And now, without further ado--or further adon't--here's the coda to
Masks, Part 17:
The Monster at The End of This Story
by Kim McFarland
*****
"I know what I see and it's fine by me."
- Boober and Sidebottom, Party Hard (Who Knows What You See)
*****
It was a warm Tuesday afternoon. The Muppets had spent several hours deciding which takes would go in the broadcast version of the show. As they had three nights' worth of performances, they selected the best versions of each act, "best" meaning "most entertaining" rather than "highest quality." Generally speaking, this meant whichever got the most laughter or the loudest groans was the one they would show the world. The committee was officially composed of Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Scooter, Dr. Teeth, and Rowlf, but unofficially it included any Muppet who felt like coming down to watch the rushes.
Though it had only been onstage one night, they played the ad-libbed
Veterinarian's Hospital sketch several times. It was a keeper, all right, and thus the Swedish Chef act that preceded it would also be used. They had even filmed some backstage business around it on Monday.
Now the footage was all set, and would be sent to the editors, who would assemble it into a broadcast show. Janken shut down the camera console. He was not a member of the committee; he had been running the control board. But his laughter counted as much as any other Muppet's. Even if he hadn't been needed, he wouldn't have missed this for anything. The weekly rushes for this show were
fun.
As the others began chatting among themselves, discussing that week's disasters and triumphs—which were often the same thing—Scooter put a hand on Janken's shoulder. Janken looked up, then smiled. Scooter's grin was contagious, and it was good to see it again after all recent stress he had been through.
"What're you doing this evening?" Scooter asked.
"Lab work," Janken said apologetically. "The college lets me squidge my class schedule around because of this job, but I still have to put in my hours."
"Oh well. Maybe later."
"Yeah. Oh, I saw Skeeter yesterday. She wants to double date with us, now that she doesn't have to try to fix you up with someone, so she says."
"Sheesh. She doesn't give up."
"Nope. She wants to meet us after the show on Saturday. She's picked a movie."
"Which one?" Scooter asked. He already had a suspicion.
Janken looked upward thoughtfully. "Um, the title's an acronym. Four letters. R something."
"RHPS?"
"Yeah, that's the one."
"Oh boy." He and Skeeter had gone to that show fairly regularly when he first went to college. It was less a movie than a combination party and food fight. He said, "That's fun, but, well… I don't know if you'd like it. It's…er..."
Janken grinned. "I was just pulling your tail. Theater arts major here, remember? How could I
not know about that movie? I've just never seen it. I told her I'd ask you, and she said not to let you squirm out of it. So, what do you say?"
"Oh… all right. Sure, it'll be fun. Maybe Skeeter'll wear that costume she used to. You wouldn't
believe what she does to her hair."
"What does she do?"
"I'll show you pictures. Say, you know what they call people who've never seen that movie?"
Slyly Janken said, "Yeah. I'm looking forward to being cured." He took Scooter's hand.
The two walked out to the bus hand-in-hand, and none of the other Muppets seemed to notice. It wasn't as if the subject was taboo; it simply didn't bother them. That was just what Scooter had hoped for: acceptance among those who mattered to him.
Janken said, "Maybe sometime you can come visit my home. The next time I'll be off, in the winter, it'll be too cold in the caves. But maybe in the spring?"
"Sure, I'd like that."
"Great."
They exited the theater house. The Electric Mayhem's bus was there, and Janken's bicycle was chained to a rack. He and Scooter hugged, and Janken was surprised to feel Scooter give him a quick peck on the cheek. He gave him an answering kiss. Then the two separated, grinning at each other.
Rowlf remarked, "You know, we could put you two in an 'At The Dance' number."
That broke the spell. Janken chuckled, then said as he unlocked his bike, "But who'd run the cameras?"
With a backward glance Scooter boarded the bus. As it started off Janken began pedaling to his apartment, tail waving cheerfully.
**
On the way back, Kermit and Miss Piggy sat together. Neither spoke, and their quiet was not due to tension. Piggy was more relaxed now, Kermit noticed. The thing about her childhood pictures seemed to have blown over quickly enough, as
The Daily Scandal had stopped sniping at her and shifted focus to Gonzo.
Kermit still wondered why those photos and the mention of her past had upset her so much. There had to be some reason, something she was not ready to face. But, he decided, that was her right. He would let it lie. If she ever did want to talk about it, he'd be there. But for now, he would just accept her for herself.
**
When the bus arrived back at the boarding house most of the Muppets went into the living room to hang out and have fun. Gonzo, however, went back up to his room. He took a folded piece of newsprint out of his pocket. It was a page from that day's edition of
The Daily Scandal. As he had expected, they had printed a story about his past. It was greatly fictionalized, the story he had told the audience fleshed out with details he had never given. They had even run a mug shot. He could have been angry, but… well, it didn't matter. None of the quotes attributed to him sounded like anything he'd say, and anyone who knew him could tell that the mug shot was fake; the photo they had altered was much too recent. What had surprised him most, though, was the tone of the article. Instead of the usual jeering tell-all, it made him out to be a pitiful victim of society, suffering heroically until he finally made good. That was embarrassing, but it also described how the TMI had helped him, and maybe a few people who read this might remember that part of the message when they saw someone else in need.
He put the paper down. Compared with what he had feared, this was not too bad, he had to admit. He knew that Fleet Scribbler hadn't had a change of heart; as Cathy had said, he wrote whatever would sell papers, and sometimes that was sap instead of scandal. And, well, nobody took those things seriously; it would be forgotten as soon as the next issue hit the stands.
He decided that something good
would come of it. He took out a pen and some paper, and began to write.
Dear Mrs. Soeur,
This letter must come to you as a surprise after what I said to you at the theater.
If I hurt your feelings, and I guess I'm sure I did, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be a creep. I just wasn't ready to face my past. Now I know I can't blame you or any of my other foster parents for anything. I think you did the best you could. If it was anyone's fault, it wouldn't do much good to lay blame anyway, would it? All that happened years ago.
A few days ago, at a TMI benefit show, I talked about my past. When we met I told you not to tell anyone how you know me, but since it's no longer a secret, you can if you want. I won't mind.
Funny, all this was clear in my head when I was thinking about this letter, but now that I'm writing it it's getting all jumbled up. I guess I've said the important stuff. Sorry for being harsh back then, and thanks for explaining things to me. Maybe we can meet again. I promise I won't get weird about it this time.
Sincerely,
Gonzo
He folded the letter and put it in an envelope. It was already addressed; he had looked her up the previous day, when he had first considered writing to her. He held the sealed envelope in his hand for a moment, considering. Then he gave a small smile and walked down the stairs. He could hear the chatter of the Muppets in the living room, punctuated with bursts of laughter, and smell pizza.
He dropped the envelope in the outgoing mail basket and joined his friends.
*****
All characters except Janken are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC.
Party Hard (Who Knows What You See) is copyright © The Jim Henson Company. All copyrighted properties are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken and the overall story are copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9@aol.com). Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.
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