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The corny joke thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kiki, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. D'Snowth

    D'Snowth Well-Known Member

    How do you measure grass?
    With a yard stick

    What costs millions of dollars but is worthless?
    Second place in the election

    That circle is pretty smart. Did it go to college?
    Are you kidding? It has 360 degrees!

    Did you hear about the snail who got rid of his shell?
    He thought it would make him fasterm but it just made him sluggish.
  2. Froggy Fool

    Froggy Fool Well-Known Member

    This gave me a good laugh. Naw, just kidding. It's corny.
    Mary Louise likes this.
  3. LittleJerry92

    LittleJerry92 Well-Known Member

    What does Bruce Hornsby say when he gets dumped?

    Carry me!

    Carry me down...


    Am I right....

    @D'Snowth ?

    Mary Louise and D'Snowth like this.
  4. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    I think @ConsummateVs is going to like this joke because it features a Homestar Runner reference:

    [​IMG]My latest email from an Anonymous user reads "Dear strong bad, I'm a huge fan. Well, thank you very much whoever sent that!"

    You're welcome!
    ZeppoAndFriends and ConsummateVs like this.
  5. captainjlt

    captainjlt Member

    My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred cheese and garlic. She knows I hate it. It really is the grater of two evils. Hahaha XD Let's see if anyone gets it!
    Flaky Pudding likes this.
  6. MikaelaMuppet

    MikaelaMuppet Well-Known Member

    Question: Why did the poor man sell yeast?

    Answer: To raise some dough.
    Flaky Pudding likes this.
  7. Mary Louise

    Mary Louise Well-Known Member

    What did the Fraggle say when the Gorg grabbed him by the tail?

    “This is the end of me!”
  8. Ziffel

    Ziffel Well-Known Member

    From "Green Acres" (where there were numerous corny jokes but nevertheless hilarious; at least to me as a huge fan of the show):

    Mr. Kimball goes up to a secretary at her desk and says, "I'm Mr. Kimball. I have an appointment." The secretary says, "What's your first name?" He says, "Hank. Want to know my middle name?" She replies, "It's not necessary." To which he replies, "Yes it is. Hank Necessary Kimball."
    ConsummateVs likes this.
  9. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    What do you call a Hispanic Jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi
  10. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    What did Crocodile Dundee say to the woman he was about to marry on their wedding day? Now that's a wife!
  11. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    Fonzie would make a terrible game show host.

    FONZIE:Oh sorry, that answer was wr-wr-wr-wr-, that was answer was wr-r-oh never mind, you screwed up okay!
  12. tutter_fan

    tutter_fan Well-Known Member

    hey, what did the mouse say to the keyboard? "You're just my 'type'!"

    :sleep:&:boo:: BOO!!!!!!! YOU SUCK AT TELLING JOKES!!!!

  13. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    Ridiculous Reboots We Won't Be Seeing Any Time Soon:

    1. Health Inspector Gadget - Inspector Gadget quits his job as a quirky spy and becomes a local food critic. He visits a new restaurant in each episode. If he finds no harm in the place he'll let them stay opened but if he notices any health hazards then he will tell the owners to go go gadget get the heck out of here.

    2. The Bourne Lego-cy - The entire Jason Bourne series remade using LEGO stop motion animation and that's about it really...….

    3. Happy Tree F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - The hilariously violent cartoon animals we all loved back in the 2000s have returned and are now sharing an apartment together in the vein of classic '90s sitcom, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The only difference is:To keep tradition, the characters die at the end of every episode. No one told me death was gonna be this way.

    4. Family Guy Matters - Steve Urkel moves in with Peter Griffin and the gang after realizing his show got cancelled decades ago. Expect offensive gags, cutaways, '80s references, and a whole lot of "Did I do that?" moments.

    5. Napoleon Bonamite - Looks like Napoleon Dynamite finally got Uncle Rico's dream time machine to work for real this time because he has traveled to the past and is taking the role of a certain similarly named notorious French dictator. Who needs French fries when we have tater tots? Who needs heavy weaponry when you could easily defeat your enemies with nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and all the other skills necessary. Remember to vote for Pedro or else this power hungry Napoleon Dynamite will give you the death penalty.

    6. Charlie's Angles - In this hilarious Charlie's Angels reboot made for hardcore math nerds, Charlie tries to become an expert mathematician with the help of a cute angel and an obtuse angel who is grumpy about everything.

    7. Homer Alone - When Homer Simpson is left alone and two burglars try to enter the home. What does he do? Does he set up tons of crazy traps to stop them like Kevin McCalister? Of course, not. He's Homer Simpson! He just spends the whole time sitting on the couch drinking duff beer, eating donuts, and watching football until his family comes home.

    8. Fifty Shades of Greyskull - Prepare to have your childhood ruined with this R-rated spinoff of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe loaded with more dirty scenes than any episode of the cartoon could possibly get away with.

    9. Edward, ED, and Eddie - A remake of Ed, Edd, n Eddy starring Edward Scissorhands, ED-209 from Robocop, and Eddie Van Halen.

    10. The Sound of Music:Rap Version - It's always important to introduce the younger generation of children to the classic movies that shaped pop culture to be what it is today but more often than not, kids find these old films to be really, REALLY boring. How do we fix that? Change every single song in this hit musical to rap of course! Because nothing says reinventing the classics than ridiculous nonsense that panders to the younger generation.
    cjd874 and ConsummateVs like this.
  14. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    While reading that, I pictured the mouse to look like Click from Between the Lions lol.
  15. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    "You gotta ask yourself one question? Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do you!?"
    "I think you already know the answer to that question!"
  16. cjd874

    cjd874 Well-Known Member

    I was going to share ten different jokes, but then I went over them again and they weren't that funny to begin with. I asked myself, "Did any of these jokes really make me laugh?"

    No, no pun in ten did.
    Froggy Fool and Flaky Pudding like this.
  17. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    Kid talking to his dad:So the other day my friends and I were playing a game of duck, duck, goose.
    Was somebody calling me?

    Kid:Umm, no. All I said was we were playing a game of duck, duck, goose? So anyway, then the school bully walked into the room speak of the devil.
    [​IMG]You rang?

    Kid:No, I wasn't talking to you either, Einstein!

    No, he was clearly talking to me!

    Kid:No, I'm not trying to call anyone into the room. JESUS!

    You mean me?

    Kid:NO! So long story short, the bully cheated and totally trumped all of us at the duck, duck goose game.

    Did somebody say Trump?

    KID:I swear, if one more person comes into this room I am going to scream!


    Kid:Oh, that does it. I'm out of here!

    Scream:Man, that kid was kind of daffy.
    What, who was calling for me!?

    Scream:Oh, nobody. I just said that that kid was acting kind of daffy.

    Daffy:You made me migrate all the way here for nothing? Your dethpicable!
    Froggy Fool and ConsummateVs like this.
  18. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    I am a man of few...............
  19. Flaky Pudding

    Flaky Pudding Well-Known Member

    They say you can't kill two birds with one stone. Why would Emma Stone kill two birds? What kind of monster do people think she is?
  20. Misskermie

    Misskermie Well-Known Member

    What do you call a person with no body, and no nose?

    Nobody Knows.

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