Muppet College Dorms: The Next Semester

[Muppet Newsgirl]

(first few batches of crepes have come off the crepe maker)

Erin: All right, everyone, tuck in.

(all top their crepes with sliced fruit and sweetened ricotta cheese, and sit down at the table to eat)

 

[Erine81981]

Can we get a ride back to the dorms with you Bryan?

 

[anytimepally]

Turn Down the Music!

*Don Music & the Two-Headed Monster are alone in Room 17...

The Two-Headed Monster: (reading) T.. t.. Toe.. Toe... knee.. toe.. knee.. Tony! (Frank sees the button)
Frank: Pusha da buttabutta?
Stein: Push! Push!

(the Two-Headed Monster pushes the button, activating the Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett)

Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett: (singing)
Grab your coat and get your hat
Leave your worry on the doorstep
Just direct your feet
To the sunny side of the street

The Two-Headed Monster: Da sonna dide a da street!
(Don joins in on piano)

Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett:
(The Two-Headed Monster:)
Can't you hear a pitter pat (pat, pat, pat, pat)
And that happy tune is your step
Life can be so sweet (WEEEEET!)
On the sunny side of the street

The Two-Headed Monster: Da sonna dide a da street!

Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett & The Two-Headed Monster, alternating:
I used to walk in the shade
wit da booga -booga araid!
But I'm not afraid
Da whoava costed offa!

Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett, joined by Don Music:
If I never have a cent
I'll be rich as Rockefeller
Gold dust at my feet
On the sunny side of the street

The Two-Headed Monster: Da sonna dide a da street!
Frank: Sesma streea?
Stein: (shrugs.. or half-shrugs) Unna Na

Johnny: (quickly entering the room as Tony goes back into his booth.. out of breath) I thought I heard Tony.. what's going on in here?
Sal: (pointing aggressively at the Two-Headed Monster) Listen, you! You better notta been singing with Johnny's Fully Operational Automated Tony Bennett!
The Two-Headed Monster: Cheaba ala leela song!
Johnny: Sal, what'd they just say to me?
Frank: Sing!
Stein: Yah, sing!
Johnny: Listen, that's Tony Bennett.. he's built for duets.. he doesn't do trios!
Sal: Yeah, and he's only for singing with Johnny, you understand!
Johnny: We'll give you a pass this time 'cause you're new here, and 'cause you kinda freak me out, but remember this in the future, yeah?
Don: (grabs Johnny by the shirt) Another year of this, and I'll go mad.. do you understand? MAD! Nobody cares about your stupid Tony Bennett.. let him.. I mean, them sing a trio if they like for crying out loud!
Johnny: I'm sensing a little hostility here, Don. You ok?
Sal: HEY! NOBODY LAYS A FINGER ON JOHNNY FIAMA! (runs over toward Don Music, who has already let go of Johnny, but trips and falls halfway there)
Don: (sighing) I'm gonna go find Bob... maybe he can help.

 

[Ruahnna]

