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Sam and Friends BookNOTE: Half of this chapter has been cut because it was written before the whole "characters on a children's show/in a children's movie can no longer smoke" thing, and half of this chapter had to deal with Ernie, Bert, Elmo, and Cookie Monster having to deal with a bunch of rude smokers on their way to Scotland, so if this chapter seems a little shorter than usual, this is the reason why.
So finally, our friend's train made it to a small village in Scotland.
ERNIE: Wow... Scotland is so... green!
BERT: Yeah, much like some friends I know!
COOKIE MONSTER: (Sniffs) What that smell?
VENDER: HAGGIS! GET YER HAGGIS!
COOKIE MONSTER: Mmm! Me want haggis! You guys coming?
ELMO: What's haggis?
BERT: Believe me, you don't want to know.
COOKIE MONSTER: Me still want haggis!
Cookie Monster then ran over to the haggis stand, where they found a very familiar face behind the stand: pale blue fleecy skin, small round eyes, a large, round, lavendar nose, but this time, he was sporting a tartar kilt, and a long, orange beard.
BERT: Say, weren't you the record keeper in England?
ERNIE: Yeah, and come to think of it, didn't you serve us spaghetti in Italy?
SCOTISH LAD: Not I, laddies, not I, I'm jest yer averrrrage run o' mill haggis vender... care fer some, laddies?
COOKIE MONSTER: OH! YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH! ME STARVING!
SCOTISH LAD: Then by all means...
The Scotish lad then served Cookie Monster a plate of haggis, much to the disgust of Ernie and Bert, and to the amusement of Elmo, and in less time than it takes to tell, Cookie Monster ate the whole thing... including the plate, but then he didn't feel so good, so he ran around the back of the stand to throw up.
SCOTISH LAD: Aw, what's the matter, laddy?
BERT: Forgive me for saying so, sir, although Cookie Monster is a compulsive eater, I don't believe the vital organs of a sheep are something he'd actually eat anytime soon if he realized it.
ELMO: EEWWWWWWWWWW! You mean to tell Elmo Cookie Monster just ate a bunch of sheep tummies?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye little rrrrrrred laddy, as well as the liver and the intestines! (Sighs) It's werth fightin' fer if you ask me! So, I take it you lads aren't from arrrrrrround here?
ERNIE: That's right, we're from Sesame Street!
SCOTISH LAD: Sesame Street, eh? Mmm, sounds vaguely familiar, laddy... I think my cousin, Old Mac Donald has a farm around that area.
ELMO: Old Mac Donald is YOUR cousin! THE Old Mac Donald?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye, laddy! The one and only, with the quack-quack here, and the moo-moo therrrrrrrrre...
BERT: So, now that you know we're from Sesame Street, can you guess why we're here?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye, laddy, yer herrrrre in seairrrrch of the Giant Sesame Seed of Sesame Street! I saw it with me own eyes! Big as all outdoors... BIGGER! Aye, laddy, that thing could give Nessy a rrrrrrrrrun for her money!
ERNIE: Do you think you could help us look for it?
SCOTISH LAD: I'd love to, but if I may say so, yer all looking booshed!
BERT: Well, we are kind of tired... and it IS getting kind of late...
SCOTISH LAD: Well, yer in luck, laddies, I also happen to rrrrrrrrrrrun a little inn herrrrrrre as well!
ELMO: What's an inn?
BERT: Like a hotel.
ELMO: Oh.
SCOTISH LAD: Come on, I'll help you laddies get a rrrrrrrrrrrooooooooom fer the night!
It was before long, Ernie, Bert, Elmo, and Cookie Monster found themselves as guests in a Best Western in the little village, where Scotish Lad also worked as manager, but apparently business had been slow lately, hence why he opened a haggis stand on the side to earn extra money. Scotlish lad gave them their keys for their room for the night; the room had a double bed, and a sleeper sofa, though Elmo felt he deserved the entire bed to himself, while Cookie Monster took the sleeper sofa, leaving Ernie and Bert to either sleep on the floor, or one of them could sleep in the arm chair next to the window. Bert was used to sacrificing everything for Ernie, so he let him take the chair for the night, and it wasn't before long, Ernie found himself staring at the moon... somehow, although it looked exactly the same in the skies about Scotland as it did back home on Sesame Street, somehow, it seemed a bit more enticing tonight...
