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Muppet Fan-Fic: Don't Trip the Driver
- Thread starter theprawncracker
- Start date
theprawncracker
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I can almost maybe gurantee that there will be a new chapter up later today. *shifty eyes* ...What? That wasn't shifty? ...Oh.
Beauregard
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Almost gurantee? How does that work? Either a gurantee is a gurantee or it's a guran-o-tee...which is it Prawnie?
theprawncracker
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*blink* It's an almost gurantee.
theprawncracker
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Chapter 13
"Um, ma’am, ma’am," Pepe tugged at the skirt of a waitress. "Excuse me, but it seems jou have seafood entrees on de buffet over d’ere, hokay?"
The waitress put her hands on her hips and looked askance at Pepe.
"As jou can obviously see I am a hot and spicy king, just as jou are a hot and spicy waitress, hokay?" Pepe leaned his head against the woman’s leg. "And I would be so happy if jou would get rid of all de seafood choices on de buffet, hokay?"
"But it’s Seafood Thursday!" the waitress shouted.
"But why not have it on Saturday? Much better alliterations, hokay?"
The waitress kicked Pepe clear across the restaurant, landing him in a tray of baked potatoes.
Floyd walked by with a plate in his hand and laughed at the prawn. "Hey Rowlf, look, fish ‘n’ chips! Heh heh heh!"
"Dat’s not funny hokay?" Pepe crawled out of the tray carrying a potato. "We members of de crustacean family are never respected, hokay?"
"Please don’t get the Chef on one of his respect rants again," Rowlf begged like a dog.
"Too late," Floyd sighed.
"Respect?!" the Swedish Chef shouted. "Telk ebuoot nu respect, luuk et vere-a ve-a ere-a! A booffffet! Vhy cuooldn’t I cuuk? My Huney Boonches ooff Guets is tu deee-a fur!"
Floyd, Rowlf and Pepe traded glances. "Si, we’ll be sure to do dis, hokay?" Pepe said.
The Chef toddled off back to the five or six tables that had been pushed together by the restaurant crew.
"Hey shrimp man, what’s with the potato?" Floyd asked.
"I think he ‘n’ his family are tryin’ to get back to their roots," Rowlf said.
Floyd and Rowlf laughed as they ankled back to the table.
Pepe muttered something to the tray of fried shrimp on the buffet table, then threw the potato, hitting Floyd in the back of the head.
Floyd stood up straight and turned around, glaring at the prawn. "Okay man, that is not groovy."
"C’mon rocket man, let me blast jou off, hokay?" Pepe grabbed another potato from the buffet table.
Kermit, who was watching the action from the back of the buffet line, pushed forward and put his arm on Pepe’s hand, mid-throw. "Hey, Pepe, let’s not fight in a restaurant, okay?"
But it was way too late, the potato got off mark and instead of whacking Floyd again, it landed right on the plate of Miss Piggy, splashing salad dressing and creamed corn all over the diva.
"WAITER!" Piggy screamed. "SKEWERED SHRIMP! ON THE DOUBLE!!"
The porky princess picked up her plate and hurled it at the shrimp like a frisbee. Pepe ducked and it landed right in Kermit’s face. The frog scrunched up his face as creamed corn rolled down his snout.
Floyd started cracking up. "Heh heh! Man, we’re gettin’ all our basic food groups! Pork, shrimp, corn, potatoes, and now, frog legs! Heh heh heh!"
Kermit, Piggy and Pepe all shot glares at Floyd at once. "That’s IT!" Piggy cried, she picked up Beauregard’s plate from her right and threw it in Floyd’s direction.
Floyd’s mustache was suddenly filled with chunks of fruit salad. The hipster decided to throw his grooviness to the wind, along with his plate of macaroni and cheese.
"FOOD FIGHT! FOOD FIGHT!" Animal chanted, darting around the restaurant.
