Fan-Fic: Muppet High

[theprawncracker]

Muppet High Chapter 13:

(We see a young Muppet Newsman sitting at a desk)

Newsman: Good evening, my name is M. Newsman, and this is a Grosse High School newsflash! My co-anchor Lewis Kazagger is live at the big senior dance tonight, we now take you there.

Gonzo: There's the Muppet Newsman!:end Gonzo

(Cut to young Lewis Kazagger standing outside the high school on a red carpet surrounded on both sides by a rope fence and a large crowd of people...)

Lewis: Thank you M. I'm here live from Grosse High, where the seniors are starting to arive! Oh here's the first seniors! (The Electric Mayhem bus pulls up and the band gets off; minus Janice; all wearing tuxedos) It's The Electric Mayhem band! Tonight's entertainment! Here comes bass guitarist Floyd Pepper, saxophonist Zoot, the drummer Animal, and the founder/keyboardist Dr.Teeth! But wait, where's there lead guitarist, Janice? Oh wait, here she comes now! She's sporting a long pink dress and a... is that... a wrist brace?!? I now take you live to Janice the lead guitarist with a sprained wrist! Excuse me Ms. Janice may I have a word?

commentary: I can't believe that was one paragraph.:end commentary

Janice: Like fer surely!

Lewis: Ms. Janice, can you tell us how you sprained your wrist?

Janice: Um, I, like...

(Enter...)

Rowlf: Sorry, sorry, no questions please.

Gonzo: Good thing Rowlf stepped in there, that coulda been ugly.:end Gonzo

Lewis: Wait! Wait! Oh, well, let's try and get an audience with Floyd Pepper. Shall we? Mr. Pepper, Mr. Pepper, a moment please!

Floyd: Sure man, anything for a fan!

Lewis: Well, can you tell us who will be replacing Janice, your lead guitarist?

Floyd: Sure man, we got a good friend of ours, green stuff himself, Kermit the Frog!

(Kermit walks of the bus in a tux and carrying his banjo)

Lewis: So you replaced her with a total unknown?

Floyd: Yep, but not to worry, he's great! Sorry man, I've gotta go set up!

Lewis: You just heard it here folks, Janice the Electric Mayhem's lead guitarist has been replaced with a frog with a banjo! (A station wagon pulls up) It looks like more geusts are starting to arive! (Fozzie; wearing a tux; and his Ma; wearing a long blue dress; exit the car) It's Fozzie Bear, class clown! And he's got a date! Let's go find out who it is shall we? Excuse me Mr. Bear can I have a word?

commentary: Fozzie. What a complicated person. I wanted him to bring his Ma to the dance, but I also wanted Johnny to make a cameo with his Ma, so I knew that Johnny would think Fozzie was just trying to be cool like him. So it all worked out. Took awhile, but it worked out.:end commentary

Fozzie: Ahh, of course! Just don't misquote me.

Lewis: So, who's your date?

Fozzie: Oh, that's my Ma, Emily Bear!

Lewis: You brought your mother?

Mrs.Bear: You bet your bottom dollar honey! I wouldn't let my Fozzie-Wozzie get near another woman!

Lewis: Uh huh... Well, enjoy the dance.

Fozzie: Ahh, thank you!

(A large green tractor pulls up with Gonzo at the wheel also wearing a tux)

Lewis: My my, what an odd choice of mobility, it must be Gonzo! The weirdo! He's brought a date named Camilla, she's said to be a fox! Let's see if we can get a word with her! Mr. Gonzo, Mr. Gonzo, a word please!

Gonzo: I loved that tractor.:end commentary

Gonzo: Hey! I'm on TV! Hi... um... who do I say hi to? Everyone I know is here...

Lewis: Mr. Gonzo, can we have a word with your date?

Gonzo: Sure! Honey, come down from there and talk to the press!

(Camilla hops down from the tractor)

Lewis: Your date is a chicken?

Gonzo: Well duh! What else is there? Come on honey let's get inside.

