Jareth's Summer Bash (Dorm fic)

[RedPiggy]

LOL ... well, you know the Wiseman always wants a donation ...

 

[RedPiggy]

CHAPTER EIGHT

3:00

“Madre de Dios!” Pepe screamed, flailing his four arms. “They’re everywhere!”

Fairies had come in a swarm, biting and tugging at Clifford, Pepe, and Rizzo, all of whom were scrambling around trying to find an exit.

Rizzo found himself cornered behind a large bench. Five fairies stared at him greedily, their sharp teeth bared. Rizzo chuckled nervously. “Now, normally, girls, I’m all for a bunch of friendly nibblin’, but even I gotta call it quits sometime. I’m sure you understand.”

The fairies giggled. They sprung for Rizzo. He screamed in a very high pitched voice and clamored over them, accidentally ripping the wing off of one. She sat down and cried, holding what was left of the stub.

Rizzo dashed out and found Clifford, who was trying to trap some fairies in a pot. “Rip off their wings!” Rizzo instructed Clifford loudly.

“Monster!” one of the fairies trying to pull Clifford’s hair snarled.

“That seems a bit mean,” Clifford replied to Rizzo.

“They ain’t exactly servin’ us a five-star meal, neither!”

Clifford nodded. “You got a point.” He grabbed a bunch of the little pixies and started plucking. Suddenly, all of the fairies landed and bowed down.

“We give up and doth consider you our masters,” they noted sullenly.

Pepe pushed over a fairy and joined Rizzo and Clifford. He stared at one of the fairies in the front of the group. “Tell us how to get out of here, h’okay, or we’ll have ourselves some fairy burritos!”

The lead fairy shuddered. She nodded toward a pair of trees. “The key to the door is hanging in one of those trees.”

Clifford lifted up his shades and stared. “Man, there’re keys in both of ‘em!”

“You must choose,” replied the lead fairy.

Rizzo stared at each tree. Beneath one was a ceramic dog, staring up into the tree with its mouth open. “Pick da tree dat ain’t got da dog under it,” he told Clifford.

“Why?” Clifford asked. “What makes you think that’s the right one?”

Pepe laughed when he got the joke. “Because, the dog is barking up the wrong tree!”

Clifford chuckled. “Good enough for me.” Clifford climbed up into the tree and snatched the key, letting it drop in front of Pepe.

Pepe took the key and found a door. With one turn, it opened. “Whew, that was close, h’okay.” He motioned for the others to follow. “Let’s get out of here!”

After several moments, they came to a ledge overlooking the hedge maze.

Rizzo pointed happily. “’Ey … that big ol’ shaggy mug belongs ta Sweetums!” he declared. Sweetums was only about fifty feet from their position, a full head over the hedges. Clifford threw both Pepe and Rizzo onto the top of a hedge and jumped there himself. All of them dashed along the hedges until they ended up with the rest of their group.

<><><><><><>

Pearl sighed and plopped down. “Look, young-un’s, I just can’t walk no more,” she told the group.

“We’ve only been walking three hours,” Gonzo replied. “That’s not enough to get blisters!”

Hoggle shrugged. “We’re probably near the border,” he told Kelly as she sat down as well after having been limping on her right side for the last fifteen minutes. “A small rest wouldn’t kill us.”

Chamberlain rolled his eyes. “Oh, if only it would. I can’t bear the thought of suffering through this ultra-clean locale for much longer.”

Ed sighed and sat down, his gothic friends following suit. “We really haven’t met any goblins,” Ed stated. “I’m kinda disappointed. I was hoping to interact with some to help flesh out my lists.”

“Ve’re bound to see more ven ve get to Goblin City,” Count von Count noted.

“True.”

Hoggle stared at Ed in confusion. “Why would ya wants to see goblins?”

Ed smirked, shrugging. “Why not?” He paused a bit. “What about Mayor Spittledrum?”

