The corny joke thread

[abiraniriba]

Oh maaaan..... I was not expecting that!

Beakerfan: In relationship to your sig the giant was French. Now for the real joke

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?

 

[Beakerfan]

Beakerfan: In relationship to your sig the giant was French. Now for the real joke

Oh! Thank you!

 

[Pork]

I feel like telling a Corny Joke but...I don't know any jokes about Corn.

 

[D'Snowth]

There once was a man, who was about to experience THE day... Judgment Day!

He was approaching the Pearly Gates, on his way into paradise, but first, he had to answer a little questionare.

The gatekeeper looked over the man's records...

"Well, let's see... you never smoked, you never drank, you never had sex before marriage... we see that you are a good man... but have you ever done ANYTHING to help another, less fortunate person?"

"As a matter of fact, I have!" Said the man, "I was walking down the sidewalk, on my way home from work, and there was the little old lady heading towards the same direction I was heading from, when all of the sudden, this HUGE man, must have weighed about 250-300 pounds or so jumped her! He was after her purse, but she wasn't giving up without a fight, he started beating and kicking her to get her to let go of her purse, but she had a death grip on that purse; so that's when I made up my mind - I ran over the scene, and I managed to help the old lady free from his grasp, and help her make a getaway, while I, with ALL my might, I gave that guy the hardest, strongest punch in the face that I could give him!"

The gatekeeper was most certainly impressed. "Wow, that certainly IS a good deed! And when did all of this happen?" asked the gatekeeper.

The man replied "about two minutes ago".

 

[LORDCHAMBERLAIN]

I feel like telling a Corny Joke but...I don't know any jokes about Corn.

WHY DID THE OLD MAN PUT WHEELS ON HIS ROCKING CHAIR?
SO HE COULD ROCK AND ROLL!

HA! HA! HA!

MY 4 YEAR OLD NEICE THOUGHT IT WAS THE FUNNIEST.

 

[Katzi428]

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says,











"Liver alone. Cheese mine."

 

[Skye]

Lol Kathy, I have to admit, it did take me a few seconds, but I got it... and I like it! It's very cute! And so cheesy!



So hey, I thought this would be perfect for all of us here... what do you call a pig that knows karate?




A pork chop! (Ha, I think I hear Miss Piggy coming for me!)

 

[abiraniriba]

church on fire

At 9:30 one Sunday morning a church caught fire. A man who saw it called the fire department and "The church is on fire!"

By about 12:00 the church had burned to the ground, the fire department never came. At 1:00 P.M. a fireman showed up. When the man asked him why he didn't come earlier, he said, "That's a Pentecostal church, they get on fire every Sunday at 9:30."

 

[D'Snowth]

There once was a man, who was about to experience THE day... Judgment Day!

He was approaching the Pearly Gates, on his way into paradise, but first, he had to answer a little questionare.

The gatekeeper looked over the man's records...

"Well, let's see... you never smoked, you never drank, you never had sex before marriage... we see that you are a good man... but have you ever done ANYTHING to help another, less fortunate person?"

"As a matter of fact, I have!" Said the man, "I was walking down the sidewalk, on my way home from work, and there was the little old lady heading towards the same direction I was heading from, when all of the sudden, this HUGE man, must have weighed about 250-300 pounds or so jumped her! He was after her purse, but she wasn't giving up without a fight, he started beating and kicking her to get her to let go of her purse, but she had a death grip on that purse; so that's when I made up my mind - I ran over the scene, and I managed to help the old lady free from his grasp, and help her make a getaway, while I, with ALL my might, I gave that guy the hardest, strongest punch in the face that I could give him!"

The gatekeeper was most certainly impressed. "Wow, that certainly IS a good deed! And when did all of this happen?" asked the gatekeeper.

The man replied "about two minutes ago".

Well... I thought it was funny... when my dad told it to me...

 

[Katzi428]

Lol Kathy, I have to admit, it did take me a few seconds, but I got it... and I like it! It's very cute! And so cheesy!



So hey, I thought this would be perfect for all of us here... what do you call a pig that knows karate?




A pork chop! (Ha, I think I hear Miss Piggy coming for me!)

Miss Piggy: You bet your boots sister!HIIIYAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!