Gonzo: Hi Camilla sweety if your reading this, I'd think we'll go out to dinner tonite!:end Gonzo

Lewis: What a weird high school...(A red corvette pulls up with Sal at the wheel, and Johnny and his Ma in the back seat) It's Johnny Fiama! And his gentlemen's monkey Sal! This is a real treat, we have to have a word with them! (Johnny, Sal, and Johnny's Ma exit the car) Excuse me Mr. Fiama! Your date is lovely.

Johnny: Everyone loves Johnny's Ma. Right Ma?

Ma: That's-a right dear!

Lewis: Well Johnny, we've already seen Fozzie Bear and his mother here tonight, any comment on this?

Johnny: Yeah, he must of heard I was bringin' my Ma, and once Johnny does it, everyone does. So, they got canolis here or what?

Sal: If Johnny Fiama wants canolis, you better have canolis! You got it?!?

Lewis: Yeah! But I'm not the one you need to talk to about that, why don't you head on inside?

Johny: Sounds good. Out of the way.

Sal: When Johnny Fiama wants you out of the way you better move! Got it?!?

commentary: For someone who hasn't seen a Johnny and Sal bit outside the movies, I think that was pretty good.:end commentary

Lewis: Got it! (A small remote control car drives up and Rizzo, Yolanda, and Pepe exit the car) It's the rats! Both literaly and non-literaly!

commentary: I forgot about that line.:end commentary

Rizzo: Hey guys! We can get on TV!

Pepe: Look out Ritzo, de camera loves Pepe. Hokay?

Lewis: Well, since there's no one more interesting to talk to, Rizzo, I see you brought a date!

Rizzo: Yeah her name's Yolanda. Look at that crazy body!

Lewis: Yeah. What about you Mr.Shrimp?

commentary: Gotta love MTM.:end commentary

Pepe: First of all, I am not a shrimp, I'm a king prawn! Hokay? And my date will be here shortly. Hokay? She had another engagement. Hokay?

(A long black limosene pulls up)

Lewis: Oh my gosh! Not only is it someone much more interesting than you losers, it's the high school's owner, J.P. Grosse! I don't know if I can maintain my composure! The doors are opening, and here he comes ladies and gentleman, Mr. J.P...(Scooter exits the limo, shuts the door and it pulls away)
You're not J.P. Grosse.

Scooter: No, I'm his nephew, Scooter.

Lewis: Well, where is he?

Scooter: He couldn't make it tonight, something about some down payments on an old theater or something.

commentary: Some old theater huh?:end commentary

Lewis: That's dissapointing.

Scooter: Yeah, well, see ya!

(he leaves and a school bus pulls up)

Lewis: Oh no! That must be the chaperones! Everybody run!

(The crowd leaves, and Sam Eagle, Sweetums, Lew, Pops, Statler, and Waldorf exit the bus)

Sam: What a very dissapointing turn out to such a wonderfully American oriented event!

Gonzo: I thought it was a Canadian themed dance?:end Gonzo

Sweetums: Don't fret Big Bird, their probably just outside.

Lew: Then let's go in!

Statler: Do we really have to?

Waldorf: I wish we didn't. I'd rather watch some third rate variety show with these kids in it than chaperone this dance!

Statler: I don't even want to think about that!

commentary: Foreshadowing! Ahh, now I'm even more like Lisa!:end commentary

(They go inside)

Lewis: They're gone!

(The crowd returns as a long pink limosene pulls up)

Lewis: I can't believe it! They're here! The jocks and the cheerleaders! The most popular kids in the school!

(Clifford, Link, Annie Sue, and Piggy exit the limo)

Lewis: It's Clifford! He's brought Annie Sue Pig! And Link Hogthrob who brought Miss Piggy!

Piggy: Hello! Oh, I'm so glad all of moi's fans could be here tonight! Kissy kissy!

Gonzo: What a ham!:end Gonzo

commentary: You said it Gonzo.:end commentary

Link: Come on dear let's go inside.

Piggy: That's Piggy to you bub!

