Muppet Fan-Fiction - Men Are Pigs

[The Count]

*Adding the blood. *Innocent look, we're just making some hurry-up nagging brew. Though we could turn it into some goodtime goomba soup if we changed around some of the ingredients...

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Did not forget them toadstools this time! x3

We're gonna kil-

Yes, like Count said! :3 *innocent face*

 

[theprawncracker]

Well you have succesfully suceeded in making me fear for my life. So, in spirit of such, I shall go write a new chapter! (And thanks for the muffins gang, soup doesn't look too good, though. )

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

*Gasp*

X3 *SOB*

*Cheers*

LOL! You go Prawnie!

 

[The Count]

Aw... Lost your taste for soup? Just let your juices simmer and your blood boil. Looks like Prawny's gotten himself into a fine kettle of fish. And the fish are just snapping to eat him.
*Full cryptic cackle.

 

[Leyla]

Attention please: For those of you anxiously awaiting posting, I'm afraid there's been a delay.

You see, due to Prawnie's unexpectedly tripping into a gutter, his story, his mind and his mouth must all undergo a thorough cleaning. Don't worry, I'm on the job, bleach and a scrub brush at the ready. I will return Prawnie to you as soon as the job is done, and we can be sure his sparkling reputation is no longer in danger of being tarnished.

Now... where did I put my javex bottle. Prawnie... don't swallow. This is for your own good.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 18

"But Skeeter, I-"

"Don’t give me any lip little guy, I just don’t see how that song could win us back."

"Skeeter, I was just-"

"Don’t interrupt her, Robin, the orange girl is making some sort of sense."

"But Aunt Marge, I only wanted to-"

"Like, you could totally use some help, you know, relationship wise."

"But I’m only a five year old!"

"Brawk byuck bawk."

"She’s right ya know, it’s never too early to start."

"Exactly," Aunt Marge said. "First rule, no pigs."

"No catfish-faced co-hosts either," Skeeter said smugly.

Janice nodded. "Fer sure, or musicians, rully."

"Bawk brawk bragawk bawk!" Camilla clucked.

Skeeter clamped her hand over Camilla’s beak. "Uh, don’t mind her, she’s a little hysterical. You know, lack of coffee and all."

"Honey," Aunt Marge said. "There’s not a person I’ve met on this trip who’s lacking coffee."

"Skeeter," Robin said. "What did Camilla er... cluck?"

"Nothing, nothing," Skeeter said. "Just... um, rambling."

Camilla nipped at Skeeter’s palm. Skeeter shook the pain away, and Camilla clucked rampantly.

"Uch," Aunt Marge groaned. "She’s complaining about this four-eyed tyrant here, not letting her be with her... what did she say- beaky beau."

Everyone stared at Aunt Marge. "You understand what she’s... clucking?" Robin asked.

"Eh, the language is very close to some of the swamp birds," Aunt Marge said.

"Then, like, why doesn’t Kermit understand her?" Janice asked.

Aunt Marge shook her head. "The boy was restless as a youth, always cutting foreign language class to see the afternoon matinee at the old picture house."

"Um, yeah, well-" Skeeter said quickly, realizing she’d been discovered. "It was nice to see the two of you, see you back at the-"

"Hold on there, missy!" Aunt Marge said, hopping in front of Skeeter’s path. "Perhaps you could explain why the chicken’s in such a tizzy over you!"

"It’s not me!" Skeeter said defensively. "It’s Gonzo! He’s... luring her in!"

"Isn’t that... a good thing?" Robin asked.

"Well... no!" Skeeter said. "Not until they win us back the right way."

"Didn’t the weirdo already do that for the chicken?" Aunt Marge asked.

"Bragawk!" Camilla squawked.

"I think Camilla was pretty happy with what Gonzo did for her," Robin said.

Skeeter stomped her feet. "I know!" she shouted. "I know she was! I just... I don’t want... I..."

"Ya wanted your purple boy, and her mustached man to take you two back too, so you weren’t the single... single," Aunt Marge said.

Skeeter collapsed to her knees. "Yes!"

"Like," Janice started. "I"m... I’m ready to take Floyd back too."

Skeeter’s mouth dropped open. "Am I the only one who isn’t satisfied with my man?"

Everyone exchanged glances. "Yes," the women said.

"But guys!" Robin shouted. "You have to wait until they do the song!"

"Robin, that song will not win us back, okay?" Skeeter said. "No matter how much thought, and time, and effort you put into that song, it will not win us back."

Robin sighed. "But I just can’t believe that you wouldn’t take them back if they sang-"

"You!"

Everyone turned around and looked down the sidewalk at Link, pointing right at Aunt Marge. "This is all your fault!"

<~><~><~><~><~>

"She’s gonna KILL me!" Fozzie screamed as he ran into the theater.