The other families inside the restaurant screamed, some hurled food as well, figuring there was no way they could get blamed for this.
"Oh boy!" Rizzo shouted. "D’is is better den da annual runnin’ of da singin’ cheeses! Ha ha!" Rizzo began to eat the scraps of perfectly good food thrown across the dining area.
Meanwhile, Gonzo and Camilla were enjoying a peaceful quiet dinner in their favorite dining apparatus. The dishwasher.
"Oh Camilla," Gonzo sighed, taking a bite of broccoli filled gelatin. "Just wait til we hit a rinse cycle!"
"Brawk bawk bawk?" Camilla asked, pecking at some corn.
"Oh yeah sure," Gonzo nodded. "This dish detergent will have your remaining feathers looking nice and shiny."
"Bawk?!"
"Of course I mean shinier!" Gonzo lied through his nose. "Your feathers are already some of the most lustrous feathers I’ve ever laid eyes upon my sweet little carrot seed."
"Brawk bawk." Camilla continued eating, satisfied with another job well done.
Clueless looked around at the highway surrounding him. Cars all around him, and no place to stop. "Oh boy..." he whispered. "Um, Polly?" Clueless shouted over to Polly, driving the head cycle at the front of the group.
"What?" Polly growled back at the goat.
"Um, I’ve gotta go," Clueless said quietly.
Polly looked back at the goat. "Ya gotta speak up Clueless, I can’t hear ya!"
"I’ve gotta go," Clueless said a bit louder.
"Where ya goin’? Benny said stay on this road no matter what!" Polly shouted back.
"But it’s an emergency!" Clueless moaned. "I can barely even hold onto my handle bars!"
"Oh no," Polly shook his head. "Of all the rotten luck!"
"Actually, my bladder ain’t what it used to be," Real Old Tom called from his motorcycle.
"Yeah, and I loaded up on lemonade before we left!" Angel Marie whined.
"Oh fine!" Polly shouted. "C’mon you dummies, there’s a gas station up here, maybe we can get some food while we’re at it."
The dozen motorcycles pulled off at the next exit and drove on toward the helpless town, already invaded by the denizens of a groovy red bus, and about to be overrun with pirates on motorbikes.
"Salt?" Clifford asked.
"It adds flavor to the mix." Deadly snatched up Skeeter’s hair from the end table.
"Could we move it along Emeril?" Skeeter asked from the opposite side of the room.
"Could you come back over here Skeet?" Clifford asked. "It wasn’t that big of a deal! And it wasn’t your glasses that were broken!"
Skeeter sniffed. "No, it was my heart!"
Clifford and Uncle Deadly rolled their eyes in unison. "C’mon ushy gushy girl, we all know you’re full of it. It was just hair."
"Just hair?!" Skeeter screamed. "It is so much more than just hair! And you should know that Clifford!"
Clifford pondered if this was the first time she’d ever called him Clifford. "Well why should I, Clif-ford, know about your hair Skee-ter?"
"Maybe because we’ve been dating for just under six months now!" Skeeter humphed, crossing her arms. "And someone forgot our anniversary!"
"Anniversary?! What are you talkin’ bout dude?" Clifford stomped his foot.
Skeeter put her nose right up to Clifford’s and they stared into each other’s eyes. "I’m talking about our five and three quarter month anniversary!"
"Who the heck has a five and three quarter month anniversary?!"
"Couples who care!"
"Care about what?" Clifford shouted. "Spendin’ money on pointless gifts for pointless anniversaries?!"
"So now I’m pointless?!" Skeeter screeched.
"Quit twistin’ my words!" Clifford shouted back, keeping his snout on Skeeter’s.
"You’re words are twisted enough without my help!"
"Yeah! Just like your head!"
"WHAT?! Take THAT!"
Clifford collapsed onto the floor with a welt poking through his purple and red dread locks.
Skeeter then turned to Deadly. "Alright dead boy, get that hair into that fire and find my brother!"