“Retired, I thinks,” came the reply. “I dunno,” Hoggle continued, “I don’t really gets out much an’ socialize.”

“Skub?”

Hoggle growled softly. “Just ‘cause I lives here don’t mean I knows every goblin in Goblin City!”

Ed smiled and chuckled, putting up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Hoggle crossed his arms and looked away. “It ain’t like we all go an’ have lunch at the same restaurant or nothin’.”

“I meant no offense, Hoggle.” Ed couldn’t help but giggle.

“Must … avoid … Avenue … Q … song,” Kelly mumbled, looking half-crazed, rocking back and forth, clutching her bent knees.

Pearl rolled her eyes.

“So, Kelly,” Ed asked to change the subject, “how do you know Jareth?”

Kelly snapped her head towards Ed, her eyes widening briefly. “Uh … it’s not like I date him or anything.” She sighed, staring at the ground. “A long time ago, I think I had already moved into the Dorms by then, but I don’t really remember, I dreamed that Mizumi offered me riches and a kingdom if I would just help assassinate Jareth.”

“Mizumi?” Gonzo asked.

“His ex-girlfriend, or so she said,” Kelly replied. “She’s a beautiful white-haired snow-witch who makes the Greek classic spurned wife Medea look like Betty Crocker. Anyway, she thought that because I, too, had been burned in love – repeatedly, actually --,” she continued as she glanced toward Chamberlain, “I would just sympathize with her and agree to kill him.”

“Why you?” Beth asked, sitting down, since everyone else was and her feet were starting to get sore.

Kelly shrugged. “Mizumi had been bested by Sarah Williams, just as Jareth had. Mizumi figured that if Jareth could use a creative brunette girl as a weapon, so could she.” She chuckled. “I’m not trying to be all Mary-Sue perfect or anything – it’s just that my personality is just as strong as Sarah’s. Besides, Jareth liked talking to me, so naturally I’d be able to get close to him.” She stood up, rubbed her right knee, and walked over to a hedge on a stone retaining wall. She put her right hand on the hedge and closed her eyes. “I don’t like coloring inside the lines either. I don’t like someone making up stupid rules just to put me down.” She hummed a low note, raised the tone, and then did it again.

Chamberlain sneered. “The Mystic chant,” he hissed, “vile magic that took away the Dark Crystal’s power from us Skekses!”

As Kelly stopped humming, she opened her eyes. The hedge now glittered in the sunlight, the lights blinking on and off in a pattern that suggested movement in one direction. She turned around and smiled. “The Underground is linked to Fraggle Rock,” she explained, “which means that the Ditzies, those little light thingies that give life to Fraggle Rock, have a presence here as well. Remember, Ed and Beth, when Sprocket got lost in Fraggle Rock? Ditzies sang ‘this way’ to him so he wouldn’t get lost.” She nodded in the left direction. “All we have to do is follow the Ditzies, and we’ll get straight to the border between the hedge maze and the forest.”

<><><><><><>

Red Fraggle bounded forward, far ahead of the others. She suddenly stopped and turned around. “C’mon, you bunch of lazy couch potatoes! Get some blood pumping in those vessels and get moving!”

Vicki adjusted her large hat. “My, doesn’t she just have lots of spunk?” she asked sarcastically.

Digit walked silently behind her. He wasn’t paying attention and bumped into her. “Oh, excuse me,” he said. However, he started to bop up and down, grabbed Vicki’s umbrella and held it up like a microphone, and started to scoot rhythmically along the path, singing.

“I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry!” He shook his head. “What could I do?” He stroked her on the cheek gently. “My baby’s love had gone and left my baby blue! Nobody knew --.”

<><><><><><>

Jareth stared at a crystal ball he had been twirling thoughtlessly in his hands. He saw the cybernetic creature sing with his voice. He rolled his eyes and sighed, tossing the crystal against a wall and shattering it.

