Fan-Fiction: The Revenge of Elmo

[The Count]

Wha? Don't stop writting? Like Lisa said to Aaron: "Not even for coffee or bathroom brakes?"

But kidding aside.... Vonderful!

So beautiful how you got everyone singing at the end. And how you turned your nemesis turned into one more person... Part of the big Muppet family. Thank you for such a great story Ryan.

 

[theprawncracker]

Such kind words. Thank you all so much. I truly enjoyed writing this. It was the most fun I've had all summer. All of your comments were great, and heartfelt. I can't tell you how happy I am that you liked it. There were a couple of scenes I was nervous about posting because I thought it sounded to cheesey. But you guys liked 'em all!

Oh, and BEAR that part you thought sounded like a soap opera, I figured out why it worked, because everyone was acting so heart felt, and then Gonzo just broke the heart ache with "Camilla" "This is gonna be so cool!"

Thanks again everyone! I love you all!

Peace,
Ryan
theprawncracker

P.S. Oh! I forgot to mention all the extra behind the scenes stuff I have planned for this one! But, you'll have to wait 'til tomorrow!

 

[The Count]

Ooooh. Why must we be tortured so?
*In Link voice: I can't take it... Give it to me straight doc... What's wrong?
*In Strangepork voice: Vell Link... Ve have to vait till tomorrow.
Link: Why's that doctor?
Strangepork: Cause that's vhen Ryan said he'd post the extras.

Link: But what about me doc?
Strangepork: Oh you... Eh, just a minor case of overcooked hams. Not as serious as Canadian Snout Fever, but I reccomend you schtay avay from the maple syrup for a few days.

 

[theprawncracker]

Hello all you happy people out there! This is Ryan aka theprawncracker.

Pepe: Si, and me Pepe de king prawn. Hokay?

And we're here to bring you audio commentary for the Revenge of Elmo!

Pepe: Si, and if any of you peoples reading dis are ladies, go ahead and give me a call. Hokay? My number is...

Quiet Pepe it's starting!

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End

The following story is not true, but could become as true as you and I, if certain measures of care are not taken.

May 15th, 1990

"Egads!" The weary detective shouted as rain fell from the heavens. "It would be wise of me to seek shelter!"

Pepe: Oooh, very spooky. Hokay?

A flash of lighting revealed a cave in front of Sherlock Hemlock. He turned on his flashlight and ran for the cave.

"If only I could start a fire," he said as he removed his cap. "But even if I could find some firewood, it would be to wet to be sufficient enough for flames."

commentary: What big words he uses!:end commentary

Sherlock walked forward rubbing his hands along the walls of the cave, shining his flashlight on the rugged edges.

"Quite spectacular really." He said to himself as he continued down the cave. Then, a flash of light caught his eye. "Egads, what on Earth is this?" He pulled out his magnifying glass as the beam of light shined upon a large red ruby. "It appears to be a jewel of some sort, egads! There's another!" He reached down and picked up the jewels and placed them in his coat pocket.

Pepe: Now, why couldn't that have been Pepe picking up de rubies? I mean I need de moneys. Hokay?

commentary: You would have rather died in the opening scene than have all those love scenes with Maria?:end commentary

Pepe: Dios mios! Don't even speak of such a thing! Hokay?

"And there's another! And another!" He shouted as a trail of rubies was revealed in front of him. He followed the rubies, turning right, then, left, then left once more; picking up each one along the way. Until he reached a large statue covered in the same red rubies.

"A statue! Amazing! Truly amazing!" He shined his light onto the marvelous structure. "It appears," he said."That each of the rubies I've been following are to be placed on this statue!"

Pepe: How did he know this?

commenatary: He's a pretty smart guy.:end comenatary

Pepe: Was.

commentary: What?:end commentary

Pepe: Was, was! He was a smart guy, now he es dead, and no longer smart anymore. Hokay?

commentary: Oh, I see...:end commentary

So it began, he did not know how long he spent placing rubies right and left on the statue, minutes, hours, perhaps even a day. But when he was one small ruby away from finishing, he knew it was well worth the time spent.

