- Nov 21, 2013
- Reaction score
They definitely did push me to do things for myself. It's just that until I was 14 years old, there was a much bigger issue that got in their way.You got me thinking about you this week.
As you were growing up, did your parents ever push you to do things for yourself? Do chores? Because even at an early age, my parents gave chores to my brother, sister, and me. I vacuumed and took out the garbage, and then when I was a little older it was my job to mow the lawn.. It was little things like that which gave us discipline and gradually leaning towards adulthood. These are things you do when you grow up. If your parents never instilled this in you, they did you a big disservice. The whole point of raising kids is to get them to think and act for themselves.
Did you graduate high school? Because usually after that the next big step is college, joining the military, or going to work. And parents are supposed to guide you so you have a future.
If you want to PM me if you feel like talking about it, I’m here. I’m curious to why your parents wouldn’t push you to do more.
You see, I had what was called oppositional defiant disorder. It meant that I had much stronger behavioral issues than most other kids my age. Being unusually negative, arguing all the time, lying, procrastinating, saying mean things when I got mad, blaming others for my own mistakes, lashing out at people for no reason whatsoever, disrespecting authority figures, complaining about everything, being irritable and quick to anger, yelling, slamming doors, deliberately annoying other people, being exceptionally impatient, refusing to comply with rules, ignoring my parent's good advice, experience drastic mood swings, having a general lack of empathy/understanding towards the feelings of others and extreme stubbornness were all major problems we would face on a daily basis, As if all those behavioral issues weren't already difficult enough, there was another problem as well. Most people know when enough is enough but whenever I got into trouble, I would always push things further and further. Literally everything I thought inside my head, I also said out loud. Things were already rough enough, but if I couldn't even help myself by just simply being quite and realizing that certain things are not okay to say, that complicated things even further.
A major problem about ODD is that if not treated at a young age, it can turn into something far worse called Conduct Disorder. Conduct Disorder takes it to a much larger scale and extends to violent, destructive, and criminal behavior. In fact, I've actually seen how Conduct Disorder works first hand with my youngest cousin. It wasn't that her parents didn't take good care of her, they did whatever they could to help her out. But at the same time, she had multiple other siblings they had to take care of too. She is now 15 years old and has already stolen her mom's credit card, snuck out of the house with a strange man she met online (who ended up being a sexual predator), got expelled from school on multiple occasions, and has even reportedly engaged in sexual activity more than once! That's how horribly ODD can ruin a person's life if not treated by the time they hit puberty.
Thankfully unlike my cousin, I was an only child and that gave my parents enough to focus every bit of energy they had on making sure I don't grow up to be that way. They eventually ended up homeschooling me to focus even more on that and it was until I was 14 that the problem had officially gone away. For understandable reasons, that much larger issue took away from things like chores for the most part. I still did some things but they had plenty more to worry about. It wasn't until I was 15 that we really started focusing more on life skills. There are several chores I routinely do. I do the dishes, take out the trash, feed the pets, pick up sticks in the yard, carry the groceries in and put them away afterwards, dust off the furniture, put the clothes away after they're done in the laundry, and so on.
This has been even more a part of my life after the COVID pandemic hit. Staying home as much as possible has allowed me to focus more time on chores than ever before. I've started paying the bills as of recently, chop firewood during this winter season, and was even able to assemble an entire bed almost completely by myself with as minimal help as possible. It's not that I haven't tried doing laundry, cooking, and driving in the past. I have, it's just that with me having certain developmental delays, there are some things that are very easy for most people that are quite hard for me. My parents have always made in effort to help me be independent.