(Morning: The scene is a hotel room in a fashionable hotel, which looks slightly as though a cyclone has hit it.)
Catherine: Well, I'm glad Marty know where to find you, honey. You should have called me—I was glad to come up here and help you get all your new clothes back to campus.
Piggy: I'm sorry vous could not come shopping with moi.
Catherine: Aw, that's sweet, Piggy. I didn't know you--
Piggy: And Moi needed someone to help me carry all of my new clothes for school.
Catherine: Um. Yeah. That too. Piggy...Piggy, honey, do you think...do you think maybe we don't need to take all of those feather boas?
Piggy: (bouncing up and down on an enormous trunk with a slightly crazed look in her eye) If my new wardrobe can't come to school, Moi is not coming either!
Catherine: (placatingly) Okay, okay. Here, let's just...hop off a second, honey. (Catherine opens the trunk and surveys the wreckage inside with no expression at all, a trick she learned from her roomie.) Um, here--let me just, um, fold this and maybe we could roll the feather boas into a nice tidy ball, and, er, let's try folding this crinoline so that is doesn't snag the fishnet hose and...ur, we just, let's see--here, let me refold your linen suit and then...we'll just put all 12 pairs of shoes here along the edge--soles toward heaven, you know--and then...voila! (The trunk snaps shut easily.)
Piggy: (staring with astonishment) What--what did you do? Are all of Moi's shoes in there?
Catherine: Yep. Every pair.
Piggy: Even the sparkly ones?
Catherine: Even the sparkly ones.
Piggy: (flabbergasted) Yeah, but--but what did vous do?
Catherine: (dryly) I folded everything, honey.
(Piggy's mouth drops open in astonishment.)
Piggy: You mean--you mean if you fold things you can fit more in there?
Catherine: (beyond astonishment and well into resignation) I know. Amazing, isn't it?
Piggy: Oh, that's wonderful! You got it all in there! Oh--kissy kissy, sweetie!
Catherine: Well, we can't have you wandering around campus unfashionable.
Piggy: (growling) Darn tootin'!
Catherine: Okay--is this the last one, then? Cause I think we have just enough room in the U-haul to squeeze this one in and it's time to head for the dorms.
Piggy: Moi is ready.
Catherine: (hefting the trunk onto the dolly) Good.
Piggy: Except for some ironing.....

 

[The Count]

Mmm... Clam chowder.
Count: You know there are 2 kinds of chowder.
UD: Really? What varieties of this fishy soup hexist?
Count: Vell... As a New Yorker *aside, by fright of living on Sesame Street all these years*, there's the red version known as Manhattan style.
UD: Red you say? Is it that lovely crimson color due to an enfusion of blood to the broth?
Count: No, it's just tomato sauce. Though my mommula did use to make a wery tasty blood broth.
Me: And then there's the kind that I love much more... Creamy white New England style, with clam meat and potatoes.
UD: Ah... So just like a bottle of fine blood, there's red and white styled clam chowder.
Me: Yep... And it's even better if you add some corn kernels, sweet onions, and a bit of smoky spice.
Maybe we can order up some of that delicious concoction for tomorrow night's dinner.
UD: Too late, I hear the clams have already been fried by Claudia.
Me: Oh... That reminds me of this inkling for a little sketch hosted by her newest roomie, but more on that later. Come on guys, a glass of bat's tea milk and then it's off to bed.
*All serve themselves a short glass of the calming creamlike liquid after donning their casual clothes, deposit their glasses in the common room's sink where they're given a general rinsing, and then depart for their beds in Room #1.

 

[Ruahnna]

(Later the same day. Later, indeed.)
Piggy: Vous were very sweet to cook for us, Kermie.
Kermit: (looking very fetching in a frilly apron) Thank you. I can whip up a few things. When Robin started coming for visits, it was either learn to cook or spend a lot of time in loud restaurants with clowns.
Fozzie: (in a small voice) I don't like loud clowns.
Catherine: (tired and grateful) It was very sweet of you to fix dinner.
Kermit: Yeah, well you unpacked all day. And you went and got Piggy.
(Kermit's words are for Catherine, but his eyes are for Piggy. She flutters her eyes shamelessly and smiles back.)
Piggy: Good things come to those who wait.
Catherine: (muttering dryly) And to those who cart luggage.
Piggy: WHAT?
Catherine: Nothing....
Fozzie: Yes--it was nothing. I heard it too.
Kermit: Um, well, it was, it was, um, good to have you back, Piggy. (He leans in and busses her cheek.)
Piggy: Oh, well--that's alright, then.
Catherine: (sighing happily) More than alright. It's lovely. But come on--spit spot. Busy day tomorrow. Everybody off to bed. (So I can go to sleep myself.)
Fozzie: G'night!
Kermit: Oh, er, goodnight everybody.
Piggy: Adeiu! Au revoir!
Catherine: Good night! Sheesh!

