Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

TogetherAgain · Oct 27, 2006

All right Prawn, here's the deal. You post a chapter, I run in, say I love it and that I'll come back and squee over it later, and then never come back to squee! I'm sick of it, are you? I'm sure you're at least half-sick of it. So today, I combine. I squee as I read. Yes, you get all of my comments on my very first read through of what I'm sure will be a fantasticabulous chapter! (It'd better be good now, I just set my standards high...) So let's get started, shall we? Why not?

theprawncracker said:
"We’re still waiting for Miss Piggy Rizzo, so get comfy, it could be a while." Kermit told the rat.

HA! I hope for his sake that she didn't hear that.

Prawncracker. Oh wait said:
Rizzo looked back towards the door of the boarding house and laughed. "Ha! Well get lookin’!"

Gonzo walked outside wearing completely nothing.

<shields eyes> Please tell me it's for Camilla's sake, please oh please...

Prawnie! said:
"Kermit," Gonzo said, striking a pose. Kermit moved to cover appropriately. "This is something I have to do. For love!"

HA, I KNEW IT! And I love how Kermit is trying to cover him!

My Other Half said:
Kermit scrunched up his face. "Gonzo I wrote an entire chapter of a book on love, and this has nothing to do with love!"

Oh, and what a GOOD book it is! <hugs book>

The Chest of Drawers! said:
"I t’ink Miss Piggy would beg to differ," Rizzo walked over.

Now that just gets me thinking. Kermit has NO room to talk when it comes to public nudity. Y'know? I mean, didn't he even SUGGEST nudity in that book he just mentioned? I seem to recall several mentions...

Duke of Chutney said:
"Whoa! Talk about your peep show!" Rizzo shouted, dropping the bagel and covering his eyes.

One pecked rat, coming right up...

The Prawn Crasher... Hope it doesn't apply to the bus! said:
"Bragawk!!" Camilla squawked, running back into the boarding house.

...One modest chicken, coming right up...

The Driver We Shouldn't Trip said:
Miss Piggy’s yelp hollered out from the boarding house. "WHY IS THERE A NAKED WEIRDO STANDING IN FRONT OF ME?!" she cried.

"It’s an expression of love Miss Piggy!"

"HI-YA!"

Mr. Goelz said:
Gonzo came flying out of the front door; still naked; landing right on the pavement. "Whoopie!" he shot up shouting. "That is so going to be part of my next act!"

HAAAAAAA!

Look at this said:
"Gonzo will you please get some clothes on?!" Kermit shouted at the weirdo. "And take the back door!"

Kermit, you have NO room to talk! ...Although I guess you could argue that you wear a collar... <headtilt> Actually, a lot of Muppets seem to get away with only wearing something on their neck... Hey, Rowlf is naked, too, you don't see anyone yelling at HIM to put clothes on! Not even anything around his neck! Believe me, I know! I room with him!

Doesn't "Prawninator" sound like it should have ominous music? said:
Miss Piggy stormed out the front door with Bean and Bobo behind her carrying her many suitcases. "Oh! Kermie! Everybody! Um...One sec." She darted back inside, then ran back out wearing a conga outfit, complete with fruit hat.

Cue Music! said:
"Cuanto le gusta
Le gusta, le gusta
Le gusta, le gusta
Le gusta, le gusta," Miss Piggy sang.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay. THAT'S why. ....COOL!

Co-Author of the Prawnie/Toga Dictionary said:
"We’re on our way to somewhere
The three of us and you," Piggy, Bean, and Bobo pointed to the crowd of Muppets standing outside the bus.

I would so love to see the looks on that crowd's faces...

Writer of those who are dirt poor said:
"How can we go
We haven’t got a dime!" Kermit frowned at that remark.

<giggles> But it's true, but it's true!

Prawn O'Heart said:
"Sax solo!" Piggy shouted as Zoot slid in playing his saxophone.

Woo hoo!

