The corny joke thread

[D'Snowth]

How do you measure grass?

Spoiler

With a yard stick

What costs millions of dollars but is worthless?

Spoiler

Second place in the election

That circle is pretty smart. Did it go to college?

Spoiler

Are you kidding? It has 360 degrees!

Did you hear about the snail who got rid of his shell?

Spoiler

He thought it would make him fasterm but it just made him sluggish.

 

[Froggy Fool]

This gave me a good laugh. Naw, just kidding. It's corny.

 

[LittleJerry92]

What does Bruce Hornsby say when he gets dumped?

Carry me!

Carry me down...

Carry ME! DOWN! To... HEART-BREAK-TOOOOWN!

Am I right....

@D'Snowth ?

 

[Flaky Pudding]

I think @ConsummateVs is going to like this joke because it features a Homestar Runner reference:

My latest email from an Anonymous user reads "Dear strong bad, I'm a huge fan. Well, thank you very much whoever sent that!"

You're welcome!

 

[captainjlt]

My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred cheese and garlic. She knows I hate it. It really is the grater of two evils. Hahaha XD Let's see if anyone gets it!

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

Question: Why did the poor man sell yeast?

Answer: To raise some dough.

 

[Mary Louise]

What did the Fraggle say when the Gorg grabbed him by the tail?

“This is the end of me!”

 

[Ziffel]

From "Green Acres" (where there were numerous corny jokes but nevertheless hilarious; at least to me as a huge fan of the show):

Mr. Kimball goes up to a secretary at her desk and says, "I'm Mr. Kimball. I have an appointment." The secretary says, "What's your first name?" He says, "Hank. Want to know my middle name?" She replies, "It's not necessary." To which he replies, "Yes it is. Hank Necessary Kimball."

 

[Flaky Pudding]

What do you call a Hispanic Jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi

 

[Flaky Pudding]

What did Crocodile Dundee say to the woman he was about to marry on their wedding day? Now that's a wife!