Fan-Fiction: The Muppets' Mid-Age Crisis

[redBoobergurl]

Fresca? Of all things seriously! You never hear anyone talk about Fresca! You just crack me up so much Mr. Prawn. Love it!

 

[theprawncracker]

Fresca? Of all things seriously! You never hear anyone talk about Fresca! You just crack me up so much Mr. Prawn. Love it!

Tell me about it. I randomly found two cases sitting in my laundry room... apparently my parents drink it. I tell ya, you find inspiration in the strangest places.

 

[The Count]

You mean like tumbling around in a laundry machine?

Post more! Or be doomed!

 

[Alpha Centauri]

This chapter was very funny! LOVE the "Try to take over the kingdom" line. More please!

 

[RedPiggy]

Loved this!

 

[JEANYLASER]

yeah! Me too! Please! Updated this story!

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 16

Fozzie led Scooter back to the side of the lake where Kermit and Gonzo were engaged in conversation with Pepe the King Prawn and Lew Zealand—the boomerang fisherman. Scooter was walking with a noticeable limp.

“Mira mira,” Pepe said, pointing at Scooter. “Is de glasses man we hooked!”

Scooter frowned. “They hooked my foot and tried to reel me in,” the squire grumbled.

“Really?” Fozzie asked. “That seems toe-tally ridiculous! Ahh!”

Scooter glared at the bear. “Too soon, Foz. Too soon.”

“Fozzie, Scooter,” Kermit said, “this is Lew and Pepe—”

“Yeah, we’ve met,” Scooter said angrily.

“Lew says he knows something about the chalice,” Kermit continued.

“Yeah!” Lew declared.

“Really!” Fozzie shouted. “Well, do tell!”

“Si, si, Pepe wants to know what jou could possibly know too, hokay,” Pepe said.

“When I was a little guppy,” Lew began, “my mom used to sit out at the pond behind our house and tell stories.”

“…Why?” Scooter asked.

“For the halibut!” Lew explained.

Scooter frowned. “I should’ve known…”

“Anyway, one of these stories was about this chalice you’re looking for,” Lew said. “Mom said that when I was little, some lady frog passing through our village one night needed a place to stay. Mom let her stay and the frog told her a story about how she used to be a queen—and not a frog!”

Kermit scratched his head. “The heck you say!”

“No, really!” Lew said. “She told us that the king’s brother cursed her and turned her into the slimy amphibian!”

“I represent that remark,” Kermit said with a frown.

Lew looked at the brave and valiant froggy knight and flinched. “Sorry,” he said. “Anyway… the king refused to stay married to a frog and banished her from the kingdom—along with his brother.”

“D’is es getting good, hokay!” Pepe said as he munched on some popcorn he’d somehow acquired.

Gonzo shrugged, grabbing some popcorn. “The reviews made it sound a lot better,” he said.

“Then the ex-queen and the ex-prince fell in love somehow—even though the prince was the one who made her a frog,” Lew continued.

“I still don’t see what’s so wrong about being a frog…” Kermit mumbled.

“Hey,” Fozzie said, “it’s not easy being green.”

Kermit rolled his eyes. “Go on, Lew,” he said.

“But the two lovers couldn’t get married!” Lew shouted. “The king had forbid anyone within the royal family from marrying amphibians—and since the prince was in the royal family… they couldn’t get married.”

“So that’s where that ridiculous law came from,” Kermit said.

“Huh,” Gonzo said, “I thought it had something to do with those tongues.”

“So the evil prince, who was also a dark wizard—who knew, huh?” Lew said. “He decided he was gonna overthrow his brother the king so he could get rid of that law.”

“And how’d that go?” Fozzie asked.

Lew shook his head. “It didn’t work. He was locked up in the tallest tower forever.”

Everyone gulped. “Forever?” they said in unison.

“Yeah! Forever!” Lew said. “He was made immortal too.”