Clifford: Come on Annie, let's get inside where the partie's at!

Annie: Sounds great honey!

(They go inside)

Lewis: Well folks, that about wraps it up here at Grosse High! Now back to you M.!

commentary: I didn't know what the Newsman's first name was, so I just called him M.:end commentary

(Shift back to the News room)

Newsman: Well, you've seen it here folks! The exclusive coverage of The Grosse High School Senior Dance! And now, the exclusive coverage of me with a high school! What, that doesn't even make...

(A large building falls on top of the Newsman)

Gonzo: Why does everyone but me get hurt in this fan-fic?:end Gonzo

 

[Beauregard]

I love these Comentries! Your Gonzo bits are very funny. Especially, "Camilla, if you're reading this I think we'll have dinner tonight."

 

[TogetherAgain]

<eyes bulge> foreshadowing?????
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Just kidding, of course. I'm staying here and waiting for some more of this fantabulous commentary. I love it! And I've gotta agree with Beau, I love Gonzo's comments. "Why does everyone but me get hurt in this fan-fic?" That's awesome.

 

[theprawncracker]

Muppet High Chapter 14:

(The Electric Mayhem are seen playing on the stage with Kermit in Janice's place)

Floyd: All of us are winnin', pickin and a-grinnin', Lordy but I love to jam,

Kermit: Everybodie's singin', dancin', and a-jinglin'. Don't worry that's the way I am!

commentary: That is painful!: end commentary

Dr. Teeth:
Lost my heart in Texas, Northern lights affect us, I keep it underneath my hat,
Aurora Borealis, shinin down on Dallas! Can you picture that?
Can you picture that?

All:Can you picture?
You gotta see it in your mind!
Can you picture?
You know it's quick and easy to find!
Can you picture?
You don't have to buy a frame!
Can you picture?
Can you picture that?
Can you picture that?

Dr. Teeth:
Use it if you need it,

Floyd:
Don't forget to feed it!

All:
Can you picture that?

(A penguin hops out with a cue card that says "Applause!"

Crowd: APPLAUSE!!! Oh no, we fell for it again!

commentary: They must not be very smart at Grosse High...:end commentary

Rowlf: That was great guys! Get ready for the next song.

(Meanwhile on the dance floor...)

Sam: Hey, you! Arms length apart!

(He breaks up a young Wayne and Wanda while they're dancing)

Wayne: What a strict guy!

Wanda: Yeah, remind me never to work with him in my life!

Gonzo: Haven't seen them in a while.:end Gonzo

(Shift to the snack bar where Gonzo, Camilla, Beauregard, Fozzie, Rizzo, Yolanda, Scooter, and Pepe are standing)

Gonzo: So, are we all ready?

Pepe: Hey Gonso, remind me again what we are doing. Hokay?

Gonzo: We're going to get Link and Piggy to break up so Kermit can dance with her!

commentary: And now, the plan is revealed:end commentary

Rizzo: And how are we gonna do that?

Gonzo: I've told you guys already!

Fozzie: Well will you tell us again? I um, kinda forgot.

Pepe: Si, me to. Hokay?

Rizzo: Same here.

Scooter: I remember, most of it.

Yolanda: Who's Kermit again?

Camilla: Bawk!

Beau: Why do we want to break Link and Piggy?

commentary: Lame joke...:end commentary

Gonzo: QUIET!!! Fine, I'll tell you guys the plan again. First, Fozzie will distract Kermit with some jokes.

Fozzie: Right!

Gonzo: Then, Rizzo and Yolanda will bring in the bovarian chocolates.

Rizzo: Alright, chocolate!

Gonzo: Always about food...:end Gonzo

Yolanda: Yummy!

Gonzo: Next, Beau will have the net set up right above the bovarian chocolates.

Beau: Right, the net's right here! (Holds up a fishing net)

Gonzo: The big net Beau!

Beau: Oh, right!

