MC - The Revival

[beakerboy12]

Yep! Happy Birthday, guys!

Sal Minella: Yeah! But, everyone, before we do anything real special! Johnny would like to open his presents! So, bring 'um here!

Link Hogthrob: Can I open mine too?!

Sal Minella: Sure... whatever, pig!

Link Hogthrob: Oh goody!

Johnny Fiama: Okay, this first one is from... Lew Zealand...

*Johnny opens it, and inside is a dead fish*

Johnny Fiama: It's a... uh... dead fish...

Lew Zealand: Not just any dead fish! It's a boomerang fish! You can play with it, do acts with it, hug it!

Sal Minella: Yeah... okay! Next one's from...

Johnny Fiama: ...From Bobo the Bear!

Bobo the Bear: Ah! Yeah, you'll like this one!

Johnny Fiama: Let's hope...

*Johnny opens the gigantic box, inside is a big bag that reads "NUTS & OTHER"*

Johnny Fiama: What's this?

Bobo the Bear: It's a bag of food my Cousin Clyde gave to me for hibernation, but I decided to join the Muppets instead of sleeping all winter! So, now you have a three-month supply of nuts and other food!

Johnny Fiama: Well, uh... Thank you?

Bobo the Bear: Your welcome!

Johnny Fiama: Alrighty, then... now this next one is from LinkiePie...

*Johnny opens the small green bag, inside is a brown hair comb*

LinkiePie: I knew you'd love it!

Johnny Fiama: Now, this I love!

Link Hogthrob: Can I open one now?!

Johnny Fiama: Eh, sure, Hogthrob! Knock yourself out!

Link Hogthrob: Alright... this one here is from Bert...

Bert: Oh, you'll love this, Link!

Link Hogthrob: Alright...

*Link unwraps the dome like gift which is a pigeon in a cage*

Link Hogthrob: A pigeon?

Bert: Take him out! He loves when people hold him!

*Link takes out the bird and puts him (or her) in his hands*

Link Hogthrob: Aren't you so sweet! You look so cute!

*All of a sudden, the pigeon starts pecking Link's face really hard and basically hurts him*

Link Hogthrob: Wait, take it easy... ow! Ow! OW! Oh! Owww! Oh!!! Ouchy!

Bert: Oh, boy that's gonna leave a mark!

Sal Minella: I didn't know legs could bend like that!

 

[Gonzo's Hobbit]

Here's a birthday cake!

And if anyone reading this has or knows of a birthday, let us know and we'll throw you a party!

 

[LinkiePie<3]

~in the audience~

Link Hogthrob: Thanks for the presents everybody, and thank you for the... pigeon, Bert. Hm. What should I name her? How about... Leia. Hey, Leia. Aren't you cute, my dear? *coos*

Bert: Leia? How cute. Looks like Bernice is going to make a new friend. Can you say hi to Leia, Bernice? *brings Bernice over to Leia*

Bernice: *cocks her head to Leia, cooing*

Leia the Pigeon: *oblivious to Bernice; leaves droppings on Link's head*

Link Hogthrob: Ew. Leia!

Dr. Strangepork: Vwonderful schtart, Link. Hee! Vee taube ish schweet. *hands Link a hankie*

Link Hogthrob: Thanks, Strangepork. *scrubs off the droppings left on his head*

Raquel Porkbelly: *kisses Link* Happy Birthday, honey. *gasp*

Bert: No, no. Don't be scared. It's a pigeon, Miss Piggy. See?

Raquel Porkbelly: *nods coyly*

Link Hogthrob: Can you say hi to mommy, Leia? Say hi, Rocky.

Raquel Porkbelly: ...

Link Hogthrob: That's not nice.

Raquel Porkbelly: I'll get used to it, eventually. *hands Link his present* Hope ya like it, dear.

Link Hogthrob: *examines the pull over* Mhm. Very handsome, indeed.

~pans to Johnny Fiama's Pasta Playhouse variety show~

Sal Minella: *steps up to the podium* Good evening, everybody. For those who are in presense, thank you for being part of this special occasion. Today, I would like to honor my best friend, Johnny Fiama to celebrate his Birthday tonight. Here, I would like to thank you Angelo, Johnny Fiama's ma, and the whole ensemble for helping out the past few day. Now, then... bring out Johnny! Cue the cake babe! Sing!