Prawn O'Doom said:
"Tuba solo!" Bobo shouted, blowing a bad note on his new tuba.

<rubs ears> Ouch! Oh THAT'S gonna be real fun...

Wearer of Half-Contacts said:
"Moving on!" Piggy pushed Bobo out of the way.

Excellent choice, Miss Piggy, excellent choice...

Prawnese Speaker said:
"EVERYBODY!!" Piggy shouted.

Watch- either EVERYONE bursts into song, or there's dead silence...

"Cuanto le gusta
Le gusta, le gusta
Le gusta, le gusta
Le gusta, LE GUSTA!"

Or neither...

A Wet and Rained on Prawn said:
"Ah! What an entrance!" Fozzie said.

"Meh," Emily Bear shrugged. "I've seen better."

Oh, picky, picky...

I could call you Oy said:
Kermit frowned. "Alright gang, let’s follow the conga."

<follows the conga> I am SO coming along on this trip...

You said:
"Um, excuse me mister Pepe," Sam Eagle tapped Pepe the King Prawn on one of his shoulders.

"Si? What is it big bird?"

Just like in MWoO...

If we don't know who I'm quoting by now... said:
"What does ‘cuanto le gusta’ mean, exactly?" Sam asked.

Just like in TMS...

<sings> If you don't know me by now... said:
Pepe shrugged. "Don’t ask me senor Washington, I just have dis accent for lady purposes, hokay? I don’t really know any Spanish, hokay?" Pepe said, getting onto the bus.

HA!

Hearer of Untold Tales said:
"Hey Dr. Teeth," Floyd Pepper addressed the good doctor of rock ‘n’ roll. "What are all these guys doin’ on our bus?"

Pach! Of COURSE they wouldn't know. <giggles> (And please don't ask what "pach" means. I don't know yet. I just made it up about two seconds ago.)

...Reader of them said:
"Hey hey Animal," Floyd called after him. "Make sure you go to the bathroom!"

...Why do I feel like a running gag just might come out of that?...

Clifford's Roomie said:
Clifford parked his car in front of the Muppet Theater and hopped out of the car, talking on his cell phone. "Yeah babe, you heard me, I’m all by myself! Mm-hm, got the entire place just to me. Could really use some company, if ya know what I mean."

Oh believe me, I know what you mean...

Prawn to be Wild said:
The co-host made his way through the alley to the back door and unlocked it. "Mm-hm, lookin’ at this big ol’ empty backstage right now actually. Could use a little feminine touch."

<Sigh> He's SO trying to lure her... Considering what's been happening there, I hope for her sake that it doesn't work!

UD's Roomie said:
A pair of yellow eyes opened in the staircase behind Clifford. "Naw baby, Scoot ain’t here. He’s on a trip with your uncle. What you hadn’t heard that? Uh-oh. Well then why don’t you come on over here, and let’s dance our cares away."

<clap clap> Worries for another day, oh let the music play! <clap clap> Down at... <watches yellow eyes>...

That guy! said:
Uncle Deadly tip-toed behind the co-host silently. "Of course that’s what I was referencing! So whadaya say babe? You in?"

Oh good, she knew it! Hehe!

No not THAT guy said:
Deadly tapped again. "I said not now, can’t ya see I’m on a very important phone call?"

I wonder what the recipient of that "very important phone call" thinks hearing him talk to someone when he just said he had the theater all to himself... (Yes I do have a pretty good idea of who it is, but I don't have to admit it! ...What's that? I just did? ...Oh.)

<thunder lightning headslap blink> said:
Uncle Deadly sent a volt of lightning through Clifford’s cell phone, Clifford spun around fuming. "Now what was that for?!"

"I’m saving you money," Uncle Deadly replied calmly. "Using up all those minutes can’t be cheap."

Uncle Deadly sure gets a thrill out of playing electrical pranks on Clifford. Although at least this time there's a good reason. (Not that our eternal amusement is a bad reason!)

FINALLY! Oy said:
"Well I would," Clifford said. "But somebody just french fried my phone!"