Gonzo: Then, when Piggy and Link are at the chocolates, and under the net, Pepe will light my cannon and I'll fly up loosen the net as it drops below and captures Link, then Scooter you'll pull the net up leaving Piggy alone, and dateless. Fozzie, then you tell Kermit that Piggy's eligible again, they'll dance together and everything will end happily ever after!

Pepe: Si, si, I remember now. So, when do we initiate dis plan?

Gonzo: As soon as the band starts to play the song before "Rainbow Connection." That way, Janice can stop faking the sprained wrist and play with the band while Kermit dances.

Gonzo: She was faking?!? I never saw it coming! How was that Ryan?end Gonzo

commentary: It was fine until you asked me!:end commentary

Scooter: Sounds kinda complicated boss, are you sure we can pull it off?

Gonzo: Anything is possible!

 

[Beauregard]

Actually *gulp* I didn't see it comign either, Gonzo! Am I thick, or did I miss the plot? Looking back I see clues laid out plainly, that I totally missed. Such as Beau making as excuse about getting to the party. I thought that was a lame joke! Now I see it was a Big Clue! And I totally missed it! Same with the "Left wrist/right wrist" thing of Janice's! I thought that was Janice's lack of schooling showing through there, lol. I do get it now though, and it's Fab!

 

[BEAR]

I just thought of something...since this is supposed to be a prequel to The Muppet Movie, can you give some kind of "explanation" as to why Pepe wasn't in the movie. It would be interesting.

 

[theprawncracker]

I just thought of something...since this is supposed to be a prequel to The Muppet Movie, can you give some kind of "explanation" as to why Pepe wasn't in the movie. It would be interesting.

Ahh, yes Pepe, well, when he awoke he realized that he had amnesia so, he thought that he'd start a new life for himself. So he moved down to Florida and shaked his bon bons with some of de ladies. Hokay? Then, he decided he'd go see this revolutianary movie,(TMM) and it changed his life. He then set out on a quest to find this "Kermin the Frog" and his "Muffins." Along the way he met a kindly elephant named Seymour. They put together an act, and decided he wanted to perform with Kermin, not just meet him. And he finnaly found them right about when Kermit decided it was time for the Muppets to start up a new show. And Pepe became one of the regulars. That's why Pepe was not in TMM.

Wow, I tottally ad-libbed that...

 

[The Count]

Unbeliefable, hokay?

Now... What about Johnny and his cohorts? And Clifford?
No worries mon, sokay if you can't come up with an hexplanation. Just that you did so good with Pepe's, maybe we can answer these before anyone else spots the absence of Clifford and Johnny and Sal and Johnny's Ma from TMM.

 

[theprawncracker]

You know, I thought of that while I was typing...

Clifford realized he had no reason to return to high school, so he hit the road, and went to travel America. He met up with The Electric Mayhem and joined them as a guitarist for a while, but he decided that it wasn't his place to stay. So he went back on the road playing at open mike night in bars, etc. Then one day he was eating lunch in a small diner in Texas when he saw Kermit the Frog advertising the Muppets Take Manhaten on some local news show. He knew that if he ever wanted to hit it big, he had to go to the most powerful frog in Hollywood. So he managed to arange an audience with Kermit, and they hit it off great. Kermit told him about this new show that he was thinking about starting with a close friend of his and asked if Clifford would like to perform on the show. Of course Clifford agreed and he became a regular on The Jim Henson Hour. But unfourtunatly the show was canceled, and Clifford and Kermit went their seperate ways for awhile, staying in touch by phone or letters. But when Kermit got an offer to do another show he knew he couldn't stand to host it with a whole new group of Muppets, he was just to old. So he called his old pal Clifford and asked him to host Muppets Tonight. The rest is history.

Johnny decided to move out of his Ma's basement and try to make it big singing. So, he and Sal set out to try and find a recording office to produce Johnny's songs. But no one wanted a has been lounge singer and his monkey on a record. So Johnny moved back with his Ma. Then, 10 years later he heard that Kermit the Frog was looking for some new entertainment on his new show, so Johnny and Sal went to Hollywood and performed for Kermit. Kermit was reluctant about hiring them, but the Electric Mayhem wasn't always available for Kermit on the new show(after all, they had other gigs) so he hired Johnny, but of course Sal came with him.

