Your Favorite Jokes

[Sylinde Bren]

-riiiiiing-
Hello? You don't say.
-riiiiiing-
Hello? You don't say.
-riiiiiing-
Hello? You don't say.

Who was it?

He didn't say!

 

[erniebert1234ss]

Here's my joke (it's the Flintstones, you can really see a pattern here ):

Fred and Barney walk into a bar and the bartender ask them what they want. Fred says he wants a beer, while Barney says he wants a vodka-Diet Rite tonic. Fred has his beer slowly, while Barney drinks it fast. Fred says, "Barney, what made you drink that thing so fast?" Barney replies, "Don't worry Fred, I ate Subway for lunch!"

BJ

 

[erniebert1234ss]

A farmers rooster was getting old so he decided it was time to get a new one. He went and bought a nice young one with lots of spunk. Upon being placed in the coop, the young rooster went to the old one and said witha smirk, "Well, Old Timer, it looks like your days here are over." The old rooster just smiled and said "Oh, I don't think so." The young one said "Oh, yes they are! Now I'm King of the roost!" The old one said "Tell you what. I challenge you to a race. 3 times round the coop, and the first one to finish wins." With all the hens watching, the young rooster couldn't turn down the challenge. "Okay." he said. "And to prove I'm better than you, I'll even give you a head start!" The old rooster agreed and took off running with the young one close behind and gaining. Inside the farm house,the farmer heard the ruccus in the coop and, grabbing his gun, came outside and blew the young rooster away! "Gad zukes!" he said, walking back to the farmhouse."Thats the third gay rooster in a week!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! i got it, of course!

For those who didn't get it, gay roosters don't father children...

BJ

 

[Beauregard]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Becuase it died.

 

[abiraniriba]

Here's one that will make you think

Sally and Fred have been married for fifty years. They have never had a fight or an argument with each other. How come?

Sally is married to Larry and Fred is married to Jessica.

 

[Tonichelle]

I have a couple that my 8th grade history teacher has on his wall

When I die I want to die like my grandfather did: peacefully in his sleep.
not screaming like the passengers in his car!



Parachute for Sale
$100
Used once.
Never opened.
Small stain.

 

[Skeeter Muppet]

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the jungle between 2 and 3:30 PM?
A: 'Cause that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Q: What's that brown stuff between the elephants' toes?
A: That's what's left of the pygmies who were in the jungle between 2 and 3:30 PM.

...

Q: How many elephants can you fit into a taxi cab?
A: Three - one in front, and two in back.

Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: By the taxicab out front with two elephants in the backseat.

Q: How can you tell if the light in your refrigerator turns off when you shut the door?
A: Ask the elephant.

...

Q: What do you do with an elephant that has three balls?
A: Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe.


-Kim

 

[Gonzo14]

did you hear about the kidnapping.................he woke up

 

[MrsPepper]

did you hear about the kidnapping.................he woke up

Haha! I actually had to read that about 3 times before I got the joke!

 

[Ziffel]

A family member emailed this one to me today:

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.