Ach, dang it, those pranks always come back to haunt you...

WHAT? THAT'S THE END OF THE CHAPTER? ...oh, okay... Great chapter! WHAT THE HEY DID YOU LEAVE US THERE FOR???

Hehehe, I guess I can't throw stones in that direction, can I?

MORE PLEASE! (But let me catch up, first!)

Leyla · Oct 27, 2006

Yippee! more of this delicious story!

theprawncracker said:
"We’re still waiting for Miss Piggy Rizzo, so get comfy, it could be a while." Kermit told the rat.

<giggles> Ah, yes, waiting for Piggy. That's probably how every muppet vacation starts!

Rizzo sighed and took another bite of his bagel. "Figures," he muttered. "Hey, what about Gonzo, where’s he at?"

Kermit scratched his head. "Actually Rizzo, I haven’t seen him this morning either."

Oooh! Now that IS unusual!!!

Rizzo looked back towards the door of the boarding house and laughed. "Ha! Well get lookin’!"

Gonzo walked outside wearing completely nothing.

<jaw drops> <blush> Well... speaking of unusual... here's the chief of all that is strange... naked as the day he was... presumably... born.

Kermit ran towards Gonzo, waving his arms around in attempts to cover him up. "Gonzo what on Earth are you doing?!"

<laughs> And Kermit handles the situation with his normal calm, unflappable nature.

"Kermit," Gonzo said, striking a pose. Kermit moved to cover appropriately. "This is something I have to do. For love!"

Oh!!! Oh my gosh Prawnie!!! THAT"S HYSTERICAL!!!! The POSE!!! Kermit's covering "appropriately!!" THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO. FOR LOVE!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!! <wipes away tears> Oh, it's sweet have him too though, for poor Camilla!

Kermit scrunched up his face. "Gonzo I wrote an entire chapter of a book on love, and this has nothing to do with love!"

SQUEEE!!! The book!! That chapter of that book! SQUEE!!! <hugs Prawnie>

"I t’ink Miss Piggy would beg to differ," Rizzo walked over.

"And yes Kermit, it does," Gonzo reassured the amphibian. "Wait til you see Camilla!"

<giggles> I wonder what part of that reply Piggy would differ on... :wink:

Ah, c'mon Kermit! I get it! You should too!

Kermit scrunched up his face as Camilla waddled out the front door with less than half of her feathers left on her body.

"Whoa! Talk about your peep show!" Rizzo shouted, dropping the bagel and covering his eyes.

Oh, that poor dear! Rizzo! Try to be a little more sensit...nevermind. Forgot who I was talking to.

"Bragawk!!" Camilla squawked, running back into the boarding house.

"Oh Camilla! Come back!" Gonzo ran after her.

Oy... now look what you've done...

Miss Piggy’s yelp hollered out from the boarding house. "WHY IS THERE A NAKED WEIRDO STANDING IN FRONT OF ME?!" she cried.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why is there a--- <continues laughing> Oh, that's priceless! Of ALL of them to run into... Prawnie, you're a comic genius!

"It’s an expression of love Miss Piggy!"

"HI-YA!"

<wipes laugh tears out of eyes> Oh my gosh... that is hands down the WORST possible thing to say to Piggy when you're naked Gonzo. (A situation I recommend you avoid... being naked Gonzo... terrible habit.)

Gonzo came flying out of the front door; still naked; landing right on the pavement. "Whoopie!" he shot up shouting. "That is so going to be part of my next act!"

HAHAHAHAHHA!!! Oh Gonzo!!!

"Gonzo will you please get some clothes on?!" Kermit shouted at the weirdo. "And take the back door!"

<giggles> I've been laughing pretty much constantly for a fair while. Makes it hard to type!

Miss Piggy stormed out the front door with Bean and Bobo behind her carrying her many suitcases. "Oh! Kermie! Everybody! Um...One sec." She darted back inside, then ran back out wearing a conga outfit, complete with fruit hat.