Pepe: So Ryan, how long did he spend in there? I tink it might have been a few hours. Hokay? What about jew?

commentary: 4 hours 37 minutes 24 seconds.

Pepe: Hokay...

"Finnally," the exausted slueth said. "It is done."

Unfourtunatly, Sherlock Hemlock did not know how right he was. As he placed the final ruby into place, the entire statue shown with a bright red light, throwing the detective to the ground. The statue's light spread throught the cave anhillalating everything in it's path. And when the light stopped shining, an opening appeared at the base of the statue. And from the opening walked the greatest evil the world has ever known. The red demon walked to the front of the cave, picked up the sherlock's hat and had only this to say,

Pepe: Hey der's Elmo.

commentary: DEMON!!! Oh, sorry, it's a reaction I have to Elmo's name.:end commentary

Pepe: Oh jew mean like that reaction Gonso gets when he...

commentary: I don't wanna know.: end commentary

"He who releases the great evil from his tomb shall rest forever knowing that he has brought about the end of the world."

commentary: That's one of my favorite lines from the story! I just really like it.:end commentary

Pepe: But de story just started. How do jew know dis is your favorite?

commentary: Because I wrote the story...:end commentary

Pepe: Ahh, si si. Sorry about dat. Hokay?

 

[TogetherAgain]

Hey, it's Pepe! Nice comments, both of you. Very comedic, looking forward to seeing more.

 

[Beauregard]

Ooooh! I hadn't achance to read this commentry until today, and it is very funny, I must say. You have your Pepe in good voice. "But de story just started. How do jew know dis is your favorite?" *snort*

Anyway, I loved your story to the high heavens, and yes, I now have this feeling of good will towards Elmo that didn't used to exist. Ever since he said, "Elmo dosn't want to hear it Zoe."

 

[That Announcer]

OK, I just finished reading this... well, what do I call it? It was written in 20 chapters, and easily trumps any fan-fic posted here before. So perhaps I should call it an E-book. I swear to God, you could make a movie out of this and nobody would know it was begun as a fan-fic. Nobody would know. I find that truly amazing.

Some highlights of the story:
- Sam and the President (that was grrreat!)
- "Johnny?" "Sal?" "Yeah, Johnny?" "Never mind."
- The ending "If Just One Person", that was beautiful
- The battle
- "You want to be fuzzy and blue?"
- Your cameo
- The constant jabs at previous fan-fics
- Statler, Waldorf and... Telly
- Excellent character writing on the part of Baby Bear
- Mr. Noodle miming "invisible boxes"
- Bunsen and Beaker (everything with these two was great)
- Emily Bear's line about "the flamethrower your crazy cousin gave me"
- The soap opera bit punctuated with "Camilla?"
- The cell-phone interplay between Clifford and Pepe
- Pops's cameo as a helicopter pilot

That's all I can remember. That's not all the highlights, but there were so many great parts, I just can't remember all of them. "And that's all I have to say about that."
-TA

 

[theprawncracker]

Wow TA... That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about anything I've ever done... Thank you... So much... Much love to ya...

Will get around to chapter 2's commentary... As soon as I stop crying...

 

[That Announcer]

Wow TA... That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about anything I've ever done... Thank you... So much... Much love to ya...

Will get around to chapter 2's commentary... As soon as I stop crying...

Well, that wasn't the reaction I intended, but then again, I'm used to my father, and you could blow off his left hand and he wouldn't even break a sweat (imagine the Black Knight in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"- "Just a flesh wound!"). But hey, it was a great story, and I can't wait for Pepe's commentary.

 

[theprawncracker]

Chapter 2: Muppet Vacation

15 Years Later

The stage cuirtans opened to reveal a small shrimp sitting on top of a tall brown piano, with a rat, sitting in the middle of the stage. Sitting at the piano is a large brown dog, and a guy with a silver top hat and an orange beard.

Pepe: Shrimp?!? I am not a shrimp!!! I am a King Prawn! Hokay?

commentary: Sorry about that.

"We devote our time to many things," the dog sang. "Some times we laugh and sing."

"Si, but we've got no troubles at all!" Sang the shrimp.

Pepe: King Prawn.

