MCForum PSA: Very BAD Movies...

[Cantus Rock]

Okay, I've seen these movies, and I thought it would be wrong to let my friends in this forum waste money seeing them. So, this is my PSA for you all; DO NOT SEE THESE MOVIES! Here is my report. 5 Kermits = Amazing, 0 = Please, shoot me...

Coming in at #3; Austin Powers: Goldmember - Thus proving that Mike Myers is incapable of being funny any longer. The first AP movie was genius. Very fresh, clever comedy. The second, was very very bad. This one, is pain. The last 15 minutes I thought I was going to explode. The comedy is old, played out, and predictable. Stupid toilet humor and unfunny vulgarities seemed to be a theme in this movie. Also Beyonce Knowles played her ultra-black, Shaft-like cop* part hidiously, using lines like "Jive Turkey" and "Suga" over, and over, and over, and over again. There were maybe, two parts I laughed at. I thought Goldmember as a character was pretty funny, and "I Love Gooooooold!" was cool. Also the opening was funny, thus my rating. Austin Powers: Goldmember. Cantus Rock Gives: 1.5 Kermits

In at #2; Master of Disguise - I think you know a movie is going to be horrible when the running gag is breaking wind. There was basically no plot, which leads me to believe this movie was just an outlet for Dana Carvey to do his impersonations (which I must say, he isn't that good at). All around stupidity, bad acting by the co-stars, and annoying music. Now you might be saying "Cantus, you must remember, its a kids movie." You are quite right. So I'm really saying, don't take your kids to see it. It's just plain horrible. (BTW...Muppet Movies are kids movies, are they not? ) Master of Disguise. Cantus Rock Gives: .5 Kermits

And finally, #1; The Crocadile Hunter: Collision Course - The full title actually reads "The Crocadile Hunter: Collision Coarse of 12 Crocadile Hunter episodes and a plot thinner than Calista Flockhart". This movie was just that. I mean, I like the show and all, but not enough to do a marathon. That, added with a flimsy plot of horrid acting and stupid jokes, made this movie what it is. What is it you ask? H*ll. It was an hour and a half that felt like 87383 hours. I think I scuffed the floor while squirming around in my seat. Just...so...bad. I don't care who this was geared towards, NOONE deserves this movie. In the end of whatever I review I always say "Just my opinions, see the movies to get your own (see the end for that)." But for this one, don't. Save yourselves from it, because it is unbarable. I'm lucky to be alive. The Crocadile Hunter: Collision Course. Cantus Rock Gives: 0 Kermits (but if I gave negitives, this would get 100000).

So, theres my take. Mind you these are just my opinions. If you feel so inclined, see the movies to get your own. For the MuppetCentral Forum this is Cantus Rock saying "Don't see bad movies, and have a good night!"

*= I am NOT racist. But, that type of character is supposed to be recognized in the light I put it in. I'm sorry if anyone was offended.

-Matt

 

[bluedreamer]

maaaaaaaaaaate

Did you actually bother to go and see Crocodile Hunter? Did you PAY? hehehe I'm not surprised what you thought of it. I can't stand the tv shows myself, even though he cracks me up as he's soooo silly I'm always waiting to see what is going to go wrong! I have seen the previews here in Oz for the movie and it was interesting reading what you thought of it. The thing that I find funny is that people dig him. Why? I guess they laugh at him and in doing that they laugh at themselves. It's the whole Croc Dundee thing coming back playing on people's ignorance. I just hope the whole world doesn't think all of us here are like that!

This is great - go and review the movies for me before they come to OZ!! Pave the way Matt! Pave the way!

 

[Cantus Rock]

Oh yay! I've actually helped someone!! Wooooo!

Actually blue, I was taken by my mother for my sister. The three of us kinda hang out all the time together, and I was too tired to protest when they woke me up to see the movie. God, what a fool I was.

I think I might be one of the only people left who likes the show for the nature aspects! I think hes a goofy guy (who is quite insane..I forgot to mention that...this movie shows just how stupid it is to do what he does, being he nearly gets bit by a snake that could kill him in 5 seconds...), but not funny enough to watch him for the comedy. I like to see the animals, and the goofiness is added. I guess I should just watch other nature shows, because he's not really great for nature people like myself.

Oh, I wish I could go to Oz...I hear the chicks are hot...and I get so lonely... hehe

Glad to have helped. If this post goes over well I'll give reviews of the movies I see when I see them, so stay tuned to this station Blue!

-Matt

 

[bluedreamer]

You crack me up! Well you nature person you, Oz is the place to go for that (nature and chicks I guess - what's the difference? I crack myself up!). Personally I think I have to leave the country to find my own suitable prey. But I'm working on it!

I'm staying tuned. Make sure you go and see the next Harry Potter for me and..... Lord of the Rings as well. Am I allowed to put anymore orders in?

Meanwhile, I'm leaving the buiding my next Muppet video installment is awaiting me eagerly at home....

Til next time!
P.S You'll probably be up to your 500th post by then.

 

[grail]

i wanna go to "Oz" too!

they've got midgets! and flying MONKEYS!!!!

and if you find any b*tchy people, you can douse them with water, or drop a neaby house on them, and instead of getting arrested, they give you prizes!

and oh the poppies...

