Kermit opened the door of his dressing room to find an anxious Fozzie pacing back and forth.
“Fozzie?” he asked. “Is--is everything okay?”
“Um, can I talk to you a minute, Kermit?” Fozzie said nervously.
“Well, sure, Fozzie. Come on in.”
Haltingly, Fozzie crossed the threshold. Kermit motioned to a chair and Fozzie sank down into it gratefully. Kermit waited until Fozzie gathered himself together, wondering what on earth could have discombobulated his furry friend so thoroughly.
“I can’t do it,” Fozzie burst out at last. “Kermit, I just can’t do it. Whenever I think about going out there I get all sweaty and cold and shaky and--”
“Calm down, Fozzie,” Kermit said, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Whatever it is, we can get you out of it.”
“Really? Really really?”
Kermit hesitated, not wishing to promise any further until he knew what they were talking about. “Well, why don’t you just tell me what the problem is and we’ll see what we can do. Okay, buddy?” Fozzie looked up at him, desperately hopeful.
“It’s my scene,” Fozzie whispered. “I just can’t do it.”
For a moment, Kermit was so stunned that he didn’t know what to do. His mind was racing, trying to run through the day’s schedule in fast-forward. He’d known Fozzie to get nervous before while doing his stand-up routine on stage, but movies were a more forgiving medium in some regards. If you flubbed, you could start over--as many times as it took. Kermit had run through the entire day’s schedule in his mind and was just as bewildered as he had been before. Fozzie was starting to hyperventilate, so Kermit had to act fast.
“Okay, okay Fozzie,” Kermit said quickly. “Let’s talk about this. What--exactly--is it that’s worrying you about the scene.” He hoped Fozzie would say something that would clue him in to what scene was making him such a wreck. His hopes were quickly answered.
“Nobody said anything about a coed cave,” the distraught bear wailed. “I was doing fine, I knew all my lines but the next thing I know, Bart the Bear has become Beth Bear and I’m just--I’m just panicked.” He looked up at Kermit pitifully. “You may not know this, Kermit,” Fozzie said quietly, “but I’m not really very confident around women.”
“Oh,” Kermit said, struggling to look surprised. “Well, um, gosh, Fozzie, you’d, um, never know it.”
“You’re just saying that,” Fozzie said dismally. “I’m a total write-off.” He balled his fists and un-balled them. “It’s not that I don’t like women,” Fozzie murmured. “I think woman are wonderful. They’re all soft and nice and they smell really good.” His eyes strayed to the picture of Piggy sitting on Kermit’s table. “Um,” he stammered, “at least most of them are, um, nice and um--Kermit--you’ve got to help me!”
“Of course,” Kermit said. “Look--if it’s too stressful, we’ll just cut the scene and do something else.”
“But--but I don’t want to disappoint everyone. We’ve all worked so hard on this movie. How can I tell everyone that I was too nervous to film my scene?”
“Everybody will understand, Fozzie.”
Fozzie looked morose. “Hmmm,” he muttered.
Kermit knelt down beside Fozzie’s chair and put his hand on his friend’s back. “Look--if there’s one thing I’ve learned, Fozzie, it’s that the people we make movies with are much more important than anything we film in those movies. I mean, sure, we want to make a great movie, but if it’s going to make you miserable, we’ll do it another way. Okay?”
“Okay,” Fozzie said meekly, but he did not sound convinced.
“Here--tell you what. The scene doesn’t actually shoot until tomorrow afternoon, so let’s just get through today, okay? Come have dinner with me and Piggy tonight and we’ll talk about it. And when tomorrow comes, well, we’ll just hope for the best. If it still doesn’t work out, we can probably film the scene in split screen or something, okay?” That last was a slim possibility, Kermit knew, but it seemed to calm Fozzie down. Kermit crossed his fingers and hoped that lightning wouldn’t strike.
“And he’s just beside himself,” Kermit told Piggy. Piggy looked at him, her eyes merry.
“If he was, that would solve the problem, wouldn’t it?’
Kermit made a noise of frustration, not amused by Piggy’s teasing. She put a conciliatory hand on his arm and tried another tack.
“Where were you thinking of going for dinner?”
Kermit looked blank. “I don’t know. Um, somewhere casual?”
Piggy looked thoughtful. “Why don’t you invite him over to your apartment—it’s plenty casual. I’ll take care of the dinner part, okay?”
Kermit shot her a look and his mouth began to quirk into a smile.
“Are you gonna wear one of those cute little aprons?”
“Out!” Piggy said, and showed him the door.
When Kermit arrived at the apartment with Fozzie in tow, the door opened to a profusion of wonderful smells. The two men exchanged looks of delight and surprise as they came in and tried not to fall over each other in the narrow passageway.
“Wow,” said Fozzie. “Piggy must have been cooking all afternoon.”
Kermit started to say something, but his comment was stilled by the sound of not one but two feminine voices coming from the kitchen. Fozzie must have heard it, too, for he looked at Kermit in comic surprise.
“Piggy?” Kermit called. “Piggy, I’m home!”
Piggy poked her head around the doorframe.
“Hellooo,” she said. Her eyes were wide and innocent, and Kermit knew she had to be up to something. He hoped it wasn’t going to backfire. Piggy took a few steps toward them, then extended her hand back toward the kitchen. Kermit watched with his mouth gaping as a small, brown-furred paw clasped Piggy’s tightly, then Beth Bear came shyly out of the kitchen. She waved, half-hiding behind Piggy’s well-endowed form.
“Hi,” she murmured.
Fozzie looked uncertain, but Piggy was advancing on him purposefully with Beth in tow. Kermit tried to close his mouth and stay out of the way.
