Favorite Statler & Waldorf Quotes

[Misskermie]

It seems like the dialogue order is mixed up, since Waldorf opens the after-sketch dialogue by singing:

Oh, yeah youre right...

 

[CBPuppets]

STATLER: You know this show reminds me of a 25 cent Cigar!
WALDORF: Oh yeah, Why is that?
STATLER: Because it's cheap and it Stinks!

 

[BuddyBoy600alt]

Here is my favorite. This is from the Opening with Dizzy Gillespie.

Waldorf: (In the balcony alone) Where's Statler? He can't take it anymore.

 

[snichols1973]

STATLER: You know this show reminds me of a 25 cent Cigar!
WALDORF: Oh yeah, Why is that?
STATLER: Because it's cheap and it Stinks!

As far as I'm aware, this doesn't occur in any episode or movie, but it sounds like something they might say:

: That last act reminds me of limburger...
: What makes you say that?
: Because it's cheesy, and it really stinks!
: Do-ho-ho-ho!

 

[BuddyBoy600alt]

As far as I'm aware, this doesn't occur in any episode or movie, but it sounds like something they might say:

: That last act reminds me of limburger...
: What makes you say that?
: Because it's cheesy, and it really stinks!
: Do-ho-ho-ho!

I also like the closing for Gilda Radner episode when they went:

Statler: Good Night!
Waldorf: So Long!
Statler and Waldorf: (In Unison as they notice that their hands are stuck to the rail of their balcony) OH, NO! (Struggling to get unstuck)

 

[CBPuppets]

STATLER: "Boy that show was Bad!"
WALDORF: "I wonder what ever happened to those Cows?"
WAITER: "Here your steaks."
STATLER: "No...It couldn't be!
WALDORF: "Why not?"
STATLER: "Beacause these are well Done!"
*Both Laugh*
--Muppets Tonight: Rick Moranis--

WALDORF: "That was awful!"
STATLER: "well, it gets better if you wait!"
WALDORF: "How's that?"
STATLER: "The Screensaver turns on!"
*Both Laugh*
WALDORF: "That's good, I love those fish!"
--The Muppets Viral Video: American Woman--

STATLER: "Well how did you like the Opening Number?"
WALDORF: "I didn't notice it..."
STATLER: "Didn't notice it? How's that possible? It would loud and Raucous with a Screaming thing running amok! How could you not notice it?
WALDORF: Well in the future I'll try to be more observant.
*The Screaming thing runs past them and off the balcony with neither one of them noticing.*
STATLER: "Will you do that please?"
--The Muppet Show: Don Knotts--

 

[Duke Remington]

From Statler & Waldorf's 2012 appearance on "The Soup":

After the second "That'll Learn 'Ya" clip, after the clip's narrator says "We all know what young girls think about":
Waldorf: Ponies!
Statler: Justin Bieber!
Waldorf: Sufferage!
Statler: What are we yelling about?
Waldorf: I have no idea. I'm not a young girl.

After hearing the telephone's dial tone in "The Times They Are A-Changin' clip:
Statler: Sounds like someone is strangling a parrot!
Waldorf: What, the phone?
Statler: No, the girl.

 

[CBPuppets]

WALDORF: "You know seeing a number like that has always made me Nostalgic."
STATLER: "Yeah? Nostalgic for what?"
WALDORF: "DDT!"
*Both Laugh*
--The Muppet Show: Dudley Moore--

STATLER: "We didn't anything about the bear before he came to the Muppets!"
WALDORF: "Thank Goodness!"
STATLER: "But we have met his Mom, She has a great sense of humor!"
WALDORF: "She must skip a Generation!"
*Both Laugh*
--Pepe's Profiles: A Long day's Journey into night Clubs--

FOZZIE: "Time for fun with Fozzie Bear! Here's some jokes from everywhere!"
WALDORF: "Hey hey hey It's that Silly Bear!"
STATLER: "It's time for the audience to go elsewhere!"
*Both Laughs*
FOZZIE: "If you don't Mind, I'll do the Jokes!"
WALDORF: "Oh we don't mind but when are you do them?"
FOZZIE: "Pay no attention to them folks, I can handle Hecklers in my sleep!"
STATLER: "Well don't tell that to the Audience, they're asleep too!"
--The Muppet Show: Jim Nabors--

STATLER: "I like the Movie fine so far!"
WALDORF: "It hasn't started yet!"
STATLER: "That's what I like about it!"
*Both Laugh*
--The Muppet Movie--