"Alright boys, hit it!" she shouted to Bobo and Bean who dropped the suitcases and threw on conga outfits as well.

Oh!! The song!! I love that song!!! I also love that she's got not just Bean but Bobo as well slaving with her luggage. She's taking over all of Beau's roommates! The instant transition to the outfit, and the general randomness is so muppety. What does that mean, anyway?

"Sax solo!" Piggy shouted as Zoot slid in playing his saxophone.

"Tuba solo!" Bobo shouted, blowing a bad note on his new tuba.

"Moving on!" Piggy pushed Bobo out of the way.

<grins> Love it!

"Ah! What an entrance!" Fozzie said.

"Meh," Emily Bear shrugged. "I've seen better."

Heehee! Ah, she's such a great character! I'm really very fond of Emily Bear. I must write that Fozzie story one of these days...

<giggles> And a Sam and Pepe conversation... oh my oh my oh my... those two together... why do I feel like the world should implode?

Pepe shrugged. "Don’t ask me senor Washington, I just have dis accent for lady purposes, hokay? I don’t really know any Spanish, hokay?" Pepe said, getting onto the bus.

<laughs> Wow! A rare moment of honesty from Pepe! Not sure I believe him though! <giggles> Love the senor Washington nickname... I have a thing for nicknames...

Sam’s mouth fell open. "Why does this not surprise me?" Sam turned to the lawn and saluted. "Farewell my Kentucky blue grass, we shall meet again."

Dr. Teeth scratched his beard. "Mm, this is indeed a question that makes my cranial lobes probosculate on such a fact."

This line earns the "Dame of Diction" slight nod of approval.

Clifford parked his car in front of the Muppet Theater and hopped out of the car, talking on his cell phone. "Yeah babe, you heard me, I’m all by myself! Mm-hm, got the entire place just to me. Could really use some company, if ya know what I mean."

Oh, Clifford! You ladies man! Be careful, buddy! Prawnie's been unkind to his roomies lately... <giggles> Oh, I do love him spouting slick lines at Skeeter, especially with Uncle Deadly creeping up on him!

Uncle Deadly sent a volt of lightning through Clifford’s cell phone, Clifford spun around fuming. "Now what was that for?!"

"I’m saving you money," Uncle Deadly replied calmly. "Using up all those minutes can’t be cheap."

<giggles> Uncle Deadly's good deed for the day.

‘What?!" The phantom shouted. "Clifford we must get a hold of him! Now!"

"Well I would," Clifford said. "But somebody just french fried my phone!"

...and no good deed goes unpunished!! Oh, love it SO much, Prawnie! Very very funny!

Leyla

The Count · Oct 27, 2006

Something I wanna ask... Why do you suddenly have Camilla saying "bragawk" all of a sudden? Don't know, it just doesn't sound right to me. Sounds better when she's saying "buck-buck-buckawk".
Just a minor observation.

theprawncracker · Oct 28, 2006

The Count said:
Something I wanna ask... Why do you suddenly have Camilla saying "bragawk" all of a sudden? Don't know, it just doesn't sound right to me. Sounds better when she's saying "buck-buck-buckawk".
Just a minor observation.

Hmm, I honestly don't know. :stick_out_tongue:

It just sorta happened I guess... :smirk:

The Count · Oct 28, 2006

Just so long as you post more story... So um, more please?

theprawncracker · Oct 28, 2006

Chapter 7

"I...I just can’t believe it..." Scooter sighed.

"I know," J.P. muttered. "I ordered that bagel an hour ago!"

Scooter frowned and looked at the back of his uncle’s head. "You can’t be serious."

"I know how you feel Scooter, this is the worst service I’ve ever had!"

"Uncle J.P. we have to find a way out of this!" Scooter began to grow upset with his uncle.

"There is no way out of this nephew." J.P. said blankly.

"But...But there has to be," Scooter whispered. "There just has to be!"

