The New New Quote Thread

[MikaelaMuppet]

Big Giant Head: It was a horrible flight! There was a man on the wing of the plane!

Dick Solomon: The same thing happened to me!

 

[Any Del]

"Does anyone know where the vaults are located?"

 

[CBPuppets]

"Well This show is Speeding Along Very Quicky This Evening."
"Oh Yes! Someone must've told them it's harder to hit a Moving Target!"
-The Muppet Show Episode 3: Joel Grey

 

[Froggy Fool]

Piggy: It's just a slight exaggeration!
Kermit: THAT'S A BOLD FACE LIE, PIGGY! I WILL NOT STAND AROUND WHILE YOU DO DUMB THINGS LIKE THAT, PIGGY! YOU HAVE DONE THAT TO ME TOO MANY TIMES! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!
(Piggy stammers through all of this and finally says something coherent)
Piggy:...well, Well, what are you gonna do ?
Kermit: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, PIGGY, I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU! PIGGY, YOU ARE FIRED, YOU ARE FIRED, PIGGY YOU ARE FIRED!!!! FIRED!!!

 

[cjd874]

Piggy: It's just a slight exaggeration!
Kermit: THAT'S A BOLD FACE LIE, PIGGY! I WILL NOT STAND AROUND WHILE YOU DO DUMB THINGS LIKE THAT, PIGGY! YOU HAVE DONE THAT TO ME TOO MANY TIMES! I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!
(Piggy stammers through all of this and finally says something coherent)
Piggy:...well, Well, what are you gonna do ?
Kermit: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO, PIGGY, I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU! PIGGY, YOU ARE FIRED, YOU ARE FIRED, PIGGY YOU ARE FIRED!!!! FIRED!!!

Yep...Kermit's angriest moment by far (at least in the Jim Henson era)! His meltdown in "A Very Atrocious Muppet X-Mas Disaster Movie" is another one.

Gonzo: Kermit! They're gone! My Mexican jumping beans were in this dish, and now they're GONE!!!
Kermit: Well maybe somebody ate them.
Gonzo: ATE my stars? Kermit, it wasn't you, was it?
Kermit: No, it wasn't me.
Gonzo: Well I know how to find out. All I have to do is say, "Arriba."
(Animal walks by and jumps up suddenly.)
Animal: AGGHH! (Kermit and Gonzo do a double take.)
Gonzo: Arriba?
Animal: AGGHH! (jumps up again)
Gonzo: Arriba!
Animal: AGGHH! (Gonzo suddenly realizes who the culprit is.)
Gonzo: ANIMAL!!! Come back! You ate my Mexican jumping beans! (Gonzo chases Animal, who runs onstage for the next number.) Oh I hope he doesn't eat my waltzing walnuts!

The Muppet Show Episode 306: Jean Stapleton

 

[CBPuppets]

Floyd: Birthdays is just a Bogus Holiday created by Greeting Card Companies!

--The Muppets Episode 2: Hostile Makeover

 

[MikaelaMuppet]

When The Muppet Show ended, we all sat around and said, what kind of television show would we like to do. We felt the need these days are for some quality children's programming.

- Jim Henson

 

[D'Snowth]

EDDY: Hey everybody! Our show is--
DOUBLE D: Eddy! It's impolite to interrupt!
EDDY: Interrupt who?
DOUBLE D: Their show's credits are on right now.
EDDY: Oh, who cares about their show? Our show's comin' on now!
DOUBLE D: Very nice. I'm sure our new neighbors at Cartoon Network are going to hate us now.
ED: Hey, they'll be just like our old neighbors!

 

[LittleJerry92]

"Mystery Science Theater 3000, show (insert production number here), reel 1!"

 

[cjd874]

Cookie Monster: Santa Claus leave me cookies, and me leave Santa...a necktie! No, no, no! Me going to leave him SHAVING cream!
Gordon: Well, Cookie Monster, most people leave him something else.
Cookie: What? What do most people leave for Santa? What, Gordon, what?
Gordon: Cookies.
(Cookie stares directly at the camera)

"Christmas Eve on Sesame Street" (1978)