"Unpaved" isn't coming back, Big Bird

[Mark The Shark]

BIG BIRD: Hey, I want to watch "Sesame Street Unpaved," I'll turn on Noggin! Where's the TV?

BOB: Big Bird! It's over, Big Bird.

MARIA: Big Bird...don't you remember? "Sesame Street Unpaved" is cancelled. It's off the air.

BIG BIRD: Oh, yeah, I remember. Well, I'll watch it the next time it comes back on.

SUSAN: Big Bird..."Sesame Street Unpaved" isn't *coming* back on.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

SUSAN: Big Bird...when Noggin buries a show at 4:00 in the morning and cuts down its airtimes gradually over a period of a couple of years and then takes it off the air completely, they don't put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Ever?

SUSAN: No, never.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

LUIS: Well, Big Bird...the show doesn't fit the demographics of either "Noggin" or "The N"...they *can't* put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Well, they've *gotta* put it back on! How will I get to see Mr. Hooper and David, and the first two Gordons, and see all the great Muppet skits I remember with Jim Henson and Frank Oz...and all of Joe Raposo's songs...and Rafael and Molly The Mail Lady, and Sam The Machine?

DAVID: Come over to my place...I've got the shows on tape. I recorded them while they were on. We can watch them any time.

BIG BIRD: Well, it won't be the same.

BOB: You're right, Big Bird. "Sesame Street" will never be the same without Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Matt Robinson, Will Lee, Northern J. Calloway, great songs by Joe Raposo, and the clever writing that appealed to children and adults on two levels, with characters like Herbert Birdsfoot, Sherlock Hemlock and Roosevelt Franklin, and humor that wasn't forced and wasn't policed for "political correctness." But you know something? We can all be very happy that we had a chance to watch this show, and enjoy it a lot when it *was* on the air.

DAVID: And like I said, I still have my tapes.

BIG BIRD: Yeah, tapes, like the one a viewer is watching this segment on right now. We can watch them, and rewatch them, and rewatch them...as much as we want to, until they wear out. But I don't *like* it. It makes me sad.

DAVID: We all feel sad, Big Bird.

BIG BIRD: Well, I don't understand. Everything was just fine. Why does it have to be this way?

GORDON: Because.

BIG BIRD: Just because?

GORDON: Just because they sold two billion Chicken Dance Elmo dolls last year.

 

[Don_Music_2004]

I LOVED THAT MARK THE SHARK, now here's an idea I have for a skit which invloves Oscar Bob and Luis.

It is 2:00am Oscar is trying to get his junky old TV to come in and it's making a lot of noise and Luis and Gordon both come out of their apartments with their pajamas on

Gordon: What are you doing Oscar?? It's 2:00am!

Oscar: I'm trying to get my Television to come in, it's just about time for one of my personal favorite shows, "Sesame Street Unpaved"

Luis: Oscar that show has been off the air for almost a year now

Oscar: Are you serious?? You mean I can't see my Miserable yucky self back in the day when I was a young grouch?

Gordon: I'm sorry Oscar but all those shows are gone, but don't worry, A lot of us have most of those episodes on tape, I have all the episodes with Miles in them along with my first appearance from 1974.

Luis: Yeah, and I have, my first appearance from 1971, The time when Maria was afraid to ask me for a raise, the day me and Maria fell in love and some other ones that had to do with Maria's Pregnancy plus the birth of Gabi.

Gordon: Yeah Oscar, and Bob and Gina and Alan have a lot of them too, we'll all let you borrow them sometime.

Oscar: That does me no good, my VCR is broken!!

Luis: Well Oscar I would be more than happy to fix it for you. I mean I don't do that for a living anymore and the fix it shop is gone, but I fixed many VCR's over the years, and I can do it for you right in my apartment.

Oscar: No! I don't want anyone doing me any favors!! I'm Happy Unpaved is off the air and that my VCR is broke, you know why?? Cause I'm a grouch! and being angry makes me Happy!.......... But ya know, being so happy about being so angry makes me angry all over again, but u know since I'm angry I'm hap

Gordon: We know Oscar, we know, wev'e heard you say that for years. Look I know you are upset over this, me, Susan and Miles are all upset because those old episodes were like Home Movies to us. We got to see Mr. Hooper again, and David and Olivia, and Petey, and Dr. Nobel Price, and Sam the Robot and all those people who don't live on Sesame Street anymore.

