Muppet College Dorms: The Next Semester

[BeakerSqueedom]

Lefty: As ya kin see, dat's fer Crazy Harry. He's spent so much time on hospital cots, on account of several "accidents," he don't feel comfortable unless he sleeps on one. And da hammock hangin' in da closet is mine, so don't be gettin' any ideas. I like da hammock, 'cause the swingin' back and forth reminds me of when my mudder usta rock me to sleep.

Claudia:
HAAAAAAHAHAHAH!

Bunsen:
That's nothing to laugh about, Claudia.
Shame on you, honestly.

It's just like this flask.
[Snugs it]

Claudia:
What about it?

Bunsen:
Mother would explode people because of her charming desire to inflict pain on those she took a liking to. <3

Claudia:
OOOOKKK...

 

[Winslow Leach]

Lefty: Hey kid, kid...now dat ya got yer desk, you gonna write dat play for me?

Tony: Yes, I'm...play for you?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHH! Riiiiiiiiiiight!

Tony: You didn't say anything about me writing a play for you.

Lefty: Well, I'm sayin' it now! Dat's da least ya kin do, after I got ya all dis stuff!

Tony: Well...

Lefty: And...I kin act as your bodyguard.

Tony: Bodyguard? What do I need a bodyguard for?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHH! Don't tell no one...but I hear one of da scientist guys plans to eliminate ya. The kid wit da pointy head, who only talks in meeps...

Tony: He plans to eliminate me?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHHH! Riiiiight.

Tony: But I don't even know him!

Lefty: Dat's da woid on da street.

Tony: Wow.

Lefty: So if ya write me into one of yer plays, I kin protect ya from da carrot-top. Get me?

Tony: I'll think about--

Lefty: Check dis out! I kin sing and dance! Maestro!

The music to "Would You Like To Buy an O" suddenly starts playing.

Lefty sings, and dances/sways to the music.

Lefty (singing)

How would ya like ta buy an O,
Round and neat,
A nearly poifect circle,
Tidy and complete,
You kin sing a pretty song
With it like so:
O! O! O!

Would ya like ta buy an O,
Circular and sweet,
O looks just like a donut,
Really good enough to eat,
It'll cost ya just $29.95...

Tony: $29.95?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tony (whispers) $29.95?

Lefty: Riiiiiiiiiiight!

Newsman: Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Lefty! You've been singing that song for years. Isn't the cost of the O a nickel?

Lefty: Inflation. I gotta make some kinda profit!

Tony: Okay, thank you, thank you, Lefty. I heard enough! I'll keep you in mind.

Lefty (to Tony) I don't tink ya fully understand.Did ya know that if ya buy an O, ya get two sounds for da price of one? Ya get one sound that youse can use for woids like "olive," "ostrich," and "ox." And fer no extra cost, ya get another sound, like "ocean," "over," "old," and "opening."

Lefty begins to sing and dance/sway.

Lefty (singing)

So would ya like ta buy an O,
I'm opening da door,
It's not often that I offer,
Well, could ya ask for more?
It'll cost ya just...(looks at Newsman, sighs) a nickel!

Tony: A nickel?

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHHH!

Tony (whispers) A nickel?

Lefty: Riiiiiiiiiight!

(sings)

So buy the O and take it home tonight,
Don't ask any questions,
Just buy the O and take it home tonight,
You'll really love it,
So buy the O and take it home tonight!

Ta-daaaaaaa!

Lefty ends his song with jazz hands.

Pause.

Tony: I'll think about it.

 

[Beakerfan]

Sweetums: *sitting in his overstuffed chair. Alex is sleeping in his arms*

Bean: *reading a book on aliens, begins to make a foil hat*

Sweetums: SHHHHHhhhh! She had a rough night! Don't wake her!

Bean: Sorry.....

 

[Winslow Leach]

Lefty is watching the Newsman on TV.

Newsman: Here is a Muppet Newsflash! Mrs. Olga Z. Thunglebottom woke up this morning, only to find her husband's head turned into a prune. When asked to comment, Mrs. Thunglebottom replied, "oh, this is the best thing that could happen to me at my age. Now I don't have to spend money on prune juice."

This is the most ridiculous story I've ever read! Whoever heard of anyone's head turning into a--

POP!

The Newsman's head is transformed into a giant prune, with little beady eyes.

--prune ?

 

[Beakerfan]

Bean: *watching the Newsman on TV* HAHAHAHA! That's the funniest thing I've ever seen! Doncha think Sweetums?

Sweetums: Gosh, the poor guy.... I wonder how he'll get that fixed......

Bean: I dunno, but it's pretty funny! HAHAHAH- POOF! *Bean turns into a prune*

Sweetums: *picks up the Prune-Bean* See what you did now? You turned your WHOLE self into a prune...... we'd better figure out how to fix this.....

 

[Winslow Leach]

A knock on the door. Lefty, the only one in the room, opens it slightly.