 

[theprawncracker]

Muppet High Chapter 15:

(The band is seen onstage...)

All:

And let...love...go!!!

(Crowd cheers...)

Rowlf: Thank you, thank you! Now, it's about time we start to wrap things up, so now, we'll performing our second to last song of the night!

Floyd(to Kermit): Hey green stuff, we don't need ya for this next song, so just go have some water off stage. You okay?

commentary: That was planned ya know.:end commentary

Kermit: Yeah, I'm fine. Let love go. Let love go! Gotta forget about Piggy.
(He glances over and sees Link totally ignoring her for some pretzels) She's way to good for him.

Dr.Teeth: And now, "You can't take no for an answer."

You can't take no for an answer!
You can't take no for an answer!
You can't take no for an answer!
No, no, no.

(The camera drifts to Gonzo who is sitting inside a cannon and holding a walkie talkie...)

Gonzo(to the walkie talkie): Everyone in position?

(Shift to Beau in the rafters...)

Beau: Ready!

(Shift to Fozzie standing behind Kermit...)

Fozzie: Ready!

(Shift to Rizzo and Yolanda holding the chocolate...)

Both: Ready!

(Shift to Scooter holding a rope leading up to the ceiling...)

Scooter: Ready boss!

(Shift to Pepe standing behind Gonzo's cannon...)

Pepe: Si, I am ready. Hokay? But was it really necessary for me to have dis walkie talkie?

Gonzo: It adds dramatic emphasis.

commentary: Ha, that's funny.:end commentary

Pepe: Hokay. Whatever.

(Shift to Dr.Teeth...)

Dr.Teeth:
Whatcha gonna do when the dimes get tough
and the world's treating you unkind?
You gotta hang on to your optimistic outlook
And keep possession of your positive state-of-mind.

Band: State of mind, state of mind, state, state, state!

(Shift back to Gonzo...)

Gonzo: Alright Rizzo, place the chocolates!

(Shift to Rizzo who runs right under Beau's net, and lays the box of chocolates on the floor, then shift back to Gonzo)

Gonzo: Good, now Fozzie distract Kermit.

(Shift to Fozzie...)

Fozzie: Hey Kermit! Have you heard the one about...

(Shift to Link and Piggy...)

Link: Chocolate?!? I love chocolate!

Piggy: What?!? You're leaving me for chocolate?!?

(Link grabs the box and starts shoveling it in, shift back to Gonzo...)

Gonzo: Pepe, light me!

Pepe: Si! (He lights the cannon and Gonzo flies into the air, then, the cannon flies back on Pepe) Ow! Jew owe me some big moneys! Hokay?

Gonzo: It's about time that little shrimp got squashed!:end Gonzo

(Gonzo is flying through the air then hits the net and it drops on Link...)

Link: What the...

Scooter: He's under! I better start pulling!

(Scooter pulls the rope and Link is pulled up to the ceiling...)

Link: Hey, get me down from here!

(Meanwhile, Gonzo hits Beau, and knocks him off the rafters and they fall and land on Statler and Waldorf...)

Statler: What is this?!?

Waldorf: It looks like a weirdo and a janitor!

Statler: Well, looks like we get to punish them!

Waldorf: Alright!

Both: Do ho ho!

Gonzo: Of course I was happy, I thought maybe they'd torture us! But no...:end Gonzo

(Shift to Fozzie and Kermit...)

Fozzie: Hey Kermit! Is that Piggy standing there by herself?

Kermit: Huh? Where?

(He see's Piggy and hops off the stage and goes to her...)

commentary: Break out the Kleenex Gonzo, the next chapter kinda gets ya right here ya know?:end commentary

Gonzo: Uh huh! Alright Fred bring 'er in! (a truck dumps a ton of Kleenex boxes on Ryan and Gonzo):end Gonzo

commentary: Thanks Gonzo...:end commentary