"Kill you?" Rizzo shouted. "It’s me she’s after!"

"Si, I had not’ing to do with d’is, hokay?" Pepe said, scooting towards the stage.

"I don’t care whose fault it is, you’re all dead in my-" Piggy stopped herself and stared Kermit right in those big, un-blinking, Saturn-shaped eyes. "Um."

"Well, doesn’t that just say it all," Clifford said.

"Man, that’s the least she’s said in thirty years!" Floyd laughed.

"Remind me to rip out your vocal chords, mustache," Piggy growled at Floyd.

"Um, Miss Piggy," Kermit said to the sow. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, well, Kermit, I was... just... checking out rehearsals!" Piggy said.

Kermit frowned. "There aren’t any rehearsals today."

"Oh," she said gruffly. "Then what are you all doing here?"

"Enjoyin’ our time away from you!" Floyd said.

Piggy glared down in the band pit. "Well, Kermit one must wonder how you keep a women when you keep such rude company."

"Why do you think he keeps us around?" Floyd asked.

"You mean it’s not for our quirky personalities?" Gonzo asked.

"No," Uncle Deadly said sternly. "Trust me."

"Hey, Kermit," Fozzie said. "What are you doing anyway?"

Kermit gulped and looked at Piggy, who smirked and tapped her foot impatiently.

"Testing the tune of the instruments," Rowlf interjected.

Kermit grinned. "Yes, exactly."

"Well then why is Gonzo here?" Rizzo asked. "He doesn’t play an instrument."

"That’s not true!" Gonzo said. "I play the frog horn!"

"You do what?" Kermit asked.

"I think he means the foghorn, boss," Scooter said.

"Why would someone play de foghorn?" Pepe asked.

"This is Gonzo we’re talking about," Clifford said.

"Good point," Kermit replied.

Sam Eagle slowly walked on to the stage. "...I’ve been listening this... madness backstage."

Twenty pairs of eyes stared at Sam. He looked around at all of them. "And I have just one thing to say... You are all sick and weird."

Kermit scrunched up his face. "There’s the news, now for the weather."

The Muppet Newsman came charging onto the stage. "This is a Muppet weather update! There is-"

"Just an expression, Todd," Kermit said to the newsman.

"I didn’t know he had a name," Fozzie said.

The Muppet Newsman stared down at Kermit. "I don’t!"

"Weirdos," Sam reiterated.

"Sam, what are you even doing here?" Kermit asked.

"Um, well..." Sam said. "I came... to ask you something, Kermit."

"No, Sam, I will not cleanse the show of weirdos," Kermit said.

"Are you sure?" Uncle Deadly asked.

"No... not- not that," Sam said.

"No, I won’t make Pepe take a U.S. citizenship test," Kermit said.

"Grathius, hokay?" Pepe said.

"No, no, as much as I wish that would happen... no," Sam said quietly.

"Well then what?" Piggy shouted.

"I-I, uh, well..." Sam stuttered.

"Oh, just spit it out already," Rizzo said.

"May I take your aunt for a night on the town?" Sam said quickly.

Kermit stood quietly for awhile, all eyes shifting from him to the eagle.

"Rowlf..." Kermit said quietly.

"Yeah, Kermit?" Rowlf asked.

"I think I just blunk," Kermit said.

"Blinked," Scooter corrected him.

"Right," Kermit said. "Gotta get used to the terminology."

"Um, Kermit?" Sam asked.

Kermit gulped. "Well, uh, Sam," Kermit said. "I guess... if you want to... who am I to... stop you?"

"Her nephew," Sam said blankly.

Kermit turned to Fozzie, who shrugged. "Okay Sam, you have my permission."

Sam gasped happily. "Oh! Thank you! Thank you, Kermit!" Sam started to run out. "I must go find my Propecia!"

"I still think it’s a toupe," Scooter said.

Kermit turned back to Piggy. "Uh, oh yeah, Piggy, what did you need?"

Piggy frowned. "Nothing! Never mind! I’ve gotta go find Link...y poo," she said, leaving the theater.

Rowlf turned to Kermit. "Well that was fun," Rowlf said.

Kermit shook his head. "Let’s just get back to rehearsing that song."

 

[The Count]

Yes... You do that boys. And you get back to writing the next chapter Prawny. Yaey! So much goodness here, will come back later and post some thoughts. Though Lisa'll probably beat me to it.

Thanks Prawny. Post more please!

 

[redBoobergurl]

He he, Sam wants to take Aunt Marge on a date! That's perfect! And poor Robin, he's so cute and he's trying to get the girls to listen. And then the girls, it's hilarious only Skeeter is holding out now! I can't wait until they hear the song that was intended for them!

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

*LOLING*

Sam getting all nervous.

Pepe needs U.S papers.

*LOLING*

I love this story. x3