Statler & Waldorf quotes...

[Frogster]

Statler: Do you think this show constitutes cruelty to animals?
Waldorf: Not unless they're watching it.

Waldorf: Tell me Statler, do you have any naval experience?
Statler: Well I once saved a rat from drowning...
Waldorf: Really, how?
Statler: I gave him mouth-to-mouse resuscitation.

 

[Duke Remington]

From the YouTube videos:
Waldorf: Watching these videos makes me worry about the future.
Statler: What future? At our age, tomorrow is a long shot.

W: That was so bad, it locked up my computer!
S: Quick! Let's get out of here before it finds the key!

S: How many hits did that thing recieve?
W: Unfortunately, not enough to kill it.

S: I wish I could sing like that.
W: You do?
S: Yeah. It would save me the cost of a car alarm!

S: Should we click on this "Digg" button?
W: Absolutely! Let's keep digging until this thing is buried!

W: That was awful!
S: Well, it gets better if you wait.
W: Why's that?
S: The screen-saver turns on.
W: That's good. I love those fish.

From "Letters to Santa":
W: This is my favorite Christmas tradition.
S: Listening to Christmas carolers?
W: No, heckling them.
S: (to the rat carolers) You should sing "Silent Night"!
W: Not the song. Just stay silent all night.

From "The Muppet Christmas Carol":
S: (to Scrooge): What a terrible pun. Where do you get those jokes?
W: Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.

 

[bingboingcutie]

From "The Muppet Christmas Carol":
S: (to Scrooge): What a terrible pun. Where do you get those jokes?
W: Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.

Wait, I didn't see this one on the video release. Which version do you have?

 

[Duke Remington]

Wait, I didn't see this one on the video release. Which version do you have?

It's said shortly before the "Marley & Marley" song begins.

 

[Dominicboo1]

From The Muppet Show Season One DVD
S- You know Waldorf?
W-Yeah?
S- I think we've been wrong all these years.
W-What do you mean?
S- I mean the Muppet Show isn't half as bad as we said it was.
W- Really?
S-No it's twice as bad!
Both- Ho ho ho ho!

 

[Gonz21]

Milton Berle: Hey I've been a successful comedian half my life
Waldorf: How come we get this half?

Waldorf: What are you doing?
Statler: I lost my gum. Hey lady will you toss my gum up?
[A wig flies up into the balcony]
Statler: You could've taken it out of the wig first!

Waldorf: That puppet looked so alive
Statler: Well that's more than I could say for you!

Waldorf: That was a great number. I don't care what you say
Statler: I thought it was dumb
Waldorf: Maybe you're right

 

[Dominicboo1]

(after the Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly)
W-Wonderful, but I think I swallowed my gum!
S-How very dumb to swallow your gum!

 

[jgidley]

W: Maybe we should go on stage
S: Yes, there's one leaving in five minutes; be under it!
W: Don't heckle me you old fool heckle him!
S: Is that a toupee you're wearing or did your cat die?

 

[DrDientes]

W: That was so bad, it locked up my computer!
S: Quick! Let's get out of here before it finds the key! (Both laughed) No, I mean it! (Leaves)
W: Ok. (Leaves)

 

[Monstermaster]

S:
Do you think this show is educational?

W:
Yes..it will drive people to read books.