theprawncracker
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Chapter 15
"Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen-"
"Nineteen and a half."
"What?"
"Yup, Piggy’s da size of one and a half of us," Rizzo snickered.
"Watch it Rizzo," Kermit frowned. "We don’t have time to stop in the emergency room, so either Bunsen or Dr. Bob’ll have to sub as vet."
Rizzo grimaced. "I’d rather have lunch with Gonzo."
"Sorry Rizzo," Gonzo and Camilla climbed on the bus. "The dishwasher’s only a two-seater."
"Oh great," Kermit frowned. "How many was that?"
"Don’t ask me mista Sesame Street," Rizzo hopped on the bus.
Kermit sighed as Johnny, Sal, and the Electric Mayhem climbed on the bus. Fozzie came walking over and Kermit stopped the bear. "Hey Foz," Kermit said. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Oh sure Kermit, but are you sure you don’t want a so-vor?" Fozzie asked.
Kermit scrunched up his face."What’s a so-vor?"
"You know," Fozzie said. "Do, re, mi, fa, so! Favor, so-vor! Get it?"
Kermit frowned. "Fozzie, could you just go inside and make sure no one else is left in the men’s room?"
"Who’s gonna check the women’s?" Fozzie asked.
"No one needs to," Kermit smirked. "All five of them are on the bus."
"I thought you lost count," Fozzie said.
"Fozzie, will you please just go?" Kermit asked.
"Oh right, right!" Fozzie walked back towards the restaurant.
"Even when I’m on vacation I need a vacation..." Kermit moaned.
The dark green frog looked over towards the adjacent women’s room door. There was no one in the line.
He frowned, then looked forward as Lips walked out of the bathroom and Lew took his place. "It may be awhile little Mr. the Frog, I’ve gotta clean of Darla, Marla, Carla-"
"Yeah Lew," Robin frowned. "All of the fish, I know, I know."
Lew laughed and bobbled into the bathroom. Robin grinned and ran over to the women’s room. He pushed open the door and locked it from the inside.
Just then, Fozzie walked into the restaurant and knocked on the men’s bathroom door. "Hello? Is anyone there?"
Lew peered out through a crack in the open door. "Oh! Hi Fozzie!" Lew opened the door all the way and smiled at the bear.
"Are you ready to go Lew?" Fozzie scratched his head at the sight of three boomerang fish piled in the sink.
"Oh yeah sure! Just let me grab my fish!" Lew grabbed his fish out of the sink.
"Was there anyone else waiting in line?" Fozzie asked.
Lew tilted his head. "Um...No, I don’t think so..."
Fozzie nodded. "Okay great! Let’s get going! We’ve got places to be!"
"We do?" Lew asked.
"Well...No, but it sounds good."
Fozzie and Lew walked out of the restaurant and to the bus. "Okay Kermit, that’s everyone."
"Great," Kermit smiled. "And what’s more, your mom’s caffeine pills ran out and she’s passed out in your seat Fozzie."
"How is that good news?" Fozzie asked as Lew climbed onto the bus.
"Dr. Teeth gets to take over and we don’t have to wear helmets for awhile." Kermit walked up the bus’ stairs.
"Ahh! That’s fun-ny!" Fozzie pointed at his best friend.
Kermit nodded. "Okay Dr. Teeth, let’s get this show on the road."
"I thought we were on vacation from the show," Fozzie said.
Kermit frowned. "Let’s just go Dr. Teeth..."
"You got it small, green, and oh-so flippery!" Dr. Teeth laughed in his gravley tone as he pulled the bus out of the parking lot.
Back inside the restaurant, Robin walked out of the lady’s room rubbing his hands together. "Every time I wash my hands the towels are too high up, every time!" Robin sighed. He walked out of the restaurant, just in time to see the Electric Mayhem bus pulling out of the parking lot, and down the highway.
Robin breathed heavily. He knew what to do, Uncle Kermit had made sure to tell him. Go inside and call Miss Piggy’s cell phone.
"Ooh look a restaurant!"
"I hope they have shrimp scampi!"
"I’ll put my dentures in."
"Will you shut it?!" Polly shouted. "We’re already far enough behind those Muppets already!"
"Um, aren’t we Muppets Polly?" Clueless asked.
"Don’t you have to go the bathroom?!" Polly shouted.
"Oh yeah, right!" Clueless darted inside.
"Anyone else have-ta go?" Polly asked the rest of the more-than motley crew.
In a flash, ten tattooed, pierced, and oddly colored pirate bodies darted past the lobster into the restaurant.
"Figures..." Polly muttered, following the others inside.
The phantom had no idea whether to say a word or just sit silently. He couldn’t determine which was more painful.
Death was thinking the same. He knew his time was desperately short. He wanted to say something to his most faithful servant, but he knew no words that could help.
The silence stood silently (as if silence could do anything else). The fireplace between the two of them was the only sound, neither of them breathed, neither of them had to.
Suddenly, Death shot up. His head darted around the room. Deadly stared awkwardly. "What is it?" the phantom asked.
"IT’S TIME DEADLY." Death thrust his side across the floor, landing at Deadly’s blue feet.
"What?" Deadly gasped. "What is it?"
Black flames sparked from directly underneath Death’s black cloak. He tried to move, but the flames bound him just as this theater bound Uncle Deadly.
Deadly darted forward towards his master. He was going to do whatever he could to help him. No matter what it took.
The flames engulfed the cloaked skeleton, his hooded head and bony arm were all that could be seen through the black heat. He reached out past the flames towards Uncle Deadly, reaching with all his might.
Uncle Deadly’s scarred, blue arm reached out towards his master’s bleach white hand as his body sent him forward as fast as it could. He reached and reached.
He couldn't reach.
Death palm closed just before the flames took him over. The flames, the cloak, the bones, the spirit, it was all gone in a flash of blackness.
Uncle Deadly collapsed to his knees. He tried supporting himself hands, but his elbows buckled and he fell on his chest. He let tears slip from his dry, dead tear ducts. The tears rolled down his old scaly skin. The watery substance burned his tongue.
His arm burned, his tongue burned, Death burned. Deadly cried more, the tears were rolling out of his eyes now. He should’ve been able to prevent it. Why couldn’t he prevent it?
Deadly stayed on the floor for as long as he’d ever remembered being on the floor. Certainly the longest he’d ever cried.
Uncle Deadly pushed himself back onto his knees and growled. He stood up and grabbed Death’s scythe off the ground. He was going to end this. Now.
"Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen-"
"Nineteen and a half."
"What?"
"Yup, Piggy’s da size of one and a half of us," Rizzo snickered.
"Watch it Rizzo," Kermit frowned. "We don’t have time to stop in the emergency room, so either Bunsen or Dr. Bob’ll have to sub as vet."
Rizzo grimaced. "I’d rather have lunch with Gonzo."
"Sorry Rizzo," Gonzo and Camilla climbed on the bus. "The dishwasher’s only a two-seater."
"Oh great," Kermit frowned. "How many was that?"
"Don’t ask me mista Sesame Street," Rizzo hopped on the bus.
Kermit sighed as Johnny, Sal, and the Electric Mayhem climbed on the bus. Fozzie came walking over and Kermit stopped the bear. "Hey Foz," Kermit said. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Oh sure Kermit, but are you sure you don’t want a so-vor?" Fozzie asked.
Kermit scrunched up his face."What’s a so-vor?"
"You know," Fozzie said. "Do, re, mi, fa, so! Favor, so-vor! Get it?"
Kermit frowned. "Fozzie, could you just go inside and make sure no one else is left in the men’s room?"
"Who’s gonna check the women’s?" Fozzie asked.
"No one needs to," Kermit smirked. "All five of them are on the bus."
"I thought you lost count," Fozzie said.
"Fozzie, will you please just go?" Kermit asked.
"Oh right, right!" Fozzie walked back towards the restaurant.
"Even when I’m on vacation I need a vacation..." Kermit moaned.
<X>X<X>
Robin’s tiny frog bladder could barely hold it any longer. He looked up the line, there was still Lew Zealand in front of him, and Lips in the bathroom now.
The dark green frog looked over towards the adjacent women’s room door. There was no one in the line.
He frowned, then looked forward as Lips walked out of the bathroom and Lew took his place. "It may be awhile little Mr. the Frog, I’ve gotta clean of Darla, Marla, Carla-"
"Yeah Lew," Robin frowned. "All of the fish, I know, I know."
Lew laughed and bobbled into the bathroom. Robin grinned and ran over to the women’s room. He pushed open the door and locked it from the inside.
Just then, Fozzie walked into the restaurant and knocked on the men’s bathroom door. "Hello? Is anyone there?"
Lew peered out through a crack in the open door. "Oh! Hi Fozzie!" Lew opened the door all the way and smiled at the bear.
"Are you ready to go Lew?" Fozzie scratched his head at the sight of three boomerang fish piled in the sink.
"Oh yeah sure! Just let me grab my fish!" Lew grabbed his fish out of the sink.
"Was there anyone else waiting in line?" Fozzie asked.
Lew tilted his head. "Um...No, I don’t think so..."
Fozzie nodded. "Okay great! Let’s get going! We’ve got places to be!"
"We do?" Lew asked.
"Well...No, but it sounds good."
Fozzie and Lew walked out of the restaurant and to the bus. "Okay Kermit, that’s everyone."
"Great," Kermit smiled. "And what’s more, your mom’s caffeine pills ran out and she’s passed out in your seat Fozzie."
"How is that good news?" Fozzie asked as Lew climbed onto the bus.
"Dr. Teeth gets to take over and we don’t have to wear helmets for awhile." Kermit walked up the bus’ stairs.
"Ahh! That’s fun-ny!" Fozzie pointed at his best friend.
Kermit nodded. "Okay Dr. Teeth, let’s get this show on the road."
"I thought we were on vacation from the show," Fozzie said.
Kermit frowned. "Let’s just go Dr. Teeth..."
"You got it small, green, and oh-so flippery!" Dr. Teeth laughed in his gravley tone as he pulled the bus out of the parking lot.
Back inside the restaurant, Robin walked out of the lady’s room rubbing his hands together. "Every time I wash my hands the towels are too high up, every time!" Robin sighed. He walked out of the restaurant, just in time to see the Electric Mayhem bus pulling out of the parking lot, and down the highway.
Robin breathed heavily. He knew what to do, Uncle Kermit had made sure to tell him. Go inside and call Miss Piggy’s cell phone.
>X<X>X<
The pirates on motorcycles saw the little green frog dart inside as they pulled all twelve motorcycles into the parking lot.
"Ooh look a restaurant!"
"I hope they have shrimp scampi!"
"I’ll put my dentures in."
"Will you shut it?!" Polly shouted. "We’re already far enough behind those Muppets already!"
"Um, aren’t we Muppets Polly?" Clueless asked.
"Don’t you have to go the bathroom?!" Polly shouted.
"Oh yeah, right!" Clueless darted inside.
"Anyone else have-ta go?" Polly asked the rest of the more-than motley crew.
In a flash, ten tattooed, pierced, and oddly colored pirate bodies darted past the lobster into the restaurant.
"Figures..." Polly muttered, following the others inside.
>X<X>X<
Uncle Deadly and Death stared at each other. But they weren’t really looking at each other, or into each other for that matter. They were looking past each other, looking into their surroundings looking into their feelings.
The phantom had no idea whether to say a word or just sit silently. He couldn’t determine which was more painful.
Death was thinking the same. He knew his time was desperately short. He wanted to say something to his most faithful servant, but he knew no words that could help.
The silence stood silently (as if silence could do anything else). The fireplace between the two of them was the only sound, neither of them breathed, neither of them had to.
Suddenly, Death shot up. His head darted around the room. Deadly stared awkwardly. "What is it?" the phantom asked.
"IT’S TIME DEADLY." Death thrust his side across the floor, landing at Deadly’s blue feet.
"What?" Deadly gasped. "What is it?"
Black flames sparked from directly underneath Death’s black cloak. He tried to move, but the flames bound him just as this theater bound Uncle Deadly.
Deadly darted forward towards his master. He was going to do whatever he could to help him. No matter what it took.
The flames engulfed the cloaked skeleton, his hooded head and bony arm were all that could be seen through the black heat. He reached out past the flames towards Uncle Deadly, reaching with all his might.
Uncle Deadly’s scarred, blue arm reached out towards his master’s bleach white hand as his body sent him forward as fast as it could. He reached and reached.
He couldn't reach.
Death palm closed just before the flames took him over. The flames, the cloak, the bones, the spirit, it was all gone in a flash of blackness.
Uncle Deadly collapsed to his knees. He tried supporting himself hands, but his elbows buckled and he fell on his chest. He let tears slip from his dry, dead tear ducts. The tears rolled down his old scaly skin. The watery substance burned his tongue.
His arm burned, his tongue burned, Death burned. Deadly cried more, the tears were rolling out of his eyes now. He should’ve been able to prevent it. Why couldn’t he prevent it?
Deadly stayed on the floor for as long as he’d ever remembered being on the floor. Certainly the longest he’d ever cried.
Uncle Deadly pushed himself back onto his knees and growled. He stood up and grabbed Death’s scythe off the ground. He was going to end this. Now.