<><><><><><>

“What kind of magic spell to use?” Digit continued in a deep, suave, sexy voice. “Slime and snails? Puppy dog’s tails?”

“Ewww,” Spamela said, sticking out her tongue.

“Thunder or lightning – then baby said --.”

“You’re sexy!” Ailie shouted with a laugh, followed by the laughter of the others.

“Dance magic, dance!”

“Dance magic, dance?” asked Dr. Teeth.

Digit nodded and grinned. “Dance magic, dance!”

Lips snickered and whispered to Zoot, “Dance magic, dance!”

Digit twirled around. “Put that baby spell on me!”

Caitlyn elbowed Vicki playfully. “I think he’s saying he wants to get you knocked up today!” she exclaimed, giggling.

Vicki’s jaw dropped. She blushed and turned away.

“Jump magic, jump!”

“If he keeps on singin’, do we get to jump him?” Dr. Teeth asked Caitlyn in a whisper.

“Jump magic, jump!”

“Take a long jump off a short pier!” Ailie shouted, wishing this number would end. Digit could be so weird.

Digit put the umbrella handle close to his lips. He closed his eyes as he crooned, “Put that magic jump on me.”

“That’s what he said!” declared Ailie and Caitlyn simultaneously.

“Slap that baby, make him free!”

Zoot walked up behind him and pushed a button. Digit immediately powered down. “I ain’t goin’ nowhere until this guy’s back to normal!”

 

[AnimatedC9000]

*while still laughing* OH MY GAWD, DIGIT! XDDDDDD "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" ROTFL!

I promise that I'll leave a more serious review next time, but OH MY GAWD! THE WHOLE BIT WITH DIGIT! XDDDDDD

 

[RedPiggy]

Thanks -- my favorite moments are Jareth's reaction to the song and the phrase from Nostalgia Chick.

 

[The Count]

Nice... Nice chapter. *Laughs a little following Digit's "performance" and Jareth's reaction.
Mmmm, yes, I remember that plot from when you first joined us. And you've grown into such a fixture here atMC, it's become such a wonderful time once again. *Huggles.

 

[redBoobergurl]

LOL, seriously, I love it. Fun and let me tell you, it takes alot for me to actually laugh out loud at work.

 

[RedPiggy]

CHAPTER NINE

4:00

Scooter, an orange male Muppet with short, thick red hair and gigantic black-rimmed circular glasses, sat in the posh leather chair behind the check-in desk, reading a magazine. He reached back to feel if his bright green Muppet Show long-sleeved jacket was still draped on the back. Confident that it was, he continued reading. It was awfully quiet with Ed and the others gone on a trip.

Almost too quiet.

Beige Fraggle, a beige-colored Fraggle with blond-almost-platinum shoulder-length hair, strolled in, his plain khaki clothes smudged. “Scooter?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve completed an entire sweep of every square inch of the Dorms, and I still can’t find the Storyteller’s books and scrolls.”

“Are you sure?”

Beige nodded. “It’s the weirdest thing.” He looked back toward the double doors leading to the hallway. “Storyteller is about to blow up.” He turned back to Scooter. “Maybe you could help?”

“I’ve gotta staff the lobby,” Scooter replied. “What about Nora or Erin?”

“They went for some ice cream. They’ll be back in an hour or so.”

Lindbergh burst through the doors. “I can’t find my toolbox!”

“Which one?” Scooter and Beige asked simultaneously.

“The silver one with the scuff marks on the bottom,” the kiwi with the beige jumpsuit answered nervously. “I paid good money for that toolbox!”

Scooter sighed. There were days when this place could be just as bad as the Muppet Theater.

<><><><><><>

Caitlyn sighed, holding her chin in her hands as she sat near Digit as Vicki and Lips muttered and puttered and tried to help the poor glitchy little cyborg.

“Squawk!”

