please."

The man leaned on his elbow and raised his nose at Fozzie. "Where are your suits?"

"Our what?" Fozzie asked.

"Your suits," the man repeated. "This is Le Nid d’Amour, not some- some karaoke bar," the man said. "You simply must have suits to dine with us."

"Oh," Fozzie said. "Um," he hesitated, biting his bottom lip. "Kermit!" he called to the frog.

Kermit walked over to the desk, and the man’s attention quickly rose. "Oh, Kermit the Frog, good evening," the man said. "You must be meeting Miss Piggy and her date?" the man asked.

Kermit tilted his head. "Beg pardon?"

"Oh!" Fozzie shouted. "Yes! That is exactly what we’re doing!"

"I assumed so," the man said. "Yet, the matter of your suits still remains."

"Oh," Kermit said quickly. "Well that’s just too bad, I guess we’ll just have to-"

"Fortunately," the man interrupted. "We do have suits you may borrow from us, I wouldn’t want you to miss this chance with Miss Piggy." The man smirked at Kermit.

Kermit scrunched up his face again. "You’re too kind," he said. "Really."

"Consider it a favor," the man said. "Now, if you’ll come with me."

Kermit hesitated, but Fozzie pulled him along by his arm. "C’mon, Kermit!"

The frog and the bear followed the snooty man to a coat closet. He peered inside. "Ah," he said. "It seems you caught us just in time, we only have two suits left."

"Oh!" Fozzie said. "That’s great! Isn’t that great, Kermit?"

Kermit sighed. "That’s great, Fozzie."

The man pulled out two of the ugliest suits the frog had ever seen. Both of them were the ugliest shade of red brown that could be imagined, and to make matters worse, they were plaid. "Here you are," the man said with that snooty smirk.

"Wow!" Fozzie gasped.

"My thoughts exactly." Kermit frowned.

"What craftsmanship!" Fozzie said, snatching the suit from the man. "Do you think I could buy this from you?"

Kermit stared at the bear. "My complete opposite thoughts."

"I simply must insist that you put these on," the man said. "We wouldn’t want you to keep Miss Piggy waiting."

"No, no, of course not!" Fozzie said. "Don’t worry, we don’t need a changing room. We’re not changing out of anything."

Kermit reluctantly grabbed the suit. "Thanks," he said.

"Yeah, thanks Bob," Fozzie said.

"It’s Robert," the man hissed.

"Oh yeah," Fozzie said.

The man rose his nose into the air again, and walked away. Kermit turned to Fozzie as he wwas putting on the suit. "You know that guy?" Kermit asked.

"Uh, sorta," Fozzie said. "Well, um, we went took a correspondence course together."

Kermit frowned. "A correspondence course?"

"Of course, at Who’s Laughin’ at U," Fozzie said.

"That guy studied comedy?" Kermit asked.

"Yeah, he took fashion humor," Fozzie said.

Kermit stared at Fozzie. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Nope," Fozzie said, straightening his tie. "Are you gonna put your suit on or not?"

Kermit looked at Fozzie, then looked at the suit. "No, I don’t think I am."

"Aw, okay," Fozzie said. "You don’t mind if I keep mine on, do ya?" Fozzie asked.

Kermit smiled and patted his best friend’s shoulder. "No, of course not."

"Oh good," Fozzie said. "‘Cause this sure is spiffy."

"That’s one word for it," Kermit said.

Fozzie took off his hat and pushed back the fur on top of his head. "Ready?"

"As much as amphibianly possible."

<~><~><~><~><~>

"Sal?" Clifford said to the monkey. "Where’s Johnny?"

"He’s havin’ dinner at his ma’s house with Skeeter," Sal said, straightening his fist ful of cash.

"How’d you get all that money, monkey?" Floyd asked.

Sal shrugged. "I made some smart investments."

"He sure did," Scooter said. "I’ve never seen someone who plays the bank so well."

"I can’t believe you got me involved in this again," Sam said to Scooter.

"Man, just roll the dice," Clifford said.

Sam picked up the dice and rolled them on the board, moving the shoe across the board. "Ach, jail, this is outrageous, I am fine upstanding citizen of these United States! I do not belong in-"

"Just move jour piece, baldy," Pepe said.

Sam glared at the prawn. "If it wasn’t for your obscene amount of hotels, I would have enough money to afford a toupe."

Rizzo and Gonzo stood in the doorway watching the game. "I can’t believe those guys!" Gonzo whispered.

"Yeah, t’ey’re really smokin’ Sam," Rizzo said.

"Not that," Gonzo said. "I just can’t believe that Clifford and Floyd would associate with him after what he did to me!"

"What’d he do to ya, again?" Rizzo asked.

"He stole my chick!" Gonzo said.

"Well, technically, he didn’t even look at her, she just took him," Rizzo said.

"Whose side are you on, anyway?" Gonzo asked.

"I dunno, I’m just here for da food."

"You little rat!"

