The New New Quote Thread

[cjd874]

From Muppet Guys Talking.
Bill Barretta: For Muppets Tonight, we started having workshops to find new characters. And I picked up this Viking pig, with big bushy eyebrows, a shield and a sword. And I forget what the question was but, he answered (in an effeminate voice) "This is fabulous being here!" (Everyone laughs) Just completely different. "I love this Viking idea! This shield and sword makes me look fantastic!" And that became Howard Tubman.

I loved that bit! I got another one from the same film:
Frank Oz: To get into Grover, for a long time I went, (in Grover's voice) "Hmm?" Somehow, that always got me into it. But I did fashion Grover on my dog, Fred.
Jerry Nelson: One of the writers was writing a new character. He wasn't into blood at all, but he had a real jones for numbers. So I asked Jim, "Could I do it?" He said, "Let me hear it," and I said, (in thick Transylvanian accent) "Yes, I vant to count!"

 

[LittleJerry92]

"And America continues to show it's true colors. . . ."

 

[LittleJerry92]

"That's what " --she said

 

[LittleJerry92]

"I'm m0ving 2 kanada if Trump wins!!!!!1111!!!!"

-years later, everyone is still here

 

[cjd874]

(An excerpt from Dana Carvey's sketch about Paul McCartney talking to John Lennon in heaven about Kanye, Trump, and other things)
Dana in John's voice: Well what are his [Kanye's] lyrics about?
Dana in Paul's voice: Well y'know, he writes chest thumpers about how good he is! Remember when you said we're as popular as Jesus? He thinks he IS Jesus!
John: Does he have a woman who inspires him?
Paul: Yeah, he does! He's married to a terrific gal named Kim Kardashian.
John What does she do?
Paul: (long pause) Uh, she takes pictures of her bottom!
John: With a Polaroid camera?
Paul: No, with a baby television! In the future, we all have baby televisions in our pockets, John! And she uses it to take pictures of her bottom! The whole family is doing it. One man got so frustrated that he became a woman!
John: Do they still remember us, Paul?
Paul: Oh yeah! They still buy Beatles records! We've outsold everybody except for Enimem!
John: ...we got outsold by a candy?

 

[gravy]

''Enjoy the diabetes.'' - @LittleJerry92

 

[D'Snowth]

BARNEY: Andy, what's that? That's not the sheriff's manual, that's not the book we go by.
ANDY: No, that's the sponsor's manual, that's the book we go by.

 

[cjd874]

"Me have a soft-boiled cookie with a glass of cookie juice on the side!"

--- Cookie Monster, from the SS song "Breakfast Time"

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Oscar the Grouch: Say! Aren't you Johnny Trash?

Johnny Cash: No, Cash.

Oscar the Grouch: Cash, Cash!

Johnny Cash: Yeah. Have a rotten day!

 

[cjd874]

Kermit: Where's Fozzie? He's supposed to be onstage.
Floyd Pepper: Oh, he must be late getting back from group!
Kermit: Group? ....Fozzie went to group therapy??
Floyd: (laughing) Yeah, he wants to learn to be more dominating!
Fozzie (from behind the backstage doors, emphatically): Open up, DOORS! These doors will swing open through the force of my will ALONE!
[Nothing happens and Floyd and Kermit look at each other in confusion]
Fozzie: Okay, I'LL open the doors! (Fozzie flings the doors open) There! I opened the doors, and I WANTED TO! Thank you!
Kermit: Hey, it's a pity that you couldn't open the show too!
Fozzie: Excuse me, Mr. Frog! I am an established artiste! I will not be treated like a newcomer!
Floyd Pepper: Nah, you'll be treated like a latecomer!

(The Muppet Show Episode 311: Raquel Welch)