“No way, hokay!” Pepe shouted. “D’is es crazy talk.”

“No, no, it’s true!” Lew said.

“Well why was the lady frog at your house?” Scooter said.

“She told us that the only way to break the law was to find the jeweled chalice of Queen Francis IV,” Lew said. “Her search had led her there.”

“So… we should go in the direction of your childhood home?” Kermit asked.

“Yeah! The Old Zealand Ranch,” Lew said.

Kermit looked at Scooter. The squire shrugged. “It sounds reasonable to me,” he said.

The knight nodded. “Right then, we’ll be off!” he said. He mounted his horse (who had been enjoying a very nice sleep underneath the tree… dumb frog) and Fozzie, Scooter, and Gonzo took their place behind them. “Will you come with us?” Kermit asked the two boomerang fisherman.

“Us? No way, Jose,” Pepe said.

“It’s Kermit,” the frog said with a frown.

“Si, I know d’is. But we’re not going anywhere, hokay! Not with d’is perfect business pitch. Boomerang fish… who can resist?” Pepe said.

“Not me!” Lew said goofily.

“Who cares if jou can resist?” Pepe asked. “Jou’re not buying our fish!”

“Sure I will!” he said. “How will I do my act without them?” he asked with a laugh.

“Oh, good grief,” Kermit sighed, shaking his head. “Fare thee well, prawn and… person! If perchance we meet again in this life time when I am king, your fishy act shall grace my palace floors!”

“Oh thank you, your highness!” Lew said.

“Si! We already have our first gig—and we haven’t been in business more than an hour, hokay!” Pepe said. “I like d’is frog.”

“Thank you, my friends,” Kermit said. “Now, Lew, which direction should we go?”

“Umm…” Lew said, scratching his head with the hand that wasn’t holding a fish. “That way!” he said, pointing with the fish.

“Right,” Kermit said. “Come men, for now we ride!” he declared, cracking the horses reigns.

“You ride,” Gonzo said. “The rest of us have to walk!”

When they were far enough from the boomerang fish throwers that they were out of earshot, Scooter turned to Kermit. “Boss, you didn’t really mean that about having them perform their act, did ya?” he asked.

“Of course not,” Kermit said. “I did say if we ever met again I’d let them do it. I just don’t plan to meet them again.”

“Ahh!” Fozzie declared. “Clever!”

“Thanks,” Kermit said proudly. “I thought so.”

“You know that probably won’t work though, right?” Gonzo asked.

Kermit sighed. “Yeah…”

“Oh.” Fozzie frowned. “Well… I still think it’s clever, Kermit!”

“Thanks Fozzie,” the frog said. “Now come on… let’s keep going!”

 

[Alpha Centauri]

More please!

 

[TogetherAgain]

PRAWNIE! HAAA! Oh, that's an EXCELLENT welcome home from vacation. (Beat's the heck out of work's "welcome home," which was, "...uh... you're not on the schedule...")

FIRST of all. I toe-tally love Fozzie's pun.

SECOND! Poor Kermit. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a frog. And everyone's acting like there is. Which happens to allow you some excellent comedic opportunities... Love the "represent that remark" and "it's not easy bein' green!"

THIRD! Gonzo is awesome. Especially all his comments. Especially when you throw in Pepe and popcorn. The REVIEWS! HA!

FOURTH! I'm distractable enough to be bored with counting.

AND! Pepe's excitement for the boomerang fish act, and having a gig when they've been in business less than an hour... And Kermit trying to connive his way out of it! And Gonzo totally calling the fact that it won't work. And Fozzie still having faith!

And and AND! Poor Scooter! Limping! Poor guy got hooked and reeled in, and the halibut! <sigh> <snuggles the go-fer--er... squire>

...Oh yeah, and the plot's good, too. (C'mon... you knew that. And speaking of stuff you knew... PARENTHESES!)

<ahem> <GLOMP> MORE PLEASE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[RedPiggy]

too cool ...