Uncle Deadly tilted his head and began to speak.
"NOW!" Skeeter screamed, cutting him off.
Uncle Deadly jumped out of Skeeter’s way and threw her hair into the fire. The flames erupted in a sea of goldenrod.
"This is it," Deadly said. "This will determine the fate of your uncle and Scooter."
"You’re so reassuring," Skeeter said.
"Um, ma’am, ma’am," Pepe tugged at the skirt of a waitress. "Excuse me, but it seems jou have seafood entrees on de buffet over d’ere, hokay?"
The waitress put her hands on her hips and looked askance at Pepe.
"As jou can obviously see I am a hot and spicy king, just as jou are a hot and spicy waitress, hokay?" Pepe leaned his head against the woman’s leg. "And I would be so happy if jou would get rid of all de seafood choices on de buffet, hokay?"
"But it’s Seafood Thursday!" the waitress shouted.
"But why not have it on Saturday? Much better alliterations, hokay?"
The waitress kicked Pepe clear across the restaurant, landing him in a tray of baked potatoes.
Floyd walked by with a plate in his hand and laughed at the prawn. "Hey Rowlf, look, fish ‘n’ chips! Heh heh heh!"
"Dat’s not funny hokay?" Pepe crawled out of the tray carrying a potato. "We members of de crustacean family are never respected, hokay?"
"Please don’t get the Chef on one of his respect rants again," Rowlf begged like a dog.
"Too late," Floyd sighed.
"Respect?!" the Swedish Chef shouted. "Telk ebuoot nu respect, luuk et vere-a ve-a ere-a! A booffffet! Vhy cuooldn’t I cuuk? My Huney Boonches ooff Guets is tu deee-a fur!"
Floyd, Rowlf and Pepe traded glances. "Si, we’ll be sure to do dis, hokay?" Pepe said.
The Chef toddled off back to the five or six tables that had been pushed together by the restaurant crew.
"Hey shrimp man, what’s with the potato?" Floyd asked.
"I think he ‘n’ his family are tryin’ to get back to their roots," Rowlf said.
Floyd and Rowlf laughed as they ankled back to the table.
Pepe muttered something to the tray of fried shrimp on the buffet table, then threw the potato, hitting Floyd in the back of the head.
Floyd stood up straight and turned around, glaring at the prawn. "Okay man, that is not groovy."
"C’mon rocket man, let me blast jou off, hokay?" Pepe grabbed another potato from the buffet table.
Kermit, who was watching the action from the back of the buffet line, pushed forward and put his arm on Pepe’s hand, mid-throw. "Hey, Pepe, let’s not fight in a restaurant, okay?"
But it was way too late, the potato got off mark and instead of whacking Floyd again, it landed right on the plate of Miss Piggy, splashing salad dressing and creamed corn all over the diva.
"WAITER!" Piggy screamed. "SKEWERED SHRIMP! ON THE DOUBLE!!"
The porky princess picked up her plate and hurled it at the shrimp like a frisbee. Pepe ducked and it landed right in Kermit’s face. The frog scrunched up his face as creamed corn rolled down his snout.
Floyd started cracking up. "Heh heh! Man, we’re gettin’ all our basic food groups! Pork, shrimp, corn, potatoes, and now, frog legs! Heh heh heh!"
Kermit, Piggy and Pepe all shot glares at Floyd at once. "That’s IT!" Piggy cried, she picked up Beauregard’s plate from her right and threw it in Floyd’s direction.
Floyd’s mustache was suddenly filled with chunks of fruit salad. The hipster decided to throw his grooviness to the wind, along with his plate of macaroni and cheese.
"FOOD FIGHT! FOOD FIGHT!" Animal chanted, darting around the restaurant.
The other families inside the restaurant screamed, some hurled food as well, figuring there was no way they could get blamed for this.