Oscar: Yeah well I really enjoyed watching some of my memorable yucky moments here on Sesame Street. Like back when I first moved to Sesame Street and I was orange, or when I first met David and I told him off, or the time it was hot outside and everyone was in Mr. Hooper's air conditioned store and Telly felt bad for me cause I had nobody to be grouchy to. Then of course that time I moved away from Sesame Street. those were some good grouchy times I had! Now I will never see them again!!

Luis: Well Oscar there really isn't anything we can do......

Oscar: Yeah well there's something I can do! I Can yell and scream and shout!! Because I am so so ANGRY!!!! WHY DID THEY TAKE UNPAVED OFF WHY!!! I Oughta call the people at Noggin and give them a piece of my mind!!!!

Now Big Bird, Susan, Maria, Bob, Miles, Gabi, Telly, Ernie, Bert, and Elmo all come out in their pajama's cause Oscar has woken them up.

Susan: What is going on out here?

Bob: it's 2:00 in the morning Oscar

Bert: It was bad enough Ernie wouldn't stop singing and I had to go sleep in the kitchen, now I get woken up to you screaming Oscar!

Big Bird: I was having a good dream about Bird seed Oscar and you woke me up right in the middle of it

Miles: I have a test in school tommorow Oscar, I have to be ready for it!

Maria: Oscar I have to wake up early tommorow! You have some nerve!

Elmo: Elmo so tired, Elmo doesn't even know what's going on.

Telly: Oscar, you disgust me, I can't believe you used to be my best friend!

Now everyone starts yelling at him all at once.

Oscar: hehehe, ya know what? Unpaved may be gone for good, but I just woke everyone up in the middle of the night, and theyr'e all yelling at me! Mabye it was good unpaved was cancelled or this would have never happened. Ahhhh, ya know, a lot's changed on Sesame Street over the years but ya know? Some things never change........ hehehe

 

[Don_Music_2004]

Everyone make your own skit involving a Sesame Street charachter and the cancelation of unpaved.

 

[ssetta]

Mark the Shark, I LOVED that skit you did. And DonMusic, I loved yours, too. In fact, it was wonderful. And this is the perfect time for it, because it was this time of year that it went off the air last year. I actually did do one earlier, and it was about Hilary Duff taking over Sesame Street, but nobody liked it. But I thought yours were GREAT!!!

 

[Mark The Shark]

Thanks! I just got in one of those bizarre places in my mind today for a few moments and well, there you go. And yes, I thought Don Music's skit was great too!

 

[salemfan]

BIG BIRD: Hey, I want to watch "Sesame Street Unpaved," I'll turn on Noggin! Where's the TV?

BOB: Big Bird! It's over, Big Bird.

MARIA: Big Bird...don't you remember? "Sesame Street Unpaved" is cancelled. It's off the air.

BIG BIRD: Oh, yeah, I remember. Well, I'll watch it the next time it comes back on.

SUSAN: Big Bird..."Sesame Street Unpaved" isn't *coming* back on.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

SUSAN: Big Bird...when Noggin buries a show at 4:00 in the morning and cuts down its airtimes gradually over a period of a couple of years and then takes it off the air completely, they don't put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Ever?

SUSAN: No, never.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

LUIS: Well, Big Bird...the show doesn't fit the demographics of either "Noggin" or "The N"...they *can't* put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Well, they've *gotta* put it back on! How will I get to see Mr. Hooper and David, and the first two Gordons, and see all the great Muppet skits I remember with Jim Henson and Frank Oz...and all of Joe Raposo's songs...and Rafael and Molly The Mail Lady, and Sam The Machine?

DAVID: Come over to my place...I've got the shows on tape. I recorded them while they were on. We can watch them any time.

BIG BIRD: Well, it won't be the same.

BOB: You're right, Big Bird. "Sesame Street" will never be the same without Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Matt Robinson, Will Lee, Northern J. Calloway, great songs by Joe Raposo, and the clever writing that appealed to children and adults on two levels, with characters like Herbert Birdsfoot, Sherlock Hemlock and Roosevelt Franklin, and humor that wasn't forced and wasn't policed for "political correctness." But you know something? We can all be very happy that we had a chance to watch this show, and enjoy it a lot when it *was* on the air.

DAVID: And like I said, I still have my tapes.