Lefty: What's da passwoid?

Voice: Uh...Swordfish?

Lefty: Riiiiiiiight!

Lefty opens the door, admitting in an Anything Muppet kid.

Kid: Hiya, Lefty!

Lefty: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lefty shuts the door and locks it.

Lefty: We gotta hurry dis up. My roommates might be back soon.

Lefty pulls a small photo out of his coat pocket.

Lefty: Here it is. Ya got da nickel?

Kid: Sure do!

The kid hands Lefty a nickel, Lefty hands the kid the photo.

Lefty: Enjoy it. Now git outta here!

Kid: Wait a minute! There's nothing in this photo!

Lefty: Whaddaya talkin' about, of course dere is! Who is yer favorite actor?

Kid: Cary Grant.

Lefty: And whose autographed photo did I say I'd get ya?

Kid: Cary Grant's.

Lefty: Riiiiiight, riiiiight. So dere ya go! Whaddaya complainin' about?

Kid: This photo is blank!

Lefty: Nah, it's not blank. It's a photo of Cary Grant in his most famous role...da Invisible Man!

Kid: The Invisible Man?

Lefty: Yeah, yeah...riiiiiight! Oh, yer holdin' it upside down!

Lefty turns the photo rightside up.

Lefty: Dere.

Kid: Well...where's his autograph?

Lefty: Where is his autograph? Kid, whaddaya take me for? A chiseler? Can't ya see his autograph? It's right dere, written across da front. I was dere when he signed it.

Kid: I don't see it.

Lefty: Kid. I am hoit. I am honestly hoit. I handed that photo to Cary, and he signed it right in fronna me! It's right dere! "Ta my good, honest, bestest buddy in da whole entire woild, Jimmy Stewart!"

Kid: Jimmy Stewart?

Lefty: I mean Cary Grant. Riiiiight. Da reason why you can't see it is 'cause he wrote it in invisible ink!

Kid: Invisible ink?

Lefty: Riiiiiiight! 'Cause he played da Invisible Man, ya see?

Kid: Well...

Lefty: Trust me, kid, it's autentic!

Lefty leads the kid to the door.

Kid: Can you get me a Peter Lorre?

Lefty: Peter Lorre? Riiiiiight, riiiiight, come by next week, an' I'll have it for ya! A picture of him in his most famous role...da Invisible Man!

Kid: The Inv--

Lefty opens the door, and shoves the kid out. He slams the door and locks it.

Lefty: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
Hello, gentlemen.
(Throws her bag on the bed)

Dr. Van Neuter:
Why have you been out so long?

Claudia:
Joined strike for no abortion.
Joined the Colombian strike against Farco...
Afterwards took some pictures.
Later I did some work.
Later I joined the appointment with Dr. Nobbe as he's interested in me
working for him over at the chiropratic clinic---we discussed once I had the following...I'd work for him.

Later I went to the nutrition store where this man kept eyeing me.
-_-

I'm tired.

Bunsen:
Do get some rest.
Phillip and I have been researching the causes for the strangeness that is...prune.

Claudia:
Say what?

Bunsen:
As announced by Newsman, the residents had transformed into prunes.
I fear the consequences if we do not find the cure soon enough.
We've been accused of being the cause for this mess!

Claudia:
Ohhh...so THAT...
-turns into a prune-

Bunsen:
We must be swift, Phillip!
Gather the evidence, we don't want the others discovering that
this indeed is our fault.

Dr. Van Neuter:
Gotcha.

---

Beaker:
(Squirts Tony, oblivious to it all)

 

[Beakerfan]

Alex: *walks in, eating a bag of dried fruit*

Sweetums: *eyes get big* What are you EATING?

Alex: Dried fruit medley..... it's got raisins, cranberries, mango, apple, apricot, banana, pineapple, prunes - *is tackled by Sweetums*

Sweetums: Don't worry everyone! I've SAVED you! I'll make sure she doesn't eat any of you!

Alex: O_O What the -? You are really strange some times. *sees the Prune-Bean on the couch* Again: What the -? Is that a giant...... prune?

Sweetums: Actually, it's Bean. He Poofed into a prune.....

Alex: You seriously need your head checked....

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Bunsen:
Oh dear, what to do!

Dr. Van Neuter:
Race you to the exit...
We may run with our lives...
And your giant prune too.

Bunsen:
How about I make a clever suggestion?

Dr. Van Neuter:
Go ahead, melonhead.

Bunsen:
We snack on that delicious prune wandering nearby!
(Eyes Newsman)

Dr. Van Neuter:
OOooo! Like, totally!

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Beaker stalks the hall, holding an oversized water gun almost nervously. Sucks in a breath, meeps silently as he makes his way to Tony's door.

Beaker:
Mee mee meeee!
(Holds a picture of Alex)
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!
(Knocks)
Stupid, meep.