The corny joke thread

[peyjenk]

A lady goes into a petshop and starts looking around. Soon, she comes across this parrot, who looks her straight in the eye and says, "You're ugly."

The woman is naturally offended, but not wanting to make a scene, continues to meander around, looking at other animals. Before long, though, she realizes that the parrot has followed her. He lands on her shoulder and says, "You're ugly."

The woman is really getting annoyed now, but still wants to be civil, so she waves the parrot off and goes to look at some puppies. But the parrot lands on the puppy pen and once again says, "You're ugly."

The woman has had enough, so she goes to the owner to complain. The owner apologizes, marches over to the parrot and snatches him up. "Listen, buster, you can't keep on insulting my customers!" he says. "If you say that one more time, I'm frying you for dinner. Got it?" The parrot says, "Okay."

So the woman is feeling a little relieved, and she continues looking around the petshop. The parrot, however, is still following her, and lands on a shelf just above her head. She looks up and asks, "What?"

And the parrot says, "You know what."

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Mean joke. But I like it! Heh, heh, heheeeeeee.

 

[Winslow Leach]

Top 15 Reasons Why "Star Wars" is Better Than "Titanic"


15. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

14. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.

13. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

12. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.

11. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

10. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

9. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

8. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"

7. "You're distracting me! Go away!" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee."

6. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.

5. Han Solo would have steered clear of that stupid iceberg!

4. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could have anticipated, "Luke...I am your father."

3. Storm Troopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.

2. When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a dork of himself at the Oscars.

1. Titanic morals: gamble, cheat on your husband, pose in your birthday suit for pictures and cowardice vs. Star Wars morals: fight evil, do good, respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers, save the planet.

 

[Beakerfan]

Haha! I love it!

 

[peyjenk]

I've never thought to look at it that way, but yeah... that makes sense.

Although I do have to ask about #2. Did James Cameron act like a dork at the Oscars?

 

[Winslow Leach]

I've never thought to look at it that way, but yeah... that makes sense.

Although I do have to ask about #2. Did James Cameron act like a dork at the Oscars?

Cameron proclaimed himself "king of the world" at the Oscars. He was obviously quoting "Titanic," but the media took it literally, assuming Cameron was a raving egomaniac or something.

 

[peyjenk]

Ouch. That had to hurt the next morning.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Funny Tony!

 

[Pork]

hahahahahahahahahaha. Thats hilarious.

 

[Mr Devco]

Two guys walk into a bar, the 3rd guy ducked