 

[anytimepally]

(find finds Don outside on the steps)

Randall: (sitting down beside him) Couldn't find Bob, eh?
Don: No.
Randall: What's going on Don? You usually limit your violent outbursts to yourself..
Don: I know.. I'm just frustrated... I mean, it was bad enough living with Johnny.. 'don't touch Tony Bennett'.. 'don't touch my record albums' ... 'your toothbrush better not touch my toothbrush'.. and Sal is a headache with all his antics and loudness... and I don't know if you've noticed, but he smells like a monkey..
Randall: I noticed.
Don: I thought maybe I could get different roommates this year.. easier to live with, you know? And you bring along The Two-Headed Monster. I can't understand a word they say! .. We used to do disco dancing together years ago, and I couldn't understand them then either. I just want to live with NORMAL people for once.. is that too much to ask?
Randall: There aren't many 'normal' people around here.. and you're not exactly average youself.
Don: Well, you are right about that.
Randall: Don, you shouldn't look at this as a bad thing, or a problem.. you should look at it as an opportunity.
Don: What do you mean?
Randall: Well, for the last year you've been trying to work with Johnny and Sal, trying to get Johnny to treat Sal better and Sal to look after himself.. now you've got an ally, someone you've know for decades..
Don: Don't give away my age!
Randall: Sorry. But, I mean, they could help you.
Don: A small problem, though...
Randall: What's that?
Don: They might need more work than Johnny and Sal.
Randall: And who better to help than the great Don Music?
Don: It's true.. I'm quite brilliant! (we get up to go back inside) Well, if nothing else, living with you guys always gives me ideas for songs.
Randall: Yes, but can I ask one thing?
Don: Sure, what?
Randall: No singing "Throw Johnny Fiama Out the Window" this year.
Don: It was Halloween.. I was trying to be spooky-scary! Oooohh!

 

[BEAR]

Can we get a ride back to the dorms with you Bryan?

(From earlier)

Bryan: Sure! Everyone hop in the jeep!
(Everyone gets in the jeep with Big Bird in the front passenger seat and Kyle and Murray in the back)

 

[BEAR]

Bryan: Hmm...everyone's asleep. Now I can finally have some of those chocolate chip pancakes I saved for myself from this morning. Just hope a certain you-know-who doesn't wake up. (sits down on the couch in front of the tv and watches Late Night with Conan O'Brien as he eats) Mmm...these pancakes are yummy. (continues to eat and watch tv)
Cookie: (in voice-over) Muppet College Dorms brought to you today by number 4 and by the letter C. *sniff sniff* Something smells delicious...
Bryan: (eyes widen as he hears the voice, and he stuffs the rest of the pancakes into his mouth to hide the evidence)
Cookie: (voice-over) Muppet Dorms production of Muppet Central Forums. Me smell chocolate chippies!
Bryan: (hides under a blanket)

 

[BeakerSqueedom]

Claudia:
Bunnie, what are you doing now?

Bunsen:
Something extraordinary!
*Stitcks a finger in the air dramatically*

Claudia:
*In awe*
What would that be?
*Looks over his shoulder*

Bunsen:
*Collapses onto the sofa*
Taking a nap.

Claudia:
*Pouts slightly*
Gee, how neat.

Bunsen:
I'm old and need my rest.
Besides...I never slept last night.
*Snuggles with his pillow*
Ooo..how puffy.
*Pokes it*

Claudia:
Wierdo.

Beaker:
Mee?
*Pokes it as well*
OOOOOOOooo!

Dr. Van Neuter:
I wanna poke at it too!

Claudia:
*Is tempted*
Oh no. I have been affected with--

Bunsen:
You have been critically exposed to too much
silliness and soft pillows!

Claudia:
Go to sleep old man.
*Gets the pillow and throws it at him gently*

Bunsen:
Oof!