"Eh, I do what I can."

"Rizzo, we’ve gotta do something!" Gonzo said.

"Oh yeah?" Rizzo asked. "Well just what do you propose we do?"

"Propose!" Gonzo said. "That’s it!"

Rizzo rolled his eyes. "I t’ink it’s probably illegal to marry a chicken."

"Then we’ll go to Canada!" Gonzo shouted.

Rizzo smacked his head. "Listen, t’ere’s gotta be some ot’er way, one d’at doesn’t involve da t’rowin’ of rice." Rizzo stopped himself and looked at his feet. "On second t’ought, maybe it’s not such a bad idea."

"No, you’re right," Gonzo said. "Camilla’s not the marrying type," Gonzo said, beginning to pace the floor.

"Can we still get the rice?" Rizzo asked.

"There’s no time for that now," Gonzo said. "But we can get corn."

"Corn?" Rizzo asked.

"Yes!" Gonzo said. "We’ll get the corn, and make a trail for Camilla to follow up to my room, where I’ll serenade her again! She can’t resist me twice!"

"T’ere is no way I’m singin’ back up for you again," Rizzo said.

"Fine," Gonzo said. "I’ve got a few favors to call in anyway. I’m sure Britney and Christina would love to help."

"You set Britney’s hair on fire! Why would she help you?" Rizzo asked.

"Because!" Gonzo said. "Without me, she would’ve never got the mental help she needed."

"Yeah, it’s a wonder she didn’t ask you to go wit’ her," Rizzo said.

"What are you saying?" Gonzo asked.

"Gonzo," Rizzo said. "I’m tellin ya d’is as a friend, just be yourself, and Camilla’ll come back to ya."

"No way!" Gonzo said. "I mean, she’s dating Sam! How could she ever love me?"

Rizzo groaned. "Gonzo, bend over."

"What?"

"Bend over!"

Gonzo bent over, putting his head right in front of Rizzo. "Well, what?"

Rizzo knocked on Gonzo’s head with his fist. "Hello! Anyone home in d’ere? The chick’s desperate!" Rizzo said. "She’s just trying to get back at you!"

"Well how the heck did you come up with that?" Gonzo asked.

Rizzo grabbed off his hat and threw it on the ground. "D’at’s it! I give up!"

"Hey!" Gonzo called after the rat as he walked away. "You can’t leave!"

"I have given you every shred of relationship advice a rat my size can muster," Rizzo said.

"But Rizzo-" Gonzo said. Rizzo walked back over to Gonzo. "Thank you."

"For what?" Rizzo asked, picking up his hat. "I just wanted my hat back." He put the hat back on his head and walked into the kitchen.

Gonzo sighed. "Okay, fine Rizzo, you win," Gonzo said. He walked into the game room. "Hey guys, room for one more?"

Everyone looked at him. "Yeah, c’mon Gonz, pull up a chair," Clifford said.

"Indeed," Sam said. "You just can’t buy any hotels, this foreign, four-armed fiend has bought them all."

"Hey, not my fault I’m such a smart investor, hokay?" Pepe said.

"And it is not my fault that I am dating this weirdo’s chicken," Sam said, motioning to Gonzo.

Floyd blinked, Clifford lowered his glasses, Pepe chuckled. "Aw," Scooter said. "Is this Sam’s way of apologizing to Gonzo?"

Gonzo looked up at Sam. Sam shifted his eyes around. "Um, no, of course not, I was just... making sure he... he knew that... uh..."

Gonzo smiled. "Apology accepted, Sam," Gonzo said. "Now c’mon, I want the thimble!"

"You would," Sal said.

"Okay, so where’s my money?" Gonzo asked.

"Uh," Clifford sorted through the "bank." "We’ve only got a few ones left."

Everyone looked at Sal, who was counting his five-hundred dollar bills. "What? Someone’s gotta keep Johnny Fiama’s money rolling while he’s out."

"Speakin’ of which," Clifford said. "Wonder how Skeet’s holdin’ up over at Mama Fiama’s house."

"Five bucks says she comes home covered in spaghetti sauce," Sal says.

"We talkin’ Monopoly money, or cold, hard cash?" Clifford asked.

"Are you really gonna take another bet from him?" Scooter asked.

"Cash!" Sal said.

"Yeah, I am," Clifford said, shaking Sal’s paw.

"And you wonder why Skeeter broke up with you..." Scooter muttered.

 

[TogetherAgain]

<HUGS!> <total GLOMPAGE!>

"I can’t believe you got me involved in this again," Sam said to Scooter.

REFERENCE! CHASING ROBIN! I HUG YOU TO THE END OF HUGS!

And I LOVE the rest, too, but I'm trying to restrain myself to leave room for Beth's promised detailed review.

MORE PLEASE!

 

[The Count]

Yaey! Like I saids elsewhere, will let Beth do the reviewing since she already promised.

So much goodness... Prawny, post mooooooooooore!