"Scooter, you don’t understand. When Benny cheated Death, he gained...Powers."

"Powers? Like what?"

"Well you saw earlier, how he appeared out of nowhere, but not only that, he can be anywhere almost instantly by traveling through the shadows."

Scooter nodded slowly. What were they dealing with here?

"He also possesses unnatural speed and senses. His hearing is fine tuned, as is his smell. Death hath changed my old friend."

"It can’t be Uncle J.P. I mean, it doesn’t even make sense!"

"Why make sense when it’s more profitable to make dollars?"

"Uncle, please! This is no time to joke!"

"I know nephew, I’m sorry. Benny’s powers are no laughing matter, that one thing is certain.

"But how do you know that?"

"Uncle Deadly."

<X>X<X>

"You expect me to believe that Benny Vandergast has come back from the dead to take vengeance on J.P. Grosse and get the theater back?"

"No no, Benny never died, so he didn’t come back from the dead, he’s just now revealing himself."

"You’re crazy."

"You have a lot of room to talk!"

Clifford frowned. "I just don’t understand why I would believe a thing like that Uncle D." Clifford tried dialing a number on his cell phone, but it fell right back into pieces. "I mean why would Benny wait so long to come out and want his theater?"

"I don’t know!" Deadly shouted. "But I do know that he’s capable of this!" Deadly rolled up his sleeve, showing Clifford the gash down his arm. Clifford glanced down, and upon seeing the gash, spun around and stared.

"What...What is this dude capable of Uncle D.?"

Uncle Deadly sighed, rubbing his scar. "More than you can imagine my fiend, more than you can imagine."

"Like what? Man, c’mon I can take it!" Clifford argued as his cell phone fell apart again.

Uncle Deadly sighed. "Clifford, I hope you understand that I’m doing this to protect you."

"What?" Clifford asked, backing away slowly. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry my fiend." Deadly took his fist across Clifford’s head, knocking him out cold onto the floor.

>X<X>X<

The Electric Mayhem bus jerked back and forth as Emily Bear sped down the highway. "Watch it boys! The road belongs to Ma now!"

"Oh no, I was afraid this would happen," Fozzie covered his eyes while being thrown about his seat.

Rowlf groaned from his seat across from Fozzie. "Hey Foz, think your mom could take it easy! It’s hard enough for dogs to stay still in a car!"

The Swedish Chef poked up his head over the seat behind Rowlf. "Zee duggy cunnut stund up streeeght? Ve-a shuoold glooe-a heem tu zee fluur!"

"Mee me mo mo me!" Beaker replied from behind Fozzie.

"Oh yes Beaker! A marvelous idea!" Bunsen said. "We’ll use the new Muppet Labs Super-De-Dooper Glue!"

Rowlf shook his head. "I think I’ll pass."

"Me too!" Emily shouted, speeding the bus around a mini-van.

Kermit sat behind the Chef with Robin sitting at his side. "Robin, remember what I always told you about wearing seatbelts?" Kermit asked his nephew.

Robin nodded. "But Uncle Kermit, this bus doesn’t have seatbelts!"

Kermit looked out his window at a sign that read: "Now Leaving California" and then another immediately after it that read: "Speed Limit 75" Kermit frowned and turned back to his nephew. "Then just hold on," he said.

"Oh Kermie," Miss Piggy said from the seat across from the two frogs. "Moi will hold on to vous forever."

Clyde popped up in the seat behind Piggy. "Oh you’re holding things Miss Piggy?" the pink Muppet asked. "Great, here take this," he tossed a suitcase into her seat.

Piggy growled from underneath the suitcase and sent it flying off of her in one big karate chop. "Alright Pinky! That’s it!"

"Hey hey Miss Piggy, wait!" Butch held back the pig. "Get him when he’s asleep," Butch whispered. "He’s much quieter then."

Piggy grumbled and slammed back down into her seat. "Hey d’ere miss ham sandwich," Pepe said from the seat directly behind Kermit and Robin. "I didn’t know we were having pork chops for dinner tonight." Pepe laughed.

Piggy stood up and walked to Pepe’s seat and put her snout right up to his face. "Oh don’t worry shrimp, we’re not having them for dinner," she said sweetly.

"We-We’re not?" Pepe trembled.

"No," Piggy said calmly. "We’re having them for lunch! HI-YA!" she karate chopped Pepe, then returned to her seat, satisfied.

"Pepe’s getting all the pain again Camilla," Gonzo said from the seat behind Butch and Clyde.

"Bawk? Byuck bawk bagawk?" Camilla asked underneath three sweaters to cover up her molting.

"Oh yeah honey, don’t worry, it’s very seemingly unnoticeable." Gonzo reassured the hen.

"Oh yeah Camilla, don’t worry," Rizzo said from the seat across from the creepy couple. "The only time I’ve seen poultry that bald is at da supermarket!"

"Rizzo!" Gonzo shouted. "You can’t do things like that!"

"I didn’t do anything!" Rizzo argued.

"I could do my boomerang fish!" Lew Zealand suggested from the seat behind Rizzo.

"Are we saving any moral values on this ridiculous trip?" Sam Eagle asked sternly from behind Gonzo.

"What are the values of morals?" Beauregard asked Sam, who sat in the same seat as him.

"I think they’re about 75 cents a pop," Johnny Fiama said from behind Sam and Beau.

"No no Johnny, they’re only 50 cents," Sal Manilla told his boss.

Johnny rose his eyebrows. "Did you just question me Sal?"

"Well no Johnny, I was just telling you that-"

"I don’t care if you were tellin’ me about a free canolli joint, I don’t wanna hear about it!"

"I do!" Rizzo said.

"Hey there Bean," Bobo said the bunny sitting next to him. "You don’t mind my tuba here do ya?"

"Oh no Bobo," Bean told the bear. "As long as you don’t mind my bunny calisthenics that I do in the mornings!"

"Heh, not at all! I think exercise is the perfect way to start of any day." Bobo siad. "And tuba practice!"

"Oh those are my two favorite things!" Bean shouted.

"Well what a coincidence!" Bobo patted Bean on the back.

"Oops! Missed my turn!" Emily Bear shouted from the driver’s seat. The bus made a complete u-turn, causing most of the Muppets to scream.

"U-turn! U-turn!" Animal chanted from the very back of the bus.

"Cool it man, save your energy for the jam session," Floyd told the drummer. "We are goin’ to a gig on this rig right Dr. Teeth?"

"Absotively possilutely!" Dr. Teeth laughed.

"Fer sure, but like, where are we going?" Janice asked.

"Wha’? We’re goin’ somewhere?" Zoot asked, waking up from a nap.

Sweetums tried to move his feet around in the back of the bus. "Uh, hey guys, would ya mind scootin’ up a bit? It’s kinda hard to move back here." Sweetums bellowed.

"Like, there’s no room up here either," Janice told the monster.

"Yeah man, now that miss fat back’s got all her luggage back here, we can hardly move!" Floyd laughed.

"I heard that hippy!" Piggy shouted to the back. "You better sleep with one eye open!"

"Heh," Floyd laughed. "With Animal as my pet, I always sleep with one eye open!"

"Uncle Kermit," Robin tapped his uncle’s arm.

"Yes Robin?"

"Are we there yet?" Robin asked innocently.

Kermit scrunched up his face. "Sheesh..."

TogetherAgain · Oct 28, 2006

<Laughs!> Oh, HILARIOUS!!!!! ...Oh wait! Now I'm behind again! DANG YOU! <sigh>

The Count · Oct 28, 2006

Now that's a great chapter Prawny... Fun to see all the Muppets and where they're sitting in the bus... And of curse, I don't think that speed limit's gonna hold Emily back any.

Poor Clifford... But then again, he did ask for it. Maybe that'll teach him to listen to Uncle D giving him the seriousness he respects next time.

Scooter and J.P. tied up in wherever it is they're being held up. Of course, I'll just insert my earplugs to protect them from the squeeing your other half will let loose like a demented banshee when she sees that quote between J.P. and Scooter.
Funny how J.P.'s going on about the bad service at such a time. Be back after the next chapter's posted, have to go get some bagels... And muffins (shifty eyes*.

redBoobergurl · Oct 28, 2006

He he, I was just thinking about the Muppets on a bus and how it sounds like "Popes in a Volkswagon!" But that's beside the point. Scary things with Deadly and Clifford and Scooter and his Uncle and then the hilarity on the bus with the other Muppets. Quite a chapter indeed and I must ask for more!

theprawncracker · Oct 29, 2006

Chapter 8

"And that nephew is how I saved Christmas," J.P. told Scooter.

Scooter grumbled, trying to move in his binding ropes. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you see it leads to my next story about the time Santa Claus and I discussed merging my company with his."

The go-fer sighed. "And let me guess, you found a cure for Rudolph’s glowing nose?"

"Exactly, and then I taught the elves to tap dance."

The door flew open. Benny strolled inside slowly and calmly. "J.P., quick question, where do you keep the deed to my theater?"

J.P. scoffed. "You expect me to tell you? Just like that?"

"Uncle, don’t get in too deep," Scooter warned.

"J.P., this is the last time I’ll ask nicely."

"And just what do you intend to do if I don’t tell you?" J.P. smirked.

"Uncle-"

"I plan to use this handy truth serum." Benny pulled out a flask of purple liquid.

"There’s no such thing!"

"You’ll be surprised what you can find in those government buildings." Benny fiddled with the flask.

"Leave my uncle alone!" Scooter shouted.

Benny pocketed the container and walked in a circle around his two prisoners. "I will, once I have the answers I need."

J.P. held his breath each time Benny circled around him. "I’ll never tell you Vandergast."

"That’s what I thought you’d say." Benny grabbed his ex-best friend by his shirt collar and ripped him forward, breaking the ropes. Benny carried J.P. out of the room by his shirt collar, leaving Scooter alone.

The go-fer fell to the floor and huddled to himself in the corner of the dark room.

<X>X<X>

Uncle Deadly carried Clifford’s body gently up to his private chambers. The phantom dropped the body of the purple co-host onto the couch.

Deadly restarted the fire that was now merely embers. The fire reminded him of Death, reminded him that he had lost contact with Death. He had to do something.

The fire. That’s what he’d do, he’d manipulate the fire to show him where Death was. The problem was, Deadly had only seen Death manipulate fire. He actually had no idea how. But he could try. This was important, he had to try.

A creaking noise echoed through the secluded room. Deadly’s head darted in the direction of the sound, followed closely by the rest of his body.

Deadly perched himself on the rafters looking over the backstage.

"Clifford!" called the voice of a skinny, red headed yellow creature. "It’s me! Skeeter! You said I could come over...I don’t know what happened, but I couldn’t call you anymore! I let myself in...Are you even here?!"

Deadly smiled, this is exactly what he was looking for. He jumped down from the rafters directly in front of the girl.

Her scream could’ve awoke the dead (But Uncle Deadly was awake).

"Will you quiet down?!" he shouted at her.

"Will you stop creeping me out?!" Skeeter shrieked.

"Oh right," Deadly rolled his eyes. "Like I can help it."

Skeeter shrugged. "Where’s Clifford? He said he was the only one here."

"Your boyfriend seems to forget that I cannot leave this theater."

"But what about that time when that Bryant guy-" Skeeter started to say.

"We don’t speak of that incident," Deadly said sternly.

"But why? I mean you came out of the theater then-"

"Exactly! Shush yourself girl!"

"Oh, right." Skeeter blushed.

Deadly muttered something under his breath. "Anyway, you must listen, I need your help."

"But where’s Clifford?" Skeeter asked with both hands on her hips.

"He’s in my room, trust me he’s fine. Just a bit quieter than usual."

"That’s an improvement."

Deadly smirked. "The point I’m trying to make is, that I need your help protecting the theater."

"Protecting it?" Skeeter asked. "From what? Another wrecking ball like that Bryant guy-"

"I said don’t speak of that!"

"Right sorry." Skeeter said. "So what are we protecting it from?"

The phantom sighed. "It’s a long story..."

>X<X>X<

The Electric Mayhem bus barreled down the road, passing every vehicle going even remotely slower than the bus.

Miss Piggy put her snout up against the glass window. "Uch! I’m so bored!
"Bored?" Clyde popped up.

"Yes Pinky, bored."

"Oh! Well I can fix that! Hey Floyd, guys, song and dance number 81A!" Clyde hollered to the back of the bus.

The Mayhem began to play their instruments as Clyde began to sing.

"Do you need a break from modern livin’?"Clyde sang.

"I live for modern living." Piggy replied

"Do you long to shed your weary load?" Clyde persisted.

"The only thing I long to shed is those locks on top your head!" Piggy growled.

"Good Piggy! That’s the way to rhyme!" Clyde encouraged her.

"I’ll take your nerves and wrap them tight!" Piggy shouted.

"Just grab a friend and hold on tight
Together out on the open road," Clyde wrapped his arm around Piggy’s shoulder.

"All in all I’d rather have hangnail," Piggy elbowed Clyde in the chest, knocking him off.
"All in all I’d rather eat a toad."

"What?" Kermit’s head poked up.

"The old bear drives like such a klutz,"Piggy cried as the bus took a hard turn.
"That I’m about to hurl my guts
Directly upon the open road."

Kermit shook his head, looking back at Robin, singing to him. "There’s nothin’ can upset me
Cause now we’re on our way
Our trusty map will guide us straight and through."

"I hope," Robin replied.

"Sanity don’t leave me
I will return someday," Sam Eagle moaned.The bus almost merged lanes into a semi-truck.
"Though I may be in traction when I do."

"Me and Butch relaxing like the old days
In a buddy buddy kind of mode," Clyde sang cheerfully next to Butch.
"When I see that highway I could cry."

"You know that’s funny," Butch sang.
"So could I."

"Just bein’ out on the open road," Butch and Clyde sang together.

Floyd and Janice strummed a few chords on their guitars from the back of the bus. "Hey there Kerm, think we can go to Nashville?" Floyd sang.

The bus swerved to avoid a pack of motorcycles.

"Careful Ma or we’ll be getting towed!" Fozzie told his mom from behind the driver’s seat.

"I’m in no hurry to arrive," Rizzo sang.
"With all dese restaurants, I’ll survive!
Out here on da open road."

"Just a week of rest and relaxation," Gonzo rubbed Camilla’s shoulder.
"And the odd romantic episode."

"Brawk," Camilla kicked her molting feathers from underneath her feet.

"It’s Cal-i-for-nia or bust," Beauregard sang from his seat next to Sam.

"We just left California you twit," Sam Eagle told the janitor.

"Look out you dirt bags eat my dust!" Emily Bear drove furiously at the wheel.
"From now on, I own the open road!"

"Me and little Beakie my squeaky pioneer," Bunsen interrupted his latest Beaker torture device to sing.

"Mee me mee me me me mee me mo!" Beaker chimed in.

"Can someone call a taxi
And get me out of here?"Piggy begged.
"To Beverly Hills 90210."

"Every day another new adventure
Every mile another new zip code," Bean and Bobo sang.

"And the cares we’ve had are gone for good," Johnny and Sal chimed in.

"And I’d go with them if I could," Piggy moaned.

"I’ve got no strings on me
I’m feelin’ fancy free
How wonderful to be
On the open road!" All of the Muppets finished the song together. The bus sped right through a pot hole, sending each of them airborne.

"Wow!" Gonzo shouted. "What a wild ride!"

Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver

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