The New New Quote Thread

[ConsummateVs]

Man Ray: Excuse me, sir, but I do believe you've dropped your wallet.
Patrick: Dosen't look familiar to me.
Man Ray: What? I just saw you drop it. Here.
Patrick: Nope, it's not mine.
Man Ray: It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you.
Patrick: Return what to who?
Man Ray: *facepalms* Aren't you Patrick Star?
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: And this is your ID.
Patrick: Yep.
Man Ray: I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case, this must be your wallet.
Patrick: That makes sense to me.
Man Ray: Then take it.
Patrick: It's not my wallet.

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Mermaid Man: If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.

Orderly: What is going on in here?

Mermaid Man: [Points at SpongeBob] You may kiss the bride!

[SpongeBob is kicked out of the retirement home and rolls back home]

Patrick Star: Did you reunite our heroes?

SpongeBob: No, but I'm married.

 

[cjd874]

Kermit: Oh, look! The Happiness Hotel! (camera cuts to a dilapidated building)
Fozzie: If that's the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the Sadness Hotel looks like.

----from "The Great Muppet Caper"

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Statler: Well, Waldorf, they finally made it to Broadway.

Waldorf: Yes, and I already bought tickets.

Statler: Are they good seats?

Waldorf: Sure are. They're on the next train out of town.

 

[LittleJerry92]

"Does this outfit make me look fat?" -Sandy Cheeks.

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Joel: Hey, Crow.
Crow: Yes, Joel Hodgson?
Joel: I found the secret of life the other day... but it kinda bummed me out.
Crow: You found the secret of life? Why should it bum you out?
Joel: It was on 8-track.
[Gypsy and Crow laugh.]

 

[LittleJerry92]

Ah, the Green Slime pilot....

 

[LittleJerry92]

"OOGOO-BOOGA!"

-Aku Aku

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

"Kermit the Frog: [trying to come up with rhyming song lyrics] Here, try this. Mary had a little canary. It was bluer than the sky. And every where that Mary went, the canary was sure to fly.
Don Music: [shouts] But canaries aren't blue!
Kermit the Frog: Jeesh!
Don Music: I'll never get it! Never! You won't help! Oh!
[bangs his head against the piano]
Kermit the Frog: Uh, you'll hurt yourself in the head, there, Don."

 

[cjd874]

"Kermit the Frog: [trying to come up with rhyming song lyrics] Here, try this. Mary had a little canary. It was bluer than the sky. And every where that Mary went, the canary was sure to fly.
Don Music: [shouts] But canaries aren't blue!
Kermit the Frog: Jeesh!
Don Music: I'll never get it! Never! You won't help! Oh!
[bangs his head against the piano]
Kermit the Frog: Uh, you'll hurt yourself in the head, there, Don."

An undeniable classic! As a kid, whenever I saw that sketch I fell on the floor laughing. Just like this one:
: Hey Ernie, bananas are food. They are for eating, not for putting in your ear.
: (loudly) WHAT WAS THAT, BERT?
(agitated, starts shouting): Will you just take that banana out of your ear?!
(shouting back): I'M SORRY BERT! YOU'VE GOT TO SPEAK LOUDER! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'VE GOT A BANANA IN MY EAR!!!