The New New Quote Thread

[cjd874]

Fozzie Bear: At our house we use paper plates, and after dinner my wife erases the dishes!

 

[Froggy Fool]

Guy Smiley: I think I will go in and sit down.
Pierre the Waiter: Oh, no no no no no! You may not go in and sit down.
Guy Smiley: But why not?
Pierre the Waiter: There is no chair for you. We only have a table for 39, But we do not have table for 40.

 

[cjd874]

Morley Safer: How do the characters develop? Did Lew Zealand just spring out of someone's head one day?
[Jerry Nelson brings Lew to life]
Jerry/Lew: Well, they needed a boomerang fish act and I was the only one who had one! I throw them AY-WAY and they come back to me! I used to work for a porpoise, but I lobster! Heehehehehe...that's a joke.

[The Muppets' interview for 60 Minutes, circa 1979...it's an excellent video if you haven't seen it before]

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

[Carol walks into Mike's den to show off her new ensemble for their weekend vacation at a dude ranch]

Carol Ann Brady: What are you going to wear, Mike?

Michael 'Mike' Brady: Oh I don't know... my cowboy boots...

Carol Ann Brady: [in her best John Wayne impression] Well ya better wear somethin' else, or you're gonna get arrested!

Michael 'Mike' Brady: Not to mention sunburn!

 

[ConsummateVs]

"old women are better than you" - @gavry3

 

[cjd874]

"He's improving. Last time, he used spaghetti sauce." --- Bert (from the SS sketch where Ernie writes a shopping list using chocolate pudding as ink)

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

[Yakko's just sung a song listing eight of the nine planets of the solar system]

Yakko Warner: There you go, that's our solar system.

Wakko Warner: You forgot Uranus.

Yakko Warner: [blowing a kiss to the audience] Good NIGHT, everybody

 

[cjd874]

Eugene: Are you okay, Keith? [Keith is staring into space, his cheeks full of food and looking worried]
Keith: I don't remember taking that bite...it just kinda happened! [laughter]
Eugene: Are you on the McDonald's high right now? [Keith nods, panicked] Can you see space and time? [Eugene's voice echoes wildly and the screen colors start changing]
Keith: My vision's kinda fuzzy...
Ned: Let's load this up onto a cart and just take this [food] around the office.
Eugene: Oh, like McDonald's dim sum!

"The Try Guys: Keith Eats Everything at McDonald's"
(Note: do not try this at home!)

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Pumbaa: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?

Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.

Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?

Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.

Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.

Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

 

[antsamthompson9]

From Muppet Guys Talking.
Bill Barretta: For Muppets Tonight, we started having workshops to find new characters. And I picked up this Viking pig, with big bushy eyebrows, a shield and a sword. And I forget what the question was but, he answered (in an effeminate voice) "This is fabulous being here!" (Everyone laughs) Just completely different. "I love this Viking idea! This shield and sword makes me look fantastic!" And that became Howard Tubman.