Fan-Fiction: The Muppets' Mid-Age Crisis

[The Count]

*Throws fish away, hits Prawny... *Comes back as advertised. Huh, they rully do work. G'night mates.

 

[Alpha Centauri]

Can't wait to hear er I read what Lew has to say about chalice.

 

[RedPiggy]

woohoo! Pepe!

cool as always

 

[Muppetfan44]

That chapter was hilarious! (I loved all the words in the parenthesis). You definitely have a way with humor. Can't wait to hear more. Post and update soon please!

 

[theprawncracker]

Writer's Note: Credit for the Johnny Depp line and... one of Kermit's line that I forget go to my dearest other half, Lisa. I completely forgot to give her credit where here credit is VERY due. *tips hat* Thankie, halfie!

 

[TogetherAgain]

<Curtsy> De other line was the "waste of time" line. At any rate, glad to have somehow contributed to the creative process while half asleep... Is excellent chapter! Much with the funniness. Happiness! (Can you tell I barely slept... again? )

Love the Pepe/Lew pairing. Very very nice.

MORE PLEASE!

 

[redBoobergurl]

Holy cow Prawnie, I'm laughing out loud at work! I LOVE your little parenthesis! And Scooter naked somewhere? I thought this was rated G! Ok, I'm kidding, but still, this was GREAT stuff, I just can't stop laughing!

 

[LamangoNumber2]

Wah... Uncledeadly is deadly. D:

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 15

“Hey Sal?”

“Yeah Johnny?”

“I’m beginnin’ to think that this wasn’t such a good idea.”

“What makes ya say that, Johnny?” Sal asked. “The fact that we’re hangin’ upside down over a smolderin’ cauldron or the fact there really weren’t any bad appetizers?”

Johnny looked down (up?) at the bubbling vat of hot, sticky liquid in the large black cauldron he was dangling over. “I thought this stuff in the cauldron was the bad appetizers,” he said.

Sal attempted a shrug while tied up and dangled over the cauldron—which didn’t work out so well. “If they’re servin’ monkey and spoiled Italian stew… then, yeah, it’s the appetizer,” the monkey said.

“Why would they serve Italian stew if it’s spoiled?” asked the spoiled Italian.

“Are you two quite finished?” Uncle Deadly asked, poking his head in front of the dangling dimwits.

Bobo’s snout appeared next to Sal and started sniffing. “Not yet, boss,” the bear said. “Still smells like they’ve got some cookin’ to do.”

Uncle Deadly grinned evilly. “Yes, yes,” he said, “let them roast a little longer.” He reached his clawed finger forward and dragged it across Sal’s forehead. “Now… Tell me who sent you!” he shouted.

Sal gulped nervously. “Y-yeah, Johnny… tell ‘im who sent us!”

“A sense of morality sent us,” Johnny said. “How dare you, eh? Servin’ bad appetizers like that!”

Uncle Deadly stared at the greasy-haired green fellow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the wizard said. “Bobo!”

The hulky bear zipped over to Uncle Deadly’s side at a speed that shouldn’t be capable from a bear his size. Bobo saluted. “Yessir?” he grunted.

“Who are these fools?” Uncle Deadly asked.

Bobo scratched his head. “That’s Andy and Randy… but I thought you—”

“Not those fools, you fool!” Deadly hissed. “These fools, you fool!” he shouted, pointing fiercely at the dangling fools (not the pig fools).

Bobo chuckled. “Isn’t if funny how when ya say a word so much it starts to sound like it’s not even a word? Fool… Fool, fool, fool! Fool!” the bear laughed.

Uncle Deadly slapped his forehead in annoyance. “I’m surrounded by… fools!” he sighed.

“Well, really, ya gotcher self into that one there, boss,” Bobo said. “No offense… but wouldn’t that make you the fool?”

The dark wizard turned his blue snout to stare at the huge bear. “If I didn’t believe you would sit on me, I would inflict bodily harm on you,” Deadly said.

Bobo shrugged. “I probably wouldn’t sit on ya… you look pretty… spiky,” he said with a chuckle.

Deadly growled and whacked Bobo upside the head. “Who are these fools?” he asked, pointing at Johnny and Sal.

“Hmm… that one’s the castle servant,” Bobo said, pointing to Johnny. “And… Bubbles the Chimp over there? Yeah, he’s the castle servant’s servant.”

Uncle Deadly’s eyelids rose with peaked interest. “You don’t say,” he said. “Well then… I suppose that means you two must be very close to the princess, hmm?”

“Not exactly,” Sal said.

“Yeah, she usually likes to keep us as far away as possible,” Johnny sighed.

“Figures,” Uncle Deadly muttered. “Whatever,” he said, “we’ll make it work. We need men on the inside!”

