The corny joke thread

[Skye]

Lol, that was such a cute one, Tony!

And I have to say, I also really loved this one:

Beethoven dies and is buried. A couple of months later, a man walking through the cemetery hears strange noises coming from Beethoven's grave. The man runs to get the town magistrate, and brings him to the grave where the noises are continuing. The magistrate puts his ear to the grave and listens for a few moments.

"Ah yes, that's Beethoven's 9th Symphony, being played backward" says the magistrate. He listens a while longer. "Now it's the 8th Symphony being played backward...there's the 7th...the 6th...the 5th..."

The magistrate stands and turns to the man. "You fool," he exclaims, "you called me away from supper for this? There's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing!"

That was hilarious!

And, it actually reminded me of another weird one:


Spielberg thought of an idea for an action drama about famous musicians played by superstars.

Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger all showed up. Spielberg told them to pick what musician they wanted to be as long as they were famous.

"I'll be Mozart because I've always admired his classical music," said Stallone.

"I liked Chopin's piano music and I think I'll play his role," said Bruce.

"I think I'll be Beethoven because he wrote excellent music," Seagal said.

Spielberg was excited because he loved this idea. When he asked who Arnold would be, Arnold said, "I'll be Bach."

 

[Winslow Leach]

Good one, Caroline!

Why did Beethoven cook his pet chicken?

Because it kept clucking "Bach Bach Bach!"

 

[Winslow Leach]

I once took a speed-reading course, and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. It involves Russia.

 

[Winslow Leach]

A high-profile company hires a new CEO, who is determined to rid the place of each and every slacker. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO spots a guy leaning against a wall. The room is full of workers, and the CEO decides to show everyone who's boss.

"You! How much money do you make a week?" barks the CEO.

Undaunted, the guy looks at him and replies, "I make $200 a week. Why?"

The CEO hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "here's a week's pay! Now get out and don't come back here again!"

The CEO, feeling good about his first firing, turns and asks one of the employees, "does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"

The employee mutters, "Yeah. He's the pizza delivery guy."

 

[Winslow Leach]

A dog walks into a telegram office. He takes a blank form, and writes Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof. The clerk looks at it and says, "you have nine words here. You can send another woof for the same price.

"But that would make no sense at all," replies the dog.

 

[Skye]

Haha! Those are awesome ones! The War and Peace one sounds like something I would say, lol. And the dog one is extra cute, hehe. Love 'em!

 

[Winslow Leach]

Haha! Those are awesome ones! The War and Peace one sounds like something I would say, lol. And the dog one is extra cute, hehe. Love 'em!

Thanks! I copped the War & Peace one from Woody Allen, actually...

 

[Java]

My husband had one the other day:

Q. What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk?

Are you ready for this?


Are you sure your ready for this?


A. A milk dud

 

[MJTaylor]

A dog walks into a telegram office. He takes a blank form, and writes Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof. The clerk looks at it and says, "you have nine words here. You can send another woof for the same price.

"But that would make no sense at all," replies the dog.

I wonder if the dog was Rowlf? LOL

 

[Winslow Leach]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you?"