Chapter 28
"Polly, Polly," Clueless shouted to the lobster on the motorcycle in front of him.
"Yeah, what?" Polly grunted.
"I don’t see that bus anymore!"
"WHAT?!" Polly shouted. "How do you lose a bright red school bus?!"
"Well it could be really good at hide and seek," Clueless blinked.
"Will you shut up?!" Polly screamed. "Ugh, it’s gettin’ dark anyway, we’ll take a break for the night."
"Ooh, where’s the nearest Holiday Inn?" Angel Marie asked.
"We don’t have any money, dumby!" Polly muttered.
"But Polly, I thought
I was your dumby!" Clueless whined.
"You’re all dumbies!!" Polly screamed.
"Not yet," Old Tom said. "But I am gettin’ up in age."
"And besides," Mad Monty said. "No one sees the ventriloquist beneath us anyway!"
"But if you can’t see them they’re not a ventriloquist."
"Then who are those guys?"
"Beats me!"
"I’m gonna beat ya if ya don’t shut up!" Polly shouted.
"I still wanna know who those ventriloquists are..."
<X>X<X>
"It’s getting dark..." Kermit whispered. He was sitting alone in the bus seat against the window. In the seat opposite him, Robin cuddled in Rowlf’s fur.
"Still no sign of Gonzo," Rowlf stated.
"Do you think he’s okay?" Fozzie bit his fingers.
"I’m sure he’s fine," Rowlf said, looking at Kermit.
"Sure," Kermit whispered.
Rowlf and Fozzie looked at each other. Fozzie tapped his mom on the shoulder. "Hey ma, I think you better pull over for the night."
"But son, I’m making
great time!" Emily said.
"We still don’t even know where we’re going!" Fozzie said.
"Oh, yeah. Right." Mrs. Bear began to slow the bus down, and signaled into a turn lane, leading to a rest stop.
"BATHROOM! BATHROOM!" Animal shouted from the back of the bus, almost pulling Floyd’s fingers off with his pull at the chain.
"Oh boy! A cute little rest stop!" Bean beamed.
"Perfect spot for tuba practice," Bobo said.
"NO!" a chorus of Muppet answered.
"Well fine," Bobo muttered. "Guess you don’t wanna over do it before wake up call tomorrow."
"Huh?" Zoot sat up from his nap.
"Nothin’ man, go back to sleep," Dr. Teeth said.
"Ouh! I cuoold meke-a puncekes tu gu veet zee veke-a up cell!" The Swedish Chef bounced.
"Great," Piggy groaned. "Then we’d be killed by the sound of the tuba
and breakfast!"
"That’s not the only thing that’s killing us," Kermit mumbled, curling into a ball.
Fozzie took off his hat. "Kermit?" he said to his best friend.
"Yes Fozzie?" Kermit sighed.
"You need to talk to her." Fozzie grabbed Kermit’s arm and pulled him up out of the seat. "You are my best friend, I won’t let you lose something this good."
Kermit turned and smiled sadly, staring into Fozzie’s eyes. "But Fozzie, she-"
"So?" Fozzie cut Kermit off. "You’ve gotten through worse. Much worse. Think of all those karate bruises!"
Kermit rubbed his arm. "But she-"
"A little monkey mark won’t kill you!" Fozzie said. "Trust me, I know."
"How do you know
that?" Kermit asked.
"It’s a long story involving a banana peel factory." Fozzie put his hat back on.
"There’s a factory for banana peels?"
"Oh yeah, it has great a-
peel! Ahh! Wocka! Wocka!"
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Thanks Fozzie. I think I’ll talk to Piggy now."
"Great!" Fozzie shouted. "But there’s something we should do first."
"What’s that?"
"Move."
Mrs. Bear parked the bus and opened up the door. A flood of Muppets emptied from the bus, spreading all throughout the rest area.
Miss Piggy, Kermit, Fozzie, Rowlf, and the sleeping Robin sat left on the bus. "That was close, thanks Fozzie." Kermit dusted himself off.
"Anytime Kermit," Fozzie dusted Kermit’s back. "I enjoy living up to my best friend title."
"And you do it tres well Fozzie," Kermit smiled.
"Oh no," Rowlf moaned. "Not you too!"
Kermit smirked. He walked out to the aisle of the bus and looked towards Miss Piggy. "Piggy, honey?"
Piggy’s eyes poked up over the seat. "Yes, Kermie?" she asked softly, and sweetly.
"We need to talk," Kermit said.
Piggy shifted her weight, then stood up from her seat. "Oh, we do?" she stood her ground.
Kermit wasn’t playing around this time. "Yes," he said sternly. "We do."
Piggy doubled back. "Magnificent," she flipped her hair over her shoulder.
She walked past Kermit, and Kermit glanced downward.
Not now Kermit, not now. This is serious. He thought to himself.
