Dealing with depression and anxiety

[Flaky Pudding]

You got me thinking about you this week.
As you were growing up, did your parents ever push you to do things for yourself? Do chores? Because even at an early age, my parents gave chores to my brother, sister, and me. I vacuumed and took out the garbage, and then when I was a little older it was my job to mow the lawn.. It was little things like that which gave us discipline and gradually leaning towards adulthood. These are things you do when you grow up. If your parents never instilled this in you, they did you a big disservice. The whole point of raising kids is to get them to think and act for themselves.

Did you graduate high school? Because usually after that the next big step is college, joining the military, or going to work. And parents are supposed to guide you so you have a future.
If you want to PM me if you feel like talking about it, I’m here. I’m curious to why your parents wouldn’t push you to do more.

They definitely did push me to do things for myself. It's just that until I was 14 years old, there was a much bigger issue that got in their way.

You see, I had what was called oppositional defiant disorder. It meant that I had much stronger behavioral issues than most other kids my age. Being unusually negative, arguing all the time, lying, procrastinating, saying mean things when I got mad, blaming others for my own mistakes, lashing out at people for no reason whatsoever, disrespecting authority figures, complaining about everything, being irritable and quick to anger, yelling, slamming doors, deliberately annoying other people, being exceptionally impatient, refusing to comply with rules, ignoring my parent's good advice, experience drastic mood swings, having a general lack of empathy/understanding towards the feelings of others and extreme stubbornness were all major problems we would face on a daily basis, As if all those behavioral issues weren't already difficult enough, there was another problem as well. Most people know when enough is enough but whenever I got into trouble, I would always push things further and further. Literally everything I thought inside my head, I also said out loud. Things were already rough enough, but if I couldn't even help myself by just simply being quite and realizing that certain things are not okay to say, that complicated things even further.

A major problem about ODD is that if not treated at a young age, it can turn into something far worse called Conduct Disorder. Conduct Disorder takes it to a much larger scale and extends to violent, destructive, and criminal behavior. In fact, I've actually seen how Conduct Disorder works first hand with my youngest cousin. It wasn't that her parents didn't take good care of her, they did whatever they could to help her out. But at the same time, she had multiple other siblings they had to take care of too. She is now 15 years old and has already stolen her mom's credit card, snuck out of the house with a strange man she met online (who ended up being a sexual predator), got expelled from school on multiple occasions, and has even reportedly engaged in sexual activity more than once! That's how horribly ODD can ruin a person's life if not treated by the time they hit puberty.


Thankfully unlike my cousin, I was an only child and that gave my parents enough to focus every bit of energy they had on making sure I don't grow up to be that way. They eventually ended up homeschooling me to focus even more on that and it was until I was 14 that the problem had officially gone away. For understandable reasons, that much larger issue took away from things like chores for the most part. I still did some things but they had plenty more to worry about. It wasn't until I was 15 that we really started focusing more on life skills. There are several chores I routinely do. I do the dishes, take out the trash, feed the pets, pick up sticks in the yard, carry the groceries in and put them away afterwards, dust off the furniture, put the clothes away after they're done in the laundry, and so on.

This has been even more a part of my life after the COVID pandemic hit. Staying home as much as possible has allowed me to focus more time on chores than ever before. I've started paying the bills as of recently, chop firewood during this winter season, and was even able to assemble an entire bed almost completely by myself with as minimal help as possible. It's not that I haven't tried doing laundry, cooking, and driving in the past. I have, it's just that with me having certain developmental delays, there are some things that are very easy for most people that are quite hard for me. My parents have always made in effort to help me be independent.

 

[fuzzygobo]

Okay. You don’t sound like you’re in that bad a shape. Just a little more guidance and you’ll find you can do more. Baby steps. Don’t give up, and don’t sell yourself short.

 

[Any Del]

That's terrible. I'm sorry. As one who has dealt with weight issues off and on, I can tell you that regarding yourself as unattractive -- or listening to anyoen who bodyshames you -- is unproductive, and does NOT help you overcome bad habits or increase self-esteem.

Exercise for your long-term health, yes. But don't let anyone judge your body shape.

You can tell that to my nosy *** superintendent and narcissistic parents.

 

[Any Del]

I am SO DONE with everything right now. I am ashamed to be born in an environment full of sad, destructive, hypocritical, damaged children who can't take what they dish out. Having to suppress my frustration for years while they get to treat me like absolute **** sucks.

They gave me Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder and Anixety because of their crap. Constantly going as far as to blame me for how they act along with their extensions. I don't feel heard, loved, understood and respected. Narcs making me thing I'm the crazy one that should be put in a mental hospital. THEY need to be put in a mental hospital!

I seriously wish I was in therapy right now but unfortunately don't have the money to afford it.

Why was I place in such an evil environment?

 

[LittleJerry92]

Sounds to me like you sadly just had some bad luck being put in the wrong family. 22 year sadly will do that to you.

 

[Any Del]

Sometimes I imagine what my life would be like if I didn't had them as parents.

 

[fuzzygobo]

I am SO DONE with everything right now. I am ashamed to be born in an environment full of sad, destructive, hypocritical, damaged children who can't take what they dish out. Having to suppress my frustration for years while they get to treat me like absolute **** sucks.

They gave me Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder and Anixety because of their crap. Constantly going as far as to blame me for how they act along with their extensions. I don't feel heard, loved, understood and respected. Narcs making me thing I'm the crazy one that should be put in a mental hospital. THEY need to be put in a mental hospital!

I seriously wish I was in therapy right now but unfortunately don't have the money to afford it.

Why was I place in such an evil environment?

If it’s that bad, the best thing you can do is move out. If you have another relative or friend you could move in with temporarily, just to clear your head, do it for the sake of your own sanity. At least you’re not under their roof anymore.
I moved out when I was 19, in the middle of my college sophomore year. It was hard for a while, money was tight, but I couldn’t live with my alcoholic father anymore. Best decision I ever made. For me.
I’m not at that stage yet, but I always wanted a house with a spare room or two, where someone who has nowhere else to go, can come in and feel safe. Based on if you were in school or not, we’d work out some deal for rent and expenses. I’d take you in a heartbeat.

There used to be an agency in New Jersey called Hope House. They match you up with people with spare rooms, and you work out a deal. If you can’t pay much rent, maybe you do chores. But it gets people out of bad situations so you can live in peace.

 

[Any Del]

I wish I could move out but the thing is some of my friends have issues of their own and still live with their parents. And forget about relatives because they're flying monkeys and enablers.

 

[LittleJerry92]

After thinking things over a bit, I’m starting to now wonder if I’m really full of anger and hatred inside of me, and I was never honest about it until now.

 

[Any Del]

Well are you?