“So nice to see you, Fozzie,” Piggy said, leaning forward and giving his furry cheek an air kiss. “Welcome to our home.”
Kermit had just succeeded in closing his mouth, and he clamped his froggy lips together to keep it from falling open again. He had never seen Piggy in “lady-of-the-house” mode before, and he was having trouble taking it all in. With obvious effort, Piggy pulled Beth around and presented her.
“Fozzie—this is Beth Bear, daughter of Edgar and Cecille. I think you’ve seen their act before.”
“Well, sure,” Fozzie said immediately. “I mean, who hasn’t?” He looked at Beth, eyes alight with surprise and pleasure. “Are you the little cub that used to be in their act?”
Beth looked down, obviously blushing, and nodded.
“The same,” she admitted, her voice rueful. “Daddy always insisted that we were a family act.” She looked up, her eyes searching Fozzie’s face. “You have a nice act. I watch your show.”
Fozzie took his hat off and cleared his throat. “Thank you,” he said.
“You’re funny,” said Beth. “I like your telephone gags.”
“Really?” Fozzie asked, his eyes hopeful, then he seemed to collect himself. He stood up straighter. “Um, I mean, it’s really nice of you to say so. How are your parents?”
“Fine,” said Beth. “They had to go out to some meeting tonight. Mama called Miss Piggy so see if she could, um, if I could stay with her.”
Kermit shot Piggy a look, but she was looking determinedly away. If she could have whistled, Kermit was sure she would have been whistling by now.
“We don’t know many people in London,” Beth was saying. “And Mom says she doesn’t like the idea of me staying by myself in a strange place.”
“Me either,” said Fozzie. “I mean, I don’t know many people in London either. And I don’t like staying by myself in a strange place.” He played with his bow tie, then peeked up at her. “But you know us, now. And we’re real nice.”
Beth smiled, relieved. Kermit came over then, and greeted Beth warmly. She had certainly grown since he had seen her last. She was taller than Kermit now, and her coat had lost that fuzzy, little-bear look. She had on a rose-colored dress, and there was a bow behind one ear.
“Look at you, Beth!” Kermit said. “I’m so glad you’re going to be in our movie.”
Beth looked anxious again. “Me, too. I—it’s my first grown-up role. Mama said she’d come to the set with me tomorrow so I won’t be so nervous.
“Don’t be nervous,” Fozzie said. Piggy and Kermit looked at each other surreptitiously, eyes wide. “There’s really nothing to be nervous about.”
“That’s what Mom says,” Beth said earnestly. “But I’m glad she’s coming with me.”
Piggy began to shoo everyone toward the beautifully set table in the far end of the living room. Kermit noticed that some of his furniture had been pushed against the wall to accommodate the little table.
Fozzie smiled and extended his elbow to Beth. Giggling a little, she took it and they walked toward the source of the wonderful smells. Kermit put his arm around Piggy and steered her toward the table as well.
“Kermit’s a good director,” Fozzie was saying. “And Scooter always has everything ready for our scenes.” He looked a little embarrassed. “And if you need to start again, nobody yells at you.”
“Oh, good!” said Beth. “I hate it when people yell.”
Fozzie patted her hand, his shoulders squaring. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Nobody will yell at you.” He cast a cautious glance over his shoulder. “Sometimes they yell at each other,” he whispered, indicating Kermit and Piggy. “But they got married, so it’s okay.”
Beth giggled and Piggy made a sound like a sneeze, which was covered easily by the sound of Kermit coughing.
Fozzie got Beth’s chair, and Kermit stepped around and held one for Piggy. In spite of the company, he pressed a kiss against the nape of her neck once she’d taken her seat, and Piggy turned and looked up at him. Nobody said anything. Nobody needed to.
They tucked in with relish.
Fozzie had stayed later than planned, telling every corny knock-knock joke he could think of to a rapt audience of one. At last, however, he made his excuses and let Kermit walk him to the door.
“What a sweet kid,” he said to Kermit.
Kermit nodded. “Nice family,” he agreed. He turned his body slightly to share a private word with his friend.
“You still nervous about tomorrow?”
“What? Me, nervous? Naw, I was never really, um….” He gave it up and smiled at his director and friend. “I won’t be nervous,” he said. He looked over to where Piggy and Beth sat, chatting amiably on the sofa. His expression went all dreamy. “And she smells nice.”
Kermit patted him on the back. “We’ll see you tomorrow, Fozzie. G’night.”
“Goodnight!”
Kermit watched him down the stairs, then rejoined the ladies. He sat next to Piggy and took her gloved hand between his own, full of good food and relief.
“So, Beth,” he said. “Are you still nervous about tomorrow?”
Beth laughed, totally relaxed now.
“Not at all,” she said. She looked at Piggy, then at Kermit, biting her lip with indecision.
“My mother was a little worried,” she said, “because Fozzie’s a big television star. She thought he might be, you know, sortof forward or a little too sophisticated to have patience with somebody young like me.”
“Fozzie’s a nice guy,” Kermit said. He started to say something else, but there was a knock at the door. Piggy went to answer it, and Cecile and Edgar came in and positively filled Kermit’s little apartment to overflowing. After a few moments of hurried pleasantries, they collected their daughter and left.
Piggy shut the door behind them, then leaned against it, her expression sassy.
“I did good?” she asked impudently.
Kermit walked over and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her fondly, then set her back from him so he could look at her.
“You amaze me,” he said. “You did very good.”
Piggy slipped her hands underneath Kermit’s neck frill.
“Do I get a reward?” she asked.
“Um hum” said Kermit and moved to mold her close.
“Good,” said Piggy, wriggling easily out of his embrace. “Then you can do the dishes!”
“Piggy…!” Kermit complained, but he did them just the same.