The corny joke thread

[MartyMuppets]

A blonde and a brunette are out hunting, when the brunette trips over a log and hits her head. When she doesn't move or make a sound, the blonde gets very distressed and calls 911 on her cell phone.

"Hello, my friend fell down and hit her head, and I think she's dead!" she says when the dispatcher answers.

"Just relax, ma'am," the dispatcher replies. "The first thing to do is to make sure your friend is dead."

"Just a minute," the blonde says.

The dispatcher waits for a second. Suddenly, there's the sound of a gunshot on the other end of the line.

"Okay, now what?"

This sounds like a perfect Family Guy joke.

 

[FraggleRockRock]

Here's another one:

Two priests are driving down the road. One priest rear-ends the other. both pull over and get out of the car. The first comes out of the car carrying a brand-new bottle of fine wine.

The priest with the wine says, "Praise the Lord! He has spared this bottle of wine because he wants us to drink to our spared lives!" He offers the bottle to the second priest, saying, "Here, drink half and I shall drink the other half."

The second priest takes the bottle and drinks half. He offers it back to the other priest, who covers it and puts it back in the car, bringing out a cell phone. He starts to dial. The second priest looks confused. He asks, "Aren't you going to drink?"
The first priest shakes his head. "No, I'll just wait until the police show up."

God helps those who help themselves.

 

[Ilikemuppets]

Here's another one:

Two priests are driving down the road. One priest rear-ends the other. both pull over and get out of the car. The first comes out of the car carrying a brand-new bottle of fine wine.

The priest with the wine says, "Praise the Lord! He has spared this bottle of wine because he wants us to drink to our spared lives!" He offers the bottle to the second priest, saying, "Here, drink half and I shall drink the other half."

The second priest takes the bottle and drinks half. He offers it back to the other priest, who covers it and puts it back in the car, bringing out a cell phone. He starts to dial. The second priest looks confused. He asks, "Aren't you going to drink?"
The first priest shakes his head. "No, I'll just wait until the police show up."

God helps those who help themselves.

Haha! That was very funny!

 

[Skye]

What do you say when you turn into a tree?


Geometry



Get it?..... Ge-om-e-try!

I'm such a loser, lol!

 

[ZootyCutie]

What kind of jeans does Mario wear?


Denim, denim, denim.....

(You got to say the joke out loud to make it funny )

 

[Winslow Leach]

Okay, so this frog calls a psychic hotline and is told, "you are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"This is great," says the frog, "will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

 

[Winslow Leach]

Yeah, this dude went to visit his friend, and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" the dude exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen!"

"Nah, he ain't so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five!"

 

[Winslow Leach]

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance exam for everyone. You have to pass before you can get into Heaven.

What days of the week begin with the letter T?

Forrest says, "that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but I'll give you credit for your answer."

How many seconds are there in a year?

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk and guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

"Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the next and final question."

What is God's first name?

"Can you tell me God's first name, Forrest?"

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "How in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"

"That question was easiest of all," Forrest replied.

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN!"

St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and says, "run, Forrest, run!"

 

[Beakerfan]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love Forrest! One year (the same year my parents dressed as Bert & Mary Poppins) My brother dressed up as Forrest & I went as one of the ladies at the bus stop. We did a whole little skit. It was really fun. Now I alway think of my brother when I hear Forrest talk. (Mah Momma always said lahf was lahk a box of choc-lits, ya never know what yer gonna git!)

 

[Winslow Leach]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love Forrest! One year (the same year my parents dressed as Bert & Mary Poppins) My brother dressed up as Forrest & I went as one of the ladies at the bus stop. We did a whole little skit. It was really fun. Now I alway think of my brother when I hear Forrest talk. (Mah Momma always said lahf was lahk a box of choc-lits, ya never know what yer gonna git!)

Heh heh...how could you not love Forrest?

Jenny: Have you ever been with a girl, Forrest?
Forrest: I sit next to them in my home economics class all the time.

My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

There was Dallas, from Phoenix...Cleveland, he was from Detroit, and Tex...well, I don't remember where Tex come from.

Stupid is as stupid does.

That was such a clever idea, Alex! Forrest and Lady at the Bus Stop!