BIG BIRD: Yeah, tapes, like the one a viewer is watching this segment on right now. We can watch them, and rewatch them, and rewatch them...as much as we want to, until they wear out. But I don't *like* it. It makes me sad.

DAVID: We all feel sad, Big Bird.

BIG BIRD: Well, I don't understand. Everything was just fine. Why does it have to be this way?

GORDON: Because.

BIG BIRD: Just because?

GORDON: Just because they sold two billion Chicken Dance Elmo dolls last year.

Hey, that sounds like a spinoff of the episode when Mr Hooper died. But it's physically possible for a canceled show to come back on the air, it's not possible for the dead to come back.

 

[Drtooth]

Hey, that sounds like a spinoff of the episode when Mr Hooper died. But it's physically possible for a canceled show to come back on the air, it's not possible for the dead to come back.

Whent over your head, didn't it? j/k...

MArk... Funny stuff. Hah hah.... You really need to go and do more stuff like this on the "Things they'd never say" thread on Fun and Games....

 

[MusicMan922]

Here's my stab at a skit about Unpaved's cancellation.

It is 1:00 AM. Ernie and Bert are in their beds. Bert is sound asleep, but Ernie is awake as usual. Ernie goes to wake Bert up.

Ernie: Bert! Hey, Bert!

Bert: What is it, Ernie? It's 1:00 in the morning and I'm trying to sleep.

Ernie: I just thought you might like to watch some late night television with me. 321 Contact is on now, then after that will be The Electric Company, and then, one of our all time favorite shows, Sesame Street Unpaved.

Bert: Ernie, all three of those shows have been off the air for quite some time.

Ernie: What? How can that be?

Bert: Don't you remember? Sesame Workshop doesn't have their share of Noggin's ownership anymore. It's solely owned by Nickelodeon now.

Ernie: This is terrible! How will I able to see us back in the day when I was played by Jim Henson and Frank Oz was available to play you at almost anytime he was needed, or when Oscar and Big Bird each guest starred in episodes of The Electric Company? Or the time when I broke the cookie jar and one thing led to another and I ended up having to use your cowboy hat for a fishbowl?

Bert: Relax, Ernie. Our friends have many of those shows on tape. Just ask them nicely and I'm sure they'll loan them to you to make copies of.

Ernie: Well, it's not the same.

Bert: You're right, Ernie. Sesame Street will be very different from the way it used to be. But you know what? We can all be very happy that we had a chance to live on Sesame Street from the beginning and to enjoy it for all generations. Now Ernie, will you please let me sleep?

Ernie: Okay. Good night, Bert.

Bert: Good night, Ernie.

 

[SesameMike]

News Flash!

(Screen shows "News Flash" graphic with lightning and stars. Music and Morse Code combination is heard.)

ANNOUNCER: And now we bring you Kermit the Frog with a breaking news bulletin.

(Screen fades to Kermit in a room with a large TV screen and a bunch of assorted Muppets. A window suggests its night time with a moon out.)

KERMIT: (to the others) ...so you see this is a flat-screen plasma TV. It must have taken a lot of plasma donors to... What's that? We're on camera? Why the heck doesn't someone ever cue me before the blasted red light comes on for a change.

KERMIT: (to the camera) Ha..h.h.h. Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog here, and I'm here about to watch some TV. But this is no ordinary TV, you see it has something called "digital cable", which means it has Noggin. Now you see, Noggin is a...

MUPPET #1: (interrupts) A noggin is a name for your head, right frog? (knocks on Kermit's head)

KERMIT: No, no. Noggin is a channel on digital cable channel that shows... (camera turns to clock on the wall, shows 3 minutes to 1:00) Oh wait, it's almost 1:00 in the morning, time to watch Sesame Street Unpaved. This is a great show! It shows me on Sesame Street from many years ago. Like the time I crashed a Twiddlebug party. Or when I built a Rube Goldberg machine with a sandbag and a see-saw to turn on the radio. Or even the time I tricked Grover into climbing a flight of stairs that was so high it traversed cumulus clouds...

GROVER: (distant voice, off-camera) That was not funny, you know.