ERNIE: (Singing softly) Well I'd like to visit the moon, on a rocket ship high in the air, yes I'd like to visit the moon, but I don't think I'd want to live there. Though I'd like to look down at the Earth from above, I would miss all the place and people I love, so although I might like it for one afternoon, I don't want to live on the moon...
BERT: (Joining in) I'd like to travel under the sea, I could meet all the fish everywhere, yes I'd travel under the sea, but I don't think I'd want to live there. Though I'd stay for a day there if I had my wish, but there's not much to do when your friends are all fish, and an oyster and clam aren't real family, I don't want live in the sea.
COOKIE MONSTER: (Joining in) Me like to visit the jungle, hear the lion roar...
ELMO: (Joining in) Go back in time and meet a dinosaur...
COOKIE MONSTER: There so many strange places me like to be...
COOKIE MONSTER and ELMO: But none of them permanently...
ERNIE, BERT, ELMO and COOKIE MONSTER: So if I should visit the moon, well I'd dance on a moonbeam and then, I would make a wish on a star, and wish I was home once again. Though I'd like to look down on the Earth from above, still I'd miss all the places and people I love, so although I may go, I'll be coming home soon, 'cause I don't want to live on the moon. No I don't. Want to live. On the moon.
The friends managed to sleep soundly, but before they knew it, night turned to day, and a commotion could be heard outside their window.
BERT: (Yawning) What's going on out there, Ernie?
ERNIE: (Looks out the window) There's a whole crowd of people down there with pitchforks and torches.
BERT: What?
Bert got up off the floor, paused for a moment because his back was hurting, and made his way over to the window where he saw what Ernie had said was true, there was a crowd of people, all with pitchforks and torches, making their way to the lakeshores, and leading them was Scotish Lad.
SCOTISH LAD: LET'S GO, LADS AND LASSIES! LET'S GO SHOW NESSY WHO'S BOSS ARRRRROUND HERRRRRRRRRRE!
Apparently another Nessy sighting had been reported, and this time, the townfolk were ready. Bert sighed as he and the other went down to the break room for a continental breakfast, over breakfast, Bert began reading the paper when...
BERT: Oh no... NO!
ERNIE: What's the matter, Bert?
BERT: Another Giant Sesame Seed of Sesame Street sighting, and it wasn't in Scotland!
ELMO: Where was it?
Chapter 6: The Land of the Free... The Home of the Brave... SCOTLAND!
So finally, our friend's train made it to a small village in Scotland.
ERNIE: Wow... Scotland is so... green!
BERT: Yeah, much like some friends I know!
COOKIE MONSTER: (Sniffs) What that smell?
VENDER: HAGGIS! GET YER HAGGIS!
COOKIE MONSTER: Mmm! Me want haggis! You guys coming?
ELMO: What's haggis?
BERT: Believe me, you don't want to know.
COOKIE MONSTER: Me still want haggis!
Cookie Monster then ran over to the haggis stand, where they found a very familiar face behind the stand: pale blue fleecy skin, small round eyes, a large, round, lavendar nose, but this time, he was sporting a tartar kilt, and a long, orange beard.
BERT: Say, weren't you the record keeper in England?
ERNIE: Yeah, and come to think of it, didn't you serve us spaghetti in Italy?
SCOTISH LAD: Not I, laddies, not I, I'm jest yer averrrrage run o' mill haggis vender... care fer some, laddies?
COOKIE MONSTER: OH! YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH! ME STARVING!
SCOTISH LAD: Then by all means...
The Scotish lad then served Cookie Monster a plate of haggis, much to the disgust of Ernie and Bert, and to the amusement of Elmo, and in less time than it takes to tell, Cookie Monster ate the whole thing... including the plate, but then he didn't feel so good, so he ran around the back of the stand to throw up.
SCOTISH LAD: Aw, what's the matter, laddy?
BERT: Forgive me for saying so, sir, although Cookie Monster is a compulsive eater, I don't believe the vital organs of a sheep are something he'd actually eat anytime soon if he realized it.
ELMO: EEWWWWWWWWWW! You mean to tell Elmo Cookie Monster just ate a bunch of sheep tummies?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye little rrrrrrred laddy, as well as the liver and the intestines! (Sighs) It's werth fightin' fer if you ask me! So, I take it you lads aren't from arrrrrrround here?
ERNIE: That's right, we're from Sesame Street!