“On the inside of what?” Bobo asked.

“…Was that comment really necessary?” Deadly asked.

Bobo shrugged. “I just say ‘em—I don’t write ‘em,” he said. (I don’t write them either. Blame the quirky hippo that lives in my closet.)

Uncle Deadly rolled his eyes and ignored the breaking of his precious fourth wall. “Crazy Harry, untie these two,” Deadly said, motioning to Johnny and Sal. “We’ve been most rude. I’m sure they’d enjoy a cup of tea.”

“Thanks… but do you have any Fresca?” Johnny asked.

“Fresca? Really?” Sal asked. “Who drinks Fresca?”

“Anyone who wants a surge of citrus flavor in every gulp, Sal!” Johnny said.

“…Can anyone guess our corporate sponsor?” Sal asked, shaking his head.

“Come, Bobo,” Deadly said to the bear as he moved to the corner of his tower room. “We must prepare for a few hours from now.”

“Uhh… what’re we gonna do a few hours from now, boss?” Bobo asked.

“The same thing we do every few hours, Bobo,” Uncle Deadly said. “Try to take over the kingdom!”

<-> <-> <-> <-> <->

King Statler and King Waldorf stared at Sweetums and Robin, who both seemed exasperated from a long, in-depth explanation that the narrator missed because he stepped out to use the little expositors room.

“So the blue guy who lives in the top of our tower—” King Statler started.

“A tower we didn’t even know we had,” added King Waldorf.

“This… wizard, he’s trying to overthrow our rule with…?” King Statler asked.

“Our entire guard staff—” King Waldorf interjected. “—which apparently only consists of four guards.”

“He did all this… with a cup of tea?” asked King Statler.

Sweetums nodded slowly. “That about sums it up,” he said.

The two kings exchanged glances. “Either our hearing went in and out during that conversation and we missed a lot of the important parts—” said King Statler.

“Or it’s an absolutely outrageous story,” King Waldorf added.

“I say option B,” King Statler said, “it sure has me outraged!”

“Do ho ho ho!”

“But it’s true!” Robin chirped (funny, no?). “We’re all in danger!”

“Life-threatening danger?” King Statler asked.

“Probably!” Robin said.

“Thank goodness,” King Waldorf sighed contently. “We’ve got nothin’ to live for!”

“Do ho ho ho!”

“You mean… you don’t even care about your own kingdom?” Robin asked, sounding somewhat defeated.

“Eh, why should we?” asked King Waldorf.

“Yeah, it’s not our problem anymore—talk to the princess!” King Statler said.

Robin stared. “The… pig?” he asked.

“Is there another princess here?” King Waldorf asked.

“If there is… point us in her direction!” King Statler said.

“Wait, wait!” Robin shouted. “How is the princess a pig when… neither of you are!”

“Adoption,” both kings said in unison.

Sweetums, Robin, and even Sam Eagle (yes, he’s still there) exchanged confused glances. “You… your majesties… you… adopted a… child?” Sam asked.

“What? Us? A kid?” King Waldorf asked.

“No! We adopted a farming community—one of the piglets in the sty came to visit the castle—” King Statler elaborated.

“A few karate chops later… and she’s princess!” King Waldorf said.

“You expect people to believe that?” Robin asked.

“In this story?” King Statler asked.

“Of course!” King Waldorf added.

“Point taken,” Sweetums grumbled. “So… talk to the princess?”

“Talk to the princess!” both kings shouted.

Robin and Sweetums sighed. “Yes, your majesties,” they both said as they slowly shuffled out of the royal chamber.

Sam turned to follow them out but was stopped by the kings calling him back.

“Wait! We have a royal decree!” King Statler said.

Quickly, Sam reached into his coat and pulled out his parchment and quill. “I am your, scribe, my lords!” he said.

“Build us a balcony!” King Waldorf ordered.

“A… balcony, sirs?” Sam asked. “May I ask why?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” King Statler said.

Sam stared. “…What?”

“In reverse!” King Waldorf explained.

“Do ho ho ho!”

 

[TogetherAgain]

HAAAAAAA!

Okay. First of all. As always. PARENTHESES!

Also. Fresca! AND! TRY TO TAKE OVER THE KIIIIIIINGDOM! Same thing we do EVERY few hours, Pi--I mean... Bobo... yes... <shifty eyes>

AND! And the spoiled Italian.

And STATLER AND WALDORF! B! Princess! HAHA!

ROBIN CHIRPED! ! ! ! Well, as long as he didn't TWEET... <ahem>

Anyway. Awesome. AWESOME awesomeness.

...Crap, I'm gonna miss a WHOLE bunch of story while I'm gone, won't I? ...<Blink> ...Coffee cake. Coffee cake. Coffee cake...

MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !