I stumbled upon something on YouTube today that really destroyed me so to speak. I'm very hesitant to post this because I'm sure someone out there will be laughing at me. Please do not post any jokes at my expense. I know the things I'm going to say may sound silly and stupid but I'd very much appreciate if you all refrained from posting snarky comments about my current struggle.
This is the video I came across:
The part where she talked about cartoon character-like demons torturing the child is what truly got to me.
As soon as she mentioned that the little boy went to **** for liking Pokémon, I almost had a legit panic attack.
As a huge cartoon geek myself, I was filled with sheer terror upon hearing that testimony.
I know that it may not be true and could just be somebody trying to get views, but even if it's not real. I can't get that darned image out of my head. I love horror but I always draw the line at religious themed horror because it scares me half to death. Stuff like Jason doesn't even make me flinch but I never had any interest in watching The Exorcist for that reason. This story is even worse though because it demonized one of my favorite things:Cartoons.
Ever since I encountered that video, I can no longer look at or even think about my former favorite characters like Oswald the Octopus, Super Mario, Brian Griffin, or even my waifu Giggles without thinking of the horrifying images Angelica described in that testimony.
Whether it's actually a legit true story or just a ploy to get money/YouTube fame, that video psychologically damaged me something beyond belief.
I have severe OCD and so once a thought is in my head, it gets stuck for days perhaps even weeks to come.
There are four major types of OCD:The strong germaphobes who are constantly cleaning, the people who always feel the need to compulsively apologize when the make even the smallest mistake, the hoarders who collect every single object of interest they can find, and the religiously obsessed folks who pray constantly. My type of OCD falls heavily into the fourth category with my deep religious fanaticism.
Ever since I saw that video, I've felt like an awful person due to my affinity for animation. Not only do I watch the shows she mentioned like Pokémon but I even watch even worse cartoons like Family Guy and The Simpsons which are loaded to the brim with sexuality, gory violence, bad language, and even blasphemy at times.
I need help right now. I don't generally feel comfortable asking things like this but I'd feel good if some of the fellow believers here on the forum could pray for me during this rough time in my life. To the users who don't believe in God, please give me some helpful and kind words. Sometimes uplifting words are enough to heal a broken heart.
While other negative aspects of my mental health have improved greatly improved over the years years, unfortunately my OCD induced panic attacks only get increasingly worse the older I become.
I've seen countless psychiatrists, been prescribed numerous OCD medications, had a large amount of serious talks with my parents regarding the issue, and even literally cried myself to sleep on several different nights due to my OCD problems.
I sometimes fear that if this doesn't get better eventually I could end up having a serious mental breakdown like what infamously happened to Margo Kidder, the woman who played Lois Lane in the early Superman films.
I'm sure this thing right now about the cartoons in H*** will fade away eventually but that's not the problem. Whenever I stop having OCD attacks about one thing, something else will come along to replace it. When one thing stops setting me off, if the past has proven me anything it's that another thing will soon arise that triggers me in the same manner. It's really just a vicious, endless cycle.
While 2019 has proven to be a much better year than the metaphorical pit of despair that was 2018 so far, this one highly important aspect of my life gets more and more severe nearly every day.
Do you want to know how bad this whole situation about the above video is for me? I've never been suicidal in my life. But right as I was tucking myself into bed at night, I actually felt like,
"If I die in my sleep tonight. Oh well! I don't really care"
I'm actually writing this right now while being incredibly sleep deprived. I couldn't even sleep a wink and my pillow and blankets are soaked with tears because of all this crap that's going on in my life. Those H*** testimonies I found on YouTube have completely traumatized me inside and out. I'm just a complete train wreck at the moment and I REALLY need some guidance. This is probably the worst I've felt in my entire life so far (emotionally speaking, not counting physical pain like the time I had pneumonia by the way).