SCOTISH LAD: Sesame Street, eh? Mmm, sounds vaguely familiar, laddy... I think my cousin, Old Mac Donald has a farm around that area.
ELMO: Old Mac Donald is YOUR cousin! THE Old Mac Donald?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye, laddy! The one and only, with the quack-quack here, and the moo-moo therrrrrrrrre...
BERT: So, now that you know we're from Sesame Street, can you guess why we're here?
SCOTISH LAD: Aye, laddy, yer herrrrre in seairrrrch of the Giant Sesame Seed of Sesame Street! I saw it with me own eyes! Big as all outdoors... BIGGER! Aye, laddy, that thing could give Nessy a rrrrrrrrrun for her money!
ERNIE: Do you think you could help us look for it?
SCOTISH LAD: I'd love to, but if I may say so, yer all looking booshed!
BERT: Well, we are kind of tired... and it IS getting kind of late...
SCOTISH LAD: Well, yer in luck, laddies, I also happen to rrrrrrrrrrrun a little inn herrrrrrre as well!
ELMO: What's an inn?
BERT: Like a hotel.
ELMO: Oh.
SCOTISH LAD: Come on, I'll help you laddies get a rrrrrrrrrrrooooooooom fer the night!
It was before long, Ernie, Bert, Elmo, and Cookie Monster found themselves as guests in a Best Western in the little village, where Scotish Lad also worked as manager, but apparently business had been slow lately, hence why he opened a haggis stand on the side to earn extra money. Scotlish lad gave them their keys for their room for the night; the room had a double bed, and a sleeper sofa, though Elmo felt he deserved the entire bed to himself, while Cookie Monster took the sleeper sofa, leaving Ernie and Bert to either sleep on the floor, or one of them could sleep in the arm chair next to the window. Bert was used to sacrificing everything for Ernie, so he let him take the chair for the night, and it wasn't before long, Ernie found himself staring at the moon... somehow, although it looked exactly the same in the skies about Scotland as it did back home on Sesame Street, somehow, it seemed a bit more enticing tonight...
ERNIE: (Singing softly) Well I'd like to visit the moon, on a rocket ship high in the air, yes I'd like to visit the moon, but I don't think I'd want to live there. Though I'd like to look down at the Earth from above, I would miss all the place and people I love, so although I might like it for one afternoon, I don't want to live on the moon...
BERT: (Joining in) I'd like to travel under the sea, I could meet all the fish everywhere, yes I'd travel under the sea, but I don't think I'd want to live there. Though I'd stay for a day there if I had my wish, but there's not much to do when your friends are all fish, and an oyster and clam aren't real family, I don't want live in the sea.
COOKIE MONSTER: (Joining in) Me like to visit the jungle, hear the lion roar...
ELMO: (Joining in) Go back in time and meet a dinosaur...
COOKIE MONSTER: There so many strange places me like to be...
COOKIE MONSTER and ELMO: But none of them permanently...
ERNIE, BERT, ELMO and COOKIE MONSTER: So if I should visit the moon, well I'd dance on a moonbeam and then, I would make a wish on a star, and wish I was home once again. Though I'd like to look down on the Earth from above, still I'd miss all the places and people I love, so although I may go, I'll be coming home soon, 'cause I don't want to live on the moon. No I don't. Want to live. On the moon.
The friends managed to sleep soundly, but before they knew it, night turned to day, and a commotion could be heard outside their window.
BERT: (Yawning) What's going on out there, Ernie?
ERNIE: (Looks out the window) There's a whole crowd of people down there with pitchforks and torches.
BERT: What?
Bert got up off the floor, paused for a moment because his back was hurting, and made his way over to the window where he saw what Ernie had said was true, there was a crowd of people, all with pitchforks and torches, making their way to the lakeshores, and leading them was Scotish Lad.
SCOTISH LAD: LET'S GO, LADS AND LASSIES! LET'S GO SHOW NESSY WHO'S BOSS ARRRRROUND HERRRRRRRRRRE!
Apparently another Nessy sighting had been reported, and this time, the townfolk were ready. Bert sighed as he and the other went down to the break room for a continental breakfast, over breakfast, Bert began reading the paper when...
BERT: Oh no... NO!
ERNIE: What's the matter, Bert?
BERT: Another Giant Sesame Seed of Sesame Street sighting, and it wasn't in Scotland!
ELMO: Where was it?
. This forum does not have that many reviewers in it to start with, don't give up hope 
!