KERMIT: It was when I took the elevator. But now we can see all these again right on Unpaved. So let's turn on the TV. Uhh, someone hand me the remote. (Anything Muppet hands him one. Presses button, we hear a faint roaring sound) No no, that one opens the garage door. (Kermit is handed another remote. Jazzy music plays, then stops) Uh, no, that turns on the CD player (another remote, we hear a toilet flush sound) Wait, that's not it either (another remote, turns on the TV with channel 255 onscreen) OK, here we are.

(an inane cartoon runs onscreen. Muppets start chattering disapprovingly)

KERMIT: (makes his scrunched-up face) Hmmm, something doesn't appear to be, correct here. (presses channel recall button, number appears in corner of screen) We're on the right channel. 1 a.m. is supposed to be when Sesame Street Unpaved is on. HEY, ANYONE GOT THE TV GUIDE. (an avalanche of magazines is thrown at him) Let's see this thing... it looks like, Sesame Street Unpaved... has been paved over. There's gotta be some mistake. How are we gonna see the time I made a machine with a plate of cookies, 3 levers, a mallot, and a waterspout to see how smart Cookie Monster was. Or the time Bob brought me a bullfrog and I told him about fried chicken and pizza and how mudholes made your floors filthy and uh... I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE FROM NOGGIN.

(Beautiful Day Monster appears in a suit and tie)

BDM: You looking for me frog? I'm da programming director from Nickelodeon.

KERMIT: You bet I do, mister. You gotta talk to your master controller. I turn on the TV to watch Unpaved, and all I get is this nonsense. (motions at inane cartoon onscreen) There must have been a mixup in your tape library.

BDM: Uh-uh. Look at your TV GUIDE again. Sesame Street Unpaved CANCELLED.

KERMIT: B-But, you can't cancel Unpaved!

BDM: You can when da ratings drop and sales of Elmo doll skyrocket. And now I gonna cancel YOU!

(Beautiful Day Monster chases Kermit around room, as other Muppets cheer either side on)

KERMIT: Hey, watch the microphone cord. And that TV set is rented, watch it. Uhhh, this is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled program.

 

[Daffyfan4ever]

BIG BIRD: Hey, I want to watch "Sesame Street Unpaved," I'll turn on Noggin! Where's the TV?

BOB: Big Bird! It's over, Big Bird.

MARIA: Big Bird...don't you remember? "Sesame Street Unpaved" is cancelled. It's off the air.

BIG BIRD: Oh, yeah, I remember. Well, I'll watch it the next time it comes back on.

SUSAN: Big Bird..."Sesame Street Unpaved" isn't *coming* back on.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

SUSAN: Big Bird...when Noggin buries a show at 4:00 in the morning and cuts down its airtimes gradually over a period of a couple of years and then takes it off the air completely, they don't put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Ever?

SUSAN: No, never.

BIG BIRD: Why not?

LUIS: Well, Big Bird...the show doesn't fit the demographics of either "Noggin" or "The N"...they *can't* put it back on.

BIG BIRD: Well, they've *gotta* put it back on! How will I get to see Mr. Hooper and David, and the first two Gordons, and see all the great Muppet skits I remember with Jim Henson and Frank Oz...and all of Joe Raposo's songs...and Rafael and Molly The Mail Lady, and Sam The Machine?

DAVID: Come over to my place...I've got the shows on tape. I recorded them while they were on. We can watch them any time.

BIG BIRD: Well, it won't be the same.

BOB: You're right, Big Bird. "Sesame Street" will never be the same without Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Matt Robinson, Will Lee, Northern J. Calloway, great songs by Joe Raposo, and the clever writing that appealed to children and adults on two levels, with characters like Herbert Birdsfoot, Sherlock Hemlock and Roosevelt Franklin, and humor that wasn't forced and wasn't policed for "political correctness." But you know something? We can all be very happy that we had a chance to watch this show, and enjoy it a lot when it *was* on the air.

DAVID: And like I said, I still have my tapes.

BIG BIRD: Yeah, tapes, like the one a viewer is watching this segment on right now. We can watch them, and rewatch them, and rewatch them...as much as we want to, until they wear out. But I don't *like* it. It makes me sad.

DAVID: We all feel sad, Big Bird.

BIG BIRD: Well, I don't understand. Everything was just fine. Why does it have to be this way?

GORDON: Because.

BIG BIRD: Just because?

GORDON: Just because they sold two billion Chicken Dance Elmo dolls last year.

Lol. That was really good. Maybe you should make a fan fiction out of that.