"When your friends are in trouble, we always take the fall!" The rat chimed in.

"But we've set our life ahead of time, and we've got to sit back and think." The bearded man sang while he played a note on the piano.

"That we've got a life worth livin'! That no one can break us apart! Sometimes you kick back and relax, but you've got to get movin'!" They all sang at once.

Pepe: Did...Did jew write dat?

commentary: Yeah...

Pepe: Wow, it's pretty good. Hokay? Is that all of it?

commentary: Yeah...That's kinda all I wrote...

Pepe: Oh... I see...

Then Rowlf the Dog and Dr. Teeth played on the piano, hard. While Pepe the King Prawn and Rizzo the Rat sang the rest of the song, very well, until Animal decided that he was hungry for seafood, and Floyd wouldn't take him to the Red Lobster for dinner. It all went down hill from there.

"FRIED SHRIMP! FRIED SHRIMP!" Animal screamed as he ran onto the stage after Pepe.

Pepe: KING PRAWN! Jew annoying furry beast!

"Dios mios!" Pepe cryed as he hopped off the piano and jumped off the stage into the band pit. "Ha ha ha! Catch me if jew can. Hokay?"

Of course, Animal woulld never let a meal get away. So he gave chase, but when he jumped off the stage into the band pit, he landed inside a tuba, and was stuck. Luckily Veteranarian's Hospital was the next sketch.

"You are no match for de king prawn! Hokay?" Pepe gloated as he laughed at Animal stuck in the tuba.

"I think the show's improving Waldorf!" A voice cried from the balcony.

"Why do you say that Statler?" Another voice replied.

"Because they're not even finishing the sketches, so we really aren't watching them!" Statler said.

Pepe: Jew know, dey're funnier dan de bear. Hokay? I know it's not saying much, but still...

"Do ho ho!" Both Statler and Waldorf laughed from their permanent seats in the balcony.

This is what we call The Muppet Show.

commentary: Another one of my favorite lines in this story.