(sorry, i couldn't help myself)

 

[frogboy4]

Good Movies For You To See

Good Summer Films:

Road To Perdition = A
Spider-Man = A-
Insomnia = B
Signs = B
Episode II = B
About A Boy = C+


If You Are Desperate:

The Sum of All Fears = C
Bourne Identity = C


Avoid Like The Plague:

Reign of Fire = D- (and that is being kind because I reserve Fs for the extremely utterly terrible films and this one was just very bad)

I haven't gotten around to seeing more.

 

[grail]

Reign of Fire

d-, really? i kinda dug it, at least as a way of killing a few hours. the dragons were pretty spiffy, and i generally like Christian Bale...ever since (i can't believe i'm gonna admit this) Newsies. i personally would give it a C+...it's not bad if you check your brain at the door (though i thought the bit with the way they PRODUCE the fire was pretty good).

i still need to see Road to Perdition...but Johnny Dangerously hits DVD in 2 weeks (aug 27)!! don't know why i felt like throwing that in, but i did...so there.

 

[frogboy4]

I didn't believe in the dragons. Thought the CG was pretty lack-luster. And we didn't see the distruction of London - no money shot! The film was just a bunch of people running around in a castle. I'd even suggest that people think twice about renting it. Just really didn't like the film.

Road to Perdition was wonderful and I am not a Hanks fan (not at all). I'm shocked it isn't doing even better at the box office, but it was probably poor timing.

 

[Jackie]

Originally posted by frogboy4
I didn't believe in the dragons. Thought the CG was pretty lack-luster. And we didn't see the distruction of London - no money shot! The film was just a bunch of people running around in a castle. I'd even suggest that people think twice about renting it. Just really didn't like the film.

Road to Perdition was wonderful and I am not a Hanks fan (not at all). I'm shocked it isn't doing even better at the box office, but it was probably poor timing.

Aww Jamie, Dragons are cool! I mean sure we didn't get into their personalities, but I still thought it was cool for what it was worth.

 

[scarecroe]

My favorites so far this year:

13 Conversations About One Thing - Jill and Karen Sprecher, have a deep understanding of the connectivity we share even in our most depressing times. Their story reminds us that we're not alone.

CQ - Critics call this a misfire from newcomer Roman Coppola perhaps because as a Coppola, the expectations are raised. I found it refreshingly unique, displaying a fun spin on the irony on what we're trying to get out of life. Check out the score and songs by Mellow, as this CD hasn't left my spinner since its' purchase.

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood - Wonderful performaces all around from a chock-filled cast. I hated Sandra Bullock prior to this, but she won me over on this one. A must-see for any Angus MacFadyen, Maggie Smith and/or Ashley Judd fans (also worth noting here are Ellen Burstyn and Fionnula Flanagan). Leave your dominating masculinity at the door and discover the divine secrets that reveal the true nature of a myriad of misunderstood flaws that we have.

Signs - Shyamalan and James Newton Howard do it again. 4.5/5 stars. I haven't decided yet if I like it better than Unbreakable (of which I fall in a minority as having been a bigger fan of than The Sixth Sense), but Signs gets to the heart of what many of us battle everyday to try and determine for ourselves.

Siu lam juk kau (Shaolin Soccer) - Disney just gained the rights to record an American language track over this and spew it out to theatres in the US. Check out the original Chinese version before they destroy it.


B-List; those that were good, but not good enough to make my "Favorites" list:

Minority Report - A well-woven tale with sometimes believable sequences and characters, and always believable visuals. For the most part, it should keep you guessing, until it doesn't.

The Road To Perdition - There's a line in The Man Who Wasn't There where a piano teacher states that a girl plays "very nice"... if you can catch that gist. This movie was made "very nice." It looks very pretty. Mendes knows his craft, but this outing didn't bring anything new to this familiar story.


Films I'm anticipating for this year:

Blue Crush - I guess you're just not going to understand my interest in this unless you surf, or have surfed.

Adaptation - Next up for writer Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Human Nature).

Naqoyqatsi - A cap on Godfrey Reggio and Philip Glass's trilogy started two decades ago. Life as war.

Timeline - Richard Donner's reportedly realistic telling of Michael Crichton's novel.

Red Dragon - Ted Tally and Brett Ratner's re-telling of Thomas Harris's pre-Silence novel. Say what you want about the franchise after Hannibal (which I loved), but I'm completely taken by tha charcater of Hannibal Lectur. It doesn't hurt that he's portrayed by Anthony Hopkins.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Based on the graphic novel of the same name. During a time of great threat to the world, the Queen of England rounds up some of the world's greatest ficticious heroes including Allan Quatermain, Mina Harker, Detective Thomas Sawyer, Hawley Griffin (aka The Invisible Man),
Dr. Henry Jekyll (Mr. Edward Hyde), Campion Bond (the suggested ancestor to James Bond), and Captain Nemo.

s1m0ne - Next from writer/director Andrew Niccol (The Truman Show, Gattaca). A star is... created.

Frida - Julie (Titus) Taymor's next. A biopic of artist Frida Kahlo.

Treasure Planet - If for nothing else, this will provide us with a great James Newton Howard score.

The Fountain - Formerly, "The Last Man," Darren Aronofsky's highly top-secret project to star Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett and Ellen Burstyn.