The group looked up when they heard the fluttering of wings. A strange creature with multiple torn bat-like wings, some without skin on them at all, landed on a small wall. It had narrow dark feathers, almost like spines, from the neck down, with its armpits and knees covered in longer feathers. It had narrow pieces of armor over its thighs that curved up at the knee slightly. Its pregnant-looking abdomen was shielded with armor that looked like half of a walnut. Its shoulders and arms were also covered in armor. Its hands only had two long curved clawed fingers and a clawed thumb. A whiplike tail thrashed about behind it, a scorpion-like bulb near its end. What sent shivers down everyone’s spines, though, was its face: it was as though a skeksis’ beak had been torn off. It gave everyone the impression of a piranha. It had a small beak overbite and extremely sharp triangular teeth on both the upper and lower jaw. It had a great white shark’s soulless black eyes. Its face painted in white for stark contrast.

Dr. Teeth, trying to hide the fact his knees were trembling, held up the branches filled with the evil naked mole rats. “Back! Back!” he barked, brandishing the branches.

The strange creature squawked again defiantly, spreading out its wings as far as they could go.

Cailtlyn looked over at Ailie, who shrugged. Caitlyn scooted over a few inches and whispered in Ailie’s ear. “According to the movie, not everything is what it seems in this place. Go talk to it.”

“You go talk to it!” Ailie hissed.

“I’ll give you a dollar!”

“Teeth’s tooth is worth more than that!” Ailie shot back quietly.

“I’ll clean your room after one of Chamberlain’s stupid spells!”

“Hello? That’s what we have Zoot for!” Ailie retorted, smirking. “He’s basically our living mop!”

Caitlyn thought for a bit. She snapped her fingers. “I’ll set you up with a lifetime supply of corn!”

Ailie rolled her eyes, but stroked her chin thoughtfully. “Hmmm.” Ailie shrugged. “Maybe.” She stood up and walked over to the perched creature. “You got a name, thingie?”

The creature snarled. “Gürtíe,” it replied in a surprisingly soft female voice.

Ailie gawked at the bizarre creature. “Um, ooooookay … see, here’s the thing: we need to get to this party at the center of the Labyrinth? The catch is that the robot over there --.”

“Cyborg!” Caitlyn, Vicki, and Lips shouted.

“Yeah, whatever. Anywho, he’s all busted and acting weird and stuff, so my roomie Zoot won’t budge until he’s fixed.” She dropped her jaw, widened her eyes and waved frantically. “Not that kind of ‘fixed’, but, like, all not-glitchy and stuff. You wouldn’t help us out, would you?”

Gürtíe stared at the girl and then at the cyborg, who lay in Vicki’s lap. She flew down to the ground and shooed the others away. She placed a single claw on the chest plate and tapped a couple of times. She glanced back at the nippers stuck on the branches and shook her head. “Nothing like this in the Labyrinth that I know of,” she noted.

The rest of the group hung their heads in disappointment.

Gürtíe gurgled softly. “This is a task for the King.”

Red sighed, groaning. “But he’s all the way over there in the castle!” she whined.

Gürtíe pointed to a small gathering of what looked like eyeballs on moss stalks, growing out of a stone wall. “The King knows all in his kingdom.”

Caitlyn looked confused. “But, when Sarah and her friends arrived in Goblin City, he seemed kind of shocked.”

The winged goblin sighed. “Well, he knows all when he’s looking.” She shrugged. “Even a king has to go pee every now and again, you know.”

Lips struggled to stifle a giggle.

Gürtíe nodded and stood. “I shall go and alert him.” With that, she flew off.

<><><><><><>

Ryan and company, having reunited with Rizzo, Pepe, and Clifford, walked along ‘til they came across a large stone wall and two dark gray doors with goblin-shaped knockers. The one on the left had a rounded face and a large ring coming out of his ears. The one on the right had a more angular face with a Roman nose, a large ring held in place with large lips.

“Hey!” a female voice shouted happily.

They turned around to see Beth running up to glomp them. Following her were Ed and company, all with relieved looks on their faces.

Chamberlain rolled his eyes. “MMMMMmmmmm … just when I was starting to get used to the quiet.”

Hoggle looked around. “The knockers, eh?”

Clifford shuddered. “Man, me an’ Rizzo an’ Pepe don’t ever wanna hear those words again.”

“Si, at least for another hour or so,” Pepe replied with a chuckle.

Sweetums took out the ring from the right door’s mouth. “Hey, you wanna tell us which door to pick?”

The knocker rolled his eyes. “Oh, nothing would please me more,” he said sarcastically. “Pick the one that doesn’t lead to death.”

“Well, that’s mighty plumb rude,” Pearl noted with a frown.

The left door knocker chuckled. “Got a smart mouth on him, eh? That’s what happens when you stick it back in with a bunch of drool on it.”

Kelly slapped her forehead and sighed. “That’s what he said,” she whispered to herself.

Chamberlain stepped forward. “I … I am the mighty Skeksis Chamberlain! I demand we get the answer!”

“Search me, I’m just a knocker!” the knocker shot back angrily.

Chamberlain grinned and slinked forward until he was but inches away. “MMMMMmmmmm, yes, yes, I see. I believe I shall search you after I rip you from your backing!”

Bean tugged on Sweetum’s leggings. “Hey, can you give me that ring for a moment?”

Sweetums nodded and gave Bean the ring, which nearly crushed the poor little bunny rabbit. He strained to remain upright, took out a handkerchief, and polished it to a rather attractive sheen, glistening in the sun. He nodded for Sweetums, who picked it up and offered it to the knocker.

“Go back to where you came from, you fragging aardvarks!” shouted the knocker defiantly.

“Here, I’ll show you!” Sweetums retorted as he shoved the ring back in.

All the knocker could do now is whimper and mumble.

The left door knocker cackled. “Serves him right.” He sniffled. “Hey, look: we don’t know where the heck these doors lead, but I will mention that about twenty years ago, give or take as it’s not like we have a calendar nearby or nothin’, a human girl walked this way and went through the right door. We never heard from her again. Could still be rotting on the other side of the door for all we know.”

Kelly nodded. “Sarah went through the right door and solved the Labyrinth.”

The right door knocker opened his mouth wide, gasping. “What? It was solved?”

“Eh?” the left door knocker asked. He sniffled again. “Don’t bother … can’t hear you!”

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Then how did you know what we needed?” he asked the left door knocker.

“What?”

The right door knocker chuckled. “After so many years, you learn to read lips. Or, at least, I learned he’s known what’s going on for so many years.”

So, Ryan shrugged and opened the door.

Author’s Note: Gürtíe is a goblin from this nice little card I got with my Labyrinth DVD. The description is real and so is the name. Maybe it’s from that goblin book of Brian Froud’s.

 

[The Count]

*Luffles the chapter. *Laughs a little at Scooter's admission regarding the status quo. *Is awed by Gürtíe... Ah yes, the knockers, well played. The right door? Aren't we going to fall into the Helping Hands going that way? *Trusts Kelly, she knows what she's doing. *Waits for mooooooooore...

 

[RedPiggy]

The Helping Hands Shaft was after the Alph and Ralph logic puzzle. The door knockers lead to the Forbidden Forest.

And the movie tends to a certain logic that if you think about it is quite clever. The right way to solve the labyrinth is to go the right way. The wrong way is to go left. Goblins love their puns, apparently. The reason Sarah fell after the logic puzzle wasn't that she got it wrong but that she bragged about it soon afterwards.

 

[AnimatedC9000]

Wait, so he lost the toolbox that he got for Christmas? ... well, thanks a lot! Digit and I paid good money to get that toollbox/toolkit for him... *mumble, grumble*

Oooh, look! A birdie! Hi, birdie! *waves*

And yeah, cyborg, not robot. He don't do that--wait, what?

Anyway, great chapter! Can't wait for the next one, Kelly!