"Oh boy!" Rizzo shouted. "D’is is better den da annual runnin’ of da singin’ cheeses! Ha ha!" Rizzo began to eat the scraps of perfectly good food thrown across the dining area.
Meanwhile, Gonzo and Camilla were enjoying a peaceful quiet dinner in their favorite dining apparatus. The dishwasher.
"Oh Camilla," Gonzo sighed, taking a bite of broccoli filled gelatin. "Just wait til we hit a rinse cycle!"
"Brawk bawk bawk?" Camilla asked, pecking at some corn.
"Oh yeah sure," Gonzo nodded. "This dish detergent will have your remaining feathers looking nice and shiny."
"Bawk?!"
"Of course I mean shinier!" Gonzo lied through his nose. "Your feathers are already some of the most lustrous feathers I’ve ever laid eyes upon my sweet little carrot seed."
"Brawk bawk." Camilla continued eating, satisfied with another job well done.
<X>X<X>
The twelve pirate motorcyclists darted down the road in their bikes and helmets.
Clueless looked around at the highway surrounding him. Cars all around him, and no place to stop. "Oh boy..." he whispered. "Um, Polly?" Clueless shouted over to Polly, driving the head cycle at the front of the group.
"What?" Polly growled back at the goat.
"Um, I’ve gotta go," Clueless said quietly.
Polly looked back at the goat. "Ya gotta speak up Clueless, I can’t hear ya!"
"I’ve gotta go," Clueless said a bit louder.
"Where ya goin’? Benny said stay on this road no matter what!" Polly shouted back.
"But it’s an emergency!" Clueless moaned. "I can barely even hold onto my handle bars!"
"Oh no," Polly shook his head. "Of all the rotten luck!"
"Actually, my bladder ain’t what it used to be," Real Old Tom called from his motorcycle.
"Yeah, and I loaded up on lemonade before we left!" Angel Marie whined.
"Oh fine!" Polly shouted. "C’mon you dummies, there’s a gas station up here, maybe we can get some food while we’re at it."
The dozen motorcycles pulled off at the next exit and drove on toward the helpless town, already invaded by the denizens of a groovy red bus, and about to be overrun with pirates on motorbikes.
>X<X>X<
Uncle Deadly ripped open a bag of salt and doused it over the flames inside his fireplace.
"Salt?" Clifford asked.
"It adds flavor to the mix." Deadly snatched up Skeeter’s hair from the end table.
"Could we move it along Emeril?" Skeeter asked from the opposite side of the room.
"Could you come back over here Skeet?" Clifford asked. "It wasn’t that big of a deal! And it wasn’t your glasses that were broken!"
Skeeter sniffed. "No, it was my heart!"
Clifford and Uncle Deadly rolled their eyes in unison. "C’mon ushy gushy girl, we all know you’re full of it. It was just hair."
"Just hair?!" Skeeter screamed. "It is so much more than just hair! And you should know that Clifford!"
Clifford pondered if this was the first time she’d ever called him Clifford. "Well why should I, Clif-ford, know about your hair Skee-ter?"
"Maybe because we’ve been dating for just under six months now!" Skeeter humphed, crossing her arms. "And someone forgot our anniversary!"
"Anniversary?! What are you talkin’ bout dude?" Clifford stomped his foot.
Skeeter put her nose right up to Clifford’s and they stared into each other’s eyes. "I’m talking about our five and three quarter month anniversary!"
"Who the heck has a five and three quarter month anniversary?!"
"Couples who care!"
"Care about what?" Clifford shouted. "Spendin’ money on pointless gifts for pointless anniversaries?!"
"So now I’m pointless?!" Skeeter screeched.
"Quit twistin’ my words!" Clifford shouted back, keeping his snout on Skeeter’s.
"You’re words are twisted enough without my help!"
"Yeah! Just like your head!"
"WHAT?! Take THAT!"
Clifford collapsed onto the floor with a welt poking through his purple and red dread locks.
Skeeter then turned to Deadly. "Alright dead boy, get that hair into that fire and find my brother!"
Uncle Deadly tilted his head and began to speak.
"NOW!" Skeeter screamed, cutting him off.
Uncle Deadly jumped out of Skeeter’s way and threw her hair into the fire. The flames erupted in a sea of goldenrod.
"This is it," Deadly said. "This will determine the fate of your uncle and Scooter."
"You’re so reassuring," Skeeter said.
TogetherAgain
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Hokay, so de Pepe lines with de waitress are very funny, hokay?
Und zee Svedeesh Cheff respect runt is a refference-a thet I recugneeze-a!
The food fight is AWESOME, and I just adore Gonzo and Camilla's dining spot... (That reminds me, the dishwasher wants to know when you're coming for dinner and if you're bringing dessert and why you don't call and check in on her every once in a while, is it such a big thing to ask?)
I love the description of the town being over-run by the bus and bikers...
And, pardon moi, but did I see- USHY GUSHY GIRL! <grins> That made me squeak or something. ("Or something," or "or Something"? No, something...)
UD has a cooking streak, eh? I liked that part. And the five-and-three-quarter-month anniversary. Personally, I don't get the point of that kind of anniversary, either. (But Vim says it's right over there--> . )
Loved the unison eye rolling of the guys, and Skeeter's comment of "You're so reassuring."
Over all, I LOVED it! (Big surprise, huh?)
MORE PLEASE!
Und zee Svedeesh Cheff respect runt is a refference-a thet I recugneeze-a!
The food fight is AWESOME, and I just adore Gonzo and Camilla's dining spot... (That reminds me, the dishwasher wants to know when you're coming for dinner and if you're bringing dessert and why you don't call and check in on her every once in a while, is it such a big thing to ask?)
I love the description of the town being over-run by the bus and bikers...
And, pardon moi, but did I see- USHY GUSHY GIRL! <grins> That made me squeak or something. ("Or something," or "or Something"? No, something...)
UD has a cooking streak, eh? I liked that part. And the five-and-three-quarter-month anniversary. Personally, I don't get the point of that kind of anniversary, either. (But Vim says it's right over there--> . )
Loved the unison eye rolling of the guys, and Skeeter's comment of "You're so reassuring."
Over all, I LOVED it! (Big surprise, huh?)
MORE PLEASE!
ReneeLouvier
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...
I am so sorry, that I've not commented at all on this wonderful story. I just read the whole thing....in like under 2 hours.
Wow. I just wanna go busting in; beat the tar outta Benny, and save my precious Scooter! And Skeeter sounds like she's a preppy, stuck-up girl too. Or is that just me?
And please, more story! I've gotten loaded up on all of it today, and I'm aching for more of it!!!
I am so sorry, that I've not commented at all on this wonderful story. I just read the whole thing....in like under 2 hours.
Wow. I just wanna go busting in; beat the tar outta Benny, and save my precious Scooter! And Skeeter sounds like she's a preppy, stuck-up girl too. Or is that just me?
And please, more story! I've gotten loaded up on all of it today, and I'm aching for more of it!!!
Beauregard
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I agree about Skeeter seeming stuck-up, but I think you got her character just right, remember Muppet Babies? She was totally stuck up back then...
I love the "Gotta go" bit (A reference? Or just a coincidence?).
I adore the washing machine diner, and the potato (which was delicious by the way) and the "Skewered Shrimp!" I also loved your use of the word "Ankling."
Hair, salt, and poor beaten up Clifford, all genious. Loving this roller-coaster ride! More please!
I love the "Gotta go" bit (A reference? Or just a coincidence?).
I adore the washing machine diner, and the potato (which was delicious by the way) and the "Skewered Shrimp!" I also loved your use of the word "Ankling."
Hair, salt, and poor beaten up Clifford, all genious. Loving this roller-coaster ride! More please!