(Screen shows "News Flash" graphic with lightning and stars. Music and Morse Code combination is heard.)
ANNOUNCER: And now we bring you Kermit the Frog with a breaking news bulletin.
(Screen fades to Kermit in a room with a large TV screen and a bunch of assorted Muppets. A window suggests its night time with a moon out.)
KERMIT: (to the others) ...so you see this is a flat-screen plasma TV. It must have taken a lot of plasma donors to... What's that? We're on camera? Why the heck doesn't someone ever cue me before the blasted red light comes on for a change.
KERMIT: (to the camera) Ha..h.h.h. Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog here, and I'm here about to watch some TV. But this is no ordinary TV, you see it has something called "digital cable", which means it has Noggin. Now you see, Noggin is a...
MUPPET #1: (interrupts) A noggin is a name for your head, right frog? (knocks on Kermit's head)
KERMIT: No, no. Noggin is a channel on digital cable channel that shows... (camera turns to clock on the wall, shows 3 minutes to 1:00) Oh wait, it's almost 1:00 in the morning, time to watch Sesame Street Unpaved. This is a great show! It shows me on Sesame Street from many years ago. Like the time I crashed a Twiddlebug party. Or when I built a Rube Goldberg machine with a sandbag and a see-saw to turn on the radio. Or even the time I tricked Grover into climbing a flight of stairs that was so high it traversed cumulus clouds...
GROVER: (distant voice, off-camera) That was not funny, you know.
KERMIT: It was when I took the elevator. But now we can see all these again right on Unpaved. So let's turn on the TV. Uhh, someone hand me the remote. (Anything Muppet hands him one. Presses button, we hear a faint roaring sound) No no, that one opens the garage door. (Kermit is handed another remote. Jazzy music plays, then stops) Uh, no, that turns on the CD player (another remote, we hear a toilet flush sound) Wait, that's not it either (another remote, turns on the TV with channel 255 onscreen) OK, here we are.
(an inane cartoon runs onscreen. Muppets start chattering disapprovingly)
KERMIT: (makes his scrunched-up face) Hmmm, something doesn't appear to be, correct here. (presses channel recall button, number appears in corner of screen) We're on the right channel. 1 a.m. is supposed to be when Sesame Street Unpaved is on. HEY, ANYONE GOT THE TV GUIDE. (an avalanche of magazines is thrown at him) Let's see this thing... it looks like, Sesame Street Unpaved... has been paved over. There's gotta be some mistake. How are we gonna see the time I made a machine with a plate of cookies, 3 levers, a mallot, and a waterspout to see how smart Cookie Monster was. Or the time Bob brought me a bullfrog and I told him about fried chicken and pizza and how mudholes made your floors filthy and uh... I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE FROM NOGGIN.
(Beautiful Day Monster appears in a suit and tie)
BDM: You looking for me frog? I'm da programming director from Nickelodeon.
KERMIT: You bet I do, mister. You gotta talk to your master controller. I turn on the TV to watch Unpaved, and all I get is this nonsense. (motions at inane cartoon onscreen) There must have been a mixup in your tape library.
BDM: Uh-uh. Look at your TV GUIDE again. Sesame Street Unpaved CANCELLED.
KERMIT: B-But, you can't cancel Unpaved!
BDM: You can when da ratings drop and sales of Elmo doll skyrocket. And now I gonna cancel YOU!
(Beautiful Day Monster chases Kermit around room, as other Muppets cheer either side on)
KERMIT: Hey, watch the microphone cord. And that TV set is rented, watch it. Uhhh, this is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled program.