Kermit followed Miss Piggy off the bus, into the parking lot of the rest area. Behind them the Muppets mingled around the picnic tables, bathrooms and vending machines.
"You never were one to pick atmospheres well, Kermit." She huffed, folding her arms and turning her back on him.
Kermit grabbed her shoulders and spun her around, looking her straight in her gorgeous blue eyes. "Why did you do it Piggy? Why do you do it?" he asked calmly, trying to get through to her.
Piggy opened her mouth, trying to speak. She couldn't. The words wouldn't come to her. Not with Kermit's hands on her shoulders.
"Just tell me why Piggy," Kermit kept his hands on her broad shoulders. "I just want to know what's going on with you! I just want to know how to help."
Piggy's face grew stern. "Vous think that just because moi...Just because moi does things, it means I automatically need your help?"
Kermit’s face mirrored Piggy's, his muscles tightened, never breaking eye contact. "I would like to believe that Piggy. I think you need my help. And I want to help you. Why can't you understand that?"
"Kermie, moi is a passionate woman! Moi tries to understand! But don't vous see? I'm just too passionate!" she attempted to bluff her way through the fight.
"Piggy that’s not what this is about, and you know it!" Kermit was growing annoyed with this.
Piggy pulled her shoulders away from Kermit’s hands. "That’s the problem Kermit!" she decided against calling him "Kermie". "It’s never about passion!"
Kermit didn’t embrace her. He looked at her, her face revealed her inner thoughts, her entire spirit on the verge of breaking down. "Oh Piggy..." he said softly. "If only I’d known...If you’d have told me-"
"Told vous?! Moi tells vous every day! Every day moi tells vous how much moi cares! And do vous return the favor? Of course not!" Piggy snapped.
"Oh yeah you’re real appealing Piggy!" Kermit said angrily. "Every time I do anything- Every time anyone does anything that offends you, you karate chop them into next week! But I tell you here and now Miss Piggy, I am not afraid of you or your fists, forearms or legs anymore!" Kermit’s stern expression grew more stern as his eyes drove right through Piggy’s.
"Wha- Well- I’ll have you know- Uch! HI-YA!" she threw her arm at him in a chop. Kermit ducked underneath it. "HI-YA!" She kicked, Kermit hopped. "HIIII-YA!!" she punched, Kermit bounced back. "HI-YA!" she attempted one last chop, that Kermit dodged.
"I told you Piggy. I'm not afraid anymore." Kermit puffed out his chest.
Piggy puffed her chest out just as far (yet naturally farther). "Oh yeah Ker-mit," she said harshly. "Would vous LIKE something to be afraid of?"
Kermit's insides did a back flip. He gulped loudly, almost revealing the fear he wasn't supposed to have. "Well Miss Piggy, I'll tell you one thing."
"Oh? And what is that mon capitan?" she asked grimly.
Kermit wrapped his arm right around her back, putting his free hand in hers. "I have never been more in love with you than right now." His green lips smashed against hers in an explosion of inter-species love.
<X>X<X>
"So, you mean to tell me that you work for the big man upstairs?" Clifford asked Daniel. The group had moved from backstage to the seats in the audience.
"Big woman actually," Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose. "But don’t tell her I called her big."
"Wouldn’t think of it," Clifford took his sunglasses off. "So, why you here dude?"
Uncle Deadly sat with his chin resting on top of his joined hands. "Yes, do tell. What news do you bear?" Deadly asked.
"Yeah, and why are you dressed like an ice cream man from ‘Hello Dolly’?" Scooter asked.
"Well, it’s simple really, it’s my uniform, that and the suspenders really are comfortable." Daniel took his hat off.
"Moving on," Skeeter rolled her eyes.
"Oh, yes ma’am," Daniel said. "I’m here with news of Death."
"What? Who’s dyin’ man?" Clifford asked.
"No no," Daniel shook his head. "No one’s dying. I’m talking about Death the omniscient being."
Clifford, Skeeter and Scooter exchanged glances. Uncle Deadly rose his head up. "Elaborate," Deadly hissed.
"Gladly," Daniel said. "The Boss, you see, she recalled Death because of this whole Benny Vandergast mess. She had to question him and get things straight before she could let him continue his work."
"And what does any of this have to do with any of us?" Clifford asked.
"Everything," Daniel said. "With Death gone, Benny overran things here, so you guys were basically helpless. That’s why I’m here."
"You were sent to help us deal with Vandergast," Scooter said.
"More or less." Daniel nodded.
"But what can
you do?" Skeeter grimaced.
"You’d be surprised." Daniel smirked. "Remember that incident with Clifford?"
Clifford spat, "Don’t remind me."
Uncle Deadly stood up and moved towards Daniel. "What should we do?"
Daniel looked the phantom in his beady yellow eyes. "Well, first, you should stop staring at me like that. I scare easily."
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