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Dealing with depression and anxiety

LittleJerry92

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If I’m being honest, sometimes I feel like I am.

Just the kind of person who just wishes to not be around anyone and forever be an outcast with no human contact.
 

fuzzygobo

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It’s good to recognize if anger issues exist. And it’s not too late to get help or to change.
Years ago, I thought I could function without human contact. But no man is an island.
Depriving yourself of human contact might make you feel worse.

Just popping pills (like they prescribe for depression) might take some edge off, but the anger is still there. It’s like putting a band aid on a train wreck.
But I pray for you to come to grips with your anger. It’s not a healthy way to live.
 

fuzzygobo

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Believe me, I’ve struggled with anger in my twenties..What worried me was I didn’t know what would make me snap. The one where you do something you’ll regret later.

I knew it was coming soon, but I was so close to the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Or the brawl that stroked the camel’s sack.
Pick one.
 

LittleJerry92

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Sadly I’ve had a lot of those moments. But yeah, I think if anything some of it has to do with my friend circle getting smaller and smaller as I get older - very often eventually seeing what some people who I once thought were my “friends” turn out to be complete scumbags. Makes me just more of an introvert as time goes on. Doesn’t also help that the past two elections and this pandemic showed what absolute children even adults can be.

At times I also feel my learning disability has made my life difficult, and there was one point in my life two years ago it got to a point where I felt like it was just leading to a big self-hatred of myself. This world isn’t meant for people who have mental disabilities. It’s just a proven fact. You have to have a normal-functioning brain to even feel like you belong on this world without having unfair judgements thrown at you or being discriminated. Mental disabilities are especially a clear bias in this country just as how we have racial, LGBT and sex biases. It gets frustrating at times.
 

Any Del

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I definitely relate to this. Both of my "parents" getting an attitude, impatience and such. Still struggle with it now.
 

LittleJerry92

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So, I have to be honest….. my anxiety has really been acting up these past two weeks, and I really hate it.

It mainly started last week when I applied for a dish washer job at Texas Roadhouse when I stupidly blindly applied for it and ended up getting the job anyway. I was mainly just nervous how the job would turn out for me due to how brutal resteraunt life can get. So on Friday last week it was just too much for me that I couldn’t take another day and quit (I already explained what happened on another thread). Since I quit, I’ve just been feeling really grumpy with myself for a good while for just feeling like I did a horrible mistake applying there, and it eventually lead to my mentality just acting up continually with anxiety. This isn’t new for me. This usually happens for me when I’ve had to resign from a job, but either way, it’s not a great feeling. I feel like I haven’t been able to sleep well these past two weeks as a result.

Like truth be told, on Wednesday this week, my mind was really acting up that I decided to watch an ASMR video on YouTube to calm myself down….. and it worked a little too well, to the point I flat out black-out passed out for a bit on my couch and then woke up not knowing what was going on.

If anything though, I did learn my lesson on applying for a resteraunt job. It really did not mix for me at all. I’m gonna spend tomorrow just meditating my thoughts away.
 

LittleJerry92

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Okay, I’ve been looking at a lot of older posts from 2017-2020 and….. wow. There really were a lot of things that messed with my mental health:

Finishing college in 2017 really caused a lot of mood swings for me during the summer and fall of 2017. But that year overall was just a big poop dumpster.

2018 was even worse in all honesty, one of my biggest stressors being the mistake of applying for that incredibly disorganized company Mobile Cuts Boston. And the fact that my boss just eventually ended up taking advantage of me when he “offered” me a paying job just to completely ghost me again. 🤷🏿‍♂️ It also didn’t help that I ended up cutting ties with a lot of friends that year (who all turned really toxic af).

2019 was slightly better but not by much. One of my biggest stressors that year was the start of having to re-decorate my house (which I still miss greatly) and starting to feel like I was developing a self-hatred of myself due to my learning disability, mainly because I felt like it was causing me to just eff up on certain situations. Thankfully that self-hatred has now since gone away.

2020? Do I even need to start with this year? This year completely DESTROYED my mental health with everything going on. Though I will also say this, it has seriously shaped me up a lot and I’ve now reached that point where I’m very careful who I bring into my life.

This year my depression has pretty much been on and off, but in all honesty I’d say it really has improved quite a bit. Especially with not having to constantly hear oRaNgE mAn BaD 24/7 (and also discovering the gold mine of a huge library of SS episodes! 😄)
 

fuzzygobo

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How long were you at Texas Roadhouse? I know working in a restaurant is not for everybody. It’s hot, dirty, and you’re always on your feet. But sometimes you need to give a job some time before you jump ship.
The one downside to quitting, you can’t collect unemployment.
 

LittleJerry92

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Only for a day. I try not to quit on the first day of a job, but this was an instance I nearly injured myself, twice as a matter of fact, one instance nearly throwing out my back from carrying incredibly heavy trays. It also didn’t help that there were way too many incredibly hard to reach areas for me when it came to putting stuff away that I had to stand on crates (which I didn’t feel safe doing at all). I almost passed out from heat stroke from how ridiculously hot it gets in there (I get dehydrated very easily) and I was feeling sick to my stomach from having to clean up so much wet food that I was close to puking.

I appreciate your thoughts, but this was a big life lesson for me - resteraunts are not for me. I was limping when I got home from how much pain my body was in. When I had a bad back from carrying those trays I could barely stand. I didn’t want to take the risk of potentially finding myself in a worse situation if I continued working there. My boss was completely understanding about it.
 

fuzzygobo

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Well, yes. Restaurant kitchens will always be hot. You will be required to lift fifty pounds.
When I helped my boss putting away sides of beef or large shipments of fish, it will give your back a workout.
But I’ll tell you this much. To reach high places, you’re not supposed to stand on crates. OSHA requirements say every kitchen is supposed to have a stepladder.
If you slipped and fell off those crates you’d have grounds for a lawsuit.
Too bad you didn’t last more than a day. An incident like that could be grounds for a safety inspection. It might not be enough to put them out of business, but it could mean a steep fine.
 
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