Pepe: Der you go again! Hokay? Jew keep picking jour favorites! Hokay?

~~~~~~~~~~

"Sheesh, are you okay Animal?" Kermit the Frog said to the crazed drummer, who was sporting a new cone around his neck.

"NOT OKAY, NOT OKAY!" He replied as he tried to force the cone off his neck.

"Well, I'd say it's an improvement, now we don't have to look at his ugly face!" Miss Piggy said walking up the stairs to her dressing room backstage at The Muppet Show.

commentary: Piggy.

Pepe: What?

commentary: I just said the next line.

Pepe: Why?

commentary: To prove I can.

"Piggy." Kermit said, almost like a warning to his porcine bride.

"Hey boss, Skeeter and I are gonna head on out on vacation." Scooter the go-fer said as he and his twin sister aproached Kermit's desk.

"Alright Scooter, see you guys in two weeks then?" The frog asked.

"You bet Kermit!" Skeeter said as she bent down and gave Kermit a peck on the cheek.

"Step away from the frog!!!" Miss Piggy's voice screamed from her dressing room.

commentary: How does she do that?

"How does she do that?" Scooter said as he and his sister walked out of the theater on their way to catch a plane to the Amazon jungle.

"Oh, I love vacation! Everybody gets to go spend some quality time alone." Kermit said to himself.

"Nope, not me!" Fozzie Bear said as he entered from the stage. "I'm going to Mom's house! We are gonna have so much fun!"

"Not as much as me and Camilla!" Gonzo said as he fell from the rafters. "We're going to Niagra Falls, to go over in a barrel! Come on honey, let's get going!" Gonzo said as his clucking maiden approached.

"Wait up Gonzo, I'll drive you to the airport!" Fozzie said.

commentary: Alright! Maybe you'll crash again!

"Alright! Maybe you'll crash again!" The weirdo said joyfully.

"How can you leave good American soil?" Sam the American Eagle preaced as he came out of one of the dressing rooms. "I always knew you were not a true American! Because if you were, you'd be headed to the capitol of these United States with me Sam the American Eagle! And at that, I bid you all farewell, and good ritense!" He said as he exited the doors.

"Can anyone be as American as you Sam?" Rowlf the Dog asked as he came in carrying a suitcase. "So Kermit, are we still goin' on are vacation?"

"WHAT?!? You invited that dog to our get away Kermie?" A furious Piggy asked as she stormed out of her room. "Kermie, I thought it was just going to be vous and moi."

"Piggy, I already told you that Rowlf was going. And so is Robin and Sweetums in case you forgot that to!" Kermit said.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. So when do we leave?" The sow asked.

"As soon as Robin gets back from Frog Scouts." Kermit replyed.

commentary: Hey green stuff!

Pepe: Will jew stop that! Hokay?!?

commentary: Sorry...

"Hey green stuff!" A familiar voice called.

"Yeah Floyd, what's up?" Kermit replyed to his good friend Floyd Pepper.

"Hey man, the Mayhem's headin' out! We're goin' out to the actual spot where Woodstock took place!" He bragged.

Pepe: Were is dat?

commentary: What?

Pepe: De actual spot where Woodstock took place. Hokay?

commentary: I dunno...Let me Google right quick...

Pepe: Hokay, I'll keep reading.

"It's gonna be rully fun, and we'll get to play rull good music in that exact spot!" Floyd's main squeeze Janice said.

"Uh huh." The 50 year old Zoot said, half asleep.

"Catch ya later Kerm!" Dr. Teeth said as The Electric Mayhem band said as they walked out the doors.

"Mr. Kermit sir!" Dr. Bunsen Honeydew said as he and his assistant Beaker said as they came running Backstage. "Beaker and I are headed back to the boarding house to keep an eye on things while you're away!"

"Mee mo mo me!" Beaker ummm, said? I think.

commentary: Here it is!

Pepe: What?

commentary: The actual place where Woodstock took place was White Lake/Bethel, New York.

Pepe: Oh.

commentary: No thank you?

Pepe: What? Do jew want a parade or something? Hokay, fine, everyone praise oh mighty Ryan! Hokay? He has found de actual place where Woodstock took place! Hokay? Let us spray him with champagne!

commentary: Sorry...

"Thanks again Dr. Honeydew are you sure you don't mind?" Kermit said, half regretted saying it since he knew he couldn't find anyone else to watch the house since everyone was going on vacation.

"Oh, no problem Mr. Kermit, Beaker and I don't want to leave our primary station in the boarding house!" The doctor said, when he was halfway out the door.

"Sheesh, must be some serious expierementing." Kermit said a little worried about the house.

"Yo Kerm! We're headed out!" Clifford the co-host said.

"Si, Ritzo, Clifford and I are going to party it up in de Florida Keys. Hokay?" Pepe the prawn said.

Pepe: Oh, I remember de ladies there...

commentary: Family forum Pepe!

Pepe: Oh, he he, sorry. Hokay?

"Yeah, gotta love the food down there!" Rizzo the Rat said anxiously. "Let's get goin' guys! Hey, where'd they go?" They were already out the door.

"Kermit, Johnny sent me to tell you that our plane for Italy leaves soon, and we're gonna be on it!" Sal Manillal; Johnny Fiama's gentlemen's monkey said.

"Alright Sal, tell Johnny I said 'Hi'." Kermit said while scribling on a checklist.

"Kermit, everything is done here!" Beauregard the dim-wit janitor told his boss. "The Chef and I are taking a taxi back to the house, see you in two weeks!"

"Bye Beau, keep things ship shape at home!" Kermit called after Beauregard.

"You want everyting shaped like a ship? Even the toilet?" The janitor asked.

Pepe: Dios mios...Even the toilet...

"No Beau, I, I meant, oh never mind!" Kermit said shooing the janitor along. "Well, that's everyone. Now we just have to wait for Sweetums to get back with Robin. And then we're off to Sesame Street!"

~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile in a world drawen by a crayon...

"It is time." The demon said. "Once Mr. Kermit arives on Sesame Street, Elmo will be able to conquer Sesame Street today, and then tomorrow, the entire world!" Elmo; the greatest evil the world has ever known laughed menicingly into the night.

commentary: DEMON!!!!