The whole diversity of generic Muppets sing the traditional Happy Birthday as Sal cues Johnny to come up on stage

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Johnny,
Happy Birthday to you

cake babe pops out of the cake; the cake babe is Spamela Hamderson

Johnny Fiama: *restraining his tears* Thanks, everyone. Thank you. Ahem... *tests mic* Okay, then... I would like to say thank you. Thank you for being part of this intermite dinner party at the established Johnny Fiama Pasta Playhouse, where we'll have a nice little variety show featuring music of the big band, swing, and jazz era. I would again like to honor my lady, my ma. If it wasn't for my ma, I wouldn't be makin' my presense today. Would ya please come up ta the podium, ma?

Mama Fiama comes up to the podium, crying; her son, Johnny gives her a reassuring embrace and a kiss.

Mama Fiama: *sniffs* 'I could-a go-a on all-a day. I-a am the proud-a mamma of-a my bambino, Johnny. Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Now-a then, I-a like to-a give my-a honor: Let-a show begin!

~applause; Johnny Fiama's Pasta Playhouse theme plays~

Johnny Fiama: As the Birthday boy, and the MC for my show, I would now introduce the opening number; I would like ta present ta you bacon bits, since today is also Link's Brithday. Ladies and gentlemen, Link Hogthrob.

~applause~

Link Hogthrob:

The night was mighty dark so you could hardly see
For the moon refused to shine
Couple sitting underneath the willow tree
For love, they pined

Little Maid was kinda 'fraid of darkness
So she says "I think i'll go."
Boy began to sigh, looked up to the sky
Told the moon his little tale of woe

So shine on
Shine on harvest moon
Up in the sky

I ain't had no lovin' since January, February, June or July

Snow time ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon
So shine on
Shine on harvest moon for me and my gal

Snow time ain't no time to stay outdoors and spoon
So shine on
Shine on harvest moon for me and my gal

 

[beakerboy12]

Johnny Fiama: ...Uh... fantastic, Link... I guess...

Sal Minella: Now up next is a jazz tune by the Muppets' one and only Electric Mayhem!!!

*Electric Mayhem, including Clifford, Lips, and the Whatnot Trombone player, enters the stage*

Dr. Teeth: Don't got no problems
Ain't got no suitcase
Ain't got no clothes to worry about
Ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines to hang me up.

Dr. Teeth: I just throw in my hand
Floyd Pepper: With the chilliest bunch in the land
Clifford: They don't look much
Janice: They sure chilly chilly
Dr. Teeth: They positively glow glow, huh

Everyone: Chilly down with the fire gang
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down
Chilly down with the fire gang
Act tall with the fire gang
Good times, bad food
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down, chilly down

Floyd Pepper: So when things get too tough
And your chin is dragging on the ground
And even down looks up
Bad luck heh heh

Janice: We can show you a good time
And we don't charge nothin'
Just strut your nasty stuff,
Wiggle in the middle yeh
Get the town talkin', fire gang

Everyone: Chilly down with the fire gang
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down
Chilly down with the fire gang
Act tall with the fire gang
Good times, bad food
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down, chilly down

*applause*

 

[LinkiePie<3]

~last night: Johnny Fiama's Pasta Playhouse~

Johnny Fiama: That was great. Ladies and gents, lets hear it for the Electric Mayhem! Now, then, for the honor of my Birthday, I would like to dance with a beautiful young signora from our audience. Ladies?

Johnny Fiama strides to each table, singing Some Enchanted Evening

Clarissa: No!

Spamela Hamderson: Nuh, uah!

Camilla: *shakes head* Buaw bra buck!

Miss Piggy: It'd be a pleasure from moi, mon chere. Not tonight. Moi is rather busy.

Janice: Like, no thank you. I, like, am fatigue, okay?

Wanda: I can't, Johnny. I'm sorry.

Wayne: I saw you tresspassing my review mirror. Are you cursed by my unimaginative beauty, chum?

Johnny Fiama: Raquel?

Raquel Porkbelly: Naw. No thank ya.

Annie Sue: Sorry! Did I miss anything?

Johnny Fiama: *cheesy grin* Want ta have the first dance with me, porkchop?

Annie Sue: Sorry, but I can't. I just got back from the little girl's room.

Link Hogthrob: Me too.

Raquel Porkbelly: Okay.

Link Hogthrob: Sorry. I meant... the little boy's room?

Raquel Porkbelly: ...

Johnny Fiama: Uh, okay, then...? Sal! C'over 'ere. *jerks hand*

Sal Minella: Yeah, Johnny? What's the matter? No girl, yet?

Johnny Fiama: Uh, huh. Do somethin', Sal!

Sal Minella: Okay, okay! Gee, Johnny, we don't need 'em! *steps up to the podium* EVERYBODY! LISTEN, HERE! IF YA DANCE WITH JOHNNY FIAMA, YOU'LL GET A FREE... uh... Johnny? OKAY, THEN! COME UP TA THE DANCE FLOOR, AND DANCE! I SAY DANCE! NOW! JOHNNY FIAMA IS HEARTBROKEN! NOW! NOW!

~everybody proceeds out of the theatre; Johnny sighs~

Johnny Fiama: Look what ya did, Sal! Ya scared everybody away! What do ya have ta say for yourself?

Sal Minella: Eah.

Johnny Fiama: Eh? Sal! Be serious, 'ere!

Sal Minella: Okay, okay! No need to sulk! *beat* I have an idea. *leans head through the back door* EVERYBODY! PLEASE RETURN TO THE JOHNNY FIAMA PASTA PLAYHOUSE! WE ARE NOW GOIN' TA PRESENT TA YOU A MOTHER AND SON DANCE BY JOHNNY FIAMA AND HIS MA!

~everybody returns to the theatre~

Johnny Fiama: Guess that'll work. Thank you, Sal. Ahem... Now, then. I am goin' to ask for my ma to come up, and dance a ma and son dance with me. Ma, if you're 'ere, I want ta say, would ya care ta join my free hands, ta your? I want ta dedicate this song ta you. I love you, ma.

Sal Minella: *clasp hands together* Aww...

Mama Fiama: *restraining her tears* Oh, Johnny! I would-a love to. I love you, Johnny. You'll aways be-a my-a little baby boy. You are mamma's bambino. Come here, Johnny. <3

Mama Fiama tearfully, and painfully ambles down to the dance floor, joining her pudgey hands to her son's. They end the show with a slow dance, swaying to a Bette Midler song, covered by Johnny.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

~present day: Raquel's Birthday~

Raquel Porkbelly: *in her rocking chair; hoists her son up*

Baby Alistair Link: *gives his mommy Birthday smooches*

Raquel Porkbelly: *cradling the piglet* Aw. Thank ya, Al. <3

Baby Alistair Link: *tiny yawn* O.O

 

[beakerboy12]

Wait a moment! It's not Link, Johnny, nor the penguin's birthday now! Raquel! It's her birthday now!

Raquel Porkbelly: Wait... oh! I almost forgot myself!

Link Hogthrob: Happy birthday, Raquel!

*Link hands Raquel a pair of mens pants and a short-sleeve shirt*

Raquel Porkbelly: What's this?

Link Hogthrob: My dirty clothes. Would you be a deer and run these by the cleaners!

Raquel Porkbelly: Ughh... it's the thought... the very selfish thought... that counts...

Sal Minella: And here's me and Johnny's present!

*Sal hands Raquel their present*

Raquel Porkbelly: What's in here?!

Johnny Fiama: Just open it!

*Raquel opens her present, which is a small piece of paper*

Raquel Porkbelly: My present is... a peice of paper!

Sal Minella: Turn it over!

Raquel Porkbelly: Uh... *reads aloud* With this coupon, you shall be allowed one free performance from Johnny Fiama..... again it's the quite self-centered thought that counts....

 

[LinkiePie<3]

Raquel Porkbelly: *after reading her Birthday piece of paper coupon* Uh... thank, Johnny. Sal. Quite thoughtful, I guess. I do have one request.

Johnny Fiama: Anytime, doll. Yeah?

Raquel Porkbelly: Um...

Johnny Fiama: Take your time.

Sal Minella: Johnny Fiama doesn't have all day, Miss Piggy. He has ta go to an interview tonight!

Raquel Porkbelly: I'm thinkin'.

Sal Minella: Mhm.

Raquel Porkbelly: Johnny? Can ya sing Love, Look At The Two Of Us? It's by The Carpenters. It's rather beautiful. *clasp hands*

~lights dim; canned music plays~

Johnny Fiama:

Love, look at the two of us
Strangers in many ways
We've got a lifetime to share
So much to say
And as we go
From day to day
I'll feel you close to me
But time alone will tell
Let's take a lifetime to say
"I knew you well"
For only time
Will tell us so
And love may grow
For all we know
Love, look at the two of us
Strangers in many ways
Let's take a lifetime to say
"I knew you well"
For only time
Will tell us so
And love may grow
For all we know

Strangers (strangers, strangers)
For all we know

Raquel Porkbelly: Thank you, Johnny. That's real' sweet.

Link Hogthrob: *tosses his heap of laundry to Rocky* Honey? Don't be rude, now. Be a dear for me. After that, you can rub my feet, give me my beer, massage my back, then I'll treat you for dinner, cocktails, and a ball game.

Raquel Porkbelly: *sigh* Fine.

 

[beakerboy12]

*pan to Sal Minella and Electric Mayhem band*

Sal Minella: Alright... one, five, nine, sixty-two, four! Aha! Here's your money, guys!

*Sal gives the Electric Mayhem their payment*

Clifford: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Five bucks!

Sal Minella: Five?! Oh, I'm sorry...

*Sal takes back one dollar*

Sal Minella: There you go, your payment of four dollars!

Dr. Teeth: Really?! Four dollars?!

Floyd Pepper: All we can get with that kind a money is like a candy bar or somethin'... maybe one of those gummy worm packs...

Sal Minella: Well, uh... then why don't you go buy some of those?

Janice: Well because we want more money!

Sal Minella: Well! You're not gettin' more!!! That's all your gettin'!

*Zoot awakens from sleeping*

Zoot: What's goin' on, guys?

Floyd Pepper: This monkey's just not givin' us our full payment! He's only giving us 4 bucks!

Zoot: 4 bucks! We're supposed to be gettin' 15 bucks!

Sal Minella: Look! If you want more money! Here's... here's 3 more bucks go buy something!

*Sal gives three more dollars to the band*

Dr. Teeth: Ughh... it's not our full payment, but we'll take it...

Janice: Hey, at least, we have enough money to get that mini keyboard from Wal-Mart!

Dr. Teeth: Eh... you're right...

 

[LinkiePie<3]

Biff: The kids are outta school, Sul. Should we plan ta build a pool, or somethin'?

Sully: *nods*

Biff: Great idea, Sul. Lets build a pool for da kiddies, 'ere. It's summah vacation!

Sully: *jerks mouth open*

Biff: --No, no, Sully. I got it dis time. Just give me a minute. Cabishe?

Sully: *nods*

Angie: Didja say you're gonna build a pool, Biff? Sully? *charges; boogie board in hand*

Biff: *halts Angie* Woah, woah little goil! Don't wan'cha ta get hoit. Safety foist, missy. Dis is Sesame Street.

Angie: Sorry. I'll go now. *hangs head*

Biff: No, no, little goil. I didn't mean ta--

Link Hogthrob: *in a tiny speedo* Can we go in the pool now?

Angie: *winces away* Ew. Nobody wants to see you in a speedo, Link!

Link Hogthrob: *graces a pose* Of course they do, my dear. <3

Angie: This is Sesame Street, Link.

Biff: You're out in public, pig. Can ya please covah up? *hands Link a robe*

Link Hogthrob: Does the robe have genuine material, sir?

Biff: Why? Youse want it ta get ruined? That ain't good. How 'bout cotton?

Link Hogthrob: Fine with me.

Sully: *facepalm*

 

[Gonzo's Hobbit]

